8
CELINE
"When I return your test papers, I want you to look at where you've gone wrong. For some of you, this might be your first failure. Take note of your errors, apply yourself, and you'll be back on track. For others, this test may be another in a line of below pass marks. If that's you, I'm afraid you'll find it difficult to pick up your grade at this point in the semester."
I stare at the red mark of failure and swallow against the lump in my throat. This isn't my first bad grade in this class. I've been struggling to find time to do the required work and focus enough to take in what little I have been doing.
I glance around the room at the other students. Some are happy. Others, like me, have furrowed foreheads and grim mouths. Elias is at the back, packing away his things and smiling. Did he seriously pass this? It was tough. Our eyes meet—it's the first time I've seen him since our night together—and he raises his eyebrows expectantly. He wants to know if I passed. I shake my head, and his smile fades into a concerned grimace.
I turn back to force my notepad and pen into my stuffed bag. When I follow the crowd from the room, Elias is waiting for me in the hall.
"Hey."
I move with the stream of exiting students, inadvertently forced to stand close to him. His scent is different today. Something woody with an orange undertone that floods my senses. When he touches my arm, I'm overwhelmed with memories of him naked and fierce, looming over me and thrusting powerfully. "You didn't pass?" God, his voice is just so rough and deep.
Shaking my head, I stare down the hallway, embarrassed to meet his gaze. He's going to make fun of me. I know he is, but I can't avoid answering. "I'm flunking," I say. "It isn't just this test."
"Why didn't you say something? We could study together."
I blink, surprised. Where are his usual snarky comments? This isn't like Elias at all. "I didn't think to….you know...because we're not…"
I want to finish the sentence by saying 'close' or 'friends,' but that sounds ridiculous in light of what we did a few nights ago.
And in the past.
Not close enough to share class notes, but close enough to share bodily fluids.
My life is ridiculous right now.
"You're happy to ask me out on a fake date and do stuff with me, but not to tell me you need help with a class?" His confused expression makes me flush hot with embarrassment.
"No one wants to own up to flunking."
Elias tips his head to the ceiling and blows out a long breath. "You know, this makes no sense. I can help you. All you have to do is ask."
"Yeah, well, asking for help isn't exactly easy. Especially when people don't reply." I pretend to look down at my watch rather than face him.
"I wanted to talk to you about that."
"You know what, Elias? Don't worry about it. Forget I asked. It's fine. And I don't need help studying. I'll manage on my own."
I turn away before he can reply and speed-walk through the building until the doors to the exit are in view. He doesn't follow, but I don't expect him to.
When Gabriella and Ellie turn up at my dorm with a bottle of wine and a massive bar of chocolate, my instinct is to tell them I'm fine and they can go home to their men. All I want is to be left in peace so I can curl up on my bed and stare at the wall. But their faces are so overly bright, and they seem so pleased with themselves that I can't find it in me to reject their efforts to help me through a dark time.
"So, Colby said this is a good wine. I know nothing about wine, but since he's been working, he's picked up some adulting skills that are coming in useful."
"Soooo mature and grown up." Gabriella wrestles with the expensive bottle of wine, trying to pull out the cork.
I find three plastic tumblers for us to drink out of. "Would Colby cringe if he saw these glasses?"
"Probably." Ellie unwraps the chocolate, breaking it into long rows and places it on my desk. "He does like things to be done properly, which is mostly a good thing."
"If he puts as much effort into sex as he does into choosing wine, you're onto a winner." Finally pulling the cork from the bottle, Gabriella holds it up and whoops. "I thought that fucker was never coming out."
We all giggle as Gab pours us almost overflowing cups of wine. I gulp mine with more enthusiasm than I should, bearing in mind I'm supposed to be cramming to improve my grades.
"So, Gab told me about Eddie and Abbey. How are you feeling about it?" Ellie bites off a chunk of chocolate, chewing it with her eyes focused on me.
"You know how I feel."
"Well, Dornan mentioned you asked him out for another fake date?" She eyes me carefully as though she's conscious that she might be pushing too hard but feels justified in doing so. Her friendship with Dornan dates to kindergarten, so I get why she might feel protective.
"I asked them all: Dornan, Elias, and Travis. Dornan is the only one who agreed."
"He's worried about you. We all are."
I bristle because this surprise wine and chocolate night is starting to feel like an intervention. "I'm fine," I lie. "This whole thing is just a bit of fun. You're the one who told me that rebound dick beats this." I wave my arms around to indicate what we're doing.
"Yeah, well, I kind of meant a one-night stand with a hot stranger, not hooking up with all the single men in our circle."
I frown. "It's not all the single men in our circle. Elias and Travis aren't even part of our circle. Do you not want me to hook up with Dornan? Is that what this is?" Ellie blinks and presses her lips together. Turning to Gab, I shrug. "Do you feel the same about Travis?"
She offers me a sympathetic expression. "It could get messy. Is it worth it?"
I put my now empty cup on my desk, feeling the alcohol warming my body already. "Men do this shit all the time, and no one has a thing to say about it. I just want to show Eddie that he means nothing to me and that I've moved on spectacularly and am fine without him."
"Well, you've done that." Ellie raises her glass in a toast. "Your Instagram is burning up with heat."
"All I wanted was one more night. To go out with all of them to the same restaurant as Eddie is taking Abbey. But Travis and Elias haven't replied, and it's just…" Feeling suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, I press my face into my hands. "I just…I can't talk about this with you. Can we change the subject?"
"No, honey." Ellie rests her hand on my shoulder. "We're friends through everything, okay? Good stuff and tough stuff. Don't shut us out when you need us the most."
"I'm flunking my classes. Everything's going wrong."
I can't look at either of my friends, but I sense them sharing unspoken communication. Ellie squeezes my shoulder, and Gab pats my leg.
"You've got a lot going on. I'm sorry that all this is happening to you."
"It's okay to feel overwhelmed, sweetie," Ellie adds. "When things pile up, it can feel like you can't catch a breath."
"I need another shitty cup of amazing wine," I say, forcing a bright smile on my face. Their pity is grating at my emotions. Gab pours me some more, and I gulp it down. It seeps through my brain with a tingling warmth that makes everything feel better. Even though I'm on my way to getting drunk, I can still register that drinking away pain isn't a good thing.
Mom did this after the divorce. I think she might be an alcoholic, but I haven't confronted her about it. On my rare visits, there are way too many empty liquor bottles in the trash than there should be.
"Just give us a second and eat some of that chocolate. It is soooo good."
Ellie and Gab stand and search for their phones in their purses. Both disappear into the hallway, and their muted conversations are only a light murmur through the door. The chocolate is delicious, melting on my tongue and coating my throat. I close my eyes and moan, contemplating whether Ellie was wrong, and alcohol and chocolate actually beat rebound dick hands down.
Oh, who am I kidding? Between Dornan and Elias, I might be ruined for other men. Just thinking about those evenings of mindless passion makes me simmer inside and flush brightly on the outside. And Travis's kisses. My lips tingle when I recall how he worked to help me with my stupid fake dating games.
I finish two delicious rows of chocolate by the time my friends reappear in my doorway. "It's all sorted," Gabriella says. "Tomorrow. They'll pick you up and take you to Eclet."
"Who?"
"Dornan, Travis, and Elias."
I pace to my closet before pivoting to face Ellie and Gab. "A pity fake date? This situation is bordering on a joke!"
"But they're stepping up for you, Celine, because they want to help you. We all do. Just enjoy the date. Have fun. Wear your sexiest dress and blow out your gorgeous new hair into tantalizing waves. Forget about all the shitty stuff for one night. And when you've done what you wanted, we're here to help with the rest."
Their expressions are so earnest and hopeful that I stop myself from speaking the sadness-inspired bitter words on the tip of my tongue. I glance at my closet and the new clothes I've bought to suit my 'life after Eddie' style. Most of them still have tags attached.
"Help me pick something," I tell them.
So, instead of wallowing in my own sadness, I let my friends help me put together an outfit that will knock the socks off of three men who have been reluctant to take me out and an ex-boyfriend I wish would take a running jump off a short pier.
These are crazy times.