Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
EVAN
Smart Girl Smut Sisters
Unknown Number has added Evan Rhodes to Smart Girl Smut Sisters
Unknown Number
Ladies, we have a new smut sister among us.
Unknown Number
Also, Evan! Hi! This is Pam Wyles, Cooper’s mom. Everyone please introduce yourselves so she knows who’s who.
Unknown Number
Hi! This is Jo. Cooper told us you were coming for Christmas and I AM SO EXCITED OMG.
Unknown Number
YES! This is Amelia and I can’t WAIT to hang with you.
Unknown Number
You read romance, so you’re automatically on my list of favorite people. This is Hannah by the way.
Unknown Number
Hi, Evan dear, this is Cece, and I feel like I know you already.
Me
Thanks so much. I love the name of the chat.
Pam
We’re the smart girls. Cooper wanted to ease you into the chaos and wasn’t going to give me your number, but I told him that was nonsense.
Jo
So how did you get her number?
Pam
I logged into his cloud account and got it from his contacts.
Me
You had the password for his cloud account?
Pam
Listen, if he’s going to use the same password he used for all his gaming accounts when he was a teenager, he deserves to get hacked.
Amelia
Mad respect.
Hannah
Seriously. I want to be you when I grow up.
Pam
To do that, you’ll need to give me a grandchild whose privacy you can violate. And speaking of grandchildren, Evan honey, tell me what you’re eating these days. I know you were sick at the beginning. Are you still? I want to make sure I have everything you need.
Me
That’s really nice of you. I’m mostly better. Not one hundred percent, but at least I’m eating actual food again instead of just bagels and Jolly Ranchers.
Jo
That’s great to hear. Our older sister Hallie was sick for her entire first pregnancy, and now she’s sick again for her second one. It sounds awful.
Me
It was…not great.
Hannah
You can be real with us, you know. We don’t hold back.
Me
It fucking sucked. Pregnancy, in general, is the worst.
Cece
Damn right it is.
Pam
It’s the absolute worst and I still have no idea how I did it four times. I’m glad you decided to come for Christmas. I’m sure my son has been taking good care of you, but I’ll be needing to see for myself.
Me
He takes better care of me than I take of myself.
Pam
As he should.
Cece
I just knew it. Cooper is a caretaker right down to his bones.
Me
He sure is.
Jo
Do I detect some affection in that tone? Is there a you and Cooper thing going on?
Also, hi, I have no filter. You’ll get used to it.
Hannah
Or you won’t, but she’s not going to change.
Jo
You love it, Hans. Because of me, you get all the gossip you don’t want to ask for yourself.
Amelia
I’m not afraid to ask. What’s going on with you and Cooper?
Pam
Ladies, she’s new to the chat. I think she doesn’t quite understand that this is the place we share all the dirty details.
Jo
Evan, don’t worry about Pam and Cece, they’re cool.
Pam
We sure are.
Cece
The absolute coolest.
Hannah
Did we scare you off?
Me
You didn’t. I just…I don’t think I’ve ever met women like you.
Pam
Honey, there are no women like us.
Welcome to mayhem. We’re chaotic but loving. And we’re really happy to have you.
Cece
Damn right we are.
Pam
If you need anything, ever, you come to us.
You’re having my first grandchild, so that means we’re family now.
Amelia
Don’t bother protesting. They’ll just hold on tighter until you give in.
Jo
And then Cece will make your favorite cake, and Pam will make margaritas without measuring the tequila, and before you know it, you’re drunk on her couch telling us all your deepest secrets.
Cece
I already have all the ingredients for black forest cake at the ready.
Me
How do you know that’s my favorite?
Cece
Oh honey, I know everything.
Pam
You’ll get used to it.
Also, don’t bother bringing pajamas for Christmas Eve. I already bought family pajamas.
Me
You really don’t have to buy me pajamas. It’s enough that you’re cool with me crashing Christmas at the last minute.
Pam
You’re in my family now, and that means you wear the pajamas.
Amelia
Don’t bother arguing. She even buys pajamas for Elliot’s dog.
Pam
And she looks adorable in them.
Me
Can I bring anything that isn’t pajamas?
Pam
Just bring yourself. We can’t wait to meet you.