Chapter 25
Mason
My head began throbbing long before my eyes opened. It was the type of pain that came from hours and hours of crying. In the back of my mind, I’d hoped all of this had been a dream, or a prank, or an elaborate joke.
But, as the ache resettled behind my eyes, I knew I had imagined none of this.
Two of my lovers were murderers. And I had no idea what to do with that fact. I didn’t want them to go to prison; I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to break up with them. All I knew was I needed to keep my kids safe until I figured it out.
And, if I wanted to figure anything out, I needed to rest and clear my mind. As long as the kids were asleep and Rosie wasn’t screaming, I could rest as long as I wanted, and that was my plan until I tried to roll over.
I hissed as my stomach tightened; it wasn’t as painful as it’d been yesterday, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable.
Before I could fully process the sensation, a hand appeared on my back.
“Shhh, you’re alright.” The voice was velvety smooth and deeply comforting.
The sudden fact I wasn’t alone mixed with everything else going on scared the living piss out of me. So, instead of melting into the touch, I shrieked and fell off my beanbag, face-first, onto the carpet.
Inhaling sharply, I looked toward the bed. My heart fell out of my chest when I didn’t see Rosie. The carpet was soft under my feet as I dashed over, ready to tear the whole mattress apart.
“Rosemary?” I called, high and panicked, as if she could answer. “Rosie!”
“Hey, she’s okay. She’s asleep in a Pack ‘n Play with Leona.”
I whipped toward the voice, still breathing too fast, too shallow.
Lucian stood behind me, dressed in the clothes he’d worn to work yesterday, hair tossed into a messy bun. He held his hands up like I was an animal he didn’t want to scare off.
“She’s fine,” he repeated, softer this time. “Leona’s got her. She didn’t want you to worry.”
I pressed a palm to my chest and forced out a shaky breath. Relief washed over me as I stared up at my husband, but a rush of nausea and a dry ache in the back of my throat quickly joined it. And, like a complete basket case, that was enough for me to start violently sobbing.
Lucian froze halfway to me, his hand stretched out like he wanted to reach for me but couldn’t. Slowly, I crumpled onto the mattress behind me and drew my knees up as high as they could go.
This whole thing was mortifying, but I couldn’t stop.
The floor creaked as Lucian recovered from the shock I’d inflicted upon him and crept over to me. He sat beside me, the bed sank, and drew me ever-so-slightly closer. Not that it mattered either way, considering Lucian manhandled me so my head would be on his lap.
“What’s wrong, Kitten?” He whispered.
My lip quivered, and while I knew I needed to tell him about the serial killers in our house, and maybe about Cameron and the cult, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Over time, maybe I could forgive them, and maybe even regrow the trust they’d killed, but I didn’t think Lucian would.
Was I fucked in the head for thinking this was a forgivable offense?
Or, seeing as I wasn’t sure this warranted jail time, was I just as bad as them?
Could only those irreparably damaged love me for who I was?
I winced at the thought. That was so inconsequential. Why was I even worried about that?
“Mason,” Lucian hummed, softly patting my stomach. “I love you, but I can’t read minds. If words hurt, tap my knee twice, and I’ll grab your phone so you can text me instead.”
Slowly, I shook my head, tears rolling from my cheeks onto his ripped jeans.
“I’m just tired, and hungry, and thirsty, and falling apart.” Somehow, falling apart didn’t feel strong enough.
I was disintegrating in real time, and I couldn’t even give myself time to stop and process. Not with the kids and having to go to California for work in a few days.
Lucian laughed, almost to himself, and I wanted to smack him.
“What’s so funny?” I snapped, rolling over just enough to look at him.
His pupils were normal today, but he was pale and sweaty. Maybe I’d made up the fact that he was using again. Like my mind felt the world was too safe, so it invented problems to keep me on my toes.
“Of course you’re hungry and thirsty, have you seen this belly?” He ran a hand down the curve of my stomach. “You’re eating for two, Kitten.”
My lips parted to tell him to stop it, I was just bloated, and it was gross that he insisted on touching me right now. Then, I froze.
I never told Lucian I was pregnant again.
Cold crawled through my chest, spilling into my veins until even my fingertips ached with it. I blinked, slow and deliberate, hoping maybe I’d misheard him. Maybe he’d meant something else. Maybe I wasn’t awake at all.
“How did you know?” I whispered.
“Minus the fact that it’s obvious?” He slipped up my loose shirt, planting his palm above my belly button.
The warmth of his skin melted into mine, and I relaxed for the first time in hours.
“Leo told me. She was ready to hit me over getting you pregnant again so soon–but hey, accidents happen.”
Lucian shrugged, and I studied him for a moment. Out of all my partners, I expected him to take it the worst, even if I wasn’t sure why.
“I think it’s Sebastian's,” I added, suddenly feeling a bit like a slut.
And not in a good way.
Rosie might have come from a one-night stand, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt who her dad was. Right now, Sebastian was my guess, only because he was the only one who ever took risks with unprotected sex.
Lucian looked offended for about half a second before kissing my forehead. “Condoms can fail, so we’ll see.”
Suspicion blossomed in my chest as I watched Lucian. Not the sharp, frantic suspicion that made me want to run, but the slow, creeping sort that slithered into the cracks of my psyche and made everything look like evidence in an investigation.
He said it so casually. Condoms can fail. Like he was already rehearsed, like he’d been waiting for me to bring it up. And that’s when I remembered that morning in the kitchen, a flashback of Lucian throwing my birth control just out of my reach.
But… he wouldn’t do that to me. Would he?
“You okay? You’re looking a little pale.” Lucian played the part of a concerned husband, placing his hand on my forehead as if checking for a fever.
“I… I’m fine,” I lied, forcing a tight-lipped smile. “My stomach is empty, and it’s making me kind of sick.”
My expression pinched as I swallowed.
Once again, Lucian patted my stomach; this time, it felt like he was praising me for doing something cute. The touch made my skin crawl, and I did my best not to flinch; if I pulled away, he’d know I was suspicious.
So instead I laughed. Quiet, shaky, forced. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. I still haven’t told everyone.”
“And that’s fine.” He leaned over and kissed my stomach. “You remember that diner we used to go to?”
“When we lived in that shitty two-bedroom apartment near Sophia’s college?”
Lucian nodded.
It was our first attempt at being adults.
Leona and Atticus were smothering me, and between the three of us, Lucian, Sophia, and I could barely afford rent without begging my mom for the money my dad sent for child support each month.
The place was small and old, and the hot water in the bathroom sink never really worked, but it was ours.
The diner up the street would be our treat. A genuine stretch of the word, seeing as meals were about five dollars a plate back then.
“I’m pretty sure it’s open twenty-four-seven still. If you want to go, everyone else is asleep,” Lucian sing-songed.
In my chest, a weird sense of dread told me to say no. It was the same dread I’d gotten right before my car accident with Seb. And, while it was likely just a coincidence then and lingering anxiety now, the invisible fear glued me in place.
I tried to smile, but the expression cracked halfway up. “Isn’t it a little late? Plus, we both used to get burgers, and we’re vegetarians now.”
That was a shitty excuse, seeing as I’d been sneaking bites of highly processed animals for about a week now. But, in my defense, the baby wanted it, not me.
Lucian grinned like he hadn’t even noticed my discomfort. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be just like old times–plus, if you feel better after eating, we can pack up and go home.”
My chest seized.
How the hell did people breathe? I’d been doing it for my entire life, but at the moment, the skill escaped me.
Did he know our house was one degree of separation from a prison? Did they send him to get me to come home?
“I don’t think I should leave Rosie,” I mumbled.
Jas and Juni would be okay, but Rosie was still breastfed and oh so little.
“She’ll be fine,” he countered instantly, the words sounded far too smooth. “Leona practically raised you, and her kids have turned out fine. I think she can handle a few hours while Munchkin sleeps. Besides, I miss you. Don’t you miss me?”
“No, I do.”
“Then, let’s go, it’s been a while since we had a date.” Lucian’s word was final, and he slipped out from underneath me before pulling me to my feet.
“Lucian, I…” My voice cracked. “It’s the middle of the night. What if the kids wake up?”
“Then Leona gets up with them. She’s their aunt. She loves it.” His hand lingered at the small of my back, steering me toward the door like I was a guest in my own skin.
Every nerve in me shouted Don’t go. But my mouth betrayed me with a tiny, obedient laugh.
“You make it sound really easy,” I mumbled.
“That’s because it is. Not everything has to be war or a trick. Sometimes we can just be in love and do things that couples do.”
Lucian led me to the front door before bowing to put his boots on.
“You wait, I’ll help you put your shoes on, like I did with Rosie.” The words rushed out of him, and my mind sped to try to keep up.