Chapter 18
Eighteen
VIOLET
The first thing I notice is the scent of Jamie's aftershave. Next comes the total warmth of what can only be from a fire and a whole pile of blankets.
"Sweets?"
I hum in response to Jamie's gentle tone. How did I get here? And why is my head pounding?
"A friend of mine brought you here when he found you unconscious down the block."
I must have said my thoughts out loud. Wait. Gasping, my eyes fly open, and I force my heavy frame into a sitting position.
"Woah, hey," Jamie coos, reaching for me. "You're okay. You're safe."
Looking down in panic, I realize the weight on top of me literally was a pile of blankets. Jamie must feel the heat radiating off of me, because he starts removing the top layers.
"You were cold," he murmurs, explaining the mountain I woke up under.
"Wh—" I cough, feeling all out of sorts. "What happened?"
Jamie looks me in the eyes, and seems so serious. "Bash, my friend, said you were mugged. Or as much as you could be without having anything valuable on you."
"But I passed out? He didn't do anything to me, did he? The mugger?" Oh my God. What happened to me?
Jamie shushes me and places a hand on my chest above my boobs. "Breathe, Violet. In and out. Shit."
Lightheaded with chapped lips, I feel myself starting to slip away again. Why is everything so fucking hard?
"Damn it, Violet!" Jamie curses and scoops me into his arms. My tummy swoops and my head lists back a little with the force of his lift. "Breathe, my love."
My chest feels tight and so heavy as he settles me in the crook of his arm on the ground. Time slows as I study the black wavy pieces of hair that broke free from his hair tie.
Confused, I realize his face is blurring and looking more nervous as time passes. "V! Take a fucking breath!"
"Jamie? Is she okay?" a voice says just as a second new voice swears.
"Hold on, guys," Jamie demands and doesn't take his eyes off of me. "Violet, I—Fuck it."
The pressure beneath my breast bones becomes almost unbearable, and I swear Jamie's face gets closer to mine. Am I passing out again?
Warmth encompasses my lips at the same time my eyes flutter closed. My mouth is opened by something firm and demanding, forcing a gasp to expand my lungs.
Jamie rips himself back from me and moves me to straddle his lap instead of being comfortable lying in his arms. "Yes. Yes, Violet. Keep going. Another one."
Eyes locked, Jamie encourages me to take gulps of air with him. Each inhale becomes longer and deeper, helping to bat away the buzzing in my mind.
"Jesus, Violet..." Jamie whispers once I catch my breath and slump against his chest. "You scared me."
"Sorry," I mumble into his chest. "I haven't had a panic attack in a long time."
Jamie's chest vibrates with a rumble. "I didn't know that. This is what Bash said made you pass out when you were attacked."
Attacked. Just like Mama.
"I was coming to see you..." My voice trails off and my eyes begin to burn. What already felt like it was going to be a difficult night was made so much worse. "I needed you..."
"Violet, I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Fuck, Sweets. I'm sorr—"
I grip his shirt and tug without lifting my head. "No, I mean I needed you in general. Not when that guy mugged me. I did some soul-searching and wanted to ask you something."
His arms tighten around me, and I feel like he's trying to force me under his skin. Never close enough.
"Anything," he promises, "you can ask me anything."
Steeling myself for the door I'm about to open, I lean back and search his gaze. He looks so scared and fierce. A contradiction, but one that makes asking my question much easier.
"What's your favorite color?"
Jamie beams so darn bright it surprises me, but what makes me jump is the choked noise from behind me. Twisting, I ignore the flare of pain in my right hip as I move.
Nothing matters beyond the conflicted gaze of two men I never thought I'd meet in person. My past sits on Jamie's couch, watching me with so much scrutiny and uncertainty that my breath has no choice but to stutter and stall.
"Ellis?" I rasp. "N-Nate?" Tears officially fall from my eyes as guilt and sorrow begin to push at the barriers of my body. "How—"
I can't finish my question out loud, but Jamie picks up at a decent spot. "You know them?" he asks me, sounding shocked, which answers my question of whether he knew.
Ellis' eyes bore into mine, and I swear I see something cruel flicker in his brown eyes, but it's gone quickly with a shutter that blocks me from reading him. Nate seems conflicted, and I don't blame him because this is a surprise for all of us it seems.
"Yes. We know Violet." Straight and to the point, Nate admits our unfortunate connection.
"How?" Jamie snaps, holding me tighter. "Did you know I was with her?"
With me? Fuck, I should get out of here.
Peeking behind me, I ask Jamie, "How do you know them? Are you with—"
Jamie's face turns red, and when I glance back at the other two, Ellis smirks. "Seems we have the same taste, Bubbles."
A knife to my heart would have hurt less than the reminder of everything I threw away. That nickname distracts me a little from what happened tonight.
"Ellis, I'm sorry—"
Ellis waves a hand to cut me off which makes Jamie stiffen, but Ellis doesn't seem to mind ripping my feelings apart. I don't blame him. I've seen firsthand the damage of ghosting someone, but I did it anyway.
"I'm sure you are, Violet. But it's been seven years. No need to lie now."
"What?!" I gasp. "No. I'm not lying. I'm so sorry! I never should have blocked—"
Ellis' eyes turn cold and steely, making me recoil. "We don't fucking care, Violet. We're here because the man we're pursuing had an emergency. Unfortunate that it was you."
"Wait a fucking second," Jamie interrupts this heartbreaking moment with so much rage it makes me cry harder. He stands and sets me on my feet, making me flinch in pain. "You don't ever talk to Violet that way. What the fuck?"
"You don't—"
Jamie cuts Ellis off. "I don't know how you know my woman, but you won't speak to her ever again if you can't be fucking polite and kind. She's been through enough without your verbal lashings because you got your feelings hurt almost a decade ago."
Jamie steps so he's standing in front of me. Reaching out, I grab his forearm. "Jamie. I hurt them. I ghosted them, blocked them, and changed my number. We were in a serious part of building an actual relationship, and I-I ruined it."
Full on sobbing, I try to defend the men on Jamie's couch. They have every right to hate me and tear me down. What I did was cowardly.
"Absolutely fucking not!" Jamie snaps, wrapping an arm around my hip and dragging me to his side. "Nobody talks to you that way."
Copper fills my mouth because the only way to keep from hissing in pain is to bite the inside of my cheek. I vaguely remember the mugger kicking my hip as I fell to the ground.
Jamie levels Nate and Ellis with a glare so hellish, I shut up.
"And no way in hell are you allowed to think you're pursuing me when you're clearly a fucking asshole with no emotional intelligence to comprehend the woman you clearly loved back then was exposed to something so traumatic it altered her life. "
Ellis sits up straight at Jamie’s words, but the man holding me isn't done.
"Violet has worked hard to understand her choices and decisions.
She deserves patience and care. You may be owed an apology and an explanation, but in no way are you owed the opportunity to hurt her further.
Now get the fuck out of my apartment. I hope that if I ever see you again, you'll rethink your stance on Violet because she's mine even if she hasn't accepted it yet. We're a package deal. Get out."
Stunned into silence, I watch as Ellis and Nate slowly uncoil from the couch. Ellis stays in his place with his shoulders tight and his face unreadable. Nate, on the other hand, walks toward me slowly.
Each step he takes makes me stiffen further. Jamie watches every move Nate takes, and the closer he gets to our two-person huddle, the more I notice about him. Seven years made this man more rugged and wide. He's intense.
Jamie clutches me tighter once Nate is within touching distance, and there's no way I can mask the wince this time. Nate zeros in on Jamie's hand and reaches for me.
"Don't fucking touch her, Nate," Jamie growls, and it strikes me just how intimate Nate's name sounds coming from his lips.
Nate pays him no mind as his thick fingers reach for the hem of my sweatshirt. I suck in a breath at his closeness, but pout a little on the inside when Nate is so careful not to touch my bare skin. No, Violet. No. This man hates you, I scold myself.
"I don't hate you," Nate whispers, glancing into my soul quickly before his eyes narrow on my hip. "Ice this. And try to keep weight off your leg for a few days."
"What?!" Jamie gasps, releasing me and moving. His new position shoves Nate out of the way and blocks my two regrets from my line of sight.
While Jamie fusses over the nasty bruise, Nate and Ellis slip out without another word. For some reason, that hurts more than all the insults and accusations Ellis could throw at me.