Chapter 17 #2
I’m unsure of what to say. I hadn’t expected to have anything in common with this woman. “Yes, me too,” I finally mutter. “I grew up on the coast and miss it every day.”
Her eyes light up at this information and she claps her hands together.
“Would you be interested in volunteering here sometime? We have a lovely group of people, and all our volunteers get free entry with their families.” She cocks a wry smile.
“Not that you or I need it, but it’s a nicer visit if it’s free.
” My stomach churns when she places she and I in the same category.
“You must be proud of Gregor, up for partner so soon,” she gushes as I silently pray for this interaction to end.
“I am proud of him, yes.” At least it’s not a lie. “He’s worked extremely hard.” And because I’m getting less skilled at biting my tongue, I add, “and he’s sacrificed a lot of time with us.”
Renee purses her pouty, filler-injected lips.
“Don’t they all, honey? That’s a man for you.
” Not all men. I think about the way Hudson talked about his sister and her kids.
The things he does for them and the ways he puts them first. Her laugh ignites a flame of discomfort deep in my belly.
“But as long as Simon keeps paying the mortgage on the condo in Cabo, I don’t really mind. ”
When I have no response for that appalling comment, she fills the uncomfortable silence.
“Well, I’ll let you girls get on with your day. Think about my offer to volunteer with us! You can let me know at the fall retreat.”
“The what?” I ask, switching Serafina to my other hip as my brows pull together in confusion.
“Oh dear, I hope Gregor wasn’t planning on making it a surprise.
The company is hosting a fall getaway in the Outer Banks just before Thanksgiving.
Hard to believe that’s only three weeks from now, isn’t it?
It’s kind of a meeting of the minds, if you will.
Regroup before the big trial, get everyone’s ducks in a row, that kind of thing.
Should be perfect for you since you love the beach so much! ”
Two thoughts simultaneously fill my mind.
On one hand, I am elated to have a trip to the coast in my future…
on the other hand, it won’t be the revitalizing trip I need.
Instead, I’ll be spending my days with Renee and the other wives, listening to them discuss things like how their housekeeper was tardy for the third day in a row, the private school their kids attend is raising tuition again, and *gasp*, the Mercedes dealer only had a vehicle in their A-class to give as a loaner when Pamela turned her G-wagon in for scheduled maintenance.
And then another thought hits me. I start my new job soon. I can’t ask for time off before I even start.
Deciding it’s not in the cards for me to get to the coast just yet, I try to politely decline.
“Oh, it sounds lovely, but unfortunately, I don’t think Serafina and I will be able to make it. I’m actually going back to work in the next couple of weeks and I can’t take off so soon after being hired.”
“Oh dear.” Renee sighs, looking crestfallen.
“Well, Gregor reserved a room and RSVP’d for you both, so do let us know as soon as possible.
Perhaps you could join us for the weekend?
I’m heading up the retreat this year with Simon being so busy.
It’s really a lovely time. The men discuss work, and the wives sip champagne in the spa.
” Her eyes sparkle as she describes my perfect day from hell.
What was once expected of me now angers me.
The life I once chose now seems suffocating.
The agreeable, good wife has turned bitter and resentful over being taken advantage of.
The man I believed would honor and cherish me has cast me aside in favor of his work colleagues, his clients, and his lifestyle.
Calling on me only when his family man persona is needed in order to fit in.
I fully acknowledge that I’m in the wrong with Hudson and perhaps my desire to see him, touch him, connect with him, makes me far worse than my husband who abandoned me in a different way. But in this moment, I couldn’t care less.
Renee and I part ways on platitudes and promises that I’ll think about both the retreat and volunteering at the aquarium. Renee doesn’t mention coming over for drinks and I don’t bring it up.
After the aquarium, I grab a shower, and give Greg a call when I get out.
He doesn’t answer.
I put on light makeup, for once not feeling like it’s an obligation and just wanting to look like a fairly put-together version of myself, and pick a matching bra and panty set.
I choose to leave the lacey, silky, enticing pieces out of the equation for now, and slip into jeans and my favorite lightweight sweater.
I pull my hair back into a stylish messy bun, cute in the way it looks effortless and functional because I can’t stand when my hair is in my eyes. As I’m assessing the final image of comfortable, casual, confident Shannon, my phone rings and a lump forms in my stomach until I see it’s just my mom.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. I just remembered you told me Gregor is out of town tonight. Do you want to come over for dinner and that drink and let me snuggle my granddaughter?”
“Oh, uh, I’m actually having dinner with a friend tonight.”
“Tell me you didn’t hire a babysitter without even asking me!” my mom cries indignantly, making me laugh.
“No, mom. She’s coming with me.”
“Is it a play date?”
Not for her, I think to myself.
“Not really. There won’t be any other kids there.”
“Are you meeting…you know what? Never mind. You’ll tell me what you want me to know.”
I sigh, needing to get it off my chest anyway. “Actually, yes. I am meeting a man. His name is Hudson. But it’s just to try and figure out what we’re doing and what comes next.”
“Well, it sounds like a boring night for my granddaughter! Drop her off to Nanny on your way. Your father’s at the Moose Lodge until nine, so Serafina and I can have a girls’ night.”
My heart skips a beat. I don’t have a good reason to tell her no.
“You’re sure?”
“Shan, sweetheart, do you know me at all?” she teases.
“Okay, I’ll bring her by, but I can pick her up by eight-thirty.”
“There’s no need to wake her after dinner just to change where she’s sleeping, let her stay the night.
That way you can have some extra time with your man friend and I’ll bring her by tomorrow after breakfast…
as long as you think you’ll be done working it out by then.
” She chuckles and her innuendo slams into me.
“Mooooooom!” I screech into the receiver.
“Shannon, if you think I’m dumb enough to assume you aren’t getting naked wherever you’re going, then I didn’t raise you right.”
“Mom. No one is getting naked,” I argue. Besides, I think to myself, we got off just fine last time with all our clothes on thank-you-very-much.
“Just so we’re clear, I don’t condone your actions Shannon Elizabeth, but I’ve lived enough life to know that not everything is so black and white. And you need to tell Gregor sooner rather than later. You know what they say about playing with fire.”
“I can just about guarantee that Gregor will make sure I get burned no matter how soon I tell him. See you in twenty.”
Afraid he might think I plotted and planned in an effort to stay the night I shoot Hudson a text.
Shannon
My mom called and wanted a girls’ night with Serafina. I’ll be coming alone. Just didn’t want you to think I was scheming.
His response is immediate, like his phone was already in his hand.
Hudson
Scheme away baby ;)
The knot in my stomach loosens as I notice for the hundredth time how easy-going Hudson is.
He doesn’t twist my words or read meanings into them that aren’t there.
He doesn’t make me feel like shit every time I voice an opinion.
I hadn’t realized that I feel the need to justify myself in almost every interaction I have and it makes me angry.
After I drop Serafina off at my mom’s, I type in Hudson’s address.
I know the general area, but don’t come out this way much.
According to the GPS, I’m following the Wilson River north.
Turning onto his property, I notice it’s more of a gravel road than what I would consider a driveway.
It winds through the trees, and although it’s only five-thirty, it seems darker under the canopy above.
When the gravel road spits me out at his house, my breath is stolen from my lungs. It’s as if Hudson had somehow reached into my mind and taken one of my dreams and turned it into his reality.
In front of me is a small, A-frame cottage right on the river. It’s far more enclosed in this spot than I imagined it would be. I shut off my engine and steel myself for whatever lines I’m about to cross.
My breathing is ragged simply from the possibilities before me. The guilt that should be gnawing at my subconscious is notably absent. And all I can think about is the rush of pure adrenaline I feel.
Every time I’m near him, a hit of dopamine courses through my veins which only serves to fuel my lust. It’s the kind of intensity that makes you want to douse your entire life in gasoline and has you volunteering to strike the match.
I’ve never felt anything like it before and something tells me I never will again…not outside of Hudson, at least.
What happens when the one that got away was the one you were never supposed to have in the first place?
Before I can get lost in more of my thoughts, I step out of the car.
Hudson opens the front door and I damn near fall right back in my vehicle.
His hunter green Henley almost causes him to blend in with the scenery, except for the part where Hudson Goddorah doesn’t blend in with anything.
Not to me, at least. The man is far too attractive to fade into the background, no matter what the background is.
“This is incredible,” I tell him, looking up and spinning in a slow circle to take in the nature around me. I half expect him to say something like it’s not as big as yours or there’s no pool out back, but he doesn’t.
He simply smiles and says, “Thank you. It’s exactly what I wanted when I got out of the military.”
It’s then I realize my own responses to people have been so programmed into me, to stay humble around the other partners and basically become complimentary through self-deprecation. Interacting with someone so comfortable and confident feels like jumping into a cool spring on a hot summer day.
“Come inside, I’ll show you around,” he says, nodding his head toward the front porch and the open door. His hands are in his pockets, and I wonder if it’s so he doesn’t touch me. There is no doubt in my mind that Hudson is giving me the reins tonight.