Chapter 42
CARMEN
Itold myself I had a lot of thinking to do, and that’s practically all I’ve done for the past week. I haven’t made any progress on my book in that time. What to do about Jamie and me getting way closer than I intended is all that’s been on my mind.
I finally came to an answer.
I have something I need to tell Jamie. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to tell anyone.
Something tells me Jamie’s going to come in for his coffee order this morning. I can feel it. I’ve never been superstitious, but maybe all those X-Files binge sessions we’ve had on my couch are starting to rub off on me.
I have a coworker who’s really good at latte art. Yesterday, I had her give me some lessons. I wouldn’t call myself skilled by any means, but I’m competent enough to write words more or less legibly. Today, that’s all I’ll need.
The front door opens, and my intuition proves right. Jamie walks in, heading to the counter. His face is lined with determination. His eyes are clear. My nerves flutter, but a feeling of reassurance keeps them from pulling too tight.
“Carmen.” His voice is firm. Resolute. “We need to talk.”
I nod. “We will. Right after your drink.”
I ring him up for a latte at the register. Furrows dig into his brow when he looks at the screen. This isn’t his normal drink order.
“Carmen, what are—”
“After your drink,” I interrupt. “Three-seventy.”
He blinks at me, an eyebrow arched. He sighs and holds his card to the reader to pay for it. Maybe I should worry that, if Jamie thinks I’ve turned insane, that might influence his reaction to what I’m about to tell him. But I kinda think that even if I did go mad, it wouldn’t change a thing.
I step away and work on Jamie’s drink. An excitement, almost a giddiness, spreads through me as I design the surface of the coffee with foam.
In just minutes, he’ll have seen what I wrote, and I’ll have seen his reaction to it, and everything is going to be so different.
What that means for months from now, years from now, I’m not sure—but I don’t care. I’m tired of running from how I feel right now. I’m ready to find out where it takes me.
Instead of serving Jamie’s drink in a mug, I’ve put it in a to-go cup, so I can place a lid over it. I set it carefully on the counter in front of him.
“Go have your drink. Then we’ll talk.” I nod to one of the empty tables.
He sighs again, like he’s exasperated and can’t make any sense out of why I’m asking him to do this. But he takes his cup and sits down.
My eyes stay fastened to him as he removes the lid and looks into the cup. I wait for the words he’s seeing to register.
His eyes move from his cup, back to mine. Shouldn’t I be nervous right now? Anxious, waiting to see if he’s going to respond positively or negatively? Waiting to find out if I’ve just made a fool of myself?
But I’m not nervous or anxious. A serene confidence glides through me. I know Jamie. I know how he’s going to respond.
Jamie gets up. He walks to the counter. He sets his cup down in front of me. “What is this?”
I look at the cup, where the words I Love You stand out in foamy white against the rich coffee brown.
I tilt a shoulder. I can’t keep the smile off my face any longer. “Seems pretty self-explanatory.”
Jamie blinks silently, once, twice, like he’s still taking this all in. Then he plants a hand on the counter and swings his body over it in one quick, deft leap. He lands on my side, and before I can react, he’s pulling me close, straight into a deep kiss.
I melt into his touch. He drinks in my whimper of contentment. His hands skate down my sides until they rest on my hips, where his fingers press.
My arms loop around his solid body. Solid. That’s how Jamie feels. Not just because of his muscles. But because whenever I’m near him, I feel deep in my bones that I can rely on him, can trust him, can be myself with him.
Jamie makes me feel like I belong, like no one else ever has.
I’m not usually the kind of person who loses herself in the moment, but I’m drowning in this kiss with Jamie. I’ve tuned out the rest of the world and fallen headlong into the soft pressure of his lips, his anchoring touch. Until a pointed cough from beside us nudges me back to reality.
I pull back from the kiss and open my eyes. Cindy’s looking at us with an amused smile. Heat fills my cheeks.
“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?
It seems like you two have something to celebrate.
And I think my customers might not appreciate seeing that kind of celebration near their food and drink.
” She arches an eyebrow. “Well, some might, but I don’t want to know which of my customers has a weird fetish, so that’s another reason for you to take off early. ”
“I don’t want to leave you short—”
Jamie covers my mouth. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, babe.” Babe. My stomach is warm fuzz. “Thanks, Cindy. See you later.”
Suddenly, I’m off my feet, hoisted in Jamie’s arms, and he doesn’t put me down until we’re in front of my bed.
“I love you,” Jamie says after blanketing his body over mine and searing me with another kiss. “So damn much.”
“I love you, too.” Saying it feels a lot different than writing it on a drink.
I have a feeling that letting myself fall in love with Jamie is the best decision I’ve ever made.