17
Friday, June 6th
Blake
Groove, a club not too far from campus, is alive and well on a Friday night. The bass thumps from the speakers and through the floor, reverberating up into my chest, while neon lights flicker and swirl in shades of electric blue and candy pink. The air smells like a mix of citrus, vodka, and just a hint of smoke from the fog machine near the DJ booth, and conversations blend with the music, loud but not obnoxious, as people laugh, drink, and dance like the night’s got no expiration date.
Finn sets a drink in front of Scottie and leans in for a kiss. Instantly, Julia, who is perched on the couch across from me, grins and throws me a wide-eyed look that screams, Are you seeing this?
Julia’s been on a vibe all night—buzzing about sneaking into an over twenty-one club with her fake ID, hyped that the whole gang is finally together again, and legit glowing because Finn and Scottie are back to being fucking adorable together. It’s impossible not to feed off her energy, even if I’m not in the exact same headspace.
Finn turns and heads back to the bar to help Ace carry the rest of the drinks.
“Need any help, man?” I ask Finn before he can get away, but he just shakes his head and climbs down the step from our VIP table to return to the bar.
Ace Kelly made all the fancy arrangements for tonight, and it shouldn’t be a surprise that he managed to get us a reservation behind the red velvet ropes. I’m sure it helped that he slipped the bouncer money out of his wallet on our way in or the fact that he knows the bouncer because Ace knows everyone .
We’re only a half hour or so into our night at Groove, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t already feeling the urge to call it a night.
I shift in my seat, forcing myself not to check my phone again to see if Lexi’s sent me a text or tried to call me or, I don’t know, fucking something since our text conversation yesterday. I try not to let myself get bogged down in thoughts of why she hasn’t answered the two messages I sent her today and whether I should try to reach out again. And I definitely try not to think about what it’d be like to have her here, with me and in front of my friends, because fuck, I don’t want to be that guy—you know, the desperate, mopey, obsessed-with-one-girl, single-minded guy. Those aren’t qualities I envision or wish for myself in football or life.
I can miss Lexi and be the fun, chill, good-time Blake that all my friends know and love. Not miss-Lexi-so-much-I’ve-forgotten-how-to-live-my-life Blake. Right?
Right.
Finn and Ace return again, a drink in each of their hands. They hand them out to Julia and me and then keep one for themselves. I’m the only one old enough to purchase the drinks, but Ace gets a thrill out of using his fake ID just like Julia, so I’m letting him have his moment.
Truth be told, the only thing I ever do with Ace Kelly is let him have his moment.
“Gah, this feels so good!” Ace cheers, rubbing his hands together and squeezing in on the one couch to sit next to Julia. “The gang is back together!”
“Four friends walk into a bar…” Scottie adds, sipping her little pink drink through a tiny cocktail straw. “And then one more rolls in.”
Ace, Julia, and I all freeze, but then Finn guffaws, devolving into hysterics rarely seen from his taciturn personality, and the rest of us slowly start to thaw.
“Oh, come on,” Scottie says, reaching over to shove me in the shoulder. “Lighten up and take the joke. Please. For the love of God. I need everyone to be normal.”
For the first time since arriving tonight, I realize she’s right. We’ve been off our game and playing at having fun rather than just having it.
I don’t blame Scottie for assuming her injury is the cause—for Ace and Julia, it might be—but for me, I’m having a hard time not letting my phone, and the woman I want to talk to who’s only reachable with it, rule my life.
It’s just weird being here, with people who know Lexi so well, and not telling them how I feel about her or mentioning her at all.
“You’re right,” I agree. “Sorry, Scottie. I’ll lighten up.”
“Thank God.” She sighs dramatically. “I was starting to worry that pod people had invaded your bodies and turned your likable, playful personality into a typical jock.”
“Ouch.” I laugh and grin at her. “Low blow on the sports, babe.”
She wags a finger. “You remember who I used to date. Other than you, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for muscle-bound lovers of pigskin.”
“That’s because Dane was a douche burger,” I comment, “It had nothing to do with football.”
Finn nods, winking at me. “I shoulda killed that kid.”
The guy Scottie was dating when she first arrived at Dickson last fall was a real fucking piece of work. And by piece of work, I mean he was a total asshole. Hell, Finn ended up beating his ass twice because of that very fact. Oh, and the fact that Finn was in love with Scottie but refused to let himself see it. Thank goodness he eventually came around. Now, I can’t imagine a world where Finn and Scottie aren’t together.
I laugh, and Ace reaches around Julia to pat Finn on the chest, coaching, “No, no. You got in enough trouble with that tool as it is. No need to spend life in prison, buddy.”
“You would’ve gotten me out, Acer. Just last week, you told me your dad has a separate lawyer on retainer just for whatever trouble Gunnar gets into,” Finn says confidently, drinking from his glass of ice and brown liquid.
Honestly, I’m sort of surprised to see him and Scottie drinking, given their stance on it during the year and their history with alcoholic parents, but far be it for me to judge. They’ve been through enough to do whatever they want.
Ace turns to me, a mocking smile on his face. “Just when you think a guy likes you for you …you find out he’s only with you for what you put out.”
I roll my eyes, but I also laugh. Ace is the biggest fucking jokester around.
“What are you drinking, Scottie?” Julia asks, a smile the size of Texas on her cheerful face.
“It’s…oh… Well, it’s a virgin Dirty Shirley,” Scottie admits. “I’m still not big on alcohol.”
“What?” Ace snaps, the high pitch of his voice making me laugh some more. “Finn told me virgin was just part of the name. You’re not drinking?”
“Neither am I,” Finn admits softly, putting his glass to his lips. “This is just soda.”
“What!” Ace exclaims, his free hand gesturing wildly in the air and making Julia giggle.
“I’m not drinking either,” she says and flutters her eyelashes as she rubs a hand over her stomach with purposeful, gentle movements. “I can’t.”
Wait… what? Instantly, we all freeze, and I swear my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Julia keeps rubbing her hand over her stomach. You know, like a woman with child would do. And I can’t miss the fact that her normally firm belly does look a little rounded…
“You’re…you’re pregnant?” Scottie manages to ask for the rest of us.
But instead of looking at Julia, my eyes go straight to Ace.
His eyes are so wide, I swear his eyeballs are in danger of popping right out of his skull. His skin is mottled red, and his whole demeanor screams outright shock and anguish. “Jules…”
She purses her lips and then licks them dramatically. “Yes. I’m…”
“Who the hell’s baby is it?” Ace screams so loudly I have to cover one of my ears—and we’re in a NYC club without hearing protection just fine, so that’s really saying something about the volume.
“Ace—” Julia starts to explain, but he’s on a rampage.
“Whose is it, Julia? Because I’ll fucking kill him myself.”
Scottie leans toward me, clucking. “Is it just me, or has this night had a lot of talk of killing?”
“Who, Jules? Tell me who,” Ace persists. “I swear to fucking everything, I will strangle whatever motherfucker—”
“Oh my God, Acer, relax!” Julia snaps, finally breaking character and sucking in her stomach. “I’m just kidding! I’m not pregnant!”
“You’re not?” Ace’s voice shakes as he rubs at his forehead. “You’re not pregnant?” he asks again, almost like he needs the confirmation to be able to breathe again, and Julia rolls her eyes like a girl who doesn’t realize she’s given him the biggest mindfuck of the century.
“Of course I’m not freaking pregnant, Ace,” she responds through an oblivious snort. “I’m on birth control.”
Despite her efforts in putting him at ease, the words birth control make his jaw tick, and he runs a rough hand through his hair several times. It’s almost as if even thinking about the possibility of Julia having sex with another guy has his head moments away from exploding.
“Goodness, Jules,” Scottie says through a giggle. “You’re crazy, girl.”
Julia just laughs and shrugs, taking a drink from her fancy cocktail and turning to face the dance floor where the DJ is doing a remix of a familiar song I keep hearing on the radio whenever I’m in the weight room.
Ace, though, well, he’s frozen in place, his jaw still ticking and his eyes wide as they stare far off in the distance.
I look at Finn and he looks at me, and it’s all the confirmation I need. I don’t know what’s rolling around inside Ace’s head, but I know he’s in the middle of quite the crisis and he needs a minute. Like, right now.
I grab Finn’s shoulder. “Hey, uh, why don’t you hold down the fort here with the girls while I take Ace outside for a minute?”
Finn nods, understanding immediately, getting up to position himself in a seat where he can see the whole club. He’s in charge of protection now, and quite frankly, I can’t think of anyone more capable of the job.
“Hey, Ace, come on, bud.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Come with me for a second. I want to show you something.”
When he doesn’t move, I step forward and help him, guiding him out of the VIP booth area of our group, down the steps, and through a crowd of writhing bodies. A few women brush up against us on our way out, but I push onward without making eye contact.
Ace’s body is pretty heavy for the first half of our walk, but as we approach the front door, his legs finally start to work again.
We walk down the long hallway to the front door and step outside, moving down the sidewalk toward a group of people who’ve come out to smoke their cigarettes.
My phone buzzes from my back pocket, but it only takes a quick glance at the screen for my chest to deflate when I see it’s not Lexi. Yes, I’m aware it’s fucking pathetic to be thinking about her when my friend is in the middle of a breakdown, but I can’t help it. When I realize it’s just a text inside the ongoing group chat with a few of my fellow teammates, where we mostly just send one another funny TikToks and shit, I confirm it can wait.
Once I find a spot away from the drunk chain smokers, I guide him to relax against the wall of the building.
“Take a breath, Ace,” I instruct, clamping my hands on his shoulders and squeezing. He’s still staring off into the distance, but so far, he’s not showing any other signs of life. “Come on, buddy.”
With a shake of his head, his shoulders rise and fall dramatically as air finally fills his lungs. He starts to pace the space in front of me, eventually spinning in place and putting his hands atop his head.
He’s a tall guy, so I have to work to get a read on his upturned face, but based on body language alone, I’d say we’re right smack in the middle of a life-changing epiphany, and it has everything to do with his best friend Julia.
“Dude, are you okay?” I ask, waiting for his eyes to meet mine again.
He shakes his head, four times back and forth in short, manic shakes, and I nod.
Yep. It’s just as I thought.
“Blake.” His eyes peer into mine, as if he’s waiting for me to confirm his feelings. His feelings about Julia .
“Yeah, buddy.”
“Blake.”
“Yep.”
“I…Jules…me…her.”
My head bounces up and down once again. He’s almost there. Just a little bit more and he’ll be capable of full sentences again.
“She’s… I… My heart…might explode.”
“Okay, buddy,” I comfort, stepping forward again to push him even farther down the sidewalk past a new batch of smokers. “Just relax and breathe. I think you’re having a panic attack.”
He lets out a scream out of nowhere and I check around us, but no one is looking. One good thing about New York—you’ll never be the weirdest person in any given area, no matter what you’re doing.
“I…Julia.”
“Yes,” I agree. “Julia.”
“Me and…Julia.”
I laugh, but it’s not mean-spirited. Ace can seemingly tell, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands and breaking into his own chuckle of sorts. It’s not exactly carefree, though. “When she said she was pregnant, I…saw red. And then black. And then blue and green and every color of the rainbow. Fuck, I might have seen my own fucking stomach at one point. I always thought… I thought we were just friends. I thought…”
I smile. “Oh, I know. We know what you all thought, but we also know you thought wrong.”
“You’ve known?”
“Oh, Acer, we all know, buddy. You and Julia are the only people who don’t know, and I mean that with every literal fiber of my being.” I point back down the street. “You see the security bouncer guy?”
He nods.
“Even he knows.”
“Well, fuck! What am I supposed to do now? Just go back in there and act like everything is the same as it’s always been?”
I shrug. “That part is up to you. How do you handle being in love?”
He scoffs. “If I fucking knew that, I wouldn’t be asking you. I mean, what would you do?”
I say the only truth I can and the first thing that comes to mind— Lexi.
“I’m still trying to figure it out, Ace. Just like you.”