Chapter 36
Thirty-Six
BLUE
Icould scream. Not only because I'm pissed at three men, but because I feel fucking useless. Literally, the scream is building in my throat.
All I want is to hold my kid and tell her everything will be okay. Saying it over the phone isn't the same. Hearing her cry and tell me how confused she is, broke my heart. I know how she feels even though my situation was very different from hers.
She broke two people's hearts. I had mine broken by four men because they disappeared. Ghosted me. Whatever.
Now they're back, and my sweet Violet is trying to keep her feelings buried to give everyone what she thinks they need. I haven't even met this Jamie guy, but I know for a fact he is irrevocably attached to her.
She seems to have accepted that she's in love with Jamie, and maybe it could have been easy, but now there are more factors. Two more, and a whole fuckload of history.
"Do I need to get my shovel?"
I snort into my glass of wine and glance over at one of my best friends, Janine. She's a hardass, and completely amazing. Janine helped Violet a lot before V went on her never-ending road trip, so she would understand my feelings fairly well.
I shake my head and take one more sip. "No shovel this time. Sorry. Violet just told me she's terrified that she has feelings for three men."
"No shit?" Janine's eyes widen a fraction, but I doubt she's all that surprised considering we're watching my four men take down my Christmas lights outside.
Sighing, I try not to get too lost in staring at Declan and Felix making out by my glowing snowman. "Yeah. It's complicated too."
"Shocking," Janine scoffs with a grin. "Three dicks and one hole to stick it in? Tough cookies, yo."
Swinging my foot out, I kick her in the thigh and quickly cover back up with my blanket. She laughs, and I can't help but join. "Well, it sounds like the three guys are all together too."
Janine's eyebrows actually fly up this time. "Damn. Go Violet."
Cringing a little at the image, I try to move past the sexual preferences part. I tell Janine about Violet's history with Nate and Ellis, and how things have progressed with Jamie. Janine listens throughout the entire story, and we work some of the tangles out together.
"She has a lot going on. Especially when she just started trying to figure herself out and work on the lingering effects of what happened to you," Janine reflects, sounding concerned and sad.
"I want her to come home," I admit. "If she were here, Roman would make her food, Declan and Jared would make her laugh, and Felix would make sure she never felt the need to cry again."
"Yeah," Janine snorts, "because Felix would need my shovel. No men, no tears, amiright?"
I shush her and roll my eyes. "I want to fix it, Janine. It's tearing me up inside. My bubbly girl, the one who used to dance around my kitchen and take silly videos, disappeared. I love Violet like she's my soulmate, but I want her to grow and find herself again."
Janine nods. "She's been hiding for a long time."
"Exactly! It's my fa—"
"Stop right there," Janine snaps, pointing at me. "We don't say the word fault in this family. That word, that feeling, is what popped all of Violet's bubbliness. Enough. It's not your fault."
Growling a little, I know she's right, but I still feel so guilty. As a mother, it fucking sucks that I can't whisk away all my daughter’s pain. I want her to live happily and love fully.
"That doesn't stop this raging need to fix Violet's problems though.
" If I were standing, I might stomp my foot.
"It is really nice that Jamie and her roommate seem to be really supportive and challenge her to grow.
I'll need to meet Jamie soon. Maybe invite them for dinner.
But they have a lot to figure out, so I'll wait. "
Janine pats my foot, smiling at me like she thinks my rambling is cute. "You just keep answering your phone, Mama. Violet will figure it out."
Yes, she will. I just hope her figuring it out doesn't result in a broken heart, three holes in the ground, and Janine's shovel. Those boys better not hurt my girl. If they knew the legion she has behind her, they wouldn't even think about it.
Broken heart or not, Violet will find her way.