Chapter Thirty-five Vaughn
Chapter Thirty-five
Vaughn
I hadn’t planned on coming tonight, but I was out on the field practicing when the volleyball game started, and Rowan convinced me to take a break and hang out for a bit.
State Championships happened over the weekend.
Springfield won. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the game, but I heard it was a blowout.
All-state teams were announced today. I made the first team, but I don’t really feel like celebrating.
Austin and Rowan were named to the second team, though, and I couldn’t deny them the celebratory hang just because I’m in a wretched mood.
I can tell by her expression Lacey wasn’t expecting to see me either. My fingers tingle as they brush the side of her waist.
She takes another step back and moves to sit on the other side of Rowan. As far away from me as she can get. Ouch.
It should be a relief because I don’t have to make small talk or linger in the awkwardness that’s still present in our every conversation, but instead, it annoys me.
I want to talk to her, ask her how the test went today, how she’s been.
It feels like weeks since we talked, even though it’s barely been a day.
I wait until halftime to approach her. She can’t hide the flash of surprise in her eyes as I take the seat next to her.
“Enjoying the game?” I ask. What a dumb question. Frost Lake’s varsity team is up by twenty points and playing the bench. It’s hardly riveting.
“Yeah,” she says anyway.
The rest of our group stands. I’m happy to keep sitting with her alone, but Rowan turns to her.
“Do you want anything from the concession stand?”
“I’ll just come with you.” She gets to her feet like lightning, all too eager to get away from me.
Rowan’s gaze slides to me and there’s a hint of pity there. “You coming too, Cap?”
“No. I should probably get home.”
“You’re not staying?” Lacey asks, and I think I might detect the slightest bit of disappointment in her tone. Or perhaps it’s relief. Not knowing kills me.
“I have some studying to do.” Studying I’d way rather do with her. I promised myself I’d stay on top of my grades. I saw how easy it was to get behind, and I don’t want to do that again.
She nods, and as I stand, Rowan offers me a hand slap and side hug.
Austin juts his chin at me. “We should get together sometime next weekend. It’ll be nice to hang out without a six a.m. wake-up call looming over us.”
“Yeah.” I nod my agreement even though I never minded the early mornings all that much.
Lacey lifts a hand in a wave.
“See you,” I say to her.
* * *
When I get home, Dad is sitting in the living room, hunched over his laptop. We’ve barely talked at all since the game on Monday. Not that our silence is all that different from normal.
He glances up at me as I stop in the kitchen to warm up food. “I heard from an old teammate of mine. He’s the head coach for Dublin, and he’s going to be at the showcase in Detroit this weekend.”
“That’s cool.” Dublin isn’t Arsenal, but they’re good.
Arsenal has been my dream since I was little. I know it’s unlikely I’ll end up there, but sometimes dreams are just about pushing you to work hard enough to make something possible.
In truth, it would probably be easier to go to a different team where Dad’s legacy wouldn’t cast such a big shadow, but his love of the team was passed down to me at an early age and I’ve never outgrown it.
Dad sets his laptop on the coffee table and stands. “We’ll leave next Thursday. The showcase runs through the weekend. Skills testing on Friday followed by a tournament.”
“Wait. We’re going?” I ask. We’ve done showcases and camps before, usually in the summer when it doesn’t interfere with school or soccer here.
Club teams are already formed and practicing.
The only reason I haven’t started back yet is because my team’s coach gave everyone the week off in case they were going to watch the State Championship game.
“Yes. It’ll be a good test for you to see where you’re stacking up against your peers outside of the district. There’s a big world beyond Frost Lake.” He looks at me like he’s daring me to disagree.
Of course I know there’s a big world out there, but after all his talks of focus and his acting disappointed, this feels like a big leap.
“The homecoming game is Friday.”
Dad looks at me with confusion. “You have an opportunity here. Don’t waste it. Besides, you don’t even like football.”
It’s true. A month ago, I wouldn’t have batted an eye at missing it, but that was before… I swallow the lump that threatens to form in my throat. Before Lacey.
I can already picture her, decked out in blue and white, wearing the biggest smile as she cheers on the sideline. The image makes my stomach drop.
I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. She isn’t mine and there’s no reason for me to go.
“Sounds great,” I say.
* * *
The following day at school, I’m hanging with the guys before first period. I’m not really keeping up with the conversation, but I smile or laugh when everyone else does.
When Claire arrives, Austin angles his body to let her into the circle between us. She glances up at me.
“Hey,” she says.
I tip my head to her in greeting.
“How’ve you been?” she asks. The rest of the group has jumped right back into conversation and isn’t listening to us.
“Good,” I say automatically.
She gives me a knowing smile.
I downgrade. Good is a stretch. “I’m fine.”
“Yes, Lacey has been very ‘fine’ too.” Her smile turns sympathetic. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
“Yeah, me too.”
She angles her body, so she has her back to the rest of the circle. I know Claire well enough to read her expression, and right now she’s angry. “Then why didn’t they?”
Shit. I walked right into that trap.
I consider my words carefully. Claire is Lacey’s best friend. She’s going to have her back instead of mine, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get where I’m coming from. “You of all people should understand.”
“This isn’t me and you. Lacey is different from us. She’s nicer. She believes in people with her whole heart. And when she falls, she falls hard.”
My throat tightens. “I know. Trust me, I know. I just don’t have anything to give. If I did, she’s who I’d choose every time.”
Claire’s brows rise, and she studies me for a beat, as if she’s surprised by my admission.
“Wow,” she says finally.
The truth makes me feel raw inside, and Claire continues staring at me until I shift uncomfortably.
“Anyway, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt her. I thought I could do things differently this time, but I guess I was fooling myself.”
She looks like she wants to say more, but my skin tightens and itches until I have to move, do something, go somewhere, anything but continue this conversation.
“I gotta go. See you later.”