Chapter 31
–––––
Kilian
It felt good to be back at the theater. The place was my second home, and the people here were like family. Just the air itself gave me energy and inspiration, and I couldn’t wait to be back in the control room.
“Kilian! Hey!” Sebastian greeted me as we ran into each other in the foyer. “How are you? Are you back on your feet?”
We shook hands, and he gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder.
“Hi, Sebastian. Yeah, back to normal, I guess.”
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear it. What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t back until tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I …”
Sebastian gave me a knowing wink. “Hamlet’s still in rehearsal.”
I smiled awkwardly. “Guess it’s pointless to deny it now.”
“Your fight made the rounds, and you’re an open book.”
I sighed, hoping that Dominic was okay with it. “What about you?” I asked as Jacob appeared through the side entrance.
“We’re going for lunch. Are you coming with us?”
“Hey, Kilian!” Jacob called as he caught up with us.
“Yeah, no, thanks. Maybe next time. Enjoy your meal!”
Sebastian waved goodbye. “See you tomorrow!”
As the two of them left the theater, I stood alone for a moment in the foyer. The clock showed it was already past twelve. They were probably finishing one or two more scenes before the actors went on their lunch break.
I entered the theater and quietly took a seat in the back row. In front of me, Theo, Eva the producer, and Manuela the dramaturg were watching the action on stage. It was the scene where Hamlet and Horatio encounter the ghost.
A key moment in the play, one I’d always liked. As I watched Dominic’s portrayal of Hamlet’s transformation from hesitant and doubtful to decisive and ready, I couldn’t help but see the parallels to Dominic himself.
He’d been reserved and distant when we first met.
Even after landing the role of Hamlet, he seemed to have doubts about me and acted hesitantly in everything.
Given that he’d grown up with foster parents, and the absence of his biological ones had likely left more scars than he’d ever admit, it wasn’t all that surprising.
But my persistence had broken through his shell, and he’d opened up to me. He’d even picked me up in Engelberg.
Who does that?
My dad had always done things like that for me. But he was my father. In a somewhat functional family, it’s expected that parents do those things for their troubled son.
Why did Dominic do it?
He owed me nothing.
Especially not after what happened at Livio’s place.
And suddenly, I saw what I hadn’t been able to see through the fog of the past two weeks. It was so obvious that I could have slapped myself. Nico had already told me this in the botanical garden.
Dominic does everything for the people he holds close. There aren’t many, but anyone who gets that place in his heart should appreciate it. He doesn’t even realize how selflessly he acts.
I crossed my arms and sighed. Did I still deserve that place? I’d worked so hard to gain his trust, and yet, I had pushed him away in the end.
“Okay!” Theo clapped his hands, and Eva and Manuela followed suit. “Let’s take a lunch break.”
I stayed seated and observed Dominic chatting with Eliah and Stephan, who played Marcellus. The three of them had great chemistry on stage.
“Are we eating on the terrace?” Eliah asked.
Stephan nodded, but Dominic made a gesture, signaling that he needed to grab something to eat first.
“Hello, Kilian! Good to see you!” Theo said as he spotted me coming down the aisle. “How’s it going? Are you back on your feet?”
I got up from my seat and saw out of the corner of my eye that Dominic had noticed me too. He stood tall on stage, watching as I shook Theo’s hand.
“All good, thanks.”
When I glanced at the stage again, Dominic turned away and disappeared through the side exit.
“What are you doing here?” Theo asked. “I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I …”
“We were just about to go for lunch. Want to join us?”
“Maybe another time. Thanks.”
As Theo left the hall, I walked down the side corridor, climbed onto the stage, and followed Dominic into the dressing room, because that’s where he must’ve gone—he wasn’t likely to leave the theater wearing the blue coat.
I stopped in front of the dressing room and listened. The door was slightly ajar, but I didn’t hear any voices, only the clink of a hanger. I stepped inside and had the pleasure of seeing Dominic shirtless. He was hanging up his ruffled shirt and widened his eyes when he saw me.
“Kilian … You here, in the dressing room?”
His voice was cool and distant. Quickly, he pulled on a white T-shirt and cleared his throat. I had stopped in the doorway, struggling to find the right words.
“Are you feeling better?” Dominic asked, his tone cautious.
I nodded and forced a sad smile. “Do you have a moment for me?” The distance between us felt like a black hole, and it hurt deep in my soul that Dominic seemed so unreachable despite being only sixteen feet away.
I shut the door behind me and turned to face him.
“I wanted to thank you,” I said. “Thank you for picking me up in Engelberg. And … I’m sorry. I probably said things to you I shouldn’t have.”
Something changed in Dominic’s expression, and his brows furrowed. “Probably?” He stepped out from behind the coat rack and rubbed his forearm with his right hand. “You don’t remember Engelberg?”
“I remember Engelberg, but … The trip home is a bit hazy. I’m sorry.”
There was silence for a while, and I didn’t know how to break it. I licked my lips and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
“You scared me,” Dominic confessed with a sadness to his voice. “When we stopped for gas, you ran into the street to take a picture. You almost got run over by a truck. And just before we reached our destination, you seriously tried to jump off the bike.”
“I didn’t want to put you in danger. If something happened to you, something I was responsible for … I couldn’t live with that. You have to believe me.”
The sadness in Dominic’s gaze practically ripped my heart apart.
“I would understand if you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore,” I continued, my voice trembling. My body was shaking with fear, and I could hardly breathe. “But … I … uh … I don’t know if I want to live without you.”
“You were in the clinic for two weeks, and I had no idea how you were. Yael said everything was fine, but I knew nothing was okay. She was trying to protect me, but … it drove me crazy not knowing what was going on. I can’t live like that.”
“Then … I guess you don’t have a choice but to marry me.”
Dominic scowled and turned away from me.
“No!” I stepped closer to him. “Please!”
“Listen, I know I wasn’t honest with you—”
“I don’t care.”
“You weren’t honest either,” he said with a frown. “You’d think that would balance things out, but …”
“But what?”
Dominic shook his head in disbelief. “How can I trust you if …”
“What?” I was afraid my heart was about to burst from my chest, and I held my breath.
“How can I trust you if you don’t trust me?”
It felt like a right hook followed by a punch to the stomach, knocking the air from my lungs.
“I do trust you,” I said breathlessly. My body was gasping for air, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
“All this time, you’ve kept me in the dark,” Dominic continued.
“Even when I came to your place, thinking you were lying in bed with a fever. In the end, it was your sister who told me you had some … I don’t know …
some mental health issue. Don’t you think—after everything we’ve been through—that I deserved to hear it from you? ”
I couldn’t bear to look at him any longer. I dropped my gaze to the floor and tried to compose myself.
That wasn’t all, though. Dominic’s voice trembled as he spoke again.
“You told me you weren’t good for me, that I should stay away from you.”
My heart felt like it was being crushed by barbed wire, and I gasped for air. “I … should never have said that.”
“But you did,” Dominic’s voice sounded hollow and resigned.
“Yes!” I blurted. “Because I thought … if I didn’t warn you, if I didn’t push you away, I’d hate myself even more.”
There was a flicker in Dominic’s expression that I couldn’t quite place. It seemed as though light was coming back into his eyes.
“I wanted to tell you,” I said, my voice cracking.
“Believe me, I should have told you the day you got the role. But I couldn’t.
And with every day that passed, I felt worse, because we were drifting further away from a truth that I’d do anything to make real.
I’d rip my brain out if it meant getting rid of these phases.
” I paused, sniffling. “All I could do was warn you, because everything else had slipped away from me. I fell in love with you, Dominic, and the last few days I’ve been thinking about how to make you understand.
How to prove my trust. I want to do it now, but I know I can’t.
I know it’s a process and we have to start over.
I wish I didn’t have to beg, but … Please, give me another chance. ”
Dominic opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, I continued.
“It’s the first time in my life I’ve been so sure about someone. I don’t want things to go that far again, I don’t want to lose control. I even take the pills again.”
“Never tell me to stay away from you again, or I’ll make you regret it,” Dominic’s voice growled with a threat beneath it. “I don’t want to stay away from you.”
I raised an eyebrow, surprised. What did he just say? The unexpected turn of events erased everything else from my mind for a moment, leaving a peaceful emptiness that loosened the tension in my muscles and relaxed the barbed wire around my heart.
“I’ll never say it again,” I declared.
“Why are you still standing over there? Not over here?”
In a few steps, I crossed the distance between us. As he took the last step toward me, I slipped my hand around his neck, pressed my forehead to his, and inhaled his wonderful, rugged scent.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all of this with me,” I whispered close to his lips. “I never wanted that.”
“This wouldn’t have happened if I had been honest with you,” Dominic said, regret in his voice.
I was about to kiss him when another thought crossed my mind. “One more thing.”
“What?”
“Block Livio’s number.”
Dominic chuckled and slipped his hands onto my hips. “What if I say no?” he teased.
“Then I’ll go to him and nail his balls to the ceiling.”
“No need. It’s already done.”
“What? You blocked his number, or did you …?”
“The number’s blocked. Now kiss me already.”
“Oh, I like it when you get demanding, babe.”
Pressing my lips to his, I stole the sweetest, most passionate kiss of my life. The barbed wire untangled from my heart, and my body felt lighter. Dominic’s warmth wrapped around me like a blanket.
“I have a condition too,” he said, kissing me again and caressing my temple. “If this happens again, I want to know what’s going on with you. I don’t want to be told everything’s fine when it’s not.”
I nodded eagerly and sought his lips again.
“Never again.”
“I’ll talk to Yael and my parents. I promise. Never again.”
Like two magnets, our lips found each other. I loved kissing Dominic. He was a great kisser. Time lost all meaning, and for a while, I floated in the clouds, surrounded by Dominic’s rugged scent and his wonderful touch.
Until I could no longer ignore the harsh light in the dressing room. Thankfully, it wasn’t me who broke the kiss but a growling sound from Dominic’s stomach.
“I need something to eat before we keep going,” he said between two kisses. “Will you come with me?”
“Of course. Wherever you go. The thing about marriage was serious. But don’t feel pressured.”
Dominic laughed as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re back to your old self. That’s good. That’s how I love you.”
“You love me?”
My heart skipped a beat, and I held my breath.
“Of course!” he said casually. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have picked you up in Engelberg. I would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago.”
“Why does that sound so familiar?” I asked, grinning mischievously.
Dominic unexpectedly spun me around and kissed me even more passionately than before. He devoured me, rubbing his body against mine and slipping his hands under my shirt.
“Fuck, Kilian …” he gasped. “You have no idea what you’ve done to me. You’re the devil!”
“Why’s that?” I laughed.
“You show up here at noon. Couldn’t you have sent me a message later? Then I would’ve come straight to your place.”
“I didn’t know if you were mad at me.” I moaned as he bit my neck and squeezed his thigh into my crotch. “Call in sick and come home with me.”
“That would be too obvious.”
When I heard Dominic’s stomach growl again, I grinned. “Do you like sushi?”
“Of course.”
“Have you ever been to the place just around the corner?”
“No.”
“Then let’s go.”
Dominic went to his locker, grabbed his wallet from his bag, and before we left the dressing room, he glanced at the mirror. His hair was a little messy, so he combed it with his fingers.
“How do you feel about everyone here knowing about us?” I asked cautiously.
Dominic glimpsed at me through the mirror, then turned around and smiled. “It was a bit strange. You hit me, and all of a sudden, everyone knows we were together. Though I was more surprised that they didn’t realize how close we were at the wedding party.”
“I’m sorry I went off on you. I lost my nerves. Hitting you wasn’t right.”
“Well, I guess we’re even now.”
I looked at him, confused. “What do you mean by that?”
“Don’t tell me you forgot that I hit you first.”
“I probably deserved it,” I said with a wide grin.
Dominic locked his arms with mine. “I’m sorry.”
Another loud growl from his stomach finally got us moving, and we left the dressing room.