Chapter 18
Hudson
There’s a lot riding on tonight, so it’s hard not to feel pressure, but as soon as I see Shannon’s jeans and casual sweater, her eyes wide with wonder, I know I’ve chosen well.
I lead her inside to the kitchen where three types of chicken wings sit on the counter along with a bowl of salad and another of fresh fruit.
“This smells delicious,” she says with a smile, her eyes roving around the space. The kitchen is open to the living room, a small hallway contains the bathroom, and farther down are my bedroom and a guest room.
“Can I get you something to drink? Soda, tea, lemonade, milk, beer, wine, liquor?”
“What are you having?” she asks, almost like she’s afraid she’ll make the wrong choice.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” I reply, shaking my head and putting the ball back in her court.
Understanding that I’m giving her complete control this evening, she smiles and nods.
“I’ll have a beer, please.”
“Good choice.”
I grab two beers and slide one across the counter to her after smacking the lid with my palm against the edge to open the bottle.
She huffs out a laugh. “That shouldn’t be hot, right?”
“Let’s not worry about what things should be tonight and instead, just accept them as they are.
Come here, I want to show you the best part of the house.
” I hold out my hand, desperate to touch her even though I said I wouldn’t.
The second she slides her palm against mine, I curse whatever or whoever made it so this woman didn’t cross my path until she was already married.
Leading her out onto the back porch, I smile as she drops my hand and walks to the edge of the deck, bracing her beer and her free hand on the wooden railing. The river is only about thirty yards in front of us, and if it ever floods, I’ll probably lose my house, but so far, so good.
You can’t live based on the what-ifs. You have to weigh the risk against the desire and see which one wins out.
“My God, this is amazing,” Shannon says.
“I thought you might like it after you mentioned your outdoor space was your favorite part of your house. We can come back out after dinner while we have dessert.”
Her eyes flash to mine and I know the mention of dessert sent her somewhere erotic. She confirms this when she answers, “I don’t think it’s food I’m craving anymore.” She takes a step closer to me, her nipples pebbling against her top as she steps into my space.
“Was it ever?” I ask, my voice far too low for this early in the evening. I allow myself to get carried away with images of bending her over the deck railing, pounding into her from behind while she screams my name to the river below.
“No,” she whispers, biting her lip as she steps fully into my embrace, running her hands over my chest. “I can’t get that kiss out of my head, Hudson. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore, but I get glimpses of who I want to be when I’m with you.”
“That’s all I want you to be. Yourself. Exactly as you want to be.”
“How do we do this?” She tilts her head back to look up at me. “What is this? And what comes next?” She’s asking questions I don’t have answers to.
“I’ve never done this, so I can’t tell you. But we’ll figure it out as we go.”
“I have this fear that I’m bringing too much baggage with me and I’m not offering enough in return,” she admits sadly.
I place my fingers under her chin and meet her eyes.
“Shannon, you are enough just by being you.” There’s more I could say, but it seems a little premature to tell her that a wife and child of my own are my biggest desires these days.
That sharing everyday life with her from cocktails on the back porch after work to carting kids to hockey, wrestling, or ballet to going to backyard barbeques at Phoenix’s together would be the greatest privilege.
When she looks at me, I momentarily forget my grief over Will.
She’s the only person who’s been able to give me that relief since he died.
“I’m five years older than you, Hudson,” she continues, like she’s trying to talk me out of this. “I have an infant, and when I leave, my husband, he won’t let me go quietly.”
“Would he ever hurt you?” I ask, the violence behind my tone unmistakable.
“Not physically,” she assures me, “but he’ll certainly hurt me in other ways.
If I know him at all anymore, he’ll be more upset that I’m ruining his perfect reputation than he is about me leaving,” she pauses, pain flickering across her face before she starts again.
“The wildcard is Serafina. I don’t think he’d try to take her from me because his schedule won’t allow it, but if he finds out I’m… ”
She shakes her head, trailing off unable to say the word.
“Having an affair?” I fill in the gap, allowing her to nod her head without having to say the word.
“Yes. Then maybe he would try to take her from me just to punish me. I really don’t know anymore.”
“We’ll circle back around to this, but let’s go eat. I want to get to know you better while we have the time, because if we do this, we both need to know it’s not going to fizzle out once the lust fades.”
She nods, laces our fingers, and follows me back inside the house. “I appreciate your rationality,” she says behind me. “Clearly, I’ve thrown mine out the window.”
“I don’t expect mine to hang around for long,” I admit. Case in point, as soon as she’s through the door, I spin around and back her into it, caging her in with my body before crashing my lips to hers. Frantic doesn’t even begin to describe this kiss.
The sound of her phone ringing from her purse finally pulls me away from her now-swollen lips.
“That could be my mom, I’ll just be a second,” she says, ducking under my arm braced on the door by her head.
I move around the island to grab plates and begin dishing up, but I freeze when she says, “Hi, Gregor.”
The open floor plan allows her words to travel easily without me trying to eavesdrop.
“I’m glad the first meeting went well.” Pause.
“Yes.” Pause. “That’s great.” Longer pause.
“Mmhmm, which reminds me, I ran into Renee Billings at the aquarium today who mentioned something about a company retreat at the Outer Banks just before Thanksgiving?” Pause.
“Right, well you never mentioned it to me and I’m afraid I can’t go.
I can’t request time off of work so soon after being hired.
” Pause. She comes back into view and I watch her face grow red and her jaw clench as she pinches the bridge of her nose, releasing a resigned sigh. “We’ll talk when you get home.”
She hangs up and slips her phone back in her purse and tosses her beer bottle in the recycling before walking around to my side of the bar.
“You got any vodka?”
“I’m not big on vodka, but I have top shelf tequila and limes.”
She nods. “That’ll do.”
I abandon the plates and turn to the cabinet, reaching high.
Stretching my arm overhead like this causes my shirt to ride up and I feel her tongue land on the skin just above my waistband before I have the bottle in my hand—thank God, otherwise I might’ve dropped it on her head as my body jerks in response to her touch.
She licks her way from my hip bone to the strip of hair that runs from my belly button to the base of my dick, which is rapidly acquiring all the blood my body has to offer.
On her knees, she dips her fingertips into the top of my jeans and pulls down, revealing more of my skin.
I want to be everything she needs, but not like this.
“Hey,” I grab her hands and pull her up, “I’ll give you anything you want, but when you take it, it needs to be about us, not a reaction to anything he said or did.
” I echo my words from that night at the lake because I mean them.
For her and for me. This already has the potential to destroy us both, no need to fan the flames by being reactionary.
She blows out a frustrated breath.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she repeats, taking a step away from me, rubbing her fingers across her forehead.
“He didn’t even ask about my day. Didn’t ask about our daughter.
He was only concerned that my little career is interfering with his plans.
Maybe that’s what it is to be married…you just assume that person will always be there and after a while you don’t have to pretend to be interested anymore. ”
“That’s not true,” I respond vehemently. I loathe that attitude and everyone who supports it. “Don’t let him jade your thinking, Shannon. You should never take your partner for granted.”
“The crazy part is I’ve convinced myself that he broke his vows first. He vowed to put me above all others.
He may not be sleeping with his colleagues or his clients, but he definitely puts their needs above mine.
Too bad society views having sex as the only act of infidelity.
I’ll be burned at the stake wearing a scarlet A if this ever gets out and not one person will stop and ask why I felt like this was my only choice. ”
“You do have choices. Don’t allow him to make you think you don’t. They aren’t easy choices, but rarely are the important things in our lives decided by easy choices. I’m attracted to you, but this ends here if you feel like you’re being backed into a corner and I’m your only option.”
“You’re the only option I want,” she whispers after a beat.
I reach up again, grabbing the bottle quickly, and pour two shots. Seems silly to bother with mixed drinks when she clearly wants a buzz that will help block out Gregor’s bullshit.
She raises the shot glass to her lips, but I catch her wrist in my hand before she can throw it back in one swallow, just to make sure we’re on the same page.
Her eyes travel where my hand is gripping her firmly.
“I won’t lay a hand on you tonight if you’re buzzed or drunk. This is dangerous enough and not a risk I’m willing to take just for sex.” Goddamn Jake and his pep talk.