48. Chapter 48
Sebastian
A sharp, sterile smell assaulted my nose as I drifted toward consciousness.
The rhythmic beeping of machines hit my ears but that wasn’t the sound that drug me out of my dark, dreamless sleep.
That honor belonged to something completely foreign to me.
I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but it almost sounded like a kitten crying.
“Hey, shhh, he’s sleeping.” Was that Cameron?
My eyes snapped open, but I almost wished they didn’t. It felt like I’d gotten run over by a semi-truck. My body ached and a dull throbbing had taken residence in my skull. I tried to move, but it felt like my body was encased in lead.
I laid in silence, taking in the blurry view of the ceiling as I tried to gather my bearings. Obviously, I was in the hospital… But why? What happened– Mason .
Panic surged through me as the fragmented memories glued themselves together to create an awful picture. The icy roads, the flash of terror in Mason’s eyes, the way she screamed as the car skidded out of control, the crunch of metal against the tree.
I struggled to push myself out of bed, but a strong arm appeared on my chest.
“Easy now, don’t get up.” A voice I assumed belonged to Cameron said.
I turned my face to look at him, but all I saw was a massive blob and a smaller pink one.
“Glasses,” I croaked, my voice far more hoarse than I’d expected.
The blob moved out of my line of sight before returning and slipping some glasses shaped onto my face, but they felt far too heavy to be my usual frames. Still, they did their job, leaving me to blink as the world came into focus.
Cameron stared down at me, in his arm was a pink bundle of… something I’m sure. Saying it looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days would be an understatement. His honey brown eyes were rimmed in red, and dark shadows hung from them. His normally well maintained beard looked unkempt.
My first thought was to tell him he could at least maintain his appearance if he wanted to be my boyfriend, but I had more important matters to attend to.
“Mason.” I rasped, my eyes starting to burn. “Where’s Mason?”
My question caused Cameron to visibly wince. After a beat of silence, his expression tensed as he took a deep breath, holding the pink bundle to his chest like a shield.
“She’s okay… She’s stable,” he said, the cracking of his voice betraying his calm facade.
The relief that flooded my system was overwhelming but all too short lived. Stable wasn’t okay. Stable wasn’t even healthy. Stable meant she was alive but barely.
“What happened?” I asked, struggling to process her not being okay.
She had worn her seatbelt. It made sense that I was hurt, but her?
“There was an accident.” He hesitated, looking down and bouncing the pink bundle. “The paramedics said something about Mason seeming okay at first. She delivered Rosie in the ambulance… but then something changed.”
A strange fuzzy feeling crept through my brain, everything we’d just been talking about slipped from my mind like sand through fingers. But, I managed to hang on to one bit.
“Rosie?” I repeated, completely unsure if I heard him right. “Our baby?”
Cameron nodded, looking down at the pink bundle with a small smile. “Yeah. She came a bit early, but she only had to be in the NICU for like an hour. Then they monitored her for a day or so to make sure she’s breathing and eating alright, and now she’s good to go home.”
A day or so? How long was I asleep?
It took every ounce of strength to reach up, my fingers grazing the edge of the blanket. “Is that her?”
“Mhm, and she’s been waitin’ to meet her Dada,” he cooed toward the blanket.
Rosie made some sort of strange grunt as Cameron lowered her enough for me to peer into the blanket cocoon.
She let out the largest yawn I’d ever seen before smacking her little lips.
Something about this moment felt surreal, and I just needed to touch her to make sure this wasn’t some strange dream.
So, I extended a trembling finger and gently poked her cheek.
She was unbelievably soft and warm. Rosie’s face scrunched before relaxing. So this was the being that brought Mason and I together. I knew I wasn’t Rosie’s biological dad, but I assumed I’d be overcome with a rush of emotion when I saw her. Instead, I felt an all consuming numbness.
Maybe I just wasn’t doing this right.
“Can I hold her?” I asked.
“I’d love to say yes, but you’re in pretty bad shape,” Cameron said, his eyes scanning mine. “But, I can put her on your chest. She likes that.”
I nodded to the best of my ability and Cameron took the liberty of slipping my hospital gown down a little before removing Rosie from the blanket and placing her directly on my skin.
The fuzzy pajamas she wore rubbed across what felt like road rash, but I gritted my teeth through the pain. She nestled into me, and instinctively I patted her butt.
“Has Dale shown up at all?” It wasn’t my case anymore, but I wasn’t opposed to putting a bullet through his skull if needed.
Cameron shook his head. “Not a peep from him or anyone at the church.”
“Good,” I breathed. “How long have I been out? ”
Cameron paused and I swore to God that I saw him count on his fingers. “Three days-ish. You’ve been out since Thursday night and it’s Monday morning.”
Once again, Rosemary squirmed, this time her head turning side to side. I had no idea what the absolute fuck this child was doing until her mouth started rooting along my chest.
“Cameron, get the baby.”
He snatched her off my chest. “Sorry, I was just giving her a bottle when you woke up.”
“...Formula?”
He shook his head. “Mason wanted to breastfeed so her nurses have been helping her pump.”
Cameron’s large mass folded into the chair beside my bed as he picked up a small bottle with a yellow cap.
It wasn’t like any of the ones we had at the house.
Cameron brought the bottle to Rosie’s lips and wiggled it back and forth, after a moment she latched on and a vigorous suckling filled the room.
I stared at the two, suddenly forgetting how to blink. “Did Rosie get to meet Mason?”
“The paramedics said they tried to hand her to Mason, but the second they did, Mason had a seizure, and her blood pressure dropped, and a whole lotta stuff I can't bring myself to listen to.” Cameron focused entirely on Rosemary as he spoke, softly bringing his lips to meet the top of her head. “And she ain’t been awake since.”
The silence that followed was oppressive, clinging to every corner of the room. Guilt nipped at my sanity, I should have done more to protect her. I should have driven slower. Maybe if I had just worn my fucking seat belt, she wouldn’t have been so stressed, and then she wouldn’t have seized.
But, Cameron wouldn’t understand if I voiced any of that. No one would. So, I focused on the next best thing.
“Can I go see Mason?”
It was hard not to take note of just how patient Cameron was being with me.
With everything going on, I didn’t notice the thick white cast covering my right leg.
Apparently, I’d fucked it up bad enough to need a rod put into both my femur and tibia, and while I’d be up and walking soon, I needed to see a physical therapist first. Probably something to do with crutches.
But, instead of calling me an idiot for even thinking I was fit to see Mason, Cameron found a wheelchair and did all the work of putting me into it.
The sensation of being lifted by another human was strange, but not unwelcome. When I fully settled into the chair, Cameron handed me Rosemary, and I did my best to keep her away from my nipples as we rolled through the corridors of the hospital.
But, the ride wasn’t nearly as smooth as I had hoped. Each and every bump sent a jolt of pain through my leg, and I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from swearing in front of the infant. I kept my eyes focused forward, noticing a few sympathetic glances from passing hospital staff.
Once again, I bit my tongue. This time to stop myself from telling them to mind their own damn business. They had no idea who I was, and I most certainly didn’t need their pity.
After what felt like an hour, we reached a secluded room at what seemed to be the very edge of the hospital. Considering Mason’s status, I shouldn’t have been surprised that she wasn’t mixed in with the general population.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Cameron’s voice was gentle, but I didn’t like his question.
“Of course I’m fucking ready!” I snapped and Rosie whimpered.
I took a deep breath to quell my nerves, and Cameron was smart enough to not speak to me again.
He pushed the door open, and the sound of my brother’s voice filled my ears.
Lucian was sat beside Mason’s bed, and he looked far worse than Cameron. But, he didn’t hold my attention long. Instead, it drifted to the bed.
Mason lay so still I wouldn’t have thought she was breathing, if it wasn’t for the tube in her throat .
Her face was pallid, and tubes and wires snaked around her body, vanishing into the starched white sheet covering her body. The machines around her beeped, and my mind spun at just how many monitors there were.
I looked back at Lucian as my eyes started to burn, and all I saw was contempt. His gaze was cold and his expression hard.
Lucian’s anger was nothing new, he’d hated me from the moment we met. But, something in his expression was like a punch to the gut.
He turned back to Mason, sweeping a few stray hairs behind her ear before kissing her forehead.
“Cam. You need to get him out of here,” Lucian said through gritted teeth.
“Luce.” Cameron stayed calm, stepping between us. “This ain’t the time.”
“This is exactly the time!” Lucian pushed past Cameron, leaving him to stare down at me.
If it weren’t for the baby in my arms, he probably would have hit me.
“You couldn’t let me have one fucking thing, could you?” Anger broke Lucian’s words.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re too smart to be so fucking stupid ,” he gritted out. “I’m talking about Mason.”
His anger morphed into something worse, despair.
“You killed her,” he choked out.
“Luce, that’s enough.” Cameron’s warning fell on deaf ears.
“She didn’t even do anything wrong! All you had to do was drive her to the hospital. How did you fuck that up?”
Lucian’s callous words served as an echo for my thoughts.
“I don’t know,” I murmured.
“You don’t know? How does the smartest man in the world not know?” he snorted.
“Lucian,” Cameron said with a little more authority, but my brother didn’t seem to notice .
“And now she’s laid up in a hospital bed while you ,” he jabbed a finger into my chest, “hold her baby…. She should be here with us, holding Rosemary and enjoying being a mom, and you should be dead.”
Lucian’s voice struck with the force of a wrecking ball, leaving me completely breathless. But… he was right.
“You need to quit!” Cameron barked, putting his hands on my brother’s shoulders.
“Don’t tell me what to fucking do!” Lucian pushed him away. “He killed my wife, Cameron. You’re my partner, why are you taking his side?”
A stunned silence filled the room, only broken by Lucian’s sobs and the machines beeping. My pulse thundered in my ears as I fully processed his words.
“W-wife? Lucian, you two aren’t married yet.” My words came out strange, like I was begging for that to be a lie.
“Yes, we are! We eloped shortly after we got back from France.”
So… I never stood a chance to be Mason’s husband. The air left my lungs, slowly deflating me like a balloon.
“You…” I struggled to find my voice as my attention shifted to Mason.
She told me she loved me, and that I loved her like they did in the books she read, but this was the second massive secret she kept from me. Did I not love her enough? What was so wrong with me that she never bothered to tell me she was married.
“You never told me,” I breathed, taking more to her than anyone else.
Lucian’s lips parted, and I’m sure he wanted to yell more, but Rosemary beat him to it.
Her tiny wail pierced through the air like a knife, drawing all of our attention. Cameron reacted quickly, scooping her up and rocking her softly.
Something in the sound seemed to snap Lucian out of whatever was going on in his head, because instead of laying into me, he pushed past us and out of the room.
His heavy steps echoed through the hall, growing fainter and fainter until disappearing all together .
“Shhh. Shhh, you’re alright. Papa is here,” Cameron murmured, and I stopped paying any attention to them.
Instead, I wheeled myself over to Mason.
My heart broke all over again as I took in the sight of her pale face, and I reached for a cool hand before bringing it to my lips.
I had a million questions for her and even more things I wished I could say. But none of them seemed to matter, not anymore.
I leaned in, gently kissing her cheek before resting my head on her hand.
“I’m so sorry.” Tears burned my eyes, quickly saturating her sheet.
The weight of the situation pressed down on me, making it impossible to breathe. I replayed our entire relationship in my mind, searching for possibilities that would have prevented this very moment. But, none of that mattered now.
All I could do was hope that Mason would wake up, and wake up soon . Because, as it stood, both her absence and the cloying knowledge were both becoming the final nails in my coffin.