Chapter 25 #2
“No, it’s okay, I’m not that far along.” I didn’t know how far along I was. But I knew it wasn’t almost thirty weeks, like it had been when Luci and I got back together.
I tried to grab the leather sandals I’d slipped on in my rush to leave Hartwood, but Lucian was one step ahead. Without looking, he pulled them away, pinning both under one of his knees.
He wasn’t listening to me, and that wasn’t how Lucian was. Not with me.
“Lucian–” I practically groaned his name before reaching for the sandals once more, not caring if I knocked him on his ass.
“Shh. Let me.” He pushed my hand away and grabbed my ankle.
He held me so delicately I almost forgot the fact that he’d stolen the choice away. Almost. His thumb brushed over the round bone on the side of my ankle. His touch lingered just long enough to send another wave of unease up my spine, and I hated that I felt like this.
“The good thing is, your ankles aren’t swollen yet.” He fastened the buckle on my sandal and started with the other.
“Can you maybe not talk about things involving my pregnancy? It kind of seems like you’re obsessed.”
Lucian paused mid-buckle before looking up at me with lifted brows.
“Obsessed?” He said slowly, like he’d never heard that word in his life. “I’m not obsessed, I’m invested.”
He fastened my other sandal and put my foot down before running his hand over my stubbly shin. It was like he needed to touch me.
“You’ve been through a lot,” he explained, wrapping his arms around my legs.
Slowly, he pulled me in, resting his chin on my stomach as he looked up at me as if I were a goddess.
“It’s my job, as your husband, to make things easier for you.
I don’t want you to even have to think if you don’t want to.
For the next however many months, you’re mine.
” His fingers tightened on my thighs. “I’m going to wait on you hand and fucking foot until the baby’s here, and maybe after too, if you let me. ”
My throat went tight. I laughed, because it was easier than screaming or asking what the fuck was wrong with him tonight.
“Lucian–”
He stood and offered me his hand again, this time with an air of patient confidence, like he knew I wouldn’t reject him.
“Come on, Masie,” he said, forcing my fingers between his. “Let me take care of you. That’s all I want.”
Any form of protest stuck in my throat, and once again, I chalked all of this up to me being dramatic.
Lucian was a caregiver. He loved to be needed, and to show his love by doing. He loved kids. He’d wanted a big family since we were teenagers. This was normal for him, and I was being a paranoid stick in the mud.
Together, Lucian and I stepped out into the night. I hadn’t realized it’d started misting until we stepped outside, and I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth. Without the need for words, Lucian removed his hoodie and slid it onto my shoulders.
It was warm and smelled like him, and something about this small comfort made me think everything might be okay.
I tugged the hoodie tighter, burying my face in the collar like a teenager again.
“You know what I want?” I asked, my tone almost conspiratorial.
“What?”
“I want french fries, with the alarmingly yellow cheese.” My mouth watered at the thought. “And a Shirley Temple, with extra cherries.”
Lucian’s arm tightened around my waist, and he promised I’d get just that. I nudged him with my elbow, intentionally trying to annoy him while ignoring how good this felt.
By the time we reached his Jeep, the asphalt glistened with mist. I reached for the door, but Lucian swatted my hand away.
“I told you, you’re not going to have to lift a finger, not while I’m around.” He pressed his lips to my temple and reached around me.
His thumb depressed the button on the handle, and Lucian started to pull the door open. But the second he did, I heard the slight slap of plastic on pavement.
Instinctively, I bent down to grab whatever fell, but so did Lucian. Our fingers nearly collided, but he was slightly faster. He snatched the ziplock bag off the ground with one hand, slipped it back into his pocket, and offered to help me up with the other.
I looked up at him, but stayed close to the ground.
“What was that?” I asked, already fearing the answer.
“Vitamins,” he mumbled before shaking his hand at me.
“Vitamins?” I echoed, making a point to stand up straight without his help.
Lucian nodded. “I’ve been working long hours between doing shit with music and running the shop. I thought they’d help keep me healthy.”
He sniffled and rubbed a finger across his nose as if he were itching it. I took a step back.
“What type of vitamins?” I folded my arms tightly across my chest.
Lucian’s jaw bunched as his eyes flicked between me and the ground. His tongue swiped across his chapped lips as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“Oh, you know, the normal kind?” he ventured. “But it’s nothing you need to worry about. Come on, you said you’re hungry.”
Lucian tried to force me into his passenger seat, but I kept my feet planted on the ground. The heat of suspicion crawled up my spine, shielding me from the chill of the mist seeping into my clothing.
“If they’re just vitamins, maybe I should take one,” I extended a hand toward him.
Lucian froze.
“Mason,” he said my name slowly, as if I were holding him hostage. “They’re not for you.”
“I know, but they’re just vitamins.” I shifted around for a moment before resting a hand on my back, trying to ease the dull ache that had decided now was the perfect time to pop up.
“I, uh, yeah,” he swallowed hard and fished the bag out of his pocket.
His hands trembled as he pulled it open, and I placed my other hand on my stomach.
“Sorry,” I explained with a dry laugh. “I’m so uncomfortable right now.”
Lucian’s eyes darted from my hand on my stomach back to the open bag in his palm. For a split second, I thought he might actually hand one over. Instead, he pinched the opening closed again and shoved it back in his pocket.
“You don’t want these,” he said quickly, voice too bright, too thin. “They’ll, uh, they’re not good for the baby. Here, if you’re hurting, let’s get you inside. I’ll pick up food and come back.”
I narrowed my eyes but let the silence hang. My belly cramped again, and I winced, trying to breathe through it. His hand was there instantly, rubbing circles low and careful, like he could knead the pain away.
“Okay, inside. Now.” He tried to command, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen.
“Lucian?” I asked, looking at him as if this were the first time I’d actually seen him in forever.
“What, Sweetheart?” Those words sounded incredibly annoyed, but I ignored them.
“Those aren’t vitamins, are they?”
Lucian’s hand froze against my stomach. For the first time all night, he didn’t move, didn’t try to soothe me, didn’t even blink. It was like he was weighing all his options as fast as he possibly could.
“No,” he admitted, looking at the ground. “They’re not.”
My throat closed around the lump rising there, part morning sickness, part heartbreak.
“Then what are they?” My voice came out smaller than I wanted.
Lucian’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, still tracing patterns on my stomach. Like the minuscule comfort he provided would be enough to distract me.
My eyes started to burn.
“Lucian,” I pushed him away. “What are they?”
Lucian crossed his arms before looking up. When his eyes met mine, they were full of something dark and guilty, but not remorseful.
And, without the need for words, I knew what those pills were. Maybe not the specifics, but I knew enough to say, with confidence, that Lucian had relapsed.
And, for the umpteenth time, my heart shattered. The only difference was, right now, I wasn’t worried about how emotionally obliterated my husband left me.
Instead, all I could think about was the kids. And I would be damned if I let them grow up with the same level of uncertainty that I did.
My kids, Jasper and Juniper, included, deserved better than to be raised by a gang of murderers and an addict. And, the desire to give them better than I ever had lit something in me. Something powerful, and hot, and uncomfortable to sit with.
But whatever it was spurred me to turn my back on Lucian.
And, for the first time since returning to America, I didn’t care if he followed.