Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
DORI
The ball of guilt stuck in my throat goes down as I swallow. The torture I’m putting Hunter through fills my body with shame. I shrink because the sad look on his face guts me.
“Hunter, I’m sorry. I wish I had the answers you want.” I get up and stand before him, knowing Jami asked me not to end things with Hunter completely until he gives me the go-ahead.
“Can I ask how you’re dealing with Jamison around all this?” Hunter rests his butt against the counter and folds his arms over his chest.
What I did with Jami tonight flashes in my mind. My cheeks heat, so I escape the situation by returning to the couch.
“Honestly, it’s easier with him.”
“Please don’t walk away from me. Just explain what you mean.”
I face Hunter with guilt oozing from my every pore. “It’s just different. If I move forward with Jami, nothing in my life changes.”
“Really? Nothing?” Hunter pushes off the counter. “If you get involved with Jamison, you lose me. So does that mean I’m nothing to you?”
“No, Hunter. That’s not what I mean. I’m saying I don’t have the work issue weighing on me.”
He releases a frustrated breath. “I’m starting to think you prefer Jamison over me.”
“Hunter, how I feel about him is different than how I feel about you. You and I have a passion that’s off the charts. We have a lot of fun with each other, but I know nothing about you.”
“How can you say that? You know me more than most.”
“Anytime we start a deep conversation, you either get mad or come on to me to avoid the topic. I want more…I don’t know, closeness.”
“What kind of closeness? Because something tells me you don’t mean sex.”
“Christmas is right around the corner. I’d like to be able to celebrate it with my boyfriend. I’m sure you’re getting together with your family and there’s no way I could go with you. That hurts because I feel like I’m a dirty secret, but I’m sure Ava could go.”
“And if you’re with Jamison, can you be out in the open?” Hunter tilts his head and shrugs like he’s hinting at something.
My brow furrows. “What are you getting at?”
“How would your brother feel about you and Jamison being in a relationship?”
What the…?
“I don’t know.” I scan Hunter’s face. “Why would you bring my brother into this?”
“They’re best friends, so I wonder how that would impact their relationship.”
Does Hunter know something about this?
My throat constricts and I stop talking. We need to focus on the roadblocks in our relationship, so I steer it back .
“Being in a relationship with you means we live in a fake reality.”
“The way I feel about you is anything but fake.” He joins me on the couch.
“I know that.” My shoulders roll forward. “What do you want me to do, Hunter?”
“Give us a chance. I want us to go back to how we used to be. I want us to go public and deal with all the repercussions together. You know I won’t let you fall, personally or professionally.” He inches closer to me.
His hopeful green eyes plead with me. I avert my gaze and glance at the fireplace.
“You can’t control what happens to me professionally.” I stand and walk toward the window. “My career is important to me.”
He comes up behind me and rests his hands on my shoulders. “You can’t get past this, can you?”
I face him. “No, I can’t. My mother married her boss and then quit. She hasn’t worked a day since. She’s stuck with my dad because she gave up her career to be with him. I don’t want that for myself.”
“Tell me how we get through this. How do we make it to the other side and get back together?” His arms fall to his side.
“I don’t know, or I would’ve done it a long time ago.” I take his hands in mine. “This isn’t easy for me, but you deserve to know everything.”
“I don’t like the sound of where this is going.” He tries to pull away from me, but I don’t let him.
“My heart is with you, but it’s also with Jamison. I’ve never talked to you about this because of how angry you get, so please try to remain calm.”
“So when you told me you wanted to rebuild your friendship with him, was that the truth?” He drops my hands.
“Yes. My relationship with him is based on the foundation of friendship. Without that, he and I have nothing. ”
“Be honest with me. Do you want more with him?”
My posture softens as I know I’m about to break Hunter’s heart. “I’m sorry, but I think I do.”
As horrible as I feel, a weight lifts from my shoulders. Hunter deserves to know I love Jamison. He needs to understand the whole picture.
“I don’t understand this.” He steps away and marches to his coat. “I need some time to think about everything.”
“Hunter, please don’t leave like this. Try to see this from my point of view. I’ve known him for a long time and after we… I love him.” My heart squeezes.
“You love him? That’s great news. Just what I was hoping you’d say.” His sarcasm is evident.
“Hunter, I still lo?—”
“Don’t say it.” He spins back to me, his face red. “It’s not possible to love two people. Not in the same way or on the same level.”
I rush to him. “I never said I love you the same way. You’re two very different men. It’s hard to explain, but I love you too.”
His face burns red. “That makes no sense. Your heart can’t be in two places at once.”
“You’ve got to believe me when I tell you this, but I’m not trying to hurt you. I just want to be honest with you. I don’t want to lie to you or hide it. Jamison knows I love you both, and it’s only right you know it too.”
“Why? What purpose does it serve?” Hunter’s chest heaves as he fights for air.
“I’m telling you so you understand that I’m struggling. There’s a lot more to all of this than you realize. If it was just you and the problems we face, this wouldn’t be so hard. But he’s in the picture, making this decision difficult.”
Hunter laughs sardonically. “I wonder if you would feel that way if you knew everything there is to know about your perfect Jamison. ”
“What does that mean?”
Hunter shakes his head. “Maybe you should ask him.”
Jamison’s words echo in my ears. He’s in trouble. He admitted he had a mess he needed to clean up before we could go forward, but he promised me he would tell me everything when the time was right. My mouth goes dry and my heart shrinks with dread.
Could his troubles mean the end for us?
Hunter’s shoulders square as he stands tall. “I’m not perfect, but neither is he. You should know that going forward.”
“I never said he was perfect.”
“You didn’t have to. If this is about who you want more, it’s only fair you see him for the entire man he is. Not just the one you’ve held on a pedestal since college. He’s got secrets and they’re not small ones that you’ll easily be able to turn a blind eye to.”
My eyes narrow. “What do you know about his secrets?”
“I know enough, but you don’t. If you’ll excuse me, this conversation is over. I need to think about what you just told me because I’m not someone who shares.” He picks up his coat, the muscle in his jaw twitching.
“Where does this leave us?”
“It leaves us exactly where we were when I got here. The only difference is now that I know you have deep feelings for him, I’m seriously reconsidering how I should feel about you.” He slides into his coat and takes out his phone.
The ground opens and swallows me whole. I knew this would happen, so I’m not surprised, but it’s still painful.
“I’m sorry, Hunter.” My head falls forward. It never feels good to hurt someone.
“My car is waiting. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” He hesitates and then closes the distance between us.
He lifts my chin with his fingers. My gaze connects with his. Love still fills his eyes. He leans over and kisses my cheek .
“I wish I knew how to let you go.” He turns and leaves into the cold winter night.
I’m about to knock on Jami’s office door when a commotion erupts from the other side.
Hunter’s voice carries through the walls. “I didn’t tell her anything, Jamison. All I’m saying is I could’ve ruined you last night.”
“You know what’ll happen if you do, so I suggest you back off,” Jami growls.
My limbs go numb. Jami’s threatening Hunter. I never knew Jami could be ruthless, but I’m starting to get a different picture of him.
Am I not seeing Jami’s dark side because I don’t want to?
A phone rings in his office.
“Hunter speaking. How can I help you?”
The room’s silent for a moment. The pounding of my heart makes the area feel as if it has a pulse of its own. The door opens and Hunter storms out. His eyes widen when he sees me.
“Let me call you back. I’ve got someone in front of me right now.” Hunter hangs up. “Dorothy, why are you standing outside of Jamison’s office?”
“I was getting ready to knock when you opened the door.” I shift closer to the doorway.
Hunter eyes me up and down, then shakes his head. “I’ve got an important call to take. Jamison’s all yours.”
I nod as Hunter stalks away. Once I turn back, I find Jami leaning against the doorframe.
“How much of that did you hear?” He raises his eyebrows and gives me a don’t BS me look .
“Enough. Can we talk in your office?”
“Yes. It’s probably best we do.” He pushes off the doorframe and waits for me to go in.
I plant my ass in his chair near his desk. My mind’s all over the place. I already had a million questions and now I have more.
He shuts the door and walks over to his desk. He rests his butt against it, peering down at me. His eyes are cold and calculating. He runs his hand across his freshly trimmed beard, waiting for me to say something.
I stand so I’m at Jami’s eye level. “Why are you threatening Hunter?”
“Because he wants to use what he knows and ruin us. If he tries, I have a list of things I can toss your way.”
“This is getting out of hand. You told me to trust you, but now I know Hunter knows about your mess. Why can’t you just tell me and make this all go away?”
“Dori, you said you would trust me while I figure out how to get out of this bind. This is part of giving me that. When I asked you to do something for me, this was exactly what I was talking about.”
Jami takes my arms into his hands. “Hunter’s going to see we’re getting closer. He’ll keep pushing you and try to ruin us until I wipe my shit clean.”
I wiggle out of Jami’s grasp. “How does Hunter know about your troubles?”
“He did some digging. He found out some things and has been holding them over my head. I told you this is bad, but you have to know it’s nothing I don’t plan on telling you. I just need the time to get it on the right track before I do.”
A thousand angry butterflies flap around in my chest. “I don’t like any of this. It feels like you’re both using me as a pawn.”
Leaving me in the dark is something my parents are professionals at doing. I hate it .
“Dori, you’re not being used. If anything, it’s the one thing Hunter and I agree on. That’s why I can’t dive headfirst into this with you.”
“It seems like you want to tell me, so just do it. Trust me like I’m trusting you.”
His gaze drops to the floor. “I want to confide in you. I’m so close to being able to tell you everything, but it doesn’t change the fact that if I do, I’m risking a lot. Too much right now.”
I evaluate him for a minute. The Jami I know is good and honest.
Is he still that person?
My palms get clammy and I swallow my anxiety. “Just tell me this. Are you into something illegal?”
His head pops up. “No. I’m still the same person you know. The shit I’m in is all personal. It’s messy and could hurt you if I don’t set it right.”
“Hurt me? How?”
“You said you would give me time and trust me while I fix this. Please give me one more night. And even after that, you can’t tell Hunter anything.”
I splay my hands out and shrug. “Why? What does Hunter have to do with this? And why do you need one more night? If you’re that close to telling me, why can’t you do it now?”
I press because I’m so close to knowing everything I want to know. The anticipation of it is killing me, causing the base of my neck to tingle.
He motions to the chairs. “Sit and I’ll explain.”
I do as he asks. “Just tell me now, Jami. I’ll keep it between us.”
“If I told you now, you wouldn’t. You would storm out of here without any explanation. Trust me. I know you and you won’t stop to listen to me.” He sits beside me.
“Then answer my other questions. What good is one night going to do? ”
“I need to talk to someone first. Once I do that, I’ll be able to tell you everything.”
“You promise?”
“Yes. If everything goes as planned.”
I press back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest.
His gaze darts around my face like he just snorted a line of coke. “I’m pushing my luck by telling you any of this. If I don’t get this other person on board first, it’ll blow up in my face. But like I said, I’m fighting for you this time, so I need to do that before I confide in you.”
My eyes squint and my stomach twists inside out. “Who do you need to speak to? And what if this person doesn’t do what you want? Am I to assume if they don’t come around, you’ll keep your secrets from me?”