Chapter 3
–––––
Kilian
Far too fast, I sped through the city on my motorcycle, revving the engine, racing past cars, and barely making it through red lights.
I’d survived countless reckless maneuvers before, thanks in no small part to my heightened state.
My senses were razor-sharp, almost bat-like, and I even had the eerie impression I could sense what was happening behind me.
The high I’d been riding since last Friday still lingered, and I couldn’t keep my fingers off the throttle. But I could feel it fading, which was both good and bad. Good because it was Monday, and bad because it meant I’d soon be so tired I might fall asleep standing up.
I barely slept the whole weekend. For three days, my pulse was in overdrive, pumping blood through my body like a runaway train while a constant roar echoed in my head.
I felt restless and completely out of control.
Sebastian’s bachelor party on Friday was just the beginning of this wild ride, the rest of which I’d sensibly tackled on my own.
Not that I disliked company, but experience taught me I wasn’t exactly good company during these phases.
I revved the engine again, roaring past the garage entrance for one last lap before heading in. I was practically floating over the asphalt.
On my second attempt, I finally turned into the underground garage, zooming down the ramp. I always kept my visor down as long as possible—the harsh fluorescent lighting was a nightmare. Although it was just barely tolerable through the tinted shield.
Once I was in the stairwell, I removed my helmet, feeling the cool air tousle my hair as I made my way toward the workshop. Karl had promised to fix the busted spotlight by today.
It was just before noon, and Mondays were usually slow at the theater. But a new production was kicking off, and a tech rehearsal was scheduled for two o’clock.
“Hey, Karl!” I called out as I dropped my helmet and leather jacket onto my work table. I had a space here since I preferred to sketch lighting plans by hand, and the control room was too cramped. “Does the color changer work again?”
“Hey, Kilian!” Karl, the workshop manager who was nearing sixty, greeted me in a Led Zeppelin T-shirt and dark jeans. “Yup, it was just a minor software glitch. Good as new—you can take it with you now.”
“Thanks!” I grabbed my notebook and a pen, joining Karl at the table where the color changer was set up.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“Of course,” I replied, still a little wound up.
I tried to rein it in, but the inner circle at the theater knew about my “phases.” I didn’t have to waste energy pretending to be “normal” here.
The theater was like a second family to me, and for that, I was grateful.
They’d forgiven plenty of my slip-ups throughout the years.
“Theo’s still in auditions. He’s torn between three possible Hamlets and two Ophelias.”
“I’d love to see that,” I said, clipping my walkie-talkie to my belt and reaching for the color changer.
“Have fun!”
“Thanks. Catch you later.”
As expected, the rehearsal was underway on the main stage, illuminated by the daylight spotlights.
Theo, the director, sat in the front row with the casting director, Ludwig.
Next to them was the producer, Eva, and the dramaturg, Manuela.
They were all watching two actors perform the famous scene where Hamlet tells Ophelia to go to a nunnery.
Since I couldn’t install the color changer until the stage was clear, I set it down on a table near the edge of the stage and took a seat beside Eva.
“Well?” I whispered, crossing one leg over the other. “Got a favorite yet?”
“Definitely not him,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
Ludwig nodding in agreement.
I reclined back in my chair with a smirk. It wasn’t long before Sebastian, the stage manager, joined me. His thick glasses always made him look slightly groggy.
“Is that our new Hamlet?” he whispered.
“Apparently not,” I replied. “Eva made a face.”
“And? Did you make it home okay Saturday morning?”
“Yeah,” I answered casually. “You?”
Sebastian grinned. “It was a great bachelor party.”
“Okay!” Theo stood up, adjusting his horn-rimmed glasses. “That’s enough. Let’s see Vanja Vogel and Dominic Pereira next.”
As the actors left the stage, Theo conferred with his team. While he was too far away for me to hear, I caught Eva saying, “I see him more as Horatio than Hamlet.”
“Agreed,” Ludwig replied. “Same here.”
Two new actors took the stage. The woman had her blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, with bangs nearly grazing her eyebrows. She was slender, dressed in blue jeans and a white blouse.
The man playing Hamlet had dark blond hair slicked back with gel, though a few escaped strands framed his face.
His three-day stubble suited him, as did his angular features and impressive build.
Wearing black baggy pants and a fitted black shirt with the top buttons undone, he reminded me of someone.
Wait …
Is that …?
My jaw dropped as I recognized the gruff bouncer from last Friday night.
What the fuck? He’s an actor?
Why am I not surprised?
I’d been surrounded by actors for years. It shouldn’t have shocked me that he was one too. The control he’d displayed that night had been otherworldly. He was good. Really good. His poker face hadn’t cracked—not even when my thigh brushed against him through his pants.
Dominic Pereira.
Well, Mick Jagger.
You’ve got it.
“Isn’t that … the bouncer from Friday?” Sebastian asked.
I had to fight the urge to leap up and yell, Ha! Instead, I nodded.
Dominic didn’t notice me. He was focused, settling into place onstage and waiting for Theo’s direction. Theo wrapped up his discussion, then gave the actors the cue to begin.
I knew the scene well since this wasn’t my first time working on a lighting design for Hamlet. However, Theo had already warned me in a previous conversation that this production was destined to be something truly extraordinary.
I sat there, almost mesmerized, watching Dominic. He had been so reserved and cold with me before that I could hardly believe the stage presence he was now showing.
Damn! The guy’s good!
Even I could see that he was perfectly in sync with this Vanja.
“Hamlet and Ophelia,” Sebastian muttered next to me. “Guess the verdict’s clear.”
If even the stage manager saw it through his thick glasses, Eva would only need to nod.
Captivated by Dominic’s voice, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. His movements were so natural, and the words rolled off his tongue with such ease.
He was Hamlet.
Who is this guy?
Witnessing him now in his element, commanding the stage and drawing the attention of everyone in the room, I couldn’t help but reminisce about last Friday and smile.
He’d played the role of an ordinary guy well. Almost had me fooled—if it weren’t for that one thing under the stairs.
Seeing his pulse quicken with every beat in his neck as I got closer to him had revealed his true self. He hadn’t been opposed to me or the idea of a one-night stand. Maybe I should’ve been a bit more persistent; maybe something would’ve stirred in his pants by now.
Hmm … I examined his face more closely. He even took out the nose ring. Not that it didn’t suit him, but now, he looked even more attractive to me.
If Sebastian hadn’t shown up and pulled me away, I probably would’ve crossed the line and kissed him. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but shortly after, I was flying high and didn’t recognize myself anymore. That was why I held back from seeking him out for another chat in the cloakroom.
While the strip club had been filled with warm red tones, I was completely captivated by the orange streetlights, igniting a vibrant explosion of colors in every direction.
Sebastian and the guys had headed home, but I decided to take the first tram to the zoo hospital, aiming to launch myself into another realm of its entirely blue-lit station.
As a lighting designer, my absolute favorite color was dark blue, and the underground tram station was simply brilliant.
I spent three hours there, walking back and forth along the tracks, sitting on the bench, and snapping photos of the blue ambiance.
I didn’t leave until my phone ran out of battery, and then I went home to work on a lighting plan.
It wasn’t often that I had an entire weekend free since there were usually performances to attend. But the season was winding down, and the four shows I was responsible for were only running sporadically.
So, I was excited to dive into new projects. That was the part of my job I found most thrilling—watching a production take shape and figuring out how to light each scene.
By now, Hamlet and Ophelia had finished their scene, and Theo sent the actors off for their well-deserved lunch break while he and his team finalized the role assignments.
I took the opportunity to head up to the third gallery to install the color changer and do a quick walk-through with two stagehands.
When I got back down an hour later, I witnessed one of the most beautiful smiles I’d seen in a long time.
Dominic.
His white teeth were dazzling, and the sparkle in his blue eyes was so overwhelming that I felt a lump in my throat. Standing alongside Vanja, he shook hands with Theo and Eva, basking in the joy of getting the role.
I mean, hello? He’s our new Hamlet!
“All set,” Sebastian said suddenly next to me. “I talked to Peter, and he agreed. I can help you on Friday.”
“Cool! I really appreciate that.”
“You said 1 p.m.?”
“Yeah. The opening’s at 5. I just need someone to run through everything again.”
“But the schedule’s already set, right?”
“Of course!” I laughed. “What do you think?”
“Well … you’re the one who’s always tweaking the software at the last minute.”
“No tweaks,” I said, raising my finger. “Improvements.”
“Sure, sure. I’m curious to see what you’ve got.”
“Ah, here they are,” Theo’s voice called from behind me.
“Sebastian! Kilian!” He turned to us with a wave.
“These are our new leads: Dominic Pereira as Hamlet and Vanja Vogel as Ophelia.” He gestured toward us.
“This is Sebastian Odermatt, the stage manager, and Kilian da Silva, the lighting designer.”
“Hi!” Vanja greeted us, shaking our hands. She was still thrilled to have landed the role.
Dominic was frozen, and his beautiful smile was quickly fading. I just grinned and shook his hand as if we’d never met before.
“Hi! Nice to meet you,” I said. “Congratulations on the role.”
“Hello,” he replied, clearly caught off guard as he shook both my and Sebastian’s hands.
“Do you two know each other?” Theo asked, glancing back and forth between us.
“Not really,” Dominic answered, clearing his throat as though it embarrassed him to have laughed earlier.
Theo glanced at his watch. “All right, we’re about to start the build rehearsal. You’re welcome to stick around if you want.” He turned to me. “Kil? Seb? You ready?”
“I was just heading to the control room,” I said, winking at Dominic before leaving the stage.
“My team’s ready,” I heard Sebastian call out. “Shall we start with the first act?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
As I stepped out of the auditorium and walked through the hallway lined with red carpets toward the stairs, I heard a voice behind me say, “A lighting designer, huh?”
I recognized the slightly rough voice immediately and turned to Dominic, who approached me hesitantly. Like an animal, cautious and lurking.
“Lighting designer,” I replied, spreading my arms. “Cool, huh?”
Dominic suppressed a laugh, keeping his lips tight as he shook his head in disbelief. He had stopped about ten feet away from me, brushing his unruly hair back.
My eyes wandered over his upper body. He was a few inches taller than me—probably around 6’1”. His build was exactly my type—slim, almost wiry, but toned enough that his biceps made his black shirt fit perfectly in all the right places.
“You played well,” I said, taking a few steps closer. “But as much effort as you put in last Friday, looks like you’ll have to put up with me a little longer, Dominic Pereira. Or should I call you Mick Jagger?”
By now, I was close enough that only a few inches separated us. I gazed into the most beautiful ink-blue eyes I’d ever seen, utterly enthralled by the azure specks in his iris.
“Why did you shave off your beard?” I asked.
“None of your business,” he replied flatly. “And why do you always ask so many questions?”
“I can’t help it. They just slip out.” I tilted my head to the side. “Why do you work at the strip club if you’re an actor?”
“That’s my business. And why do you work here?”
“Because they can’t do without me.”
At that moment, a crackle rumbled from my belt, and Theo’s voice came through. “Kil, where are you? Are you ready?”
“See?” I raised my eyebrows and unhooked the walkie-talkie from my belt, pressing the button to reply. “I’ll be ready in a minute. Just a sec.” Then I turned back to Dominic. “I knew you liked me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have followed me here.”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re actually the pain in the ass from last Friday,” he said, shrugging.
“You can join me in the control room if you want,” I offered as he started to turn away from me.
“Sure.” With a light-hearted roll of his eyes, he sauntered back into the auditorium.
“Kil! We're ready,” Sebastian exclaimed.
“I’m coming!”
I climbed the stairs to the top floor, disappeared into the control room, and powered up the computer. As I set up and put on my headset, I glanced down at the stage, where Dominic had joined Vanja and the other actor, who was probably playing Horatio.
“Can you hear me?” I asked through the headset, and Sebastian gave me a thumbs-up. Theo confirmed through the walkie-talkie.
On stage, wooden planks, cloths, and boards hinted at the first set design, and Sebastian, also wearing a headset, explained his vision for the scene.
After many hours discussing details with him and Theo, I’d already come up with a preliminary lighting plan and began switching on the spotlights accordingly.
Every now and then, my gaze wandered to the front row, where Dominic was sitting. Sure, I could have taken him home last Friday if he hadn’t resisted so strongly. But I never expected our paths to cross again like this.
But I thought it was great.
Now, I didn’t have to go back to the strip club to see him again.