Chapter 41
JAMIE
This whole week sucked.
I was diagnosed with a concussion and have been dealing with regular headaches. I’m not cleared to play tonight, so I’m warming the bench when I should be out there helping my team.
Worst of all, and it’s not even close, is that Carmen’s been distant.
The first couple days after my concussion, she spent a lot of time at my place taking care of me while the guys were busy with classes and practices that I wasn’t cleared to attend. Even then, something seemed off with her, but I just wrote it off as her being worried.
But after I recovered and started taking care of myself, I’ve hardly seen her. She always has an excuse for why she can’t meet up. She takes forever replying to texts. She hasn’t sent me one unprompted in days.
I’m starting to get worried.
Look, I know what I agreed to. Even though we’re sleeping together, and even though we’re hanging out while doing so, we’re not in a relationship, and we’re not going to be. I heard her terms loud and clear, and I told her I was on the same page.
In my heart, I always wanted more. Maybe I should have been upfront about that fact when we started this, even though I’m pretty damn sure she knew.
One of the reasons she had for starting this arrangement was that she thought it would help her get over her writer’s block. She’s done that. She’s always talking excitedly about the progress she’s making in her book lately. She’s almost finished it.
Maybe, to her, it’s mission accomplished at this point. She got what she was supposed to get out of this, and so did I. There’s no need for it to continue, since deeper feelings were never supposed to be involved. So, she’s pulling the plug.
But do I really believe that?
Do I buy that her feelings are still so cold, when I think about the way she curls against me in her bed when I spend the night, or the smile that pops on her face when she opens the door for me, or the way her coffee-brown eyes shone when I wore that silly shirt with her name on the back?
Carmen is like a powerful magnet for my thoughts, pulling them away from what they should be focused on: the game playing out in front of me. I’m still the damn captain of this team, after all. But then something happens that I can’t ignore.
The second period ends with us up 1-0. All game long, Veikko’s been locking down Boston U’s left forward, Jorgens. Veikko has his number, interrupting his passes and stealing the puck from him multiple times.
Seconds after the referee’s whistle ends the period, in a way that no one watching could believe isn’t intentional, Jorgens smashes full speed into Veikko while his back is turned.
I shoot to my feet, even though the doctor told me to avoid sudden movement. “What the fuck!” I yell as the bench around me roars in outrage.
Felix rips off his goalie mask and throws his stick to the side. His eyes burn like fire, and his face is lined with anger as he skates like an arrow straight to Jorgens. He gets there before anyone else and levels Jorgens with a punch.
Pandemonium erupts inside the arena. Whistles are shrilling through the air like police sirens responding to a crime scene.
Players from both teams jostle chaotically around Felix and Jorgens, the latter covering up as Felix continues to rain blows on him, his face twisted in fury like he’s possessed.
Veikko clambers to his feet. He stands apart from the knot of commotion, taking in the scene.
Enough referees and players have inserted themselves between Felix and Jorgens to create some separation. Jorgens is only too eager to get pulled away, while Felix is still trying to push toward him, his hands striking out at the air.
“Let me have that fucker!” he yells. “No one does Veikko like that!”
Felix is still struggling when he’s pulled into the locker room, where the rest of the team joins him. The crowd is still roaring. Veikko is the last man to skate off the ice, keeping a distance but not taking his gaze off Felix for a moment.
“I have to go talk to the officials to deal with this shit show,” Coach says as we stand in the locker room. Everyone’s giving Felix space. He’s still stewing in the middle of us, breathing heavy like he’s recovering from a sprint. “Hopefully they don’t disqualify us for that display.”
Veikko takes a step toward Felix. Their gazes lock. Something shifts in the air. It’s like there’s a taut thread connecting their eyes, humming with tension. The excited chatter of the team falls to a murmur, before cutting off entirely as everyone’s attention turns to the two men.
Veikko strides forward. His shoulders pushed back, his pace determined like he’s walking with a purpose.
He stops in front of Felix. Every pair of eyes in the room points at them.
Anticipation is heavy and thick in the air.
Everyone’s waiting breathlessly for something to happen, though no one could say what they’re expecting.
Veikko reaches out, cupping the back of Felix’s neck. He steps forward, pulls Felix against him, and kisses him.
No one in the room can take a breath. Especially not the two men whose heads are slanting deeper into the kiss, whose chests are pressed so close I doubt either could expand to pull in any oxygen.
When the shock starts to clear out of my head, the first thing I feel is relief. At least what I saw in the kitchen isn’t this big secret I have to keep anymore. I still don’t have the whole story of what’s gone on between these two, but one thing’s for damn sure: it’s out in the open now.
Another thing is also clear: whatever these two went through to get here, openly kissing in front of all their teammates, wasn’t easy.
But they still did it. They still got here.
And judging by how their lips still haven’t parted, like they both need this kiss so much more than they need air, it was worth it.
Needing someone more than you need to breathe—that’s exactly how I feel about Carmen.
I don’t know what’s going on with her right now, but I’m not ready to give up. I can’t control what she wants, but I can damn sure make it clear to her what I want, and that I’d be willing to sacrifice anything else in my life to have it.
Carmen is worth everything to me. She’s damn sure worth fighting for.