25
CELINE
As we leave the police station, I slide my hand into Elias's. For a second, he seems to flinch as though the idea of holding hands doesn't fit with his super independent persona, but then he relaxes and squeezes my fingers gently as he leads us back to the car.
It was mostly a wasted morning. The police were sympathetic to both of our circumstances but without clear evidence, there isn't much they can do. Elias's mom could have fallen down the stairs while she was alone in the house. It could have been anyone behind me in the video. They didn't tell us what the next steps would involve, just that they'd be in touch. I couldn't work out if that was a promise or a way to get us out of the building.
"I'm sorry," I say when Elias opens the car door for me. He jerks his head back in surprise.
"You didn't push my mom down the stairs."
I punch his shoulder gently, nudging him away. "I know I didn't. I mean, I'm sorry they're not going to rush out and arrest your dad."
"She'll tell them when she wakes up," he says. "This time, I'm not taking no for an answer. I swear to God. She's reporting that bastard, or I'm never seeing either of them ever again. And then they'll have to charge him."
"Do you think she will?"
"She could have died."
"I know, but do you think she will?"
He's thoughtful for a moment, then shakes his head. "No. I don't think she will."
"All you can do is try," I say. "Parents don't always live up to expectations. Sometimes, they're an epic fail."
I climb into the car, and Elias shuts the door and rounds the front. When he's seated and fastening his belt, he asks in a quiet voice. "Are your parents messed up, too?"
"They didn't used to be." I stare out the front window, not wanting to meet his eyes. "But after they separated, it's like they divorced Marie and me, too. Now, all we hear about from them is how evil they both are, and how miserable. If we get a phone call at all."
He squeezes my knee, then puts the car into drive. "Dornan's dad is like a fucking saint. He's always coming around with snacks, and not just for Dornan. He's nicer to me than my own fucking sperm donor."
"Gab's mom is a saint, too. I swear, that woman wants to feed the world. She's so caring and nurturing. I hate myself for feeling jealous."
"Don't hate yourself. A starving man craves what's on a rich man's plate. It's natural."
I turn to stare at him. "That's very philosophical."
He quirks a lopsided smile. "I keep telling you I'm not just a pretty face."
I snicker and play with the loose threads on the hole in my jeans. "But you are so pretty."
He really is beautiful. I always thought that, even when he was being a cocky asshole. Somehow, now I know him, he's become even more attractive. All the things that make him awkward and opinionated, loyal, and kind, and everything in between, makes him shine in my eyes. I think the same about Dornan. He's such a good man, not just to me because he likes me, but also to Elias and Travis and his other friends and family.
And Travis. Well, he's traveled halfway around the world on the off chance he has a baby that might need protecting in five months. Who does that?
Elias laughs out loud at my compliment; it's such a great sound that I feel like crying. In all the years I've known Elias, he rarely laughs.
He takes my hand. "You're pretty too, Celine. Obviously not as pretty as me…"
I struggle against his grip, pretending to be offended. "That's it. No more sex for you."
He fixes me with a pretend enraged stare. "Don't go joking about that."
I purse my lips, remembering the fun we had. "It won't be the same without Travis."
As the words leave my mouth, I fear Elias will be offended. I don't mean that he's not man enough for me. Of course, he is. He rocks my world every time. I just mean that most of our time together has been as a foursome, and I've gotten used to being surrounded by them. I've gotten used to them working together, laughing and joking, vibing off each other. I'll miss that.
Elias doesn't reply either angrily or with understanding. He just focuses on the road to take me back to my dorm, lost in his thoughts.
My phone rings from deep within my purse, and I hunt for it, surprised when I see Dad emblazoned across the screen. He's seriously calling me now, after all this time.
Maybe he's found out about the video.
The thought sends my stomach through the floor of the car. "Dad." I don't even say hi. I'm so fucking out of practice at talking to him.
Elias's gaze whips to me before refocusing on the road.
"Celine. I'll be in town tonight. I thought we could have dinner." Tomorrow night, I promised to go with Elias to the hospital. I can tell he's daunted at the idea of going alone, and there's a chance his dad will be there. If he sees that man, he won't be able to hold onto his rage, and that's not something I'm prepared to risk.
"I'm sorry, Dad," I say. "I have other plans."
Elias hisses 'go' at me, but I ignore him. "What do you mean you have other plans?" Dad's voice is angry and weird. "I'm in town for one day, and you can't cancel your plans to spend a few hours with me?"
"I can't. I'm sorry."
"You know what, Celine. You've been using my credit card like it's crack. I know you're failing. I've been considering withdrawing my funding for next semester on the basis that it's a bad investment."
"A bad investment?"
Elias can hear the conversation, and he turns again to send my phone a look of withering disgust. "You're obviously focusing on other things and not your work. Why should I go out of my way to facilitate you wasting more of your time."
"You know what, Dad? You do whatever you want. You always do." I hang up and throw my phone back into my purse.
"Jesus, Celine."
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"You should go. Call him back and tell him."
"No way. I'm coming to the hospital with you. That's my priority. My dad's flying surprise visit when he's basically been ignoring me is not."
He's quiet for a while, but I can practically hear his brain turning. He's wondering how I can turn down seeing my dad and risk my financial support for him. He doesn't realize that I know he'd do the same for me if the situations were reversed.
Elias is more important to me than my dad, and it's nothing I'm going to be embarrassed or sorry about. People do what they want, and my dad has proved he doesn't care about being a father to me. Elias proves over and over that he's a good person who cares about me.
He's worth any sacrifice.
When we arrive, he leans over to kiss my lips softly. "I can't believe you did that," he says.
"You'd do the same, wouldn't you?"
We're so close that I can feel his breath on my lips and see the little scar he has on his eyebrow. He rests his hand against my cheek so tenderly that a knot of emotions ties tightly in my throat. "Don't worry about Eddie," he tells me. "He'll pay for what he did, one way or another."
"I don't want you to do anything. I mean it." I especially don't want him to think he owes me something now because I turned down one ridiculous dinner offer.
He blinks his long, dark lashes, and I can tell he hasn't heard me. I'd rather leave Eddie to remain unpunished so that Elias doesn't get into trouble. My desire for revenge has withered behind my care for this man.
"Please. Don't do anything."
He kisses me again and reaches across me to open the door. He's telling me to get out without saying the words. "I'll see you later."
"Okay. Call me."
As soon as I'm out of the car, I miss him. I watch him drive away in his rust bucket that makes a strange noise and belches out a cloud of toxic fumes, wondering what we're doing. I don't think either of us knows.
Dornan is waiting on the steps to my building with his earbuds in and his eyes closed. He's pretty in the same crazily masculine way Elias is. He's the light to Elias's dark. The easy to Elias's tough. I'm glad he's here.
When I get close enough that he senses me, he opens his gorgeous blue eyes and stands, tugging his earbuds and dropping them into his shirt pocket. "How did it go?" he asks, bending to press a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.
"They were vague about everything."
"So they're not investigating?" He sounds annoyed, and I shrug because none of this feels important to me now. Eddie's my past. If I keep looking back all the time, I'll never move forward.
All I want is for the video to be taken down and for Dornan, Elias, and Travis to be in my life. I want us to be happy, not bogged down by drama and issues. I want to be able to focus on them because they deserve that.
They deserve love, and I do, too.
My heart swells but then contracts because what I want and can have are two very different things.
"They're looking into it but without evidence…"
"Isn't evidence gathering part of police work? I mean, what the fuck do they want you to do? Turn up with the case wrapped up and present it to them like a Christmas gift? What are they getting paid to do?"
"I think they mean that without witnesses, it will be hard to prove."
"FFS."
"You wanna come up. I have beer."
"I can't. I have classes. I just stopped by on my break on the off chance you might be done."
I rest my hand on his arm, touched that he cared enough to go out of his way for me. "Thanks."
"It's nothing." He waves away my appreciation and then shoves his hands into his pockets. "I spoke to Travis. He's even less sure that he's the father."
"So he's coming home?" I blush at the hopefulness in my voice but make a mental note to message Travis. I can’t tell him to come home for me, but I can be supportive like Dornan is. I can be a friend if nothing else.
"I don't know. Maybe. He's going to call after he does some investigating. I'll keep checking in with him."
"You're such a good man," I tell him, resting my hand at the center of his chest where I can feel his kind heartbeat. "Always looking out for other people."
Dornan waves me off again, then leans in to kiss me again. It's sweet and soft, then deep and searching. Butterflies take flight in my belly, and skittering excitement rushes up my spine. I grip his warm shirt, not wanting him to go, but when he pulls away and says goodbye, I let him leave.
I've lost one of them. I need to get accustomed to losing them all because they'll never all want what I want.
I can't expect three men who were never friends to suddenly want to merge their lives to be a part of mine.
No. This will be over soon, whether I like it or not.
Dornan will go back to being my friend. Travis will come back and slip into his new life, the way he was supposed to. Elias will go back to hiding behind the shield he built to protect him from the world.
I could never choose between them, so I'll have to lose them all.
I have to keep this knowledge in mind and in my heart so that it doesn't burn the way it did when Eddie betrayed me, and I was left all alone.