Chapter 32
CHAPTER 32
DORI
Hunter stares at me with crazy fear spewing off him, waiting for me to say something.
I shake my head. “How can that be? You told me nothing happened with her.”
“She’s saying something happened in the middle of the night. She says I woke her up, and we had sex then.” He pushes off the couch and runs his hands through his hair. “I can’t remember shit.”
For the billionth time in three days, my world implodes. “That’s a great excuse.”
Why is everything going wrong?
Am I finally getting what I deserve after putting everyone through hell these past few months?
He faces me with red-rimmed eyes. “I swear, Dorothy. I can’t remember anything from when I left the bar to the next morning.”
The impact of the situation crushes me. He’s having a kid with Isabella. Jami’s leaving and let me go for good. Melanie’s moving along with him.
The ground opens up and swallows me whole. I don’t see how my life can be in more turmoil .
“We need some time apart.” I go numb and rise to my feet. “I have to get out of here.”
“No!” He rushes to me and takes hold of my arms. “Please, do not leave. You know I hate it when you run out on me. Please stay and talk to me about this. We’ve been doing well with our communication. I’m not about to let Isabella ruin that for us.”
Just hearing him say her name pierces my heart. “She might not have any say in our communication level, but now she has a lot to say about our lives.”
“Not if we don’t let her.”
My blood heats as my brow furrows. “How is that possible? She’s having your baby.”
His shoulders go rigid. “I don’t know that for sure. She needs to take a paternity test before I accept any responsibility.”
I wiggle out of his grasp and step away from him. “And if the test says this baby is yours?”
“Then nothing changes between you and me. Other than financially, I don’t have to help her or be a part of their lives.”
I tense. My two miscarriages race to my thoughts. Every cell in my body explodes with jealous anger.
I glare in his direction. “You can’t begin to understand how selfish that makes you sound. If you let Isabella raise your child alone because of me, you don’t understand me at all.”
Confusion washes over his face. “Why?”
“There are people out there like me who have gotten pregnant and had their dream of holding their baby in their arms taken from them.
“Hunter, you have a chance to have that, and you want to push it away because of me. No, you don’t get to put that on me. It’s your selfishness that would have you walking away from your responsibilities.”
“Dorothy, you’re confusing me.” He points to the couch. “ Can we please sit down and discuss this? Because I’m lost right now.”
“No, I’m not sitting. I don’t see why you’re so confused. You’re having a baby and want to walk away just so I’ll stay with you. It’s a slap in my face.”
He shakes his head. “How so?”
My chest heaves as I suck in quick, tiny breaths. “I’ve lost two babies—both of those I wanted. You saying you can walk away without a second thought is plain disrespectful. You know how those losses tore me apart. Hell, Hunter, they still do.”
His expression goes blank and he blinks. “I thought you said you don’t want kids anymore.”
I growl under my breath. “And we figured out it’s not that I don’t want them. It’s that I’m terrified to get pregnant. There’s a big difference. I can’t believe you can’t see it. You’re the one who pointed it out to me.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that maybe I’m not meant to have my own.” My mind swirls because I’m not sure where my words are coming from. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.
Hunter steps toward me with narrowed eyes. “Are you trying to tell me you want to help me raise this baby? That’s if it’s even mine.”
A spark of hope mixed with confusion takes hold of me. “I don’t know if that’s what I mean.”
I spin away and start toward his bedroom. This whole situation is too much.
“Dorothy, where are you going?” Hunter follows me.
“I need to get out of here. I need to be alone and think.”
“That doesn’t work and you know it. How many times do you need to learn the lesson? When you shut down and go missing in action, everything gets fucked up. Just look at what you’ve done to Jamison. ”
I stop in my tracks and grit my teeth. “Leave him out of this.”
“Fine, I’ll leave him out of this, but think before you run out that door. If you leave and block me out of your life like you have with him, where do you think that will lead?”
Hunter grips my arm and turns me to face him. “Because this is what you do. You’ve done it since I’ve known you. Something happens, you panic and shut down. You react without thinking of the consequences.”
“I don’t?—”
“You did it when Jonah almost found us together and you’re trying to do it now. Find your strength and deal with your problems like an adult.”
He’s right. Every time I’ve shut down and closed off communication with Jami so I can get my thoughts straight, I’ve made a bigger mess. It’s why he and I can never find our way to each other.
How I ruined everything with him hits me like a tsunami, drowning out my anxiety. I’ve lost him because of how I reacted. I jumped to conclusions and haven’t faced my problems like I should.
Melanie didn’t confide in me either because I’ve been too self-absorbed. I’m losing both of them and can’t face losing anyone else.
Heartbreak washes through me and I crumble into Hunter’s arms. “Don’t walk away from your child to save us. If you do, it will have the opposite effect. I’ll resent you and end up leaving. I can’t lose you too.”
He wraps his arms around me. “Can we please sit down and discuss this? I’m really confused right now, so I can only imagine how you’re feeling.”
I nod and he leads us back to the couch while holding me as I cry. “Why is this happening?”
He sits me down. “I don’t know. I wish I did, but I just don’t know.”
There’s a magazine on the kitchen island where I sit. I pull it closer while I’m doing a video therapy session with Samantha.
“The good news is, Melanie and I have worked everything out. I told her I realize I’ve been a terrible friend and that from here on out, she’s the focus.”
Samantha gives me a supportive smile. “That’s a good start, but I’m sure she’s happy to share your time together without it being one-sided. Relationships are a give and take.”
My empty chest squeezes. “I know, but I’ve been the one taking in all my relationships. It’s time I give a little. No, it’s time I give a lot.”
“Which leads us to Hunter. You say you’re considering helping Hunter if this child is his. Tell me more about how you came to that decision.”
A wave of hurt ricochets around my insides. “We talked and I realized I’m fine with being a parent. I just don’t want to get pregnant again.”
“Why?”
“Because I would worry about losing the baby. I love kids, so why not have them in my life?”
She nods. “If that’s true, why was it such a problem when you found out about Jamison’s son?”
All the pain of that night rolls over me like a Mack Truck. I push it down and try to focus on her question.
“The betrayal of keeping him from me caused the issue. Not because he had a child.”
“Dori, you were going to have a baby with him. That got taken away from you. How do those two things correlate for you?”
I blink and glance at the magazine like the answer is inside its pages. “I don’t know, but I know I’ve been selfish. He should’ve told me about his son, but I should’ve stayed and let him explain everything before I ran out.”
She tilts her head. “That sounds to me like you’re having some regret.”
My response is instant. “Sure, I have regret.”
“About what?”
“Not giving him a chance to explain. Being selfish and running out on the situation.” I spin off my stool and pace in front of the camera. “I regret how I’ve handled our entire relationship.”
“And now you’re with Hunter and Jamison is moving on. Where does that leave you?”
I stop and stare at her through the screen, ignoring the part to do with Jami. “I can make things right this time. Hunter needs me more than ever. He was about to run out on this child just so I’d stay. I’m helping this baby get a father and that means the world to me. If I were being selfish, I’d leave.”
“I see.” She nods like she’s hit on something. “Why?”
“Because…” I lower my head, tears pressing on the backs of my eyes. “My first instinct is to run away and hide so I don’t have to deal with it.”
She allows me a second to sit with that thought. “What would you say if I asked you to consider the thought that you went back to Hunter so quickly to avoid the pain of Jami having a son that wasn’t yours?”
My eyes snap to hers. “What?”
“They’re all intertwined. You say you’re staying with Hunter because he needs you. That way, you’re not being selfish. But Jamison needed you and you ran out. Why?”
My insides turn to stone. “Because he’s known me for a long time and should’ve told me about his past a lot sooner than he did.”
“Because you deserved more from him than you do from Hunter? ”
“No.” My brain scrambles and I turn away from the camera. “I don’t know.”
“Do you expect more from Jami than Hunter?”
I mull over the question for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Why?”
My mind goes blank. “I don’t know.”
“Could it be a possibility that you felt betrayed that Jami had a child with another woman and because of that, you allowed your feelings to manifest into something with Hunter to bring you comfort from that betrayal?”
My eyebrows pinch together, and I face the screen. “It’s possible, but none of that matters now.”
“Why?”
“Because Hunter needs me and Jamison is moving on.”
She stares at me with resolve. “How do you feel about that?”
“Like I have no control.” Sadness washes over me. “The only thing I can control is how selfish I’ve been. I can change—I will change—because I’ve lost too much and I can’t take any more.”
“And that includes letting Jami go once and for all?”
I stumble over the question. “Hunter’s done so much for me. He’s changed and now he needs me.”
“But before you found out about Jamison’s son, you expressed that you have always felt closer to him. You were trying to find ways to tell Hunter you were moving on. In less than a month, that’s all changed.”
I plant my hands on my hips. “So what does that mean?”
“That’s my question to you, Dori. What does that mean?”