41. Chapter 41 #2
My mom and dad pushed me to go to college so young just to have me out of the house earlier.
Lucian wasn’t quiet about how he detested my existence.
Leona had once admitted that I made her a little uncomfortable in a passing comment.
Tori White actively hated me, and she’d say just as much.
Even Sophia had been guilty of tormenting me when we were kids.
Mason was the only person in this world who had ever been consistently kind to me. She loved me. She cared about my existence, and she was the only one who ever wanted me for more than what I could provide for her, and even now I struggled to even be good enough for her.
“You don’t, and that’s a terrible thing to lie about.”
His expression softened further, almost making it look like he pitied me. But, there was nothing for him to pity. I was fine. I just needed to break his weird sort of attachment, and once he no longer held something over my head, that would be gone.
I searched the room before realizing the brown paper bag of cigarettes was still by the door near the entryway. Without a second thought I raced to search through the bag.
After rifling through the mostly green packets, I found the only pack of non menthols I had purchased. With the cigarettes in hand, I turned back to see Cameron hadn’t moved .
His unyielding presence continued to gnaw at my frayed nerves, but I pushed down the urge to run. This ended now.
I took my place back to the living room and threw the pack into his lap. He looked confused as he picked it up and examined it.
“Sebastian, what is this?”
I was too distracted by the blood thrumming in my ears to even process his tone of voice.
“A gift. You got me candy, I got you cigarettes. Now there’s absolutely nothing for you to hold over my head.”
“I don’t smoke anymore. Quit cold turkey,” he reminded me, tossing the pack back.
I held the pack in my hand long enough to realize I was shaking. Why the fuck was I shaking?
“I don’t care,” I managed through gritted teeth. “Start again. Give them to someone who does smoke. I just need you to take them so there’s nothing you can hold over my head.”
I launched them back at him. The pack hit his chest before anti-climatically falling. Cameron let out a breath as he stood, leaving him to slightly tower over me. It was strange having someone taller than me, and I assumed that’s why my chest fluttered when he came toe to toe with me.
I straightened my back and took a deep breath as he looked down at me, his expression blank but his eyes still kind. I still struggled to see why someone as lovely as Mason even paid Cameron any attention. Sure he was fine in bed, and he wasn’t terrible to look at, but he was still nothing special.
“You really think I got’cha the candies so I could hold something over your head?” The pain in his voice almost made me feel bad.
This had to be planned. He was manipulating me, he wanted me to feel bad. And, it was fucking working. So I had to double down.
“Why else would you do it?”
His honey colored gaze raked around my face.
“... Did ya even eat it?”
I looked away weaving my fingers into the hair at the base of my neck .
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Once we were home, I got high and read the label and decided they were fine to consume.”
It had been years since I actually had candy, and while the gummy-fish Cameron got me were ripe with the taste of artificial sweetener, I liked them. In my quest to be perfect, I forgot how nice sweet things could taste.
A smile tugged at one corner of his lips, and my knees shook a little. It was probably just my nerves.
“Only you would read the ingredients on something when you’re high.” He laughed.
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” It wasn’t my fault that I was the only person who seemed to care about what they put in their body.
“Nothin’ bad. Just that you’re always thinkin’. Mae does it too, but you both kinda go in opposite directions. She’s all about feelings and you’re all about facts.” Once again, he laughed.
And, for a moment, I felt the truth of his words. Feelings were annoying, and other than Mason, no one had ever cared about mine.
“Look. All I wanted to do was make sure you’d be comfortable with somethin’ like this,” he explained. “With your past, I didn’t want to risk you bein’ uncomfortable.”
…Was Cameron genuinely being kind to me?
“What happened to Sebastian I can’t do this. ” I did my best to mock his drawl, but I had a feeling I failed miserably.
He shrugged as his lips pressed into a thin line. “I said that because I wanted more with you, but I respect you enough to not push. If all you want is sex, that’s on you. But, you’re more than your body.”
Maybe this was why Mason adored Cameron. He was kind. Not in the way that felt forced either. Despite everything that ever happened to him, he remained genuine and altruistic.
And… part of me wanted to know him better too. But, I couldn’t just let myself do that .
“Say, in theory, I’d like to explore the possibility of more with you, what would it look like?” My gaze suddenly felt too heavy to lift and my face was an inferno.
“It’d look like whatever you wanted it to.” His hand appeared on my shoulder. “We can take it slow, and I won’t touch you until I have permission, or anything else you’d like.”
A lump formed in my throat as I struggled with the sincerity in his voice. Cameron Cole was a man with a fake name, which meant I had no business trusting him. But, could I trust this? Could I learn to trust him?
“Can we hold hands?” I whispered, almost regretting the words the second they fell from my lips.
My request was juvenile and not at all one I should have even considered. But, if my relationship with Mason had taught me nothing else, it showed me how much I craved the smallest forms of connection.
He gave me a squeeze on the shoulder before trailing his hand down to meet mine. He twined our fingers together and I felt like I was going to vomit–in a good way though.
“Like this?” His voice was reassuring, and all I could do was nod.
He raised my hand, and his breath warmed my fingers. For a second I assumed he’d brush a kiss to my knuckles, and I’d probably have a heart-attack right there, but he refrained from doing so. Unfortunately .
“Now, like I said, everything is under your control. But… I’d really like it if you could help out with Mason tonight,” he continued.
If he had asked that any sooner, my answer would have been a resounding no. But, right now, all I wanted to know was what exactly we’d be doing tonight.