15. Koi
“Girl, have you seen the way he looks at her?”
“Honey, not the way he looks at her, but the way she always calls on him in class. Or how she eyes him and smiles whenever he speaks.”
“Have you seen them in the hallways?
“Rumi said she saw them in a park on the other side of town, holding hands.”
“All she does is seduce these guys. Kylie said that she was pregnant by him, and that’s the reason she won’t leave him alone.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?”
“Girl, I swear on my Mi-Maw’s life, and you know I don’t play ’bout that one.”
My breath hitched in my throat, but I forced my head up and put one foot in front of the other. There weren’t that many students in class. I had only spotted seven, because most of them had taken their finals and were finished.
I was running late for class again, because I had stopped to get breakfast this morning. Salem was always feeding me, and he tried to do it this morning, too, but we had a late night, and I knew that he was tired. I told him to sleep in, and I would see him later.
I heard the conversation between two of my students as I walked into the room.
They both looked up at me when I stepped into view.
One of them, Jada, rolled her eyes, but I also knew she was attracted to Salem.
She’d tried to get his attention earlier in the year, and he had completely shut her down.
The other student, Trista, smirked and took her seat. This had been going on for the last few days. I had seen people staring at me and whispering whenever I walked into a room. I thought that I had gotten past all of that.
The stares, the laughter, and the whispers triggered the hell out of me. If this were starting again, I knew that it would jeopardize my ability to become tenured next year. I had already been closely monitored in the past. The last thing I needed was for the dean to start looking into me again.
What would I say? This time, almost everything they were saying was true, and I couldn’t deny it.
I made a valiant effort to get through the class without an emotional breakdown, though Lord knew that I was on the verge of one.
After class was over, I rushed out of the classroom, unable to take another minute around people. I ran to the closest restroom, because I doubted that I would make it to my office or the staff restrooms before the first tear fell.
Thankfully, no one was in there, and I had a modicum of privacy.
I locked myself in a stall and rested my back against the door.
I breathed deeply several times, but I felt the walls closing in on me.
I could barely breathe, and my chest was starting to hurt.
My fingers clutched at nothing but air as I tried to prevent myself from falling.
I slid down the wall of the restroom, wishing that I could make it all go away.
I pressed my hands flat against the wall, inhaled deeply, and smelled the wintergreen scent of the disinfectant. I forced my eyes open again and stared at the speckled tan and white wall. Then I heard the door whoosh open, and the sound of laughter filtered in from the hallway.
Fighting through anxiety attacks wasn’t easy, but necessary.
The worst part was that I wasn’t at home, but in public and at school, which was the worst of all.
I forced myself to stand and hiccupped in a sob.
I had to get myself together before I stepped out of here and faced anyone.
It took another ten minutes before the other person left the restroom, and I was once again alone.
I gathered my courage and rushed out of the stall.
When I stepped out of the restroom, I didn’t see any familiar faces, just students coming and going to their various destinations.
I rushed down the hall and back to my class.
After I grabbed my things, I decided to leave.
I ran out of the doors onto the sprawling campus.
I wasn’t going to my office. I needed to go home.
I texted my assistant and asked her to reschedule all my appointments.
The knocking didn’t come until seven. It took him a while before he figured out that I wasn’t coming. I sat in my art room and tried to ignore it. After a while, my phone started ringing, and I ignored that too.
Unfortunately, for me, Salem didn’t give up that easily. He kept knocking and calling for a little over an hour. I just wanted him to leave. His stubborn ass wouldn’t give up, though, but I could show him that I could be as stubborn as he was, even if it made me look foolish.
Tired of hearing the phone ring and buzz from endless text messages, I turned it off.
Almost two hours after his arrival, I heard my front door open.
My mother and sister had a key, but they wouldn’t be here.
He wouldn’t have been able to call them because I had not introduced Salem to my family yet.
There was only one other person who had a key to my place, Chelsea. He must have called her, and she was coming to check on me. She burst into my art room in a flurry of blonde and red braids.
“Honey, are you okay?” she asked, kneeling in front of me where I sat on the floor.
I pulled my knees closer to my chest, sniffled, and shook my head. She wrapped her arms around me. “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, Pisces. What’s wrong? ’Cause you had a nigga fucked up worried about your well-being.”
My eyes popped open at the same time that Chelsea turned and looked over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Koi. When he called and told me that he was worried about you, I started calling and texting. My calls were going straight to voicemail. I rushed over to check on you, but he . . . Salem refused to leave.”
I swiped at the tears on my face. “It’s okay, Chels,” I whispered.
“Honey, do you want to talk about it?”
“Not right now.”
“Well, if you’re truly okay, I’m going to leave the two of you alone now. Or do you want me to stay?”
I looked at my best friend and smiled wearily. “You can go, hon. I know you have a date tonight. Sorry for worrying you.”
“Never, sweetheart.” She kissed my forehead and then pulled back. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nodded.
“All right.” Chelsea pushed up to her feet and looked at Salem for several long moments before she walked to the entrance of the room. She grabbed his shoulder and commanded, “Take care of my girl.”
He nodded but never took his eyes off me.
Salem continued lazily lounging against the doorframe with his hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts.
He looked so damn good in the camouflage cargo shorts and army green tee that outlined his muscles and abs.
He didn’t say anything until after we heard the front door close.
“I’ve been calling and texting. Why you ain’t answer your phone?”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t answer your phone?”
“No. I can’t do this thing between us anymore. I thought that I could, and it feels so good when we’re alone in our world, just the two of us, but I can’t stay in that world, Salem. I have to come back to reality, and when I come down off our cloud, the reality doesn’t look so pretty.”
“What’re you talking about, Koi?”
“I’m talking about all the things that are being said and the rumors that are circulating about us. I can’t go through this again.”
He pushed off the doorframe and walked to me. He kneeled and lifted me off the floor. He slid his foot underneath the rung of my chair and pulled it close before he sat down with me on his lap.
“What happened?”
“There are rumors that I’m pregnant.”
“So, what if you were? I wouldn’t mind you carrying my seed,” he replied and placed his hand over my belly.
“So?” I slapped his hand away and bolted off his lap. “This is all a game to you.”
“No, it’s not, but I’m tired of fighting this fight with you. My words, my heart, my love are true, baby girl. If that ain’t good enough, I don’t know what the fuck is.”
“What about my job, Salem?”
“I’ve told you that you can quit that shit. I’ll take care of you.”
“It’s all so easy, huh? I can’t do it.”
“What’re you saying, Koi?”
“We can’t do this anymore, Salem. I’m sorry. I love you, but I can’t be with you.”
He looked at me with disgust, and it ripped my heart out of my chest. After shaking his head, he turned and walked out of the room, out of my apartment, and out of my life. When the door slammed, I broke.
He deserved to have a stronger woman, one who would fight for him. And she wasn’t me.