9. Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
Laura
" L aura?" Natalie calls as she walks through the door of my house the next morning. The house I was supposed to share with Jax.
It's barely seven in the morning, but I haven't slept at all. "In the kitchen!" I yell to her.
She appears, and I don't care how crazy I look sitting on the floor in my wedding dress. The dress that cost two thousand dollars.
"What the hell happened in here?" she asks, her eyes wide as she looks around. "It looks like the wedding fairy threw up. Or exploded."
Besides me sitting in a sea of tulle, everything I've accumulated for the wedding is scattered around me. Wedding favors. The guest book. Ribbon. Tablecloths in the perfect shade of gray. Centerpiece vases. Flameless candles in multiple sizes. Jars of candied almonds. The programs that arrived early. A stack of invitations stamped and ready to be mailed. The bouquets of fake flowers. It's my very own festive pity party .
"I'm looking at everything I have for the wedding that's not going to happen. The wedding I dreamed into existence only to have it ripped from my bloody and bruised fingers by a sledgehammer."
"Well, that's a graphic image."
"I don't know how much money I can get back. I won’t get the deposit back on the venue, but it wasn't all that much. Same with the caterer. It only cost me three months’ worth of salary," I say as the tears fall. "You know, nothing too much."
After navigating the items on the floor next to me, Natalie sits down and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Laura—"
"I can probably sell the decorations online. I won’t make anywhere near what I paid for them, but at least it's something."
"Why are we doing this?"
"Don't you remember the lovely time at the hospital after my failed engagement party?" I ask, a fake smile on my face. "I'm not getting married anymore!"
"Laura—"
"Allie’s back, Nat. Allie's back, and Jax is gone."
She shakes her head and picks up a yellow fabric sample. "This was going to be the original color of the bridesmaid dress?"
"Shut up," I say, snatching it from her hands. "You convinced me to go with green, so what does it matter now?"
"Okay, we're going to back out of this pity party. Just because Allie's back doesn't mean you lost Jax. He's momentarily pulled back to her, but a lot can change in seven years."
Glaring at Natalie, I frown. "Get real, Nat."
"I'm just saying—"
"He hasn't reached out to me since the hospital. Not even to check how I'm doing. He said having her back changes things. Everything is different now."
Her hand runs over my hair, and I know it's greasy. I haven't showered for three days, but I'm too depressed to care. "Just because it's different now doesn't mean it can't go back to how it was."
"He told me he doesn't love me. That he wanted to, and he thought he could convince himself to, but he never fell for me. That he only dated me because everyone pushed him to move on."
"There is still a chance that things won't work out the way Jax wants them to. He's spent the last two years with you. Maybe Allie won't measure up."
Sighing, I slap my hands on the puffy skirt of the dress in the perfect shade of burnished eggshell. "She's staying at the house with him. The house I was only allowed to take two steps inside of once we kissed. The house that meant more to him than I ever did."
"That's not true."
"He spent two days drunk when he listed it after we discussed how silly it was to have two houses once we were married. Two days. Drunk off his ass."
"Okay, I hear you. But maybe Allie won't ever remember him. I mean, it's been over seven years. If she was going to get her memory back, you'd think she'd have it by now, right?"
I look up at the ceiling as the tears fall from the corners of my eyes and pool into my ears. "I suppose."
"And maybe this new version of Allie won't love Jax. Or, maybe, Jax can't love this new version of Allie. It'll never be like it was if she doesn't remember, and he knows what it's like to be loved fully by someone. By you. "
"Jax would settle for a second-best Allie over runner-up Laura any day of the week. I've lost him. He never loved me. And he was never going to love me like I loved him."
"But you're forgetting that Allie has a say in all of this, too. If she left him, there would be nothing he could do about it. She might not love him like she used to. Or at all."
I sniffle and look at her. "You're right. Allie might not fall in love with him. Maybe that hit on the head Jax mentioned completely blinded her, too."
"Okay, Sarcastic Susan. But maybe someone could talk to Allie. Make her question whether or not Jax is the man she wants to be with. Maybe someone can tell her a few things that plants doubt into her mind. You know... help her make that decision."
"But do I want him simply because he knows he can't have Allie?"
Natalie shrugs. "That's up to you. I know how much you've wanted this. You've loved him since we met when we were thirteen years old."
"I really have."
"So, stop trying to cancel everything right now. The wedding is nine months away. There's plenty of time for him to come around. And I'm certain you can convince him of what he's missing."
"He took the house off the market," I say, and she can't hide her grimace. "Exactly. The house he felt more pain over losing than walking away from me. The precious house he bought with his precious Allie over eight years ago."
"What can I do?”
Twisting my hands together in my lap, I shake my head. "There's nothing. It was stupid of me to think Jax could ever love me."
"He did. That ring on your finger shows you he did. It may not be in the way you deserved to be loved, but he did love you. As much as he was capable of, anyway. And he might be capable of loving you like you deserve if Allie rejects him."
"Am I terrible person for saying that I'd always kind of hoped we'd find Allie's body? Not Allie but her remains. Bones."
Sighing, Natalie shakes her head. "Considering the circumstances, I don't think that makes you a terrible person. I think it makes you a sad ex-fiancée."
Clearing my throat, I reach for one of the jars of candied almonds and roll it around, the little coated nuts in pastel colors making an annoying sound on the glass of the jar. "No, I'm happy Allie's alive. I hope she can adjust to the world again. That she remembers and lives happily ever after with the love of my life while she has my wedding with my husband and living in what should be my house!"
I chuck the jar at the wall, bursting into tears as the glass breaks and sends broken shards and almonds scattering across the floor. Bending forward, I fold my arms on my lap and tuck my head into them while I sob.
"Hey," Natalie says as she rubs my back, "a lot can happen between now and the wedding."
"Give it up, Natalie," I bite back. "Even if I can find a way to push Allie and Jax apart, I'm not getting my happily ever after. Even if things aren’t the same and don't work out, it took him five years to think about dating again. It'll take another ten for him to ever look at me as more than the friend who was there every single day to be the shoulder he needed to cry on. It's done. It's over. I've lost."
“Yeah, with that attitude, you have. Maybe you don’t love him as much as you thought.”
I glare at her. She never liked Jax or any of his friends, but she knew how much he meant to me. Still does. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I need to put work in to get him to come back to me. It could happen. Yeah, it could happen.