Chapter Seventeen
Pepper
Focus , I tell myself for the millionth time Thursday afternoon and stare down at my notes.
Ravi and I have a conference call in twenty minutes with the executives of a major medical supply company to pitch the concept for our migraine device in hopes of securing funding. This meeting has to go well, and I’m definitely not at my best. I haven’t been sleeping well. I can’t stop thinking about Clay, wondering if I made the right decision. Every time I start reading my notes for the pitch, it brings back our last night in Paris, when he had a migraine. It still boggles my mind that he was going to play it off like he wasn’t in horrible pain just so he didn’t disappoint me.
I glance at my phone and tap the screen. It lights up, revealing a few unread messages from my family, but nothing from Clay. It’s been two days since I’ve heard from him, and even though I’m the one who severed that connection, a pang of sadness moves through me. I keep telling myself the longing will pass. It has to. I can’t function like this. I glance at my notes again, trying to concentrate, but it’s Clay’s smiling eyes I see, and in my warped brain, they intensify, the way they did over the weekend when he looked at me like I was all he saw. Nobody has ever looked at me the way he does.
Did. The way he did.
I blow out a breath, trying to clear my head. I must be really exhausted, because it’s like his face is etched in my brain. Coffee . That’s what I need. I push to my feet and head out of my office. The chime above the front door rings out, so I head for the lobby to see who it is.
A man wearing a black jacket is standing just inside the doors with his back to me. “Can I help you—”
He turns around, and my mouth goes dry. It’s Clay , holding a bouquet of gorgeous red roses.
A slow grin that says There you are spreads across his handsome face. “Reckless.”
My thoughts stumble at the mix of longing and relief in his voice.
He closes the distance between us. “These are for you.” He hands me the vase of roses.
“Thank you.” I sound as stunned and confused as I feel. He puts his hand on my hip, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek. Cedarwood, vanilla, and the unique scent of him envelop me like a favorite blanket. “What are you doing here?”
“I missed you,” he says like the answer is obvious. As if anyone who missed me would show up out of the blue at my work.
My heart hasn’t taken notice of a man for years, and he makes it do somersaults every single time. “You came all the way from New York just to see me?”
“I live in Jersey, but yes. I also wanted to bring you this.”
He hands me a framed picture I didn’t realize he was holding, and my breath catches. It’s the sketch of us from Paris. I’ve relived that day too many times to count, and I wondered what he’d done with the sketch. He’s giving me that look again, like I’m all he sees, making it hard to concentrate, but I manage, “You don’t want it?”
“I’m hoping I’ll still get to see it.”
My thoughts are reeling, but the clock is ticking for my call with Ravi, and I can’t make sense of anything. “I wish you’d texted. I’m about to get on an important call.”
“Texting doesn’t get me very far with you, but no worries. I know you’re busy. Take your time. I can wait.”
He shrugs off his jacket, and holy cow he’s gorgeous in a fitted navy button-down and dark slacks as he lays his jacket over the arm of one of the lobby chairs and sits down. He crosses his ankle over his knee, as casual as can be, picks up a magazine, and starts leafing through it, while I try to remember how to breathe.
“Just about ready, Pep?”
I startle at Ravi’s voice and spin around.
I must look as rattled as I feel, because Ravi comes to my side, his gaze moving curiously and protectively between me and Clay. “Everything okay?”
No. My worlds are colliding, and I think I might throw up. “Yes. Fine . This is Clay. He just showed up…out of nowhere.”
Ravi looks relieved, and amused, which annoys the heck out of me.
Clay rises to his feet and offers his hand. “Clay Braden.”
“I recognize you.” Ravi shakes his hand. “I’m Ravi Bhandara, a big fan. Too bad about the playoffs, but you played a great game.”
“Thanks, Ravi .” His gaze flicks to me briefly, then back to Ravi. “I appreciate that. Pepper has told me a lot about you.”
“All good, I hope.” He drapes an arm over my shoulder. “Pep and I go way back.”
“So I’ve heard.” Clay eyes Ravi’s arm around me, his jaw tight. “She and I are more recently acquainted.”
Why does this feel like he’s trying to one-up Ravi? He’s not jealous, is he? Why does that turn me on? My cheeks burn. Ohmygod. What is happening right now? This cannot happen. I duck out from under Ravi’s arm. “Okay, well, Ravi and I have a conference call to make. Clay, do you want me to text you when I’m done working? It might be late.”
“That’s okay. As I said, I’ll wait. Good luck on the call. It’s nice to meet you, Ravi.” Clay nods to him. Then he sits back down and picks up the magazine again.
“There’s coffee in the break room, which is just down that hall.” Ravi points in the direction of the break room.
I look imploringly at Ravi. Don’t say that. He’ll never leave, and I’ll have mush brain forever.
“Thanks,” Clay says.
“Are we good to go, Pep?” Ravi asks, snapping me from my stupor.
“Yes.” I stalk toward my office, my mind reeling.
Ravi keeps pace with me, but he doesn’t say a word until we’re behind closed doors. “Whoa. That was hot.”
“What are you talking about? This is a nightmare.” I put the vase and the picture on the table in my office and wring my hands.
He laughs. “More like a fantasy. There were so many sparks flying between you two, I thought the lobby would go up in flames.”
“This isn’t funny. There are no sparks.”
He scoffs.
“Okay, there are sparks. But he can’t be here. Look at me.” I hold out my trembling hands. “He makes me stupid.”
“That’s called turned on, babe.”
“I am not turned on.”
“Is that what you’re telling yourself? Because the way you two were looking at each other tells me you must have been burning up the sheets in Paris.”
I close my eyes, fisting my hands, and groan. When I open my eyes, Ravi looks even more amused. “I hate how well you know me. What am I going to do?”
“ Him , I hope.”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re not helping.”
“Pepper, what’s the problem? Did something bad happen that you didn’t tell me about? Because I’ll go set him straight.”
I take a deep breath, trying to pull myself together. “ No . He’s been nothing but wonderful to me. But I told you. He makes me forget my good sense.”
“You could use a little more of that in your life.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t even know who I am with him.” I hand him the sketch. “Who is that? Huh? It’s not me. It’s some naked chick with sexy lips and dazzling eyes. Even the artist could see that I wasn’t myself.”
He studies the sketch, then sets it on the table and studies me. “Listen, you know I love you.”
“What does that have to do with him ?” I fume.
“Because you’re not going to like what I have to say, and I’m going to say it anyway, so I want you to remember that you love me.” He softens his tone. “As you’ve gone out with guys and brushed them off, I’ve supported you one hundred percent. I didn’t think any of them were good enough for you. They didn’t make the efforts you deserve, and you never seemed overly excited about any of them. I don’t know Clay from Adam, but I do know this. You blew off work to be with him, and I say blew off lightly, because we both know you deserve a hell of a lot more time off than that one day. But you’ve been different since you got back from Paris. You’ve been distracted and edgy. I think he lit you up like a firecracker, and that scares the hell out of you because it reminds you of who you were before .”
I swallow hard. Before the accident that changed everything or before the asshole in college, or both?
“I recognize the girl in that sketch, and there’s something really special about her. I’m glad you get the chance to experience her again. Even if she scares you.”
I swallow hard, fighting tears. I have no idea if they’re tears of anger, or for the girl I said goodbye to years ago, or sheer frustration, but I fight them with everything I have, trying to get my head to focus.
“Showing up here is an aggressive move by a guy who can have any woman he wants,” Ravi says. “Which means he knows that you can have any man you want, and he’s not taking any chances. I like that.”
I hear what he’s saying, but I’m too out of sorts to deal with any of it. “Then you go out with him.” I huff out a breath and walk around my desk.
“Pepper—”
“Don’t.” I hold up my hand, silencing him. “We have a call to make, and my head is all over the place. Maybe we should reschedule.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“ No ,” I snap.
“It took us six weeks to set up this call.” As we’ve done dozens of times for each other, Ravi’s demeanor morphs from best friend to determined business associate. His eyes go serious, his jaw tightens, and he places both hands on my desk, leaning across it, staring me down. “You are Dr. Pepper Montgomery, a leader in our field. You started this company with the goal of making medical devices you care about. Are you really going to let a little chemistry get in the way of doing that?”
“No?”
He scoffs with a smile and shakes his head. “Cut the shit and pull up your big-girl panties. It’s showtime.”
More than an hour later, we end the conference call, and Ravi and I sit back as the rejection sinks in. “Well, that sucks,” I lament. “I thought I pulled myself together and gave a solid pitch. Did I say something questionable or sound like I wasn’t confident in our abilities?”
“Of course not. They wouldn’t have spent that much time with us if they weren’t interested in what we were doing. The VP is just old school. You heard what he said. He’s hesitant to give money to a company that hasn’t been around very long.”
“I’m glad I didn’t screw it up, but that annoys the heck out of me. Our reputations should speak for themselves.” As I say it, I look across the room at the roses and the sketch of me and Clay in Paris beside them, thinking about how badly I had misjudged him based solely on his reputation. “Actually, I take that back. Reputations can be manipulated. But ours isn’t. Over time our products will speak for themselves, and they’ll regret their decision.”
“Exactly. We’ll find the right investors.” A corner of his mouth quirks up. “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
“You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.”
We both laugh at the advice we’ve been given over the years at which we have privately rolled our eyes.
“Who do you think came up with those ridiculous sayings?” Ravi asks.
“A fisherman and a very smart woman.” I push to my feet, and he follows. “We gave a great pitch.”
“Yes, we did, despite Mr. Perfect making you remember you’re a sexy babe with needs right before the call.”
I narrow my eyes. “Have you been hit on the head recently? Because I don’t recall you having a death wish.”
He laughs.
I lower my voice, eyeing my closed office door. “It’s six forty-five. Do you think he’s still out there?”
“Do you want him to be?”
I look at the man who has been my best friend since we were kids, who has seen me at my best and my worst and knows all of my secrets, and I’m thankful I can share this one with him. “I think so,” I whisper.
He whispers, “Why are we whispering?”
“Because I know it’s not the smart thing to do, and I’m afraid if I say it too loud, I’ll overthink it.”
He hugs me against his side. “For a smart girl, you can be really dumb.”
“That’s not very nice.”
“What can I say? Sometimes the truth hurts. Are you ready to do this?”
I’m not, but I nod, and my nerves flare as we head for the lobby. Laughter floats down the hall that leads to the lab. It’s such a rare sound, Ravi and I stop walking and exchange confused glances. Clay’s voice rises above the laughter.
My stomach knots up as we make a beeline for the lab. I don’t talk about my personal life with Min or Chris, and I hope Clay hasn’t said anything to them about us.
When we get to the lab, I stand by the entrance trying to get my bearings and listening for any hint of what’s been said. Clay is sitting on the edge of a worktable talking with Chris and Min. I only have a side view of them, but I can tell that Chris and Min, a petite brunette with straight shoulder-length hair and glasses, have stars in their eyes.
“Let me ask you a serious question,” Clay says. “How far and fast do I have to throw the ball for you to scientifically prove that I’m a superhero?”
Chris and Min laugh, and they all turn to look at us as we walk into the room.
“There they are,” Clay says, pushing from the table to his feet.
“I see you met the rest of my team.” I search their faces for clues of what’s been revealed, but I can’t read them.
“I was looking for the men’s room and ran into Chris.” He claps a hand on Chris’s shoulder like they’re old buddies, and Chris beams. “He was kind enough to show me where to go, and then we got to talking.”
“You’ve been holding out on us, Pepper,” Chris says, and I hold my breath. “You didn’t tell us you knew one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL.”
Relief washes over me.
“That’s because she’s got better things to talk about, like the important work you do here,” Clay says, saving me. “How did your meeting go?”
“It wasn’t a good match,” I say, as upbeat as I can. “But we’ll find the right funding source.”
“Bummer,” Chris says.
“I have no doubt you will.” Clay motions around the lab. “I hear this is where the magic happens.”
“More science than magic, but yes,” I say, trying to sound casual.
“Don’t let the boss fool you,” Ravi says. “Plenty of magic happens here.”
“Scientific magic,” Min chimes in, perkier than usual.
“Are you guys done for the night? We were just talking about all of us grabbing dinner together,” Clay says.
“Oh.” There’s no hiding the surprise in my voice. I don’t know what I expected this evening, but it certainly didn’t include everyone else.
“It’s probably the only time in my life I’ll get to have dinner with one of my sports heroes,” Min says excitedly.
“You have sports heroes?” I didn’t even know she liked sports.
“Doesn’t everyone?” Min says, like I’ve asked a ridiculous question.
“Chris got her into football a few years ago. They watch all the games together. She knows all my stats,” Clay says. “Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t even know Chris and Min spent time together outside of work. Why does Clay know so much about them?
“When we watch his team, Min wears his jersey,” Chris says.
What the…? Jealousy snaps my brain into gear. No wonder she’s mooning over him. “Really? How fun.”
“And to think you didn’t know you had a Giants fan under your roof all this time,” Clay says. “They said there’s a good Italian restaurant around the corner that we can walk to. What do you say? Can you two get away?” He looks at me and Ravi, clearly extending the invitation to both of us.
“We told him that you usually eat at your desk and rarely leave the office before eight,” Min says to me.
“We don’t have anything pressing tonight,” Ravi announces, his dark eyes urging me to accept. “It’ll be a nice break, and I’d like to get to know Clay.”
“Sure,” I say, uncomfortable with the idea. Before I sit around a table with everyone, I have to find out what Clay told them about us. “I just need to get my coat. Clay, why don’t you come with me to my office so we can catch up, and we’ll meet them in the lobby.”
We head down the hall, and as soon as we’re out of earshot of the others, I say, “Please tell me you didn’t tell them about Paris.”
“They know we were both in Paris, but give me a little credit. Did you really think I was going to tell them that I had you tied to my bed while I ravaged you?”
My entire body ignites, and I hurry into my office. Clay closes the door behind us, his expression serious as he turns to me and says, “You failed to mention that you and Ravi work together. Are you two still an item? Is that why you didn’t want to see me?”
I can’t hide my shock. “Do you really think I’d sleep with you if I were in a relationship with Ravi or anyone else?”
“I don’t know what to think right now. Plenty of women conveniently forget that they’re in relationships when they’re around me.”
My jaw drops. “You’ve slept with women who are cheating on their boyfriends or husbands?”
“Not intentionally, but yes . It happened a time or two when I was too young and too stupid to realize it. But I learned my lesson. I’m not proud of being a player or of being played. I don’t condone that behavior. I respect relationships. My parents and grandparents have been married forever, and that’s what I eventually want.”
I appreciate his honesty. He could’ve lied about sleeping with women who were in relationships, but the rest of what he said gives me pause. “You do ?”
He rakes a hand through his hair, averting his eyes, and makes an incredulous sound. “Yes, I do, and based on that look on your face, it shocks you as much as it shocks me. I didn’t realize how much I wanted that until just now.” He scrubs a hand down his face, and his gaze softens with a hint of confusion. “What are you doing to me, Reckless?”
My heart squeezes, but I remind myself to be smart. “I could ask the same of you, showing up here unannounced, bringing me flowers. They’re gorgeous, by the way. Thank you.”
“So are you.” He closes the gap between us and slips his arm around my waist, gently pulling me against him, holding me loose enough that I can step away if I want to.
I don’t.
“When I thought you and Ravi were a couple, I nearly lost my mind.” His tone is gruff but somehow also tender. “I tried to glean what I could from Chris and Min about you two without being obvious, but learning how close you and Ravi are only made it worse.”
“You were jealous?” I ask with disbelief.
“Yes. That’s a new feeling for me, and I’ve got to say, I’m not a fan of fantasizing about doing physical harm to a guy I don’t even know.”
I laugh. “Sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. You shouldn’t wish Ravi harm. We haven’t been together since high school, but he’s my best friend. He always has my back, and I trust him explicitly.”
He touches his forehead to mine. “Drive that stake a little deeper, why don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
He lifts his head, gazing deeply into my eyes. “I want to be the guy you trust.”
My pulse quickens, and the honesty and longing in his voice make my insides go soft and warm. I don’t know what this is, and I know making it work would be impossible, but I want him . I want all the joy and goodness of what we had, and I don’t want to fight it anymore. My heart races as I put my arms around him. “You’re the only man I’ve ever let tie me up. That should tell you something.”
“That I’m the luckiest guy around?” He brushes his lips over mine, whispering, “I’ve missed you,” and then he kisses me slowly and sweetly and not nearly long enough.
“I might have missed you a little, too.”
He smiles. “One day I’m going to teach you that phrases like kind of and might have are jagged little buggers.”
I laugh softly.
“We’d better get out there before they figure out we’re more than just friends who hung out in Paris.”
“Ravi knows about us.”
His brow furrows. “You told him?”
“He knows all my…” I stop myself, realizing Ravi doesn’t know all my secrets anymore. “He knows we got together, but I didn’t share the dirty details. I’d like to keep my personal and professional life separate around Min and Chris. I don’t want to muddy the waters.”
“I expected as much, but just so you know, it’s going to be hard for me to act like I don’t want to kiss you after not seeing you for so long.”
“In that case, here’s one to hold you over.” I lean in and kiss him, knowing it will be just as hard for me.