26
ELIAS
When I park outside my building, all I can think about is how easily Celine chose her commitment to me over her father. She risked a whole lot so that she can keep her promise to come to the hospital with me later. I don't remember when anyone has ever done anything like that for me. Her kindness and loyalty only make the rage inside me swell.
Eddie has to pay for what he did. There is no way I can leave him walking around this campus without a care in the world while people whisper about Celine behind her back. Knowing that so many people are watching her private moment disgusts me.
Her pleasure is something I want to own. Or share, but only with Travis and Dornan, other men who value her as much as I do.
One of Eddie's douchebag friends walks past my car. He glances over his shoulder at me, and before he turns back, his face slips into a sly smile.
My hand flies to the handle but Celine's voice whispers in my ear . Please don't do anything . That's what she said. This asshole isn't the target of my fury. If anyone is going to get a beating, it'll be Eddie.
Instead of chasing his smug asshole friend down the road, I pick up my phone and call Dornan. He answers on the first ring.
"Hey."
"We need to fuck up Eddie."
He meets my angry sentence with a sharp exhale of breath.
"Celine won't like it." Of course, he'd be the voice of reason. That's why this thing between us all works so well. Dornan's calm and moderate. I'm an angry hothead. And Travis is mature and funny. Between us, we bring out the best and moderate the worst.
"Celine got into this whole thing with us because she wanted revenge. She went to the police because she wants him to pay."
"Not at our expense, Elias."
"So, come with me. Make sure I don't pulverize him."
"You think I could stop you?"
We both laugh. We're evenly sized and weighted, but every man knows that a crazy, angry man somehow finds the strength of two. "If you're there, I'll stick to the agenda."
"Which is?"
"Getting the proof from his phone."
"Shouldn't we leave this to the police?"
"They have way more pressing things to deal with. This is never going to be a priority. You didn't see how they looked at Celine like she brought this all on herself by being promiscuous."
Dornan's quiet for a while, and I think I can hear him rubbing his stubbly chin, the way he does when he's thinking. "Okay. I have class now, but can we get him before practice?"
"Yeah. I'm not going to practice, but I can be there before."
"Have you told Coach?"
"Not yet. It's next on my list."
"Okay. I'll see you there."
We hang up and I grab my bag and head to my class. It's a relief to have something to think about that isn't worrying about my mom, worrying about Celine, or wanting to tear off Eddie's balls and feed them to him piece by piece.
My fingers move over my keyboard like lightning, and I get lost in the lecturer’s words and the subject he's immersing us in. By the end, I have pages of notes and a plan for how to complete the assignment that's due next week.
I wonder how Celine's getting on with the course I've tutored her in. Her dad was saying she's failing and he's going to withdraw financial support for her. I don't want her to drop out. She needs to stay on track and make the most of this opportunity. I need to get her to see that education is the key to being self-reliant. For the first time in a long time, I find myself grateful that my fucked-up home life has given me the inspiration I need to improve my life. There is no way I'm going back to the kind of existence I had in my childhood. I'm ready for bigger and better things. I will make my way in the world, however hard I have to struggle to do it.
I get a few minutes to eat the sandwich in my bag and glug down a large bottle of water before it's time to meet Dornan. I haven't planned what I'm going to do to Eddie or even what I'm going to say. I just know I have to make him admit that he's the one who released the video to get the proof I need. I'll take his phone and hand it to the police with the passcode if I have to.
Dornan's standing outside the locker room with his hands in his pockets. He nods a greeting to me.
"Have you seen him?"
He shakes his head. "He's always late."
"Maybe we should stand over there." I nod to the wall away from the door. At least then, Eddie won't see us when he's approaching, and we can step into view when it's too late for him to get away.
We wander in the direction I pointed to and wait. It's weird that I now feel more comfortable around Dornan than I ever have with another man. There's no competition between us even though we obviously care for the same woman. I used to feel jealousy towards him, but that emotion has disappeared and been replaced by respect.
I know he's got my back, and that's something I'll never take for granted.
"There he is." Dornan's off before I have a chance to react. "Hey, Eddie," he yells.
Eddie's rushing to the locker room when he jerks in reaction to his name. His eyes widen when he sees us both barreling in his direction. He grabs the handle to the building as though he hopes he can get inside to safety, but Dornan grabs his shirt and yanks him back. He's not a small guy, but he's about fifty pounds lighter than me and Dornan. "What the fuck?"
He sounds indignant, as though we have no good reason to drag him around the back and kick the ever-loving shit out of him. If he pretends that he's not the one who circulated the video, I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself.
Eddie struggles against Dornan's grip but only to free himself, not to land any punches. He knows that against the two of us, he doesn't stand a chance.
"You can come with us willingly, or we'll drag you. You choose." Dornan's growl is surprisingly menacing for such a nice guy.
"I didn't do anything."
I jab him in the chest to silence him. "We know what you did. Don't humiliate yourself by pretending to be a good guy."
"But…"
"Shut the fuck up, Eddie."
As Dornan shoves him forward by the neck, I lead them around the back of the building. This doesn't require an audience. It's better for all of us that what's spoken about and done next remains between us.
Eddie ends up with his back pressed against the rough brick wall. He's panting and sweating, and his face has gone a weird mix of red and gray.
"Give me your phone." He looks like I've slapped him, and he makes no move to get it. It's stuffed into the front of his jeans. "Get it, or I'll get it, and I don't think you want me grabbing at things that are around your filthy junk."
"My filthy junk fucked your girl," he says, and I jolt forward, making him recoil before I start to laugh.
"Seriously, dude. You think words are going to mess with my head. I'm not that weak. Just give me the fucking phone."
Reluctantly, he pushes his hand into his pocket and holds it out. I press the screen and ask him for the passcode. He tries to get away, but Dornan slams his hand next to his head on the wall.
"PASSCODE…" The volume of his voice makes Eddie jump.
"Twenty-twenty." He hangs his head as I tap the numbers on the screen. It opens, and I start to tap through his messages and emails. There are whole message threads of people laughing about the video and metaphorically slapping him on the back for getting Celine back. Back for what? For fucks sake. He was the one who did her wrong.
I run a search for the porn site the video was posted to, and I find his account. He watches some seriously fucked up shit. Old women with young guys. Extreme BDSM. I don't even want to look at it. But then I discover his one upload.
I take screenshots of everything and send them to my phone. I want to delete the video, but I have to leave it where it is for the police to review the evidence. "You're a fucking small dick asshole." I shake my head and shove his phone in my back pocket. "You think you won by doing this shit. All you've done is tell the world that you're bitter and fucked up. All the girls at this university are going to know what you've done. You think any of them will ever want to let your pathetic dick near them?"
His face is blank, but I don't give a shit. He obviously has zero empathy or moral standards. I know it's impossible to teach people like this. He reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways. Just out for himself. Prepared to use other people in horrible ways to satisfy his twisted urges. Willing to destroy others to make himself feel better or to get what he wants.
"Expect a call from the police."
I jerk my head so Dornan knows we're leaving. He gives Eddie such a disgusted look; it's a miracle he doesn't turn into dust. Then, we leave him behind, hopefully shitting his pants.
Dornan keeps pace with me for a while until we're out of earshot. "Do you want me to blow off training, because I can?"
"Nah. I'm good. I'll deal with this, but thanks for helping."
"You didn't need my help, but it's all good. I was worried you would lose your cool, but you seem to have calmed right down."
He's right. I have. The burning, rumbling energy that I used to carry isn't there anymore. It feels good to be without it.
"I'll let you know what happens," I say.
His mouth twitches with a smile. "Let me know how you get on at the hospital. If you need anything, I'm around."
I want to give the guy one of those manly bro hugs I've seen on TV but never done myself, but although I feel different in many ways, I'm not there yet.
"I can't wait to see that guy get punished."
"Me, either." Dornan looks over his shoulder, and we watch Eddie make his way into the locker room with hunched shoulders. "Training is going to be interesting today."
"Maybe you should tell Coach. It'd be just like Eddie to try to get you into trouble."
"If I have to, I will."
A phone rings and vibrates against my ass, but I resist answering it. Let them wait. Eddie can explain why he doesn't have access to his phone anymore.
"I'll see you later." It's one of those flippant things people say, but I mean it. It would be cool if we could hook up with Celine. Maybe get a takeaway and hang out at Travis's. Maybe do some other stuff, too.
"Yeah. Call me when you and Celine are done if you want to meet up."
It's like he read my mind.
"Okay. We will."
As I walk away with Eddie's phone still buzzing and Celine waiting for me, I feel more settled than I have in years.
The police took the phone. They ask me how I got it, and I reply, 'no comment.' The officer presses his lips together but bags the device up anyway. When I give him the password, he cocks an eyebrow but still doesn't ask. I guess he's happy that he has the chance to easily clear a case from his workload.
At the hospital, Celine holds my hand as we make our way to the ward. Mom has been moved now that she's conscious. When I'm asked if Celine is family, I tell them she's my fiancé, so she can come inside with me. The blush that spreads up her cheeks at the suggestion makes me want to kiss her hard.
Mom blinks up at me, surprised to see us. It's been a while since I visited her at home. The risk of running into my dad is too great, so I've stayed away for months.
"Elias." She stretches her hand out, and I take it. It's weird that I don't really feel anything when I touch her. As a kid, I was desperate for her love and protection. When Dad would beat me, I'd look at her and plead with my eyes, but she'd never stop him. She'd look away or go into another room. I know it's because she feared he'd turn his fists on her. He did it often enough, but I was her kid, and she should have done whatever it took to defend me. Her weakness isn't forgivable, even if it is understandable.
"How are you feeling, Mom?"
"Like I got run over." She laughs lightly and then winces.
"I went to the police," I tell her. "I told them it was Dad."
"Why did you do that?" Her horror makes my skin crawl. Celine, who's still holding my other hand, gives it a squeeze.
"Because he needs to be stopped. He's not going to change. Maybe next time he'll kill you."
"No," she says, but it sounds weak.
I'm not going to argue with her about this. I decided when I went to the station that things would be different. She has to take a stand, or I'll cut them both off entirely. There's no middle ground anymore.
"Either you tell the police that he assaulted you, or I'm not gonna see you anymore, Mom. You have to decide now. I can't watch this happen to you over and over anymore. It's gone on for too long."
Her face twists like she's in pain.
"He showed up at my game the other day and started throwing his weight around. I don't want to see him anymore. I'm done. And you should be too."
"But Elias…"
I hold my hand up, and she shrinks against the pillow, worried I’ll hurt her like he does. That stings worse than anything. Her hair is matted, and her face is a patchwork of green, blue, and purple. She looks old before her time and so damned tired.
"There are no buts anymore, Mom. This is it."
Her lips thin as she presses them tightly together, and I know I was right. She's not going to say anything. Nothing's going to change. She can't live without him, and that's the disturbing truth. In my heart, I knew. It's why I went to the police first, so that she'd feel some extra pressure. I hoped it would be enough, but it's not.
"I'm happy you're awake. You're obviously recovering, and that's a good thing. But I'm not going to come and see you again. Not until he's out of your life for good."
I turn to Celine, and her pretty, green eyes are so soft when they focus on me; it's like she's stroking my face tenderly just by looking.
"Let's go," I say, and we do.
When we get to the car, Celine wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. I encircle her with my arms, and we embrace for the longest time. "You're doing the right thing," she murmurs against my chest.
"I know."
"It's hard, and you have to stay strong. She'll come around."
"If he doesn't end her first."
She squeezes me tighter and then tips her face to mine. I don't even think about what it means to kiss her. I don't ask if it's okay. We're still walking this tightrope where neither of us has admitted to feelings or been honest about wanting more. I want her so badly, my palms itch with it. It's the same way I felt when I was a kid, hoping Santa would bring me something good. A yearning hopefulness that I keep praying won't be dashed.
When we part, I think about earlier. "Dornan wants to hang out tonight. Are you up for it?"
"Sure. Shall we go to Travis's?" It's like she read both our minds.
"You call Dornan. I'll drive."
So that's what we do.
And a difficult day turns into a perfect night, but still none of us are brave enough to say what's really in our hearts.