23
CELINE
Elias calls to say he's outside my building, hours after he left to find Travis. When he knocks on the door, I ask Dornan to open it. I'm exhausted and rung out. The tears I've shed have left my face blotchy and my eyes so swollen I can barely see.
Dornan and Elias have a rapid, hushed conversation that I can't really hear. When Elias enters the room, he makes a beeline for me, squatting next to my bed so he's closer to my level, reaching out to touch my face. "Celine. Don't cry."
I curl up so I'm facing away from him, not wanting him to see my face in this state.
"Did you find Travis?" I ask.
"Yeah. He was at home."
"And."
"He's going."
"You couldn't convince him to stay?"
Elias's hand moves down my arm in a soothing stroke. "I couldn't. He's too fearful, even though the chance that it's his kid is almost nothing, in my opinion."
The lump in my throat burns like the surface of the sun.
Dornan sits at the end of my bed, resting his hand on my foot, and Elias pats my arm. "What happened with the video?"
"We watched it again," Dornan says. "It's definitely Eddie, and he must have posted it."
"That fucking asshole… I'm going to tear off his balls and make him eat them."
"I feel the same." Dornan's voice matches Elias's growl. "But it's not going to help Celine."
"But it'll make me feel better."
"We need to do this right. We need to get the police involved. We need to contact the website that's hosting this video to let them know she didn't give permission for it to be shared. Celine needs to tell her parents."
"I don't want to." The prospect of telling my mom and dad fills me with dread. Mom will be angry that I've gotten myself into this situation and that it's taking the focus from her misery over the divorce. Dad will probably not have time to deal with it and not really want to. He's barely interested in my life. He won't want to deal with something so embarrassing and mortifying.
"What about Marie?"
I turn to Elias, swiping my hand over my face. "She has enough on her plate with Lonie and Aiden's mom."
"She's your sister… She'd want to know what you're going through."
I could speak to Marie, even just to get her perspective on what I should do. Half of me is worried that reporting this to the police will only make the situation between me and Eddie spiral more out of control. Who knows what other videos he might have made of me without my knowledge.
I also can't deal with the prospect of Marie watching the video.
"I'm going to have to deal with this myself," I say it firmly, hoping they'll both understand that arguing for something different is pointless.
"You're not going to be alone in this." Dornan is firm, and he looks to Elias to make sure he's in agreement.
"We'll be with you all the way."
Tears burn in my throat and trickle down my face. I hide in my hands as my shoulders shudder with stifled sobs. Elias cups my chin in his palm and tips my face up. "This isn't like you, Celine. You're a fighter. Don't play Eddie's games. Don't let him win. You need to face this with your head held high and know that we'll be here to support you while you do it."
I blink, startled at his fierceness and the way my tears dry with his words. He's right. This isn't like me. So, I fucked someone, and they were enough of a jerk to put it on the internet. I'm not the first, and I definitely won't be the last. Eddie isn't going to win. He's done something illegal, and he's going to pay for it, but only if I'm strong enough to report it.
"I'll go to the police," I say, my determination hardening every word. "Fuck Eddie. He thinks he can humiliate me. Let's see how much he likes being taken away in handcuffs."
"That's my girl." Dornan smiles, proud of my resolve.
Elias rises from his squat position, straightening his legs with relief. "Do you want to go now?"
I shake my head. "Tomorrow," I say. "After our classes are done."
Sliding my feet over the edge of the mattress, I stand to find a tissue so that I can blow my nose. I strip off my sweater, feeling hot and gross. Dornan finds his phone. "I'm going to message Ellie and let her know what you've decided."
"Sure."
As he begins typing, Elias's phone rings. It's the first time I've ever heard his phone make a noise in all the time we've spent together. He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at it but doesn't answer it. When it stops, he pushes it back into his pocket. Then it starts to ring again. "Aren't you going to answer it?"
He shrugs and lets it ring out again.
I toss the tissue in the trash and take a long drink of water from the glass on my nightstand.
Elias's phone rings for a third time. "Maybe you should get that," I say.
He shrugs, retrieving it and staring at the screen. I can't work out if he recognizes the number or not. He swipes the screen. "Hello?"
A woman's voice speaks rapidly into his ear at a volume I can't decipher. I watch as Elias's color changes and his expression hardens. Dornan and I exchange a concerned glance. "Which hospital?" he asks.
The caller continues.
"Okay. I'm going now."
When he pulls the phone from his ear, he stares at it for a few seconds before shoving it into his pocket. His eyes fix to the floor, not meeting mine or Dornan's gaze.
"Is everything okay?" Dornan asks.
Elias turns to the door as though he's intending to run. His fists ball at his sides, a strange reaction to someone being taken ill and needing to go to the hospital.
"Who's at the hospital?" I ask.
Elias's cheeks begin to redden, and he seems on the brink of raging.
"Elias." I take a step closer, but he moves away.
"My mom." His voice sounds strangely dead.
"We're coming with you." Without waiting for his agreement, I gather my phone and a hoodie, twisting my messy hair into a quick bun. Dornan slips on his sneakers, and still, Elias doesn't look at us. He doesn't tell us what's happened to her. But most importantly, he doesn't tell us we can't go with him.
My problems slide away at the sight of Elias's suffering. He's such a big, strong man with so much resilience, but I see how his eyes flit around the room that he's panicking.
"I'll drive." Dornan jingles his keys in his hand, which seems to jolt Elias from his strange trance. "Come on."
I want to touch Elias, take his hand, or rest my palm on his shoulder. Anything to let him know I'm present and concerned, but he seems to have folded within himself, so I leave him be. He rides up front with Dornan as we drive to the nearest hospital. Marie gave birth there, so I'm familiar with the parking lots in relation to the location of the main entrance.
When we arrive, he tells the receptionist his mom's name, and she directs us to critical care. Elias strides ahead, and Dornan and I trail a little behind, giving him the space he seems to need. Dornan takes my hand in his, and we walk like a couple through sterile corridor after sterile corridor.
At the ICU, Elias gains entry, but we have to stay outside. He doesn't even acknowledge us before he disappears through the door to face whatever's brought his mom into such a dire health situation. When he's out of earshot, I face Dornan, finding his expression worried. "What do you think has happened?"
"I don't know." He shakes his head. "But his reaction isn't normal. Who gets enraged when their mom's sick."
"Either she's brought it on herself, and he's frustrated, or someone has done something, and he's mad."
"You think his dad did this to his mom?"
The question hangs between us uncomfortably. We both saw his father and how unhinged he was. Elias was clearly uncomfortable with him around. Elias never talks about his family. I don't even know if he has siblings. I didn't even know his mom was still in his life.
I think about how much I avoid discussing my own family. I haven't always been this way. When they were married, I'd often refer to them or talk about my home life. Since they divorced, I don't bring either of my parents into conversation at all. Dornan talks about his family a lot. I can tell they're good people and that he loves them. His dad is always around, making sure to treat Dornan whenever he can. I'm happy for him, but the absence of my own parents makes me more envious than I'd like to be. I guess Elias and I have more in common than I thought.
We lean against the wall in the hallway, letting silence rest around us. I'm glad Dornan is with me and that we’re both here to support Elias. Imagining him here alone hurts my heart, although how much of a support he will allow us to be remains to be seen.
"I don't know. I don't want to make judgments after meeting someone once, but…"
Dornan nods. "I got a bad feeling, Celine. A really bad feeling about that man."
"I just want to go in there and help him," I whisper, staring at the door, keeping Elias from me.
"It sucks that we can't go inside as support."
I nod in agreement as a wave of anxiety clenches my stomach. "Do you think he'll come back out?"
A doctor bustles past, carrying a takeaway cup of coffee. His shoes squeak against the floor with every step.
"He'll come out. He knows we're waiting."
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It's a message from Ellie, asking if I'm okay and if I can talk. I reply to say I'm okay and busy right now. I don't share Elias's situation because it's private. If he wants to tell people what's happened, that'll be up to him.
I call Marie, knowing I need to tell her about the video now before it finds its way to her by other means. Too many people watch porn these days. It's become mainstream. For all I know, Aiden might go to the site it's trending on. Would he tell Marie if he saw the video? Probably not.
Ugh. The idea of my brother-in-law watching me fuck only exacerbates the anxiety.
As the phone starts ringing and I wait for Marie to answer, I start to sweat.
"Celine." Her voice is bright, and happy to hear from me. It only makes the news I have to pass on feel worse.
"Hey, Marie. Sorry to disturb you this late."
"It's okay. Aiden's sleeping, and I'm watching that cheesy series I told you about."
"Cramming in your free time after hours?"
"Something like that. You'll understand when you have a Lonie of your own."
"Lonie is one hundred percent original."
Marie laughs. "I just love the relationship you guys have," she says. "You're an awesome aunt to her."
My throat tightens and burns, but I rush to speak through it. "I don't think you'll feel that way when you hear what I've got to tell you."
"What? What is it?" I hear her pause the TV in the background.
"Eddie circulated a video of us having sex. I didn't know he made the recording. It's up on a free porn site."
"He did what?"
"I know. It's the worst attempt at revenge."
"Revenge for what? He's the one who cheated on you."
"I know." I sigh, meeting Dornan's eyes. He gently touches my face and then steps away, looking at his phone. I dread to think what kind of messages he might be getting about me. The location of the video must be circulating around the university like wildfire.
"So, what the fuck is his problem?"
"He didn't like the games I played with Dornan, Elias, and Travis. I guess he felt humiliated."
"What a fragile ego, small dick man."
I'm not used to my sister speaking that way, so I snort a surprised laugh. "That's about it."
"You need to go to the police. There are laws against this kind of bullcrap."
"I will. I'm going to."
"I'll come with you," she says, then as an afterthought, she asks in a lower tone, "Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?"
"Thank you, and no."
"I know why you wouldn't want to, but maybe you should. I know they've been shit recently. I mean, they never bother to call me to find out about Lonie. When I see Mom, all she wants to do is trash Dad. And Dad has turned into the invisible man."
"I thought it was just me," I admit. Marie was always their favorite, or so I thought.
"Definitely not just you. But they're still our parents. They're self-obsessed, but something this big could yank them out of their funk."
"You're more hopeful than me."
"Should I ask where the video is?"
"I don't want you to watch it," I squeak.
She makes a disgusted noise. "You think I want to see you fuck. Jesus, Celine. I just want to do some research."
"I'll message you the site. Don't tell Aiden."
"I won't, but he might be able to help. He has friends in law firms. We might need to draw on some free advice." She always was the practical thinker of the two of us.
"Okay. Maybe. I want to go to the police tomorrow."
"I can come with you. Lonie will be at preschool in the morning."
"Okay, great. Thank you."
"You sound okay about this. If it was me, I'd be freaking out."
"I have been freaking out, but some stuff has happened to put it into perspective. I'll call you first thing, okay?"
Marie agrees, and we say our goodbyes just as Elias appears at the door of the ICU. His face is like a frozen mask; he's white as a sheet, but his jaw is clenched as though he's furious. Before he can speak, I walk over and wrap my arms around him. It takes a few seconds, but he eventually buries his face into my neck. Dornan shoves his phone into his pocket and moves closer, too. "How is she? What did they say?" he asks.
"She's really bad." Elias's voice sounds weirdly strangled. "She fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom. Her face is messed up. She broke fingers and her arm and collar bone. She has a busted-up ankle. They say her brain is swollen from the impact of the fall, so they've put her into an induced coma."
"Jesus." Dornan shakes his head.
Elias straightens and pulls away, running both his hands through his hair and turning to face the wall. His broad back heaves, muscles bunching beneath his shirt. "He's gone too far this time."
Dornan steps between us as though he's worried Elias is going to lose his shit. I'm not worried, though. Elias would never hurt me. I know that. Dornan should know it, too.
"Who? Who did this?"
"My fucking asshole dad."
Dornan's wide eyes meet mine. We speculated, but hearing it's true is shocking. "Was there a witness?"
Elias spins to face us. "There doesn't need to be a witness. He's been violent since I was a toddler."
"Are you serious?" I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth because who the fuck would joke about something like this. "I'm so sorry, Elias," I add before he can respond.
"He's going to be the sorry one."
Elias starts to stride down the hallway towards the exit, and Dornan is quick to keep up. I have to run to match their long strides. I catch up to Elias and grab his arm. "You can't do anything to him, Elias. I'm not going to lose you, too."
He whirls, fury narrowing his eyes to slits, but when he sees the unshed tears in mine, he seems to soften. "Please." I'll beg and plead…whatever it'll take to make him see. "We can go to the police together. I'll tell them about Eddie. You tell them about your dad. You can hold my hand, and I'll hold yours. Dornan will come to back us up. You don't have to deal with this alone."
He blinks and turns away again as though my words are making him want to escape. I touch his arm, seeing how hard he finds it to accept kindness and affection.
Sex, he can handle.
Stupid jokes and holding people at arm's length are fine.
But accepting care from another person seems like a foreign thing to him.
It breaks my heart.
So much falls into place. His tough exterior and his preference for being on the edge of friendship groups. It has all come about because of what he experienced when he was too young.
A flash of the innocent boy he once was breaks my heart.
"Come on." I take his hand. "Let's go."
When he lets me lead him, I can hardly breathe from relief.