31. Sarina
thirty-one
sarina
The Clam Jam
Bella Meyer
Can someone explain how long Troy was actually wearing that Sasquatch suit? I keep seeing new leaked footage of him.
Kavi Case
Don’t tell Hudson, but I might have watched Troy do those squats on repeat a couple of times. Something about it might have triggered my furry awakening. Might have to order Hudson one of those costumes . . .
Nisha Arora
You’re disturbed. But also, they’re on back order until next year.
Piper Menon
Be for real, though, @Sarina Arora, have you guys had wild hairy sex while he’s wearing that suit? Bet his fur was all sweaty and matted. So hot.
Sarina Arora
I swear, you have problems.
Rani Meyer
That doesn’t sound like a no.
Mala Meyer
@Sarina Arora, have you scrolled through the thirst comments on his videos, though? Girl, your man started a fucking movement. In fact, I think Dean’s been using an alias to make some of those comments.
Rani Meyer
Nothing that Dean does surprises me anymore.
Sarina Arora
Hell no, I haven’t scrolled through comments! They make me want to commit mass murder.
Piper Menon
Because you LUUURVE him! You wanna have all his furry babies.
Rani Meyer
Remember when she was all “we’re just casual” and “it’s just temporary”?
Sarina Arora
That hasn’t changed.
Piper Menon
Bitch, stop your lying! You literally told me and Nisha you loved him. That he told you HE LOVES YOU.
Kavi Case
Wait, what??
Nisha Arora
Need we remind you the man walked around wearing a ridiculous costume all day so it would take the heat off you? What about that screams casual to you?
Bella Meyer
Hold on a sec! You guys professed your love to each other?? Why are we just now being informed of this development?
Sarina Arora
We didn’t profess.
Kavi Case
But you do? You love him?
Sarina Arora
Yes, I do. But . . . it’s still complicated. We want different things. He wants a career in the spotlight, while I want nothing to do with it. And what happened this past week? Fuck, I don’t know if I can deal with that again.
Piper Menon
Listen, I was the QUEEN of “it’s complicated” before I met Dev. It took him a long time to scale my damn walls. But if he showed up on ESPN looking like Chewbacca’s inbred cousin just to defend my honor? I’d spread my legs so fast, they’d create a vortex that would suck him right up inside me.
Rani Meyer
Um, wow . . . Where did we go wrong with this chat?
Sarina Arora
And here I was, thinking your rabbits needed therapy.
Nisha Arora
Honestly, I wish I never learned to read.
Piper Menon
Oh, you hush. If you never learned to read, how would you stalk your ex-husband’s IMDB page every day?
Nisha Arora
I DO NOT stalk him!
Sarina Arora
Girl, please. I have seen the browser history you forgot to delete on the salon computer. “Patton Pierce’s SEXIEST Photos!”
Piper Menon
I’ve seen it, too! Don’t even deny you were watching clips of that love scene he did for his latest movie with Margot Robbie.
Nisha Arora
Nice deflection, Sarina. I’m getting new friends. And a new sister.
Kavi Case
Okay, but before you do that, can you fill us in? What the hell happened between you and Patton? The news sources all say “irreconcilable differences”. Not that I’ve ever tried to look it up or anything.
Rani Meyer
[GIF of Pinocchio’s nose growing] Bahah! No, of course you haven’t!
Mala Meyer
I’m with Kavi on this—what happened? We’re all besties now. You can trust us.
Sarina Arora
What if we table this convo for Friday night? Girls’ night in?
Piper Menon
Agreed. Some stories need wine. And since I’m with child, you better believe I’ll be living vicariously through you guys. Dev’s out of town Friday. Wanna do my place?
Kavi Case
I’m in.
Rani Meyer
I’ll just need to coordinate with Darian about the kids, but yeah, I should make it.
Bella Meyer
I’m texting Garrett now, but I’ll be there.
Mala Meyer
Same.
Nisha Arora
Oh, would you look at that? I took on an additional client this Friday. Come to think of it, I’m busy for the next couple of decades. How is 2046 looking for you guys?
Piper Menon
Oh, you’ll be there, or I’ll bring balloons to snuff your ass out.