Chapter 16 #2
“It’s kind of the way it goes in my family.
The years that Chris is with Rio’s family, my parents go to some exotic location for the holidays.
” I keep my voice light, like this is all so completely normal, even though nothing inside me feels that way.
The familiar feelings of not enough and not important and second best rise up so fast they almost choke me.
“I guess they figure if our whole family can’t be together, then why bother to be here at all? ”
“Because you’re here.” Cooper’s voice is so sincere, his eyes so intense, that my own eyes burn. “Why don’t they want to stay and have Christmas with you? Who cares if Chris can’t be there?”
“They care,” I manage. Cooper’s deep confusion, the light touch of anger in his voice on my behalf, threaten to do me in entirely.
I clear my throat and look away, blinking hard against the tears that want to come.
“Chris is their golden child. The baseball phenom, the famous athlete. I’ve always kind of been an afterthought.
Not to Chris. Never to Chris. He’s my best friend and hates this dynamic, but he knows I’ll murder him if he tries to intervene.
But to my parents?” I slouch down in my chair, reaching down and pulling a blanket over me.
“I honestly don’t think they care much about me at all.
Why do you think I work so fucking hard?
Care about making partner so much?” I suck in a breath and resist the urge to slap my hand over my mouth.
“Because if you’re successful, maybe they’ll see you the same way they see Chris.”
Hearing my hardest truth from Cooper’s mouth should make me want to curl up in a ball and die, but somehow, it doesn’t.
It feels…comforting almost. Like he’s a safe place for me to unburden myself.
To lay my secrets, knowing he’ll treat them kindly.
“Yes. It’s why I haven’t told them about the baby yet.
Because I know the second I do, I’ll be the stupid girl who got pregnant accidentally and torpedoed my chances at a partnership.
They already make me feel like I’m never good enough.
I just couldn’t give them more ammunition.
Especially when I’m still not sure how I feel about it most of the time. ”
“Come home with me for Christmas.”
I rocket up in the chair at Cooper’s unexpected statement. “I’m sorry, what?”
Cooper grins at me like this is the best idea he’s ever had.
“Come home with me. Have Christmas with my family. It’s chaotic and loud, messy and not at all relaxing, but it’s really fucking fun.
My mom forces all of us to come home Christmas Eve for a big sleepover, so make sure you pack an overnight bag.
We can drive over to Newton together Friday afternoon. ”
I swallow hard, trying to organize my thoughts. “You want me to come sleep over at your parents’ house and spend Christmas with your family?”
Cooper practically beams. “Yep.”
I point to myself. “Me. Former work rival and current…something, accidentally pregnant with your baby, hanging out with your entire family for twenty-four hours?”
“You, Rhodes. You drive me insane sometimes, but I’m also kind of crazy about you, baby or no baby. I don’t know what to make of that half the time, but there it is anyway. And no offense, but your parents kind of suck, and I’m mad at them right now. My family is great—come share them with me.”
I think of the baseball game—meeting Cooper’s brothers and their partners, the shot of longing I felt at the way they all seemed so close.
How much I wanted to be a part of something like that.
But then I think about walking into his parents’ house, visibly pregnant with Cooper’s accidental baby when what we are is nebulous and undefined, not knowing where I fit.
If I fit. The protest crawls up my throat, but Cooper beats me to it.
“You fit with me.”
“Excuse me?” I can’t possibly have heard him right.
His smile is soft. “You were about to tell me you can’t come. You’re worried about how you’ll fit. I’m telling you that you fit with me. We’ve never defined what we are, and I hope maybe we can have that conversation at some point. But in the meantime, you’ll be with me. You’re mine.”
“Yours?” My voice is practically a whisper, and I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that I like the idea of being his.
Cooper nods. “Mine. And if you’re mine, that means you belong to the rest of my family too. That’s kind of the way we work. Come spend Christmas with me, Ev. Please. I want you there. And not because you’re having my baby or whatever. Because you’re you, and I like you. I like us.”
Us. I watch Cooper watch me, waiting for me to make a decision as that word spins around in my head, and it has warmth flooding my chest. Because it turns out, I like us too.
Whatever we are. I open my mouth to answer him, but before I can, a fluttering sensation low in my belly has me freezing, one hand flying to my stomach. “What the hell?” I mutter.
“Everything okay?” Cooper asks.
I shift on the chair and feel it one more time. A tiny tapping, so faint it would be impossible to feel if it wasn’t happening literally inside me. It’s new and foreign, and I know with a bone-deep certainty what it is. “I’m pretty sure I just felt the baby move.”
“Seriously?” Cooper’s eyebrows fly up as he holds the phone closer to him, like if he just gets close enough, he can feel it too. “You can feel that?”
“I mean…I think so.” I press against the small, firm bump of my stomach, and it happens again.
“I can’t feel it from the outside, but I feel it on the inside.
” I blow out a breath and collapse back on the chair, not sure if I should laugh, cry, or go hide under the covers and pretend this isn’t happening. “It’s so fucking weird.”
Cooper grins at me. “Is it weird, or is it our baby girl telling you that you need to come home with me for a very chaotic Wyles Christmas?”
“Girl? You don’t know that.” I have an ultrasound right after New Year’s, and we decided to wait until then to find out what we were having.
I could have found out at twelve weeks when I had that blood test that can tell you, but I didn’t want to, because I was still mostly in denial and wasn’t ready to know.
I’m still not ready, but one way or another, this is happening, so I’m going to have to put on my metaphorical big-girl pants sooner or later.
Cooper just smiles. “I know.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “How?”
He shrugs. “I just know things. A little girl with blue eyes, blonde curls, and a wicked grin that means trouble. She’s going to be a hellion with an independent streak a mile wide and a penchant for mischief. And she’ll be beautiful, just like her mom.”
Emotion clogs my throat at the picture he paints, and it all feels suddenly, wildly real.
“Okay,” I manage, taking a deep breath to try and get my shit together.
“Okay what?”
“Okay, I’ll come home with you for Christmas.”
The grin that splits Cooper’s face has that emotion roaring back. “Seriously?”
I can’t help but smile back. Reaching over to the table by my chair, I grab a cherry Jolly Rancher and unwrap it, popping it in my mouth.
“Yes, really. Take me to your chaotic Wyles Christmas. But first, I’m going shopping because when I said nothing fits, I wasn’t being hyperbolic. I meant literally nothing fits.”
“You won’t regret this, Rhodes. Prepare for madness and the best time of your life.”