20
ELLIE
I’m late for my first lecture. So late that I pause outside the door, too mortified to go inside. I know I don’t look good and walking in is going to draw so much attention.
I’m a statue of grief and panic, putting off what needs to be done as I always do.
There’s no one to dare me out of this funk. I’m on my own.
At least, I am until Dornan finds me.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks. “Aren’t you supposed to be inside?” When he sees my red-rimmed eyes and blotchy skin, he pauses. “Hey… what’s happened? What’s wrong?”
Like an idiot, I burst into tears.
It’s what comes from having too little sleep, frayed nerves, and forgetting to set my alarm. My mom smashing pictures of Harry and the triplets as I left the house hasn’t helped either.
But mostly, I’m wobbly from knowing that Micky, Seb, and Colby didn’t sleep under the same roof last night. I have no idea where or how they are right now, and not knowing makes my heart ache.
Dornan hooks his arm around my neck and tugs me towards his chest, turning so that I’m concealed between his body and the wall behind me.
“Fuck,” he mutters as my sobs wrack my body. His big hand stroking over my back is so comforting that I cry harder, burrowing closer into his soft shirt that smells of the ocean. “God, Ellie. What’s going on?”
“Mom and Harry are splitting up,” I mumble. “He cheated.”
Dornan makes a low rumbling sound in his throat. “Shit, Ellie. That’s harsh. When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. She’s chucked them all out of the house.”
“The triplets too?”
“Yeah. All of them.” My voice breaks as I speak the last word because I can’t imagine what it would have been like for them to wake up with so much uncertainty. Would their dad have gone to be with them? All the questions are just overwhelming.
“Do you know for a fact they’re splitting up?”
I shake my head and look up into Dornan’s concerned eyes. He uses his big rough thumb to swipe away one of my tears and clears his throat. His eyes dart around the hallway like he’s checking we’re alone. “I haven’t ever told anyone this before, and you can’t repeat it, okay? You have to promise.”
I nod, frowning at the serious whispered tone my friend is using. “I’m only telling you this because I want you to understand that although it seems bad right now, things might get better when they’ve run their course. My dad cheated on my mom when I was nine. For a few days, all hell broke loose, but dad didn’t want to leave. He said he made a stupid mistake, and mom forgave him. It was touch and go for a while. It was shitty to be in the house with all that fighting, but they got through it.”
“Was that the summer you used to hang out in our yard?” I ask, remembering Dornan leaving it to the absolute last minute to leave and then running home so he didn’t miss his curfew.
“Yeah. Do you remember? It might not be as bad as you think.” I nod, hoping he’s right, and his brows draw tight as I take a step back and rub my hands over my upper arms. “I didn’t know you were so invested in the blended family thing. You’ve always moaned so much about the triplets and your mom and stepdad.”
“Better the devil you know,” I mutter as heat spreads over my blotchy cheeks.
“Did something else happen?” he asks, cocking his head to one side and studying me with his best friend magnifying lens on high alert.
The wall is cold against my back, and I roll my lips between my teeth, tasting strawberry Chapstick. It’s not that I want to keep secrets from Dornan. He’s my best friend, and I usually share everything with him. It’s just that, under the circumstances, revealing my sexual escapades feels like laughing at a funeral.
“Can we save that chat for another day?” I ask eventually.
“I’m not sure. Let me buy you one of those ridiculous frozen coffee things you love, and I’ll even throw in an exploding chocolate muffin. Then we’ll see how you feel.” He takes my hand, and I push off the wall, pretending to be reluctant but relieved that I don’t have to motivate myself to go to my class anymore.
It doesn’t take us long to get to the coffee shop, and Dornan fills the journey with stories about his frat buddies and their ridiculous antics. It feels weird to laugh when my heart is so heavy, but I do. I guess that’s the power of a good friend in a time of crisis.
Dornan grabs our drinks while I sit in the window, staring at the other students rushing to class or hanging out with friends. Weirdly, I carry a strange feeling of ‘outsiderness’ with me, as though the unsettling home environment has crept into every aspect of my life. I catch sight of Colby’s back, but he disappears inside a building before I can be sure it’s him. Then Dornan places an extra-large iced frap in front of me with as much excitement as would accompany a diamond ring.
I suck a long, sweet drink through the straw, and as the coffee and caramel rest in my stomach, I instantly feel better.
“Good?” he asks, slumping into the small wooden chair in front of me that doesn’t look like it can hold a man as big as Dornan.
“The best.”
“So, are you now in the mood to tell me everything?”
Just as I open my mouth, there’s a dull thud of a fist against the glass. I almost jump out of my skin. When I turn, I find Celine and Gabriella pressing their lips against the glass the way toddlers do, making grossly hilarious expressions. When they’ve succeeded in making me laugh, they aim for the open door of the coffee shop and burst inside, chattering noisily.
Celine plonks herself onto the adjacent chair, and Gabriella grabs a spare from the next table, turning it so she can sit with her legs wrapped around the back.
“I hope our girl here is about to spill some good shit,” Celine says. She reaches out and grabs my coffee, taking a long drink and rolling her eyes.
“Ellie’s having a tough day,” Dornan says.
“Why? The triplets decided not to give you the good cock?” Celine whispers.
Dornan, who was sipping his hot cappuccino, snorts some back into the cup.
“Celine, you have to chill out with talking like that in front of boys,” Gabriella says, resting her hand reassuringly on Celine’s shoulder. “You know that’s just for women's talks. Men don’t know how we speak when it’s just us. They can’t handle it!”
“Do they seriously believe they’re the only ones who talk about cock?” Celine asks, aiming her question in Dornan’s direction.
“Don’t ask me,” he says, wiping his lip on the back of his hand. “I’m not the voice of all men,”
“Shame,” I say. “At least they’d make more sense if they were all like you.”
“Trouble in triple dick paradise?” Celine asks, but Dornan is sensible enough not to comment.
“I’ll give you the lowdown,” he says, telling them my family’s sorry tale of woe.
“Shit. He dared to cheat on your mom?” Celine says. “He’s one brave man.”
“He didn’t expect to get caught,” I snort, pealing the wrapper from the chocolate muffin and breaking off a chunk. Gabriella swoops in for a piece, too, as expected! Food is always communal.
“Yeah, but any realistic person knows secrets don’t stay private forever.”
“True,” I nod, the secrets I’m keeping from mom making me nauseous. “Maybe he got sick of her,” I say. “But I don’t know why he would. She’s always been like the perfect Stepford wife. And they have fun together. I always hear them laughing in their bedroom.”
“That’s called sex,” Gabriella says, pushing her hair behind her ear.
I wrinkle my nose. “Can we not talk about parents fucking right now?”
“No, let’s talk about you fucking,” Celine says. Her parents got divorced three years ago, and I know my situation is sending her back into a sad place.
“Let’s just say I’m five dares in and have done about everything there is to do.”
“Five dares?” Dornan says.
“Yeah. You, Gabriella, Micky, Colby, and Seb. Five dares.”
“I don’t want to know,” Dornan says. “I didn’t think seven minutes in heaven was going to be the catalyst for a sex frenzy.”
“I did,” Gabriella says. “I knew you liked those boys. You always denied it a little too hard.”
I shrug because she’s right. Behind all of my resentment and dismissiveness was an attraction that seared my core. “You seriously worked your way through them all?” Celine asks. She brings her hand to her forehead in a clipped salute. “I take my hat off to you, Ellie Franklin. You are way more woman than me!”
“Hardly,” I say. “If we’re counting numbers, Eddie has definitely set you up as the sex-fest front-runner.”
“Yeah, but my situation seems positively vanilla compared to yours.”
“I prefer chocolate,” Gabriella muses, glancing over at a woman devouring a tall glass of hot chocolate with a whipped cream top.
“I didn’t realize there was a competition running,” Dornan says. “I must be trailing. Coach has me too busy focusing on football to find time for women.”
“All work and no play make Dornan a boring boy,” Gabriella says in a sing-song voice.
“Tell me they were good,” Celine says. “Tell me they rocked your world.”
Flashes of the multiple orgasms the Townsend triplets gave me over the past few days light up my mind and my body. But this isn’t what I should be focused on right now. Mom is going through something awful, and everything about my life that has been stable will probably end up twisted in turmoil.
“They were good,” I say. “They were great, but it’s done. I’m not going back there again.” I stare at my friends with wide, determined eyes. “And no more dares in that direction. My life is complicated enough.”
Dornan nods. Gabriella turns to give Celine a knowing look. Whatever. They think I’m talking shit, but they weren’t there this morning when mom almost trashed the house in a fury. Even if I wanted to let Colby, Sebastian, and Micky into my life, it’s an even remoter possibility than it was twenty-four hours ago.
Behind my ribs, an ache that I’ve never experienced before builds. I rest my hand against it and swallow around the lump in my throat. For my good and the good of everyone else in my splintering family, I have to push away all thoughts of the tenderness my stepbrothers showed me at Molly’s. I have to forget the way they made me feel.
For all of our sakes.