Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
VIOLET
"You must think I'm overreacting." It's possible I'm projecting how I'm feeling. My current worry beyond how overwhelmed I am is how much I hurt Jamie by leaving in the middle of an argument.
Did I run away? Or did I take the space I needed? I feel like I left respectfully and gave him the reassurance I could in the moment. But jeez, a girl can only handle so many curveballs in one month.
"I don't think you're overreacting," Nate replies firmly. I can feel the glances he's giving me as he drives, but I'm too embarrassed about my behavior to look at him.
Swallowing, I try to imagine what he's thinking. "This must bring up all your anger with me, huh? Watching me run away all over again."
"Baby," Nate scolds gently, all the while my heart flips happily at the endearment. "Don't put words in my mouth. No, I wasn't thinking that at all because the clear difference with what just happened with Jamie is you communicated your needs."
"You think so?" This time I do peek over at him because it turns out I'm starving for some reassurance that I'm not ruining everything good in my life.
Nate nods. "I know so. You know what, this was because of Jamie's lack of communication and what I'm guessing was poor delivery before we got there."
"Very poor." With a sigh, I recall Jamie's nonchalant response when I asked him how he knew the guy who saved me when I was mugged.
"Hearing that Jamie kept a secret from you, even if it was one with good intent, must not have felt nice."
Nodding in response to Nate's guess, I find myself wanting to open up to this man like I did in the past. There has always been a comfortable connection of understanding and support about Nate.
Jamie and Nate have strong energies, but while Jamie is wilder and more commanding, Nate exudes calm confidence and a grounding presence. They complement each other very well.
"Violet, are you okay?"
"What?" I snap my head up, realizing I had placed my face in my palms. "I'm so sorry. My mind is messy, and I can't get it to stop."
"It's a good thing you'll be home in a few seconds," Nate assures me, though he sounds a bit disappointed. Once parked, he turns to me with the most open expression on his face. "Can I walk you up?"
Probably against better judgment, I say yes, but I've been struggling with feeling safe walking around at night. Nate provides safety and an easy space to feel my feelings as he escorts me to Cassidy’s and my apartment.
"This is me," I murmur, already feeling disappointed about him leaving me here.
"Can I hug you?" Nate murmurs, looking unsure, but at the same time he seems prepared for any answer I could give him.
Tears immediately fill my eyes, and before I can even nod, I'm diving into his wide embrace. A sob explodes from my chest as if I've reached my breaking point. Nothing more can fit inside my head.
"Oh baby..."
"It's too much!" I cry, feeling like my chest is going to explode. The pressure in my forehead and my heart makes me ache, so I cling to him harder.
Nate's large hands rub my back and cradle the back of my head. He surrounds me and holds me up all the while my sanity collapses to its knees.
A creak sounds somewhere, and suddenly I hear Cassidy. "What's going—Oh! Oh shit. Bring her inside."
Nate thanks my friend and doesn't hesitate to lift my feet from the ground. Wrapping them around his waist feels easy, and honestly I don't have any mental capacity to second guess my actions anymore.
I'm too checked out and lost in my suffocating thoughts to listen to their soft voices, but I love the way Nate's chest vibrates against mine. When we were together and excited to meet for the first time, I was so excited about our size difference and to feel his arms wrapped around me.
Now, finally having him, I don't want to let him go. How could I have ever let him go?!
"Baby, shhh. You need to calm down before you make yourself sick," Nate coos.
I realize we've stopped moving and my knees are helping to support my weight on the couch. The scent of brownies perks me up a little. Did Cass make our special brownies?
Nate chuckles and nudges my chin up so he can see my face. "I'd love to hear about these special brownies, but first you need to take a deep breath."
I'll blame my heated cheeks on all the crying. I don't love when I accidentally mumble my thoughts because they're usually embarrassing.
Embarrassing, like crying all over the man whose heart I broke. Tears well in my eyes as the feeling of being a burden rises.
"I'm sorry." Though I try to wiggle off of his lap, he holds me firm. "I can't believe I did that. Of course you don't want me crying on you. You hate me. But jeez, you are so nice for comforting me."
Word vomit. That will get me in trouble every darn time.
Nate's eyes narrow, and though he might be blurry, I can still see the dominance rising to the surface in his features. "Violet. How many times do I have to tell you Ellis and I do not hate you? We miss you so fucking much I literally couldn't relax tonight without coming to find you."
I open my mouth, but he's not done. "And I've already told you, you're forgiven. Apologies are not necessary. Especially not for hugging me like I've always dreamed of you doing."
"But I soaked your shirt," I whisper, sniffling.
Nate smiles and raises his hands to wipe my tears away with his thumbs. "Is it weird that I don't want to wash it? So I can keep it as a token of your trust."
Those are big words with deep meanings, so I'm not sure how well I'll be able to comprehend them tonight. I file them away to think about after I snack on Cassidy's brownies.
Instead, I huff a small laugh and slump against him once again. "I miss you too."
Nate sucks in a breath and hugs me so hard I feel my bones creak. "Fuck baby. Thank you. I'm so sorry for how we treated you at first. There was so much heartbreak clouding our judgment."
"I know. It's okay." I mean my words. I'd probably react the same way if our roles were reversed.
Nate stiffens slightly. If I weren't as close to him as I could get, I might not have noticed it. But soon he relaxes and begins to rock us slightly.
"Violet?" he murmurs after a while of me snoozing on his lap. My brain feels calm in his embrace, and that's way more than I can hope for.
"Hmm?" I snuggle deeper, knowing this is about to come to an end.
"You need to get some sleep. But may I take you out for breakfast in the morning? Please. There will be coffee, bacon, and hash browns."
"Cheesy hash browns?" I tease.
"Anything you want."
I smile into his chest. "Then yes. Is it a date?"
"How 'bout we decide that in the morning once you've gotten some rest?"
So thoughtful. As I see Nate out with a whispered goodbye and a lingering glance over his shoulder as he walks down the hall, I decide I really need to call my mom.