Chapter 10
Hawk
As soon as I dropped Cyn off at the front of the hotel she was staying at, I called Proctor’s phone, and it took only two rings for him to answer.
“What up nigga?”
“Proc, where you at?”
“At my crib, getting ready to get dressed. Had a long fuckin night.”
“Fuck your night. Tell me why I just found out the nigga I smoked the other day is the fiancé of one of the chicks I had you invite to the club last night?”
“What? Nigga how you know?”
“Long story short, they're looking for the nigga, and I told her I could help find him, so she sent me a picture, and it’s that same dude. I remember his face.”
“So, what do you want to do about it? That nigga dead and buried.”
“I know that I’m just calling to make sure it was really handled how it was supposed to because niggas already searching for him. That nigga wasn’t only in Vegas to gamble away his life savings. He came with people.”
“Of course it was handled, we good, he dead, and they will keep looking. Same story, different missing persons case.”
“Alright then nigga, I was just making sure.”
“Yeah.” I was about to hang up the phone when he stopped me.
“Hey, hold on. So the nigga you killed is the big booty one fiancé? The one I told you looks better than a paycheck.”
“Yeah, I guess so. If she the one getting married.”
He started to laugh.
“What’s so funny nigga?”
“Nothing. I’ll holler at you later nigga.”
I hung up the phone because I wasn’t about to pry with this nigga.
Now that I know that shit was handled, I’m about to go back to the penthouse and make a few business calls. Just because I had a long night doesn’t mean business stops for me.
When I got back up to the condo, I stepped inside and then a voice I didn’t expect to hear cracked through the silence, making me tilt my head back.
“Finally, you made it back, babe. I have to show you the few dresses that I got, and you tell me which one you want to see me walk down the aisle in.” She danced as she walked up to me.
“What are you doing back here today? I thought you weren’t coming back until Monday?”
“Well, I found these three options quickly, and an emergency popped up with the pipes at my mama’s house due to the snowstorm yesterday, so we decided to cut the trip short.”
“Oh.” I was short because I was disappointed. I was looking forward to my time away from Nina, especially talking about this wedding that only she wanted.
“Come sit down, babe, so that I can show you the dresses.”
“I thought grooms weren’t supposed to see the bride’s dress?”
“None of that superstition stuff scares me. I wanted your opinion on the dress more than anyone else’s.” She approached me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
“Plus, we don’t have to worry about any bad luck for our marriage. We are the luckiest people in the world and filthy rich at that.” She tried to kiss me on my lips, but I pulled away.
“Babe, what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” I walked away from her to leave it at that, but then I caught the reflection of myself in a mirror in the hallway and couldn’t stand seeing who was looking back at me.
A weak nigga. A man who is just letting his life be controlled by a woman.
I let fear creep into my life without even realizing it.
Fear of having nothing when I know that I am a man, a powerful man, with or without all of Kansas’s money.
I won’t say getting good sex this weekend changed my perspective.
It just showed me that I’m not really living how I want to and with who I want to right now, and it’s better to stop that shit now, before the rest of my life flies by.
I turned back to Nina.
“You okay babe? What’s wrong?”
I exhaled, because I really didn’t know how to put it. Maybe being blunt was the best thing I could do.
“I don’t want to get married, Nina.”
She double-took, and the look of shock on her face let me know she didn’t comprehend what the fuck I was saying.
“Umm, excuse me.”
“I said, I don’t want to get married, and I don’t think we should. You and I have been playing along to this game way too long.”
“Game? How is this a game Hawk? You and I have been together for years. It was time we got married.”
“Yeah, time on paper, but now how I really feel. Look, this whole relationship is based on a contract your deceased father drew up years ago. And to be honest, I just don’t feel like it’s worth it anymore.
It’s pointless. I don’t understand why we can’t just terminate it, split the money how we see fair, and live life how we want instead of how your father wanted. ”
At first, Nina’s face froze with shock until she started to laugh while shaking her head. The laugh started off as only a chuckle until she was laughing so hard that she was bent over holding her stomach. I wanted to snatch her ass up.
“What the fuck is so funny, Nina?”
She finally stopped laughing seconds after my question.
“What’s so funny is that you are acting like that money is both of ours to split in the first place.
“You know my father only left the business and money to you if we stayed together.”
“And that shit is ridiculous. Do you really want to be with a man because your father paid him to be?”
“And you went from a security guard to the CEO of my father’s company. So, you were paid very well to be.”
She walked up, closing the distance I set between us.
“Now you’re saying you don’t want to marry me, Hawk? We’ve been happy this entire time, and you're springing this on me now?”
“No, you’ve been happy.”
Her jaw clenched tightly, and I could see the words landed on her like body shots.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Nina. I didn’t just get money when that contract was signed. I inherited stress, bullshit, no real peace, no time to breathe. That along with a fiancé who controls every single part of my life, holding that contract over my head.”
I walked away from her at a slow, steady pace, but she was right on my heels.
“Don’t walk away from me. Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you realizing who the fuck I am!”
“Nina, I am not going to lie, you bad as a motherfucker. You’re smart. College-educated, and you deserve a man who wants you and only you.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Oh, so that’s what it is, you getting a little piece of ass on the side fucked your mentality about our relationship up. I knew I shouldn’t have done that shit.”
A bitter laugh slipped out her mouth. The laugh was there, but I could tell shit wasn’t as funny to her now as it was earlier.
“Nina, if anything, it showed me that I haven’t been able to be myself in a long time, and I’m sick of that shit, Nina.”
She dropped onto the couch hard. No smile. No sarcasm. Just cold disbelief.
“Wow.”
Her head shook slowly, curls brushing her cheek.
“For you to let it go this far and me to plan a wedding, buy a dress, tell my family, and send out invitations just to have this revelation now because you realized you are a hoe is crazy work, Hawk.”
Her voice sharpened, venom creeping in.
“Maybe you really are just an ignorant, ghetto nigga who’s irrational, and my mama was right. Maybe you were only ever meant to be a security guard just like your fucking father. She said you were dumb just like my father.”
My foot shifted, weight settling heavy. Heat crawled up my spine. I swallowed it down, knowing if I let it loose, there’d be no taking it back.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Shit, we don’t even have to split the company. Just give me the money that I earned opening new clubs, reviving dead ones, and I’ll be gone. You can have all this shit.”
She stood up fast, heels clicking as she closed the space between us again, arms folded tight across her chest.
“Listen to me, Hawk Proctor! I don’t care what you say. You and I are getting married next week. We’re making this relationship work, or you are leaving with nothing. Absolutely nothing!”
Her eyes burned.
“I’ll make sure that if that contract is broken, you don’t see a dime. Not one fucking dime my father is responsible for.”
My muscles tightened. The look on my face made her step back.
“You’re a dirty bitch, Nina. I really thought you had more class than that. More confidence. You carry yourself like you that bitch, but you’re just a weak little girl hiding behind paperwork. Grow the fuck up. A piece of paper doesn’t mean shit to a real nigga. Remember that.”
Her lips curled.
“I bet it will when that real nigga is homeless. Look around you, Hawk. Are you really going to trade all of this for some self-discovery bullshit? A shelter, a bed? Fuck that. You’re Hawk. The CEO of Kansas Enterprise, and that’s who you will be until you die. Whether you like it or not.”
She turned away, already feeling victorious.
Her footsteps faded down the hall, and I stayed where I was, heart pounding, jaw tight, staring at everything that suddenly felt like a cage.
I didn’t know if she’d won or not, but for the first time, I was done letting someone else decide.
This wasn’t about another woman. It was about realizing I’d been played. Controlled, and that shit wasn’t sitting right.
I have to find a way out, even if it means burning everything down right before Christmas.
I left the condo and, before I could make it to the elevator, I was on the phone dialing the lawyer I had on retainer for contract negotiations for the club and casino talks.
“Heather Holly’s office.”
“Hello, this is Hawk Proctor. I need to speak with Heather ASAP.”
“Transferring you right away, Mr. Proctor.” She replied, and the phone rang instantly until the line was picked up.
“Holly Hollis.”
“Yo, this is Hawk. I need you to look into something for me.”
“Yes sir. How can I assist you?”
“It’s a contract I signed. I need to know if there are loopholes in it. How soon can you look into it?”
“I can get to it for sure by next week.”
“Nah, nah, I mean, how soon today. This shit needs to be handled, and I need answers by nightfall.”
I’m not sure what could be done, but I will do just about anything to get this shit the fuck over with.
“Get it over to me by email, and I’ll take a look at it right now.
I didn’t have anywhere to be when I left the condo, so I just kept moving because sitting with my thoughts felt more dangerous than driving with them.
Last night with Cyn was for sure staying with me heavy, not the details of our night per se, but the feelings, the kinds that remind you who you really are when you’ve been playing a role for too long.
For the first time in a minute, I felt in control of myself.
She made me feel good without needing permission.
That shit mattered more than I wanted to admit, because being around her made me alert in a way I hadn’t felt in years.
Not scared, just aware. The kind of awareness that comes when you respect somebody and don’t want to move sloppily around them.
I couldn’t remember the last time Nina made me feel like that, not since before her father died, back when she still looked at me like a man and not something she owned on paper.
The more I ran it back in my head, the clearer it became that I wasn’t tripping over one bad decision or one night that went left.
I was tripping because I’d been boxed in, living inside a setup that never had my freedom in it from the start.
I had money, status, and a name that rang bells, but none of that meant shit when every move I made felt monitored.
When my phone rang from the passenger seat next to me, I reached over and grabbed it, praying for the first time in a long time.
God, help me get out of this with no bloodshed or money lost. Amen.
I kept it short before picking up the phone and reading the message that had come through.
Holly: Call me back as soon as possible. I think I found a way, but you may not like it. Swing by my office so that we can talk
I read and that shit had a nigga stomach hurting. What the fuck did that mean? Will staying with Nina be the only actual option for me to have everything I’ve worked hard for?
Hawk: Okay, I’m on my way.