6. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Laura
I walk into the hospital behind everyone else, and my entire body feels numb. Natalie holds my hand, sensing the only way a best friend can that I'm on the verge of a full meltdown. It feels like my entire world is about to crumble down around me, and the moment I see Jax, I know. Deep down, in my heart, I know it's over.
"He looks relaxed," Benji says. "That's a good sign. He hasn't relaxed since the night she vanished."
"Shut up, asshole," Natalie says, but he doesn't even acknowledge her. They never do.
Seth rushes up to Jax and grabs his shoulder. "What happened? How'd you find her?"
Jax shakes his head and barks out an incredulous laugh. "She found me."
"What?"
"I walked out of the house, and she was just... standing there."
"Does she know where she was?" Natalie asks, but Jax doesn't even look in her direction. Or mine. We stand right next to each other, and my fiancé can’t even bring himself to look at me. That says everything right there.
I force a smile on my face as a few of the people in attendance give me sad, pitying looks. I want to punch them all in the face, but I won't because I'm too damn passive. As much as I wish I could tell them all where to go, I don't.
"She knows nothing," Jax says. "She doesn't remember anything prior to being abducted."
"Wait," Sage says, and I would like to punch her most of all. "Does she know you?"
"She doesn't even know herself. Didn't know her name until I told her,” he says.
"But she's okay? Allie's okay?"
He nods and swallows. "She has cuts from running barefoot through the woods when she escaped whatever hellhole she was held in. They're keeping her overnight and have her on antibiotics and fluids. She's severely malnourished, and she's really pale. But she's alive, and she's here."
"Why doesn't she know who she is?" Jax's mom, Lynn, asks.
I stare at the woman who would be my mother-in-law had I decided to elope in Vegas with Jax like he'd suggested. This whole situation would be different if I hadn't been so selfish. I wanted this big wedding and to show everyone I finally got what I've wanted for almost twenty years, but I could've had it already. He would've been mine, legally.
"She has a..." he says and touches the back and right side of his head, "six-inch gash that healed improperly or something. Either hit her head or was hit with something, and it's likely affecting her memory."
"Is it permanent?" Drew asks, his eyes wide .
Drew's the only one who even remotely seemed to support us, but I know he's on Team Allie. Everyone is on fucking Team Allie. Just as I'm about to get everything I want, she comes back? I know it's terrible to think, but I always kind of hoped she was dead. I didn't want her to be suffering, and I wanted some closure for Jax. Her being alive just ruins everything.
"It's possible, but the doctor is optimistic that she may regain her memory. She remembered the house, which is where she went when she got out of the woods. She ran from wherever it was she was being kept, and she was just right there. Because of that, he thinks there might be a trigger that will bring back everything. Right now, though, she doesn't remember anything other than her time with whoever it was that took her."
His mother pulls him into a hug. "At least she's here, and she's safe. She's alive, and she'll be fine, right?"
Nodding, Jax lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah, she will. They’re keeping her in overnight, and I'm going to stay with her. She had a fever, so they're giving her antibiotics through an IV. She should be released tomorrow, and she's coming home with me. Hopefully, the familiar surroundings will jog her memory."
And just like that, he guts me like a fish. He's bringing Allie back to their house. My dreams are gone like fucking balloons in the wind. So close, but so far.
"Are the cops planning on keeping an eye on her? I mean, whoever did this is still out there, right?" Benji asks.
Sage's eyes widen. "Yeah, whoever it is can't be happy she's gone. Is she in danger?"
"The cops will keep a round the clock eye on Allie. They’ll have a car outside our house at all times, and if she goes anywhere, she'll have a police escort. There will be cops posted outside her hospital room tonight, too. Part of me hopes whoever did this shows up to try and take her back because I'll save the city money on a trial when I see this asshole," Jax says.
Scratching his head, Drew sighs. "She just walked to the house? From the woods? She was on the other side of the woods? That's like, three miles deep."
"I don't know the details. The detectives kicked me out of the room when they talked to her, probably because I'm still a suspect, but from what I gather, she escaped. And she just ran. When she hit the city, she followed her intuition, and she told me she saw our house in her dreams every night. The red door. I fucking love that red door. Thank God I was late tonight, otherwise I would've missed her."
Late. To our engagement party. He still hasn't acknowledged it or me. Three times he’s glanced my way, and each time, it’s like he’s looked right through me. I'm used to feeling invisible because I'm not outwardly pretty like Sage or Allie. No, I've been referred to as a "butter face." And the only reason I get attention is because of my fake tits. Without them, I only ever ended up with men who were drunk. It's how I learned about beer goggles. They're very real.
"And she didn't know her own name?" Sage asks. "What did she call herself?"
"I don't think she had a name. When she spoke to me, it sounded like she hadn't said anything in years. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse. She didn't even know how old she was or how long she'd been gone. Telling her was the weirdest feeling in the world."
Sage’s lip trembles, and I can’t help but roll my eyes. I'd worry people would feel I'm being petty, but literally no one is even looking in my direction right now. I'm at the back of the crowd, forgotten. No, don't look at the poor fiancée of the man talking about the love of his life coming back from the unknown.
"She doesn't know anyone, but she's in there.” Jax taps the side of his temple and a wry smile forms on his lips. “The way she looked at her mother, the way she spoke to Detective Parsons, and the way looked like she was putting a puzzle together as she tried to figure out what she should do is all Allie. Whether she remembers it or not, she's still there."
"It's a miracle," Sage whispers before bending down and hugging her knees in a sob. "She's alive."
Benji crouches down next to her and wraps an arm around her. "Sage, you good, babe?"
"I just... I've been so scared for seven years. And she's... she's here now."
"You should go see her," Jax says. "Tell her who you are, and she'll know. She looked at me like she knew me even though she doesn't remember me. I know she's still in there. I can feel it."
"Are you sure?"
Sage stands, and Jax pulls her into a warm hug. I've suspected for years that Sage and Jax found comfort in each other, but I've had no proof. This, though, is an intimate gesture between people who have come together naked. God, I hate Sage. I've always hated Sage.
"I'm positive. I'll join you in a bit," he says. "You should have some time with her."
We all watch Sage leave, Benji and Drew appreciating her large ass more than others, and I feel like an outsider. Natalie's hand on my shoulder is the only reminder I'm even here because no one notices me. Not until Jax finally holds my gaze.
"Laura, we need to talk," he says and nods towards the hallway .
Taking a deep breath, I force what I hope is a supportive smile on my face, and I follow after him. At least he's doing this out of earshot of everyone else. But maybe, just maybe, he's not going to end things. Maybe seeing her feels like a relief, but he realizes he doesn't have the same feelings he used to have. The ones that kept me at a distance for all those years. Is it too much to hope that something positive for me could come from this?
"Look, I'm sorry about the party."
I shake my head and reach out to touch his arm. "It's okay. This is a big deal, and I'm glad Allie's okay. We'll figure it out. We can reschedule for another time when things get settled," I say. The look on his face tells me that's not an option, and I find myself backtracking. "Or we can just cancel. It's not like an engagement party is even really that important."
He steps out of my reach and runs his hand through his hair. A surefire sign he's about to tell me something I don't want to hear. "Allie being back changes things, Laura. You have to know that, right?"
"I know. She's... It's good that she's back, and she's safe. She's important to both of us."
"You're not picking up what I'm putting down," he says with a sigh, using an inside joke we used to have.
As much as I want to avoid this, I know I can't. And the look on his face tells me there's very little chance of changing his mind right now. "Oh. You want to cancel the wedding and not get married anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"But... we planned everything. I have the date and the dress. The programs will be here this week, and invitations are ready to be mailed. The Save the Dates were already sent out. We've told everyone we're getting married. "
His tongue slips out over his bottom lip, and he can't meet my eyes. "I tried to move on. Everyone said I had to. They told me it was what Allie would want, and I thought I could push myself to do that if I just kept going."
"Jax, you proposed."
"I handed you a box and said we should get married because you kept bringing it up," he says.
I step back and stare at him. "You gave me a ring. You thought enough about wanting to marry me to give me a ring, Jax."
"I kind of hoped you'd be upset with how ordinary the transaction was and would say no. That you'd be the one to end what we had because you deserve more, Laura. I can't give you what you deserve because I love Allie. I have always loved her, and I always will."
"You didn't have the balls to break up with me, so you half-assed a proposal hoping it would disappoint me enough to do it for you?"
This whole situation feels crazy. And stupid. This has to be a dream. No, a nightmare.
"Yes."
"No, you're just... you're trying to justify ending it with me right now by taking away from what we had. You feel like you betrayed Allie by falling in love with me, so you want to push me away."
"I don't love you," Jax says, his eyes finally meeting mine. "I wanted to. I tried to. In a way, I thought that maybe I could make myself fall in love if I said it enough, but I didn't."
"You're just saying that to make this easier for you, but I know it's not true. I know you love me," I say, doing my best to hold back my tears.
Looking up at the ceiling, he sighs. "I wasn't held up at work earlier. I didn't want to go to this party. To see everyone there, faking their smiles and happiness for us. You're the only one who didn't pick up on the fact that I don't want this, Laura. I don't mean to be so blunt, but you're refusing to hear me. You're a good friend, and you helped me through so much, which is why I don't want to hurt you. But you're not really giving me an option to let you down gently."
"Friend. Right," I say. "You know, I think you have some big priorities to deal with right now, and you should get back to them."
"Laura, I'm—"
"Don't. Just... just go. Please."
Jax nods and reaches out like he wants to touch me, but he doesn't. Instead, he just walks away, leaving me alone in the hallway.
"Are you okay?" Natalie asks, walking past Jax and glaring at him.
Turning to face her, I can't hold back my sobs any longer. "It's over. We're not getting married anymore," I say and slide down the wall.
"Oh, Laura, I'm sorry."
"He never loved me. I knew he'd never love me like he loved her, but I never thought he wouldn't love me at all. I've never been able to compare to her, but I thought he might at least see how much I care for him and love me back."
Her hand rubs my back, and I lean into her. "What can I do?"
"Just... be here? With me. Please?"