Chapter 28 - Dominic
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Dominic
“You decided to talk to me again,” Kilian slurred on the other end of the line.
Was he drunk?
No. He sounded different.
It was more like he was using all his energy just to get a word out.
“Dude, where are you?”
Kilian was silent, and all I could hear was his heavy breathing.
“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned.
“It … it won’t stop.” His voice was weak and desperate. Then he exhaled loudly, choking on the breath. “C-can you come get me?”
I didn't expect that, and for a moment, I was at a loss for words.
“I-I understand if … if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore,” Kilian sniffled. “I get it, but …”
“Take it easy,” I interrupted him.
“I just want it to stop.”
“Where are you?”
“No idea … some bar.”
I glanced at Nico, who was staring back at me with equal confusion. It was loud enough for him to hear Kilian too.
“Is anyone with you? Or are you alone?”
“Oliver’s here.”
“Let me talk to him.”
“Yo!” came a voice from the other end. “This is Oliver.”
“Hey, it’s Dominic. How’s my friend doing?”
“Well … I’d say not great. Looks like he hasn’t slept much the past few days.”
“I’m coming to get him. Where are you?”
“At the Blue Bar in Engelberg.”
I stopped in my tracks. “Engelberg?” In the mountains? That was farther away than I’d anticipated.
“Yep.”
“Listen … uh … can you keep an eye on him until I get there?”
“I’m working.”
“It’s Tuesday. It can’t be that busy.”
“Where are you coming from?”
“Zurich.”
“Okay, but hurry up.”
“Thanks, man! Can I talk to Kilian again?”
Kilian’s weak voice came through. “Are you coming here?”
“Yeah.” I motioned to Nico’s phone. “Look up a train connection for me.”
Nico did as I asked while I could hear Kilian sniffing on the other end.
“You won’t make this one,” Nico said, scrolling through his phone. “There’s one right after 7:30. You’ll get there around 9.”
“Stay where you are,” I told Kilian. “I’ll be there soon.”
Moments later, I was in my room, packing a backpack with the essentials and on the phone with Yael.
“Pack clothes for him,” she said. “He’ll be grateful to you.”
I shoved a pair of pants I figured would fit Kilian, along with two pairs of boxers and a T-shirt into the bag.
“He’s probably been awake for days,” she added, “or at least hasn’t slept much. I can send you a prescription for sleeping pills. It’ll help him sleep.”
“I’ve got my own prescription,” I said, checking my wallet to see if I had it with me. After Nico had used up the last of mine, I’d been meaning to get more. “Is it okay if he takes it? I mean …”
“He needs sleep, so it’s fine for now. But you should head out first thing in the morning and use the aftereffects to your advantage. It doesn’t help with the hypomania, though. And please, keep an eye on him and stay with him.”
“Okay.”
“He’ll be on his bike. Can you ride?”
“Yeah, but it’s been a while since I last drove.”
“He always has a second helmet. You’ll just need a warm jacket.”
I appreciated Yael’s advice. It helped me stay focused. But there was one thing still gnawing at me.
“Listen … I’m not entirely innocent in this. He did the coke because of me. He wanted to prove something to me. Do you think that’s why all of this happened?”
“You didn’t force him, did you?”
“No. If I hadn’t been so shocked, I would’ve stopped him.”
“Then don’t blame yourself.”
I thanked her, and we said our goodbyes.
My heart was still racing. From the moment I headed to the train station, during the ride, and even more so when I got off in Engelberg.
The whole time, I kept replaying what had happened over the last few days in my mind, trying to understand how Kilian and I ended up in this chaotic mess, like two planes colliding.
This wasn’t normal anymore.
We both oscillated around a zero line, like two magnets drawn to each other, yet there was always some interference that kept us from getting serious.
If one thing became clear to me during the party at Livio’s, it was that Kilian was the one I wanted. I had gone there searching for lust, craving to have sex the whole weekend, trying to do it without drugs at first. But I wasn’t turned on. Nothing there could excite me or stir my desire.
Maybe I wasn’t as addicted to sex as I’d thought after I got out of the chemsex scene. Or maybe it really was Kilian—because as soon as he entered the room, my blood rushed down, and I got so hard that I still wondered how I hadn’t just taken him right there.
Could he even be topped by me?
With the help of Google Maps, I reached the Blue Bar shortly after 9. Inside, the space resembled a glacier cave. Blue light illuminated every corner. Kilian loved blue light, so it was no surprise that he was here.
Or at least, he should’ve been here.
The bar wasn’t too crowded yet, and I quickly scanned the people, but Kilian was nowhere to be found. I approached the bar and called over the bartender, who was working alongside a woman.
“Hey! Are you Oliver?”
“Yep!” replied a young man with short brown hair and a goatee.
“We spoke on the phone earlier. You were supposed to keep an eye on my friend.”
“Ah, yeah … he’s not here anymore.”
“What? Where is he?”
“In the hotel.” Oliver dropped the towel on the counter and gestured for me to follow. We went through a wooden door into the hotel lobby. “He nearly fell off the stool when we turned up the music, so I brought him here.”
We stopped at a dimly lit piano bar entrance, and Oliver pointed to a lounge in the corner. “Peter’s watching him.”
“Thanks. That was really nice of you.”
Oliver waved goodbye and went back to the Blue Bar.
I spotted Kilian from a distance and was relieved to see him.
He sat with one leg bent, his arm resting on the back of the chair, his head supported by his hand, listening to the soothing sounds of the piano.
On the table next to him was a glass of water.
Although it was still light outside, the ambiance felt as though it was already midnight.
The subtle lighting created a cozy atmosphere, with only two other tables occupied.
An older couple was enjoying cocktails and chatting quietly, while in the back, two young Asian women were having fun taking selfies.
I walked over to Kilian, paused by the small coffee table, and froze. From a distance, he had seemed so peaceful, but now I saw the state he was actually in.
With his eyes wide open, he stared blankly ahead, breathing as if he had just run a marathon.
Strands of greasy hair fell across his forehead, framing an unshaven face.
Dark circles lingered under his eyes, accentuating their sunken appearance.
His skin looked pale and drained of color, giving him the unsettling appearance of a zombie.
When he noticed me and slowly turned his head, I rushed over and sat next to him.
“Kil,” I said, setting down my backpack and searching for his gaze.
“You came,” he murmured in a weak voice. “Is it really you?”
“Of course. I’ve been worried.”
“I think I’m having a heart attack.” He clawed at his chest and grimaced. “My heart’s racing.”
“As long as it’s racing, it’s not a heart attack,” I reassured him.
Without warning, he moved closer and hugged me.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured into the crook of my neck. “I should’ve been honest with you.”
“I should have too,” I replied, caught off guard. It felt good to have him close, and I wrapped my arms around him. “I shouldn’t have hidden the chemsex parties from you.”
The sensation of his heavy breathing clinging to me was unnerving. He smelled like he hadn’t showered in days, and his clothes reeked of smoke.
“Do you have a room here?”
Kilian pulled away, took out his phone, and opened his credit card app. “No … doesn’t look like it.”
I frowned, confused. “Okay, then … wait here. I’ll get us one.”
Less than ten minutes later, we entered a double room. I hastily shut the thick curtains and turned on the light by the bed. Then I helped Kilian out of his dirty clothes and guided him into the bathtub.
“Have you slept at all these past few days?” I asked while helping him wash with soap.
“A little,” he replied. “But it was hard.”
“And eaten? Have you eaten anything?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay,” I said, though I knew nothing was really okay. But I didn’t want to make him feel like the world was upside down. He already knew that. As I massaged shampoo into his hair, he stared at me with lifeless eyes. He couldn’t manage to close them.
Finally, I rinsed the soap off, wrapped him in a fresh towel, and assisted him out of the tub.
“I talked to your sister,” I said as he slipped into clean boxers. “She said I should give you a Valium. It’ll calm you down. You need sleep, or you’ll really have a heart attack.”
Kilian sat on the bed and took the pill without protest. But instead of lying down, he stood up again and sought out my company.
Just as I was setting the glass back on the nightstand, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pressed himself against me, and nestled his face in the curve of my neck.
I felt his pounding heartbeat on my chest and hoped the medication would take effect soon. I held him and stroked his wet hair.
“We’ll get through this,” I whispered, guiding him to the bed. “Lie down.”
He obeyed reluctantly, not wanting to let go of me. I yanked off my pants and lay down beside him. Immediately, he snuggled against me, resting his head on my shoulder and holding me tight.
“Since Friday night, there’s been a blitzkrieg going on in my brain. At first, it felt like I was on drugs.”
“You were on drugs,” I reminded him.
“Oh, yeah?”
“What else do you remember?”
“Our last fuck?”
“And then?”
“No idea … I think I went to Montreux. At some point, I was up here in the glacier cave.”
“Let me guess,” I smirked, drawing him even closer. “You wanted to see the blue light?”
“A chasm opened up in my mind, swallowing everything. This monster that crawled out … it’s just insatiable.”
He kissed my neck and slid his hand under my T-shirt. When he slid it down into my pants, I tugged his hand away.
“Kil, you should try to …”
“You don’t get it. It won’t stop. Let me fuck you, then …”
“Not today, Kil.”
I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy to say, because his touches sent a tingling sensation spreading through my body. The warmth gathered in my core, and I felt it slowly flowing into my cock.
“But you feel it too,” he murmured into my neck, pressing his thigh against my groin. “You want it.”
His words became slower, and his hand stopped caressing my chest. I stroked his head and kissed his forehead, but he remained still. Kilian had fallen asleep.
I eased away from him, making my way onto the balcony with my phone and called Yael.
She was relieved to hear that, under the circumstances, he was doing okay.
After we hung up, I texted Theo, letting him know I’d be at rehearsal in the afternoon.
I didn’t mention Kilian, since the one question—what would happen with him—I hadn’t dared ask Yael yet.
I slipped back inside the room and texted Nico, who was also relieved to hear that we were both all right.
I lay back down next to Kilian and studied his beautiful face. The last few days had taken their toll. Even in sleep, he looked worn out and pale. His muscles twitched from time to time, gradually calming down thanks to the medication. His breathing was finally normalizing.
Yael had called him hyperactive, but the Kilian I had met in the piano bar had been like an overcharged machine. Even though he had sought rest, there was a part of him that kept spinning, keeping the engine running.
I caressed his cheek and combed his wet hair with my fingers. I was glad to be here with him, and I reflected how quickly my earlier mistake had become so insignificant.