41. Ashley
CHAPTER 41
ASHLEY
I don’t know what’s up with Sean lately. He won’t stop staring at me like a creep. Not wanting to cause a scene, I move away from him, and when he goes somewhere with Alex, I exhale in relief. I knew coming to The Heritage was a bad idea, but fuck if I’ll let Sean dictate where I go.
I focus on the pool game between Noah and CJ versus Logan and Micaela. I’m surprised she took Sean’s spot to play with Logan. When he’s not trying to get into someone’s pants, he can be quite intimidating.
“Go, Mic!” Zoey shouts when Micaela sends her ball into the pocket.
CJ scowls. “I can’t believe she made that shot.”
“It seems my issue before was partner-related.” Logan lifts his palm, and Micaela high-fives it.
The corners of my lips tug upward, but before I can fully smile, I spot Brian weaving his way through the crowd toward me. What the hell!
“So you did invite your boyfriend after all,” Blair pipes up.
Frowning, I reply, “No, I didn’t.”
“Wait, so how did he know you’d be here?”
“I told him, but I didn’t expect him to show up.”
“You sound annoyed,” Gia points out.
“I am.”
“Don’t bite his head off. Maybe he just wanted to surprise you.” Zoey gives us her sugary two cents. “I think it’s romantic.”
“You think everything is romantic. Find a boyfriend and then get back to me.”
Zoey winces, and I regret my outburst. But Brian is suddenly there, and I don’t have a chance to apologize.
“Surprise!” he says with a big smile, then he hugs me.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were going to watch Lord of the Rings .”
“I’ve seen that a dozen times, and I missed you. Are you mad?”
I sense someone is watching us, so I turn. Sure as shit, Sean is back, and he’s the one burning a hole through my face.
“No, I’m not mad.” I force a smile. “Come here.” I twist the fabric of his shirt with my fingers and pull him to me.
Brian kisses me deeply, but it does nothing to set me ablaze. This isn’t anything like Sean’s kisses, and it’s insane that I’m comparing the two after so much time has passed. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m really not into Brian, but I’m not going to give up yet.
“Jesus, get a fucking room,” one of the twins says, and I only find out it was Logan who spoke when I step back and look around.
Sean isn’t standing next to Alex anymore. I don’t know where he is. Maybe he went to find a puck bunny to fuck. The thought makes me depressed, and all I want to do is go home. But hell, now that Brian is here, he’ll either want us to go back to his place or spend the night at mine. Neither option appeals to me. I just want to be alone.
“Is there something wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. I’m going to the restroom.”
“I’ll come with you.”
Jesus, can I have a moment to myself? I don’t say that out loud though. Brian hasn’t done anything wrong besides crashing my girl’s night out. I shouldn’t be so irritated about it. The evening ceased to be girls’ night the moment we stepped into The Heritage.
“How about you get me a drink instead?” I ask.
“Okay. What do you want?”
“Vodka cranberry.”
“You got it.” He kisses my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
I wait until he disappears into the crowd to head to the restroom. No one asks me where I’m going, and I’m thankful for my friends’ distraction. With every step I take, my chest tightens, and then comes the sinking feeling that I’m about to have a panic attack. Fuck. I haven’t had one in so long.
I’m desperate now to get away from the busiest part of the room, but once I hit the hallway that leads to the restrooms and see the line outside the women’s room, I realize my escape plan was shit. I need fresh air, but turning back and braving the crowd once again will for sure make things worse.
Then I remember the back exit—the one Sean used way back when things weren’t horrible between us. I head toward it and don’t stop until I’m outside, inhaling the crisp, cold January air. A shiver runs down my spine. I’m not wearing my coat, and it’s freezing. I hug myself, rubbing my arms up and down. White smoke forms when I exhale, and my teeth are chattering already. This was a bad idea.
The exit door opens with a bang, scaring the shit out of me. I yelp, pressing my hand against my chest.
“What are you doing out here, Ash? It’s fucking cold.”
Motherfucking Sean.
I open my mouth to reply, but my heart is beating so fast that I can’t get the words out. Shit. I can’t breathe either. Wheezing, I step away from him.
His eyes widen. “What’s happening? Are you… are you having a panic attack?”
I shake my head just to be stubborn. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious that I am. Clue number one, I can’t answer him. Clue number two, I’m tearing up.
“Ash…” He steps into my space and pulls me against his wide chest, wrapping his arms around me.
I want to pull away, but I can’t fight the feeling of comfort I haven’t experienced in three years. Instead of trying to escape, I melt into him, inhaling that addictive cologne I haven’t been able to forget all this time.
“It’s going to be okay.” He runs his hands up and down my back in a soothing motion. “Take deep breathes.”
“I would if you weren’t crushing me.”
“Shit. Sorry.” He steps back, but he doesn’t release me. He spins me around and pulls me flush against his body again. Now my back is flat against his chest, and his arms are wrapped around my waist. “How is that?”
Horrible. Wonderful .
Fuck me.
I don’t answer him, focusing on my breathing instead. He seems content to wait for me to get over my panic attack in silence. But as the seconds go by, I feel how much our proximity is affecting him. His arousal presses against my ass, and his breathing becomes shallow.
“Why did you follow me?” I ask once I’m no longer hyperventilating.
“I was worried about you.”
“You shouldn’t be. I’m not your problem anymore.”
“You were never a problem, Ash. And I will be fucking worried if I want to be.”
I pull free of his embrace and whirl around. “You have no right to be concerned about my wellbeing.”
His brows arch. “Excuse me? So am I supposed to just watch you step into a dark alleyway alone and do nothing?”
I cross my arms. “That’s right.”
“That’s never gonna happen. Get used to me being there for you when you need it.”
I freeze for a second, then laugh without humor. “Are you for real? You weren’t there when I needed you the most, Sean.”
He winces. “That was different.”
Tears fill my eyes again, but these are angry tears. “It isn’t, and the fact that you think it is tells me you’re still an asshole.” I walk around him and try the door. It’s locked. “Hell!”
“It won’t open from the outside,” he deadpans.
“Fucking great,” I mutter then stride away from him.
He follows me, but I pretend he’s not there, just like he pretended what we had could be tossed aside as if it were nothing. I can’t believe it took only one touch from him to bring back all those feelings.
I guess I was kidding myself. There’s no getting over him.