Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
I f anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be waddling through Prague at twenty-six weeks pregnant I'd have laughed myself into a coma. We were on a quest to find magical catacombs with my godly husband. His goddess sister, and a ragtag bunch of witches and familiars were also in attendance. Yet here I was, feeling like a bloated, magical penguin on a mission. The cobblestone streets of Prague's Old Town were picturesque and doing my swollen ankles absolutely no favors. Each step sent a jolt of discomfort up my legs, as if I needed reminders that I was housing three very active future world-savers in my uterus.
"Remind me again why we couldn't just, I don't know, Google the entrance to these Clockwork Catacombs?" I grumbled as I rubbed my aching back. "I'm pretty sure 'ancient magical labyrinth' would have some Yelp reviews and helpful tips on how to get inside."
Stella looked over at me and snorted. Her blonde hair was perfectly styled, yet she looked about as tired as I felt. "Sure, Pheebs. I'm sure it's right up there with 'Best places to destroy world-ending artifacts' and 'Top ten spots to thwart an evil covenant'."
I groaned, my stomach rumbling loud enough to wake the dead. Which, given our current mission, might not be entirely out of the question. "Speaking of top spots, any chance we could hit up a café? These little magical terrors are demanding sustenance, and mama needs a pastry. Or five."
Aidon, bless his divine heart, wrapped an arm around my shoulders. His touch was warm and comforting, which was a stark contrast to the chill in the air. "I think we can manage that, love. There's a place just around the corner that smells promising."
I nearly wept with joy when we rounded the corner a few seconds later. Halfway down the block was a sugary oasis in a desert of cobblestones and tourists. It was the most adorable café I'd ever laid eyes on. The window display was a work of art. The bakers had filled it with pastries that looked like they'd been touched by the gods. Which, considering our present company, wasn't entirely impossible.
We bustled inside, and the warmth hit us like a wall of comfort. The place was a mishmash of vintage charm and modern hipster chic. I adored the mismatched chairs, exposed brick walls, and plants. There were more inside than the greenhouse back home. The air was thick with the aroma of fresh coffee and baked goods. My mouth watered instantaneously.
"I think I've died and gone to carb heaven," I moaned, making a beeline for the display case.
A young man with more piercings than a pincushion and a man bun that defied gravity, raised an eyebrow at our motley crew. "What can I get for you?" he asked in accented English.
I pressed my face against the glass like a kid in a candy store. "I'll take one of everything," I said, dead serious.
Aidon chuckled behind me. "Perhaps we should start with one or two things, Queenie. We can always come back."
I shot him a look that should have made him run home crying. "You try growing three beings from scratch, and then tell me about moderation."
Nana cackled from her spot by the window. "That's my girl! When I was carrying your mother, I once ate an entire chocolate cake by myself. Your grandfather learned real quick not to come between a pregnant woman and her cravings."
Aidon threw up his hands. “You’re right. I’m wrong.”
After much deliberation, I settled on a massive apple strudel and a chocolate croissant that was roughly the size of my head. Stella ordered some fancy latte with more syllables than should be legal. Nana surprised us all by confidently ordering a trdelník , a traditional Czech pastry. The chimney-shaped, sugar-coated treat arrived steaming and filled with vanilla ice cream, making me instantly regret not ordering one myself.
Aidon, ever the adventurous one, opted for a thick slice of medovník . The Czech honey cake looked like it could put a person into a sugar coma with just one bite. Melino?, on the other hand, stared at the menu for a solid minute before grudgingly ordering a black coffee, muttering something about too many choices.
We squeezed around a table meant for fewer people. I immediately dove into my strudel with the enthusiasm of a woman who hadn't seen food in days rather than hours. "Oh, sweet baby Jesus," I moaned around a mouthful of flaky, apple-y perfection. "I think this strudel just solved world peace."
Stella snorted into her latte. "Easy there, Pheebs. You're making some interesting noises. I think that guy in the corner is getting ideas."
I glanced over to see a middle-aged man hastily averting his gaze. I shrugged, unashamed. "Let him look. This is a religious experience."
As I demolished my pastries with the single-minded focus of a pregnant woman on a mission, Stella spread out a map of Prague on the table. She somehow managed to avoid the dusting of crumbs I was creating. "Okay," she said, tapping various spots on the map. "We've covered this area and this area. Where haven't we looked yet?"
Nana squinted at the map. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. This map is more confusing than a raccoon in a washing machine. You sure this ain't some magical Rorschach test?"
I paused mid-bite, a piece of strudel dangling precariously from my fork. "Nana, it's a map of Prague, not a psychological evaluation. Although," I added as I glanced back at the twisted streets and winding alleys, "maybe the city planners were going through some stuff when they designed this place."
"All I'm saying is," Nana continued, waggling her fork at us, "if this map gets any more complicated, we'll need a degree in quantum physics just to find the bathroom. Now, who's gonna help me figure out where we can store more of these delightful pastries? We need to bring some home to Mollie and Nina and I doubt those delicate boxes will survive magical catacombs."
I shook my head. "Nana, your priorities are seriously skewed. Although," I added, glancing mournfully at my now-empty plate, "if we were looking for the world's best strudel, I'd say we found it. Maybe we should forget the catacombs and stay here instead."
“We will get more before we head to the airport later,” Melino? said as she leaned forward. "What about here?" She pointed to an area near the river. "It's old, it's creepy, and it's got that 'I'm hiding something' vibe." We all stared at her in surprise. That was a lot to get from a map on paper.
"What?" she shrugged, her black nail polish catching the light. "I know creepy. It's kind of my thing."
“We aren’t used to how your powers work,” I replied lamely as we stood to leave.
I used the restroom before we headed out. With my pastry craving satisfied for now, we headed back out into the chilly Prague afternoon. The cobblestones seemed slightly less treacherous now that I had a belly full of sugar and flour. Aidon turned to me with a thoughtful expression as we walked. "You know, love, you have magical mojo the rest of us don't. Have you tried using it to find the catacombs?"
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure," I said dryly. "Because it's just that easy. What am I supposed to do? Play magical Marco Polo with some ancient underground labyrinth?"
"It's worth a shot," he shrugged. "You're carrying three incredibly powerful magical beings. Their power, combined with yours, might be able to sense something we can't."
I sighed, resigning myself to the fact that my life had become a weird mashup of ‘Pregnant and Magical’ meets ‘Indiana Jones’. "Fine. I'll give it a whirl. But if I end up summoning some eldritch horror instead of finding the catacombs, I'm blaming you."
Closing my eyes, I reached out with my senses. I tried to feel for anything out of the ordinary. Which, given that I was a pregnant witch married to a god and walking through one of the most magical cities in Europe, was a pretty tall order.
At first, all I felt was the usual background hum of magic that permeated the city. But then, something shifted. A creepy-crawly feeling tickled my backbone, making me want to do the heebie-jeebie dance right there in the street. As we meandered through the twisty-turny labyrinth some genius called a city layout, my Spidey senses went haywire. Yep, some creeper was definitely eyeballing us. Fan-freaking-tastic.
Holy crapola on a cracker. The freaking sidewalk was doing the cha-cha under my feet, buzzing with some old-as-dirt mojo. The air around us? Snap, crackle, and pop central. Magic was oozing out of every nook and cranny like a volcano with magical indigestion.
I half expected the buildings to start whispering, "Psst, hey you!" It was like the entire city had sucked in its gut and was waiting for the mother of all magical farts to explode. "Anyone else feel like we're in a really weird episode of 'Prague's Got Talent: Magical Edition'?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
Melino?, our resident goddess of all things doom and gloom, had been doing her best impression of a sulky teenager at a family reunion. But then, miracle of miracles, her face did this weird thing where the corners of her mouth actually turned upward. "If that's the case," she drawled, sounding way too pleased with herself, "I'm calling dibs on being the Simon Cowell of this little freak show judging panel. I've got the withering stare down pat, and I've been practicing my British accent for millennia."
"Of course you do," Aidon muttered, rolling his eyes so hard I thought they might fall out of his head and start doing the macarena on the floor.
Suddenly, a gust of wind whipped around us, carrying whispers in a language I didn't understand but somehow knew was a warning. The babies inside me stirred restlessly, their magic responding to the energies swirling around us. It felt like they were doing the cha-cha using my bladder as a dance floor.
"Uh, guys?" I called out, my hand instinctively cradling my swollen belly. "I think we've got company. And no, I don't mean the triplets decided to start a conga line to get out of there."
No sooner had I word-vomited that brilliant observation than the shadows around us started doing the hokey-pokey. And let me tell you, it wasn't your garden variety ‘put your right foot in’ dance routine.
Nope, these bad boys were going full-on Transformer, morphing into something vaguely human-shaped. If humans were made of living darkness and had a serious case of the blue-light specials for eyes, that is. Somebody should really tell them that look went out of style with the 90s rave scene.
And then they opened their pie-holes. Holy guacamole. You ever wonder what it would sound like if the Tin Man gargled with Niagara Falls? No? Well, now you don't have to! It was like some demented DJ had mixed the sounds of a rusty blender with a toilet flushing and called it music.
I squinted at the shadow-people, fighting the urge to offer them a breath mint or maybe some WD-40. "Hey guys, I hate to break it to you, but the auditions for 'America's Got Talent: Steampunk Edition' are that way." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, hoping they'd take the hint and scram.
"You seek that which is forbidden," one of the shadow beings hissed. "Turn back now, or face the consequences."
I couldn't help it. I laughed. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the sheer absurdity of our situation, but suddenly everything seemed hilarious. "Consequences? Honey, I'm carrying triplets with enough magical potential to rewrite reality. Consequences are my middle name. Well, actually, it's Marie, but you get the point."
The shadow beings didn't seem to appreciate my humor. They lunged forward, making me dance backward. Their forms stretched and twisted in ways that defied physics and common decency. It was like watching a Salvador Dali painting come to life but with more teeth and glowing eyes.
Aidon's sword materialized in his hand, glowing with his unique divine light. "Stay behind me, Phoebe." His eyes flashed with protective fury. At that moment, he looked every inch the god he was, and I felt a little thrill run through me. Who said pregnancy killed the libido? Mine was roaring to life while watching my mate.
Before he could engage, Melino? stepped forward. Her power radiated off her in waves of darkness and terror. "Now, now, boys," she purred in a voice dripping with malevolent glee. "Is that any way to treat guests? I thought Prague was supposed to be tourist-friendly."
The air around us grew thick with competing divine energies. Aidon's light, while dark in its own right, still clashed with Melino?'s darkness. The collision was oddly in sync and created a dazzling display that would have put any laser light show to shame. Unprepared for a double dose of Underworld royalty, the shadow beings recoiled.
"You know," I said conversationally to Stella, who was standing next to me with her hands raised and ready to cast a spell, "when I pictured our European vacation, I was hoping for more 'sipping cappuccinos in quaint cafes' and less 'magical showdown in the middle of a tourist hotspot'."
Stella snorted. "Please, like our lives could ever be that normal. Besides, think of the stories we'll have for the triplets. 'Gather 'round, kids, let me tell you about the time we fought shadow monsters in Prague while your mom was pregnant with you.'"
As the two gods worked their mojo, there was a surge of energy from my unborn children. It was like they were reaching out, trying to connect with the ancient magic of their father and aunt. Or perhaps they were connecting with something else. Suddenly, the ground beneath our feet began to shift and rumble.
"Uh, Aidon?" I called out in a slightly panicked voice. "I think the babies are redecorating!"
The cobblestones in front of us began to rearrange themselves, eventually forming a spiraling pattern that led to... was that a door? A massive, intricately carved door that definitely hadn't been there a moment ago now stood before us. Its surface crawled with gears and symbols that hurt my eyes to look at directly.
The shadow beings let out a collective gasp of surprise. "Impossible," one of them whispered. "The Catacombs have chosen to reveal themselves."
Melino? cackled, clearly delighted by this turn of events. "Oh, this is rich. Looks like my little nieces and nephew are already making waves. They take after their auntie, don't they?" She cooed and patted my stomach affectionately.
Aidon turned to me, his eyes wide with a mixture of pride, surprise, and concern. "Phoebe, are you alright?"
I nodded, still a bit shell-shocked. "Yeah, just... wasn't expecting our kids to be such overachievers before they're even born. I mean, I knew they'd be special, but rearranging ancient magical sites and making them give us access? That's not in any of the parenting books I've read."
Nana hobbled over, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Now that's what I call making an entrance! These little ones are going to keep us on our toes, mark my words."
As we sashayed up to the newly unveiled gateway to Bizarro World, the place started belching magic like a volcano with magical indigestion. It was getting all grabby with my own mystical mojo, and let me tell you, it felt like riding a unicycle on a tightrope over a pool of ticklish piranhas. Exhilarating? You bet your sparkly wand. Terrifying? Does a vampire use SPF 1000?
The babies' magic started pulsing away like they were auditioning for ‘So You Think You Can Cause Magical Mayhem’? The door was being a prima donna. It began spinning its gears faster than a sugar-rushed toddler on a merry-go-round made of espresso beans.
I gulped in air like a fish who'd just discovered scuba gear and puffed up like a marshmallow in a microwave. "Well, troops, this is it. Who's ready to take a delightful jaunt through the magical murder maze? I hear the Yelp reviews are killer."
Stella clamped onto my arm tighter than an octopus playing Twister. She was grinning like we'd just won a lifetime supply of trouble with a side of chaos. "Oh, please," she scoffed, rolling her eyes so hard I thought they might fall out and take off to get a pastry. I contemplated going with them. "They weren't murdered, drama queen. We're just entering a place full of dead people. It's like a really exclusive club where the only membership requirement is not having a pulse."
I couldn't help but mirror her lunatic grin. "Right, because that makes it so much better. Let's go see what other delightful surprises this funhouse has simmering. Knowing my luck, probably a tap-dancing minotaur with two left hooves or a sphinx whose riddles are more confusing than assembling IKEA furniture blindfolded."