17. Koi
“In some ways, that was the best thing that you could ever have done,” Mama stated as she set a bowl of chili and crackers down in front of me.
I was sitting with my legs crossed and folded on the couch in the family room in my pajamas.
“You put up with that foolishness for far too long,” my sister, Primrose, chimed in.
“I was just trying to do my job. I didn’t feel like I should be pushed out of there and have my reputation ruined over a lie. I did nothing wrong.”
“You didn’t, Koi, but you should have sued them and still left. Kalvin told you that you had a case,” Primrose stated, referencing her husband.
“It would have been messy, and you know I don’t like confrontation and confusion.”
“Baby, sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand and fight your fight. To hell with all the rest of that stuff,” Mama advised.
When I was called into the dean’s office right after my second class, I knew there was an issue. It was only a matter of time. I also knew they had probably been watching the cameras in my class and saw how Salem interacted with me.
The minute Dean Prather mentioned that there were some concerns about me being involved with another student, I grew angry. He stated that he believed that I was innocent before, but he had to go through the motions. He told me that with a second allegation arising, he wasn’t so certain.
I told him that I refused to go through this again, and I would be handing in my resignation. I went home, packed, and called Chelsea. When we finished talking and she had calmed me down from my crying session, my next call was to my mama while I was already on the road.
I couldn’t call my mama while I was crying. She would have pulled my daddy and big brother, Mason, from whatever they were doing and had them ready to come and get me.
“I know, Mama. But I had a point to prove. This time, I feel like I have nothing to prove. In some ways, it was a relief walking off that campus on my terms.”
“What about this boy?” Mama asked.
“He’s not a boy. He’s a man.”
“Mmph. He’s a man,” Primrose teased and chuckled.
“Shut up,” I stated, shoving her. “He’s five years younger than me, but still.”
“Girl, he’s a baby,” Primrose countered. She is twelve years older than I am and seventeen years older than Salem, so I could see how she might think that.
“Do you love him?”
“Mama—”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then why ain’t you with him right now?”
“I just needed some time, Mama. There’s been a lot of pressure on me, and I needed to think my way through things.
There was pressure from Salem to give in to what’s between us and remain strong.
There was pressure from the school to follow the rules and ethics.
And then there was the pressure that I placed on myself to be true to myself. ”
Primrose reached out a hand and grabbed one of mine.
“Sis, I’m not gonna lie to you. Love and relationships ain’t always easy.
They’re not some romance story you see on TV or a love story you read about in books.
They can be that beautiful, but they can also be hard work and challenging.
You have to put in the work and make the sacrifices to get it to be what you want it to be.
When you do, it’s so well worth it. I’m saying all of this to say that if your heart wants that man, and you know he’s the best thing since sliced bread, then get your man, sis.
Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The two of you will figure out the rest.”
“And as it relates to your career,” Mama interjected, “were you really happy there?”
“I haven’t been for a long time. People avoid me like the plague.
They gossip and whisper, and for the most part, I ignore it all.
But it has become a lonely existence at the school.
My students who are cool and aren’t caught up have excellent conversations with me, but they’re academically based.
I have to place a boundary line, even with them, so there isn’t the illusion of something more going on. I’m just tired.”
“Then you know what you have to do, baby.”
I nodded and resumed eating my food. My mama and sister started talking about my nephew and niece, Chase and Nora, Primrose’s kids. I drifted off into my thoughts, wondering what Salem was doing.
I picked up my phone after a while and decided to text him.
ME:
Hey, I know you’ve been calling and texting me. I needed some time.
My fingers hovered over the button to send it. Shaking my head, I deleted the message and set my phone aside. I owed him an explanation and a response, sure, but I didn’t want to do it over text.
I already knew if I sent a simple message like “I’m okay,” it wouldn’t end there. He would keep pressing the issue until I answered my phone and gave him an explanation. Salem could be stubborn like that.
I picked up my plate and headed for the door.
“Where are you going, baby?” Mama asked.
“Upstairs to finish eating.”
“Why don’t you stay down here with us?” Primrose asked.
“I’m fine,” I called over my shoulder and headed for the stairs.
I heard my mama say, “Leave her alone. You know she likes to be alone, especially when she’s got a lot on her mind. That’s just how she’s always been.”
“You mean when she’s in one of her moods?” Primrose replied.
“That’s just her Pisces nature.”
I rolled my eyes and finished climbing the stairs. Once I was back in my childhood bedroom with the door closed and locked, I turned on the radio to listen to some music. Crawling on the bed, I finished my chili and crackers while thinking about Salem.
He had been wanting to take me out in public for a while.
I had always resisted because of the danger of us being seen together.
I hadn’t wanted to risk my career being with him, but alternatively, I found it hard to be without him.
I thought back to when he was sick and his phone had died.
All I wanted was to hear that man’s voice and feel his arms wrapped around me.
I did love Salem, but I had never been challenged with putting everything on the line to be with someone.
I thought back to my past relationships.
They had always carried some measure of risk, but it was more a risk of my heart than my livelihood.
If I had been able to take the risk on those assholes, then surely I could take it for someone like Salem.
I set my empty soup bowl and plate on my dresser and moved to where I had stored my laptop.
I removed it from my bag and crawled back onto the bed again. I spent the next twenty minutes typing up my resignation letter. After I attached it to an email addressed to the dean, I sat on my bed for a few more minutes with my knees pulled up to my chest and my eyes closed.
Setting the laptop aside, a few minutes later, I proceeded to pray.
“Heavenly Father, I always said that I wouldn’t step out again against Your will.
I promised to seek Your guidance and trust You to give me what I needed in this life.
You gave me a career that has been fulfilling and rewarding.
Even when it was in jeopardy the first time, I still received blessings from just being still.
Well, here I am again. And I know that I’m being tested.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to stay where I am again or if I should step out on faith. The other concern I have is Salem.
“For so long, I prayed that You would send me a man who loved me unconditionally. You sent me someone who I wasn’t even expecting. I’m thankful for that man. Please let his heart be open to welcome me back, and I pray that this is Your will for Salem and me to find love with each other. Amen.”
I lifted my laptop on my lap and opened my email. I stared at the blinking cursor in the email that I crafted to the dean. My phone buzzed, and I glanced down at it.
KING DAVID:
I miss you more than words can say. I just finished praying for you, and I heard God say, “Wait for her.” So, I’m waiting.
My heart exploded in my chest. I couldn’t believe that he sent that message. Tears welled in my eyes, and I found it hard to see. I texted back a short text.
ME:
Thank you for your patience. I promise that I will see you soon and tell you everything. I love you.
KING DAVID:
I love you more.
I set the phone down, closed my eyes, and rested my head against my headboard. The Lord had seen my broken heart, and He immediately answered through the man I loved.
I had named Salem “King David” in my phone because he reminded me of the statue of David that Michelangelo had been commissioned to create.
Every painting and sculpture that I crafted of that man highlighted the regal and royal bearing of a man who knew that he was born to lead and was assured of his place in this world.
I hit send on the email, and with a sigh, I closed my laptop and set it aside. I curled up in a fetal position on my bed and pulled a blanket over me. All I needed was a good cry and a little nap. It always made everything feel better.