Chapter 50
ALIA
Ipad across the kitchen, humming softly as I pour steaming water into my mug. All my ancestors are probably rolling over in their graves as I dunk a tea bag instead of making proper chai on the stove. The thought makes me chuckle as I sip gingerly, allowing the brew to warm me from within.
Meh. I scrunch my nose at the subpar flavor.
Beggars can’t be choosers. Making a mental note to stock some loose-leaf tea in Cal’s pantry, I amble out the sliding doors and onto the deck.
Morning air greets me as I lift my face up to the sun, a gentle shiver washing over me as the slight chill sinks in.
I should’ve worn something more than Cal’s jersey, but I didn’t want to risk waking him up by rifling through his closet.
It’s not much longer before I hear Cal hollering my name.
“Here,” I reply, turning when I hear him barreling down the stairs like an excited little boy on Christmas morning. Shirtless, with immaculate muscles fully on display and hair sticking up at all angles, he looks delectably mussed. And mine.
His gaze lands on me and instantly, the anxiety on his face is replaced with pure relief. His strides are urgent, and I have just enough time to put my mug down before he grabs me in a hug which squeezes the breath from my lungs.
“Callum,” I wheeze, my feet kicking in the air when he lifts me off the ground and buries his face in my neck. “Too tight.”
“I woke up alone. I didn’t like it.”
“I’m right here,” I assure him, cupping his stubble-roughened jaw. “Not going anywhere.”
“Yet.”
One word, and my stomach twists in knots.
With a sigh, I slide my hand down his arm to lace my fingers with his. “Guess we should have that chat now.”
Cal drops into his patio sofa with a thump, widening his knees to make space for me to sit between them. He grabs the blanket tossed over the arm and covers us with it.
I shimmy into his chest, my eyes settling on the massive Cypress on the edge of his backyard. His woodsy scent calms me, his touch anchoring me emotionally.
“I’m sorry,” he starts, his body warming mine. “I’m embarrassed and ashamed of how I spoke to you the other night. I was angry you were leaving me, but what I said was not okay.”
I run my fingers along his forearm, trying to soothe him. His tone is so full of a guilt I don’t want him to feel. “I’m sorry I walked away instead of talking it out with you.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I do,” I insist. “I never planned on not telling you, but I can see why you felt excluded.”
“Forgive me?” he rumbles, dropping a kiss on the exposed skin of my shoulder.
“Nothing to forgive.”
I twist in his arms and arch up for a quick smooch. Maybe it’s because of last night, or maybe it’s because I can finally admit to myself the depth of my feelings for him, but I want to show him so much affection he never doubts what he means to me.
“Baby, as much as I hate that I made you feel shitty, I’m so fucking proud of you for standing up to me.”
My smile grows against his mouth as he pecks me once, twice, thrice before pulling away.
“Really,” he insists. “It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to a person you lo. . . I mean. . .”
I never thought I’d see the day when Cal Finnigan would stutter. I stroke his cheek with my thumb, gently asking for his attention and his gaze homes in on me.
“Do you know what a point of release is?” I ask.
He nods. “It’s when the puck leaves the stick during a shot. It’s critical to scoring a goal.”
“It’s a term in cricket as well,” I add. “That defining point when a bowler decides to let go and, suddenly, this ball that’s been trapped inside a fist is flying toward a wicket with incredible focus and energy.”
I turn to look at him. “You’re my point of release.”
Cal studies me, listening intently.
“There was me before you. I was tired and run down, but I would’ve eventually figured my life out. Then, there’s me after you. I’m more confident, learning to enjoy my life without being bogged down by old mistakes. I’m happy and cared for. You did that for me. But that’s not even the best thing.”
“No?”
“No,” I answer. “The biggest, most important change is you expedited my healing. And, along the way, I found who I wanted to be.”
“Who’s that?” he asks indulgently.
“A woman who isn’t afraid to admit she’s in love with you.”
Mossy eyes flicker between mine, dropping to my mouth then back up. I see his throat bob around a swallow before he lets out a sharp exhale.
“How am I supposed to let you go when you say things like that?”
“Would you let me go if I’d never said anything?”
He leans his forehead against mine with a sigh. “No.”
“I know it’s too soon to feel this way, but—”
“I’m not letting you take it back,” he says decisively.
“I won’t take it back.”
“Good. Because I love you too.”
For the longest time, I felt like I was traveling miles in worn shoes with blisters decorating my soles. Even then, I was getting nowhere. Hearing Cal admit he loves me feels like I’ve finally reached my destination.
“You’re supposed to be the player who cuts it off before things get serious,” I tease, reining in the burn crawling up my nose. “You’re not doing your job right.”
That delicious smirk I love graces his face instantly.
“But you see, that was me before you. Turns out, you’re my point of release as well.”
I sigh, leaning my head against his shoulder. His heart beats steadily under my ears as his hand draws comforting circles on my arm.
“I didn’t say yes,” I eventually mumble.
“Hmm?”
“When my coach offered me to come work with her, I didn’t say yes,” I confess. “I asked for time to think about it. I had second thoughts because I didn’t want to leave you. But. . .”
“But you want to go,” he finishes for me.
“I owe this to the girl who lost her dream.”
My voice is soft, but my words are heard. Cal nods once, like he understands, but his smile is dimmer.
“I love you, Callum. In a way I never knew I could. I know long distance isn’t something you’d pick, and I don’t expect you to wait—”
“You’re fucking with me, right?”
I blink at the simmering hurt in his tone, his brows knotted in a furious, yet endearing, expression.
“We just confessed we love each other and now you’re telling me that you expect me to find another woman because you won’t be in the country?”
“I can’t ask you to wait for me. That’d be selfish—”
“Then be selfish!” he blusters. “Be selfish for me, for your career, for whatever you want. Because I want to give you everything you desire.”
“You could resent me for picking cricket over us.” It’s the one thing I’m afraid of and I wouldn’t blame him for it. I want to be chosen. I want to be loved. Why wouldn’t he?
Cal’s jaw twitches, like he’s working out a response internally.
“I told your ex I wouldn’t make the mistakes he did with you. To my shame, I nearly failed. Forcing you to choose something you’re not ready for isn’t what I want for us.”
I almost pipe up with an argument when he shushes me.
“I’ll miss you,” he admits. “But, if you stay, your heart will be mired in what-ifs and regrets that will corrode how you feel for me. So no, baby, I won’t resent you for going to India. Because I’d rather wait to have all of you than lose you bit by bit.”
“Cal,” I sniff, my throat closing as emotions spike, the burn in my sinuses firing up with a vengeance. “Two years of long distance won’t be easy.”
“I’ve had a lifetime of easy, Tots. I’ve stayed away from complications and allowed myself to feel only surface level emotions.
I don’t want that again. I won’t be waiting because you did or did not ask—it’s because there is no one else for me.
You’re it, Alia. Go make your dreams come true and let me cheer you on like I should’ve done from the first fucking moment.
We’re going to make this work. You know why?
” he asks, lovingly swiping away the wetness under my eye with the blunt tip of his thumb.
“Why?”
“Because,” he pauses for emphasis. “We’re a mash made in heaven.”
I snort out loud. It’s a terrible pun, but he’s so proud of lightening the moment for me, I fall in love with him a little bit more right then.
Cal will always balance the stormy clouds in me, clearing them away gently with his indomitable sunshine. He cups my face and pulls me in for a deep, drugging kiss.
“A few years of hard work, and then a lifetime together. Understood?”
My heart threatens to collapse at the intensity of his words. At how assured he sounds. Certainty thrums through me, growing increasingly stronger until I’m smiling so wide, my cheeks hurt.
“Answer me, baby.”
“A lifetime together,” I promise. No doubt about it.