21
COLBY
All Micky’s message says is, ‘Saw Ellie crying,’ but it’s enough to make me want to tear bricks from the wall with my bare hands. Or maybe overturn a few bookshelves.
The library is so quiet that when a growl emanates from my throat and echoes in the space between the bookshelves, the one other dude in this section turns and gives me a weird look.
Instead of lashing out, I stuff my books into my bag, flip my laptop shut, and storm out of the building. The fresh air smacks me in the face, and I glance up into the clear sky and inhale a long breath. My hand flexes at my side, tension radiating through me.
Ellie doesn’t deserve this. I don’t want a single tear to run down her cheek. Ever.
And even though I’m not personally responsible, I feel guilty by association. It’s my dad’s fault. He’s the one who’s done this, and he’s the one who needs to make it right.
I pull my phone from the pocket in my jeans and find dad in my contact list. When he picks up, I’m initially stumped over what to say. I know what he’s like. He’s as stubborn as me at knowing his mind and never wants to take advice from anyone else, but it’s time for him to listen. It’s time for me to stand up and let him know how important this is.
“Colby. Is everything okay?” he says.
“No,” I say. “Nothing is okay.” I take a deep breath and grit my teeth. “We all need you to sort this situation out. We want our family back. Whatever it takes, you need to do it.”
I wait, expecting him to explode with a diatribe about it being his life and his decision, but all I get from the other end of the line is a long sigh.
“You know what, Son? For the first time in my life, I’m at a loss. I know I’m in the wrong, and I hate myself for what I did. Lara doesn’t deserve this. None of you do. But I’m not good at apologizing, and Lara isn’t good at accepting apologies. I don’t even know if expecting her to listen to me is fair. I’d be broken if the situation were reversed.”
“You just said all the things you need to say to Lara to me. You need to show her your regret. You need to let her see your humble side.” I blow out a hiss of breath, finding this kind of deep and meaningful conversation with my reserved father so uncomfortable. “I know it won’t be easy for you. If I was in this position and I had to tell E…” I pause, realizing the mistake I almost made. “…my wife,” I continue, “I know I’d be feeling like it was impossible. But only you can make this right, Dad. Only you can take us back to where we should be.”
“I know, son,” he says softly. “You know, when you were a little boy, you were so determined about absolutely everything. It used to drive me mad you wouldn’t listen to my directions. But I recognized myself in you. I’m so proud of the man you’re becoming.”
The lump in my throat is the size of a grapefruit because dad never talks like this. He’s an old-school father who puts the food on the table and demands a level of reverential respect that sets him apart within the family. He’s never allowed us to see even one chink in his armor. And now, I feel as though he’s set all his defenses aside.
“You can do this, Dad,” I say. “I know you can. If you show Lara the same man you just showed me, I know it’ll work out.”
“How are your brothers?” he asks. “And Ellie?”
“The boys are okay,” I say. “But Ellie’s taking it badly.”
The sigh that rustles the microphone on the other end of the phone is even longer and more helpless. “I’m so sorry about that. Can you tell her when you see her?”
He says it, and I believe it. And for the first time since he called me with the news that broke everything, I wonder whether he might be able to make this right.
“Sure, Pop.”
When we hang up, I finally raise my eyes from the ground in front of me and find Ellie watching me from twenty feet away. I raise my hand in a surprised wave, and she does the same. Then, as quickly as she was there, she disappears through the open door behind her.
I’m hungry as a bear. Missing out on my usual breakfast made by Lara is taking its toll. In the cafeteria, I grab a tray and attempt to find something to eat that doesn’t look gross. The choices are limited. As I’m staring at the burgers, a large figure looms next to me.
“Colby.” The voice is deep and gravelly, and when I look to the side, I find Dornan dressed in a black hoodie that seems to magnify his size to monolithic.
“Dornan.”
He clears his throat as I point to the burger, and the server behind the counter shovels fries onto my plate. “Can we grab a table? I want to talk to you about something.”
When I cut him a glance and find his face impassive, I can tell from his tone and stance that this isn’t to discuss football. “Sure,” I say.
I lumber to the register and pay while Dornan’s plate is filled, then I make my way over to a small table in the corner. Whatever we’re going to discuss isn’t something that should be overheard.
Eventually, Dornan places his tray on the small round table and takes a seat in front of me.
“Is this about Ellie?” I ask. “Micky said she was upset.”
“Yeah, it’s about Ellie,” he says.
“Look, I don’t know how much you know,” I say, grabbing my knife and fork and clutching them in my fists, resting on the table. “But I’ve told my dad he needs to sort things out. There isn’t anything else I can do. I can’t fix our parent’s marriage.”
Dornan takes a bite, his bright blue eyes boring into me. He chews slowly, as though he’s in no rush to tear me a new one, but he intends to. At least, that’s how it feels. I’ve never had a run-in with Ellie’s best friend. As far as I know, he’s a good guy. On the field, he plays without the usual bubbling undercurrent of rage. I’ve never seen him fight, but he knows how to handle himself. I already feel as though I should tread carefully.
“It’s good you’re supporting your dad,” he says eventually. “Just because they’re older and parents, it doesn’t mean that they always know what they’re doing.” Resting his half-demolished burger on the plate, he leans back in his chair, legs spread wide. It’s a power pose, but I’m not sure it’s intentional. Dornan is just big and used to filling a lot of space in the world. “That isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about, though.”
I stare at him for the first time, wondering exactly how much Ellie discloses to her best friend.
“You need to treat Ellie right,” he says, arching a warning eyebrow.
“What do you mean?” I ask, but as the words slip out of my mouth, I immediately feel like a douchebag. Dornan knows. He probably knows everything and doesn’t deserve to have me treat him like a fool. I hold my hand up before he can reply. “We want to treat her right,” I say. “She deserves nothing less.”
Dornan flares his nostrils and grabs a napkin to dab grease from his lips. It’s the same expression he gets on the field as a play is set in motion; part anticipation and part steadying himself for what’s coming next. “You need to know that it won’t be an easy road,” he says. “She’s had feelings for you all for years. She just never wanted to admit it. But I’ve known that girl since she had pigtails and freckles. She can’t hide anything from me.” He closes his eyes for a moment, and I scan the twitch in his jaw and the slight downturn of his mouth. “I love her like a sister, Colby. And sometimes, when you love someone, you have to help them see who they are and what they truly want, even if it might hurt them. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nod and purse my lips. He’s encouraged her to face her feelings for us, even though he’s worried about her getting hurt in the long term. It’s brave and maybe a little stupid, but I get it. He just wants her to be happy, the same as us. And right now, I need to show him we’re a safe bet. Or at least safer than he currently believes. “Ellie doesn’t know how to face her feelings or take steps forward when there’s resistance. That’s why she relies on dares so much.”
“So you understand her?” Dornan nods. “The key thing is not to just become the person who’s pushing her. You have to be the person who helps her take her own steps.”
“Have you met Ellie? She’s as stubborn as fuck.”
Dornan snorts, picking up his burger again. “She’s stubborn, but she’s ride-or-die. Once you’re in her life and she trusts you, there’s no better friend in the world.”
I look across the cafeteria at all the other students eating lunch. There are big noisy groups, couples, and people by themselves, scribbling notes to catch up with late work or cramming up on knowledge from books. Every person is going through their own set of circumstances. I just wonder how many of them have a life as complicated as mine is right now.
“Our parent’s relationship is about as fucked up as it could be,” I say. “They can’t take hearing about our feelings for Ellie or her feelings for us.”
“That might be the case,” Dornan says. “But as long as Ellie knows you have her back, and as long as she feels secure, she’ll be okay to keep things between the four of you.”
I stare at him, trying to work out how he’s okay with the three of us being with his best friend. I mean, I’ve always suspected there is more to Dornan and Ellie’s relationship than they make out. He’s a good-looking guy, and she’s as gorgeous as they come. Why the hell aren’t they dating?
“What’s the score with you and Ellie?” I ask. “Like, you must see how hot she is.”
“She’s fire, my friend.” Dornan shoots me a lopsided grin. “You’re wondering why I’m not angry with you?”
“Yeah. I’m wondering why you’re so cool about all this.”
He grimaces, revealing an undercurrent of his less-than-positive feelings, and I brace myself for the can of worms I’ve just opened. “I’ve been watching you guys for a while,” he says, biting a fry and nodding slowly. “From the point that I suspected she was developing crushes on you, I started keeping track. I wanted to make sure that she wasn’t crushing on a load of douchebags. If I thought you were assholes, I would have told her she was crazy a long time ago. I didn’t notice any behavior from you or your brothers that concerned me. I was impressed that you defended Ellie when people were talking about her. And I like that you’re always straight down the line with girls. I haven’t heard any nasty gossip about any of you. Yeah, you might fuck around, but what guy our age doesn’t? But you’ve always hooked up with girls who are on the same page and not played around with feelings. And you work hard. It might not be your everyday setup, but if you guys make her happy, then why the fuck not? We’re living in different times, Colby. The concept of what makes a relationship isn’t what it used to be.”
“You’re a lot cooler than I would be if Ellie was my best friend,” I say.
“Says the guy who’s hooking up with a girl and his two brothers. It doesn’t exactly make youconservative, man!”
I snort, realizing how odd this conversation is all around. “You have a point, Dornan.”
He finishes his burger in two more bites and stuffs the rest of his fries into his mouth, washing it all down with some water. I try to eat too, but I have an odd feeling in my stomach that I’m not used to.
Anxiousness.
There’s a lot on the line.
Even if Dad can fix his marriage, our hopes for a relationship with Ellie feel almost impossible.
As Dornan stands, nodding and saying, see you around, I weigh up what he said.
She’ll be okay to keep things between the four of you.
Will she?
And would it even be fair to ask?