17. Carmela
Carmela
I don’t give a flying fuck that Mick walked in on Anders and me asleep on the couch. What makes me angry is the fact that he thought he could just walk into my home unannounced. He may own the deed, but it’s in my name. This is the house I turned into a home—where I raised the daughter he didn’t want to be a father to.
Mick mistakes my curse for feeling guilty, but it’s anger at a nuclear level from the audacity of this man, who continues to treat me like I’m a possession he can order around.
“What are you doing here?” I demand, rising from the sofa. The empty wine bottle topples over as my foot knocks against it, the sound ricocheting through the room and sending a dull throb through my temples in unwelcome waves.
Anders gets up, too. He pulls me back against his chest by my hips so we’re facing Mick as a united pair. Mick’s eyes narrow over my shoulder at Anders before sliding to mine. The room's temperature drops to a glacial level, yet the heat from Anders’ body grounds me.
“Martin and Nikolai informed me this morning about the newest letter. It wasn’t hard to decode, and you weren’t answering your phone, so I wanted to check on things out here.” A stupid smirk worms its way across his face. “But I can see that the detective certainly wasn’t lying when he said he was taking good care of you.”
“What we do is of no concern to you, Mick. I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone, but you can’t just come out here unannounced.” I can smell that Jill and Maya have started breakfast, but as soon as the pitter-patter of Maya’s feet approaches, I tense.
My eyes swing to the doorway as she appears with a giant smile—until she sees Mick. “Oh… you’re here,” she deadpans. She thumps into the den, scowling at him.
Mick beams with a genuine smile, warmly explaining, “Jill let me in when you were brushing your teeth, kiddo.”
Maya rolls her eyes. I feel my cheeks grow warm at his exclamation. It means he’s comfortable enough to roam my home freely. The only way he would know she was brushing her teeth is if he went upstairs to look for me in my bedroom. Anders may know our whole history now, but our daughter certainly doesn’t.
When she reaches my side, her frown melts back into a grin as she looks between Anders and me. “Mom, you promised pancakes.”
“Give me a few minutes, mijita. I’ll be right there.” I smooth her glossy hair back from her face and kiss the top of her head.
Maya switches her gaze behind me to Anders. “Do you know how to make pancakes? Jill kinda sucks at them, and I’m starving.”
My daughter has never seen me with a man before, except for Mick. The fact that she’s warmed up so quickly to Anders is telling, and I can’t help the little smile that curves my lips as I look over my shoulder to see him looking at her fondly. “Sure thing, little one. Why don’t you go to the kitchen and I’ll be right there.”
“Alright.” She leaves without so much as another glance at Mick.
Anders kisses my temple, fingers tightening on my hip. “I don’t really want to leave you alone with him.”
Mick scoffs. “Jesus. I’m not gonna fucking hurt her.”
He turns away from us as I nod. “I’ll be fine.”
Anders studies my profile for a moment before nodding and walking away from me, putting himself back in Mick’s line of sight. “I think we need to create some boundaries , Mick.”
Mick puffs up his chest, stepping into Anders’ personal space as he tries to intimidate him. “I’d be careful if I were you, Brooks. This is my house. And this is my family,” he sneers.
Anders shakes his head. “Nah. She’s my girl now. Which makes her my family. Your family is your wife. Go home to her and stop making trouble for Carmela.” He doesn’t wait for a reply before turning and leaving the den.
Funny how just twenty-four hours ago, we could barely get along, and now his possessive words of ownership warm my heart. As soon as Mick turns around, though, and the door closes behind Anders, that warmth turns to lead in my stomach. “I don’t know why you’re so mad. You literally just celebrated your wedding anniversary last night.”
“I don’t give a shit, Carmela. Do you know how scared I was when you wouldn’t answer your phone? Martin and Nikolai didn’t even know you’d left the apartment. And Brooks wasn’t answering his phone, either. I assumed you’d be together, but I certainly wasn’t fucking prepared to see you sleeping with him!” he sneers as he moves into my personal space, now trying to intimidate me.
“What. Does. It. Matter?” I emphasize each word slowly, as if I’m talking to a toddler. “You literally pushed us together. Remember that? Remember offering him up for me to fake fuck so we could try to draw the murderer out?”
A vein pops on his forehead, the same one that always grows more prominent when he’s angry. “You two acted like you hated each other!” he seethes, trying to keep his voice down. “Is that what you get off on now, Carmela? Being treated like trash? Tell me, have you fucked him?”
Mick has always lashed out when he’s hurt. His entire MO is ‘ make them feel worse when they hit you where it hurts’. I remember when he first found out about Luca. He was angry, but even then he didn’t try to hurt me with his words.
“I slept with him the night before we met at the police headquarters.” I cross my arms over my chest, putting even those few inches between us, knowing that my admission will make him lose his shit.
His entire face goes red, nostrils flaring as his body shakes with anger while he glares down at me. “You two know each other? So you made me look like a complete jackass? How the fuck do you know him, Carmela?”
“We met the night before, randomly, at a restaurant. We clicked. He seemed like a good time. I was horny.” I shrug. “I’m not your mistress, Mick. I’ll fuck who I want, when I want.”
“He’s fired,” he shoots back.
“The hell he is,” I snarl .
“I’ll put him on a fucking plane back to California tonight!”
“Stop! You have to stop trying to control me! You made your choice! Let me live my life!”
“I’ll be damned if you think you’re going to play house in the home I paid for! With my daughter!” Mick jams his finger into his chest as he quivers with rage.
Launching forward, I cover his mouth and make a shushing sound. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want Maya to hear?”
He pulls my hands away from his face, squeezing them in his. “Maybe it’s time she knows the truth.”
“No, Mick.” I’m proud of myself for how strong I sound even though my heart is thumping so hard in my chest, I’m afraid it will crack a rib. “No. You gave up parental rights when you decided not to be named on her birth certificate. You promised me you would never pull this shit on me. Don’t start now. She doesn’t even—” I cut myself off, biting my tongue as his eyes darken.
“Say it. She doesn’t what, Mellie?” His body is rigid, and his hands grow clammy around mine as he refuses to let go.
Shaking my head, I shrug. “She doesn’t even like you, Mick. I’m not saying it to hurt your feelings. But these are the consequences of the choices you made.”
“I haven’t exactly gotten any time to get to know her,” he defends quietly .
He looks defeated—tired. And for the first time in a long time, I really look at him. His eyes are sunken in, dark circles surrounding the hollows. More silver than I remember streaks through his hair and beard, leaving them nearly salt and pepper colored. Time is beginning to manifest in his appearance. Gone is the man I once loved. In his place stands one I don’t recognize.
“You’ve had fourteen years, Mick.” I rotate my hands in his and squeeze them. “Fourteen years to make this work. But what works for you just isn’t working for me anymore. It never did.” I hate how my voice cracks. I’ve given him so much of me, time and time again. But this time, I don’t want to leave any room for misunderstanding.
He lets go of me with a sniff. “You need me, Mellie.”
My lips thin out, and pity is apparent in my expression as I shake my head. “I don’t, though. I don’t need you. I don’t need any man.” Stepping back, I turn and head toward the door. “But I want him. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I promised my daughter pancakes.”