Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
KILLIAN
She parts her lips, darts her tongue out and licks them slowly as I trace every movement. I couldn’t move my eyes from her lips if I tried.
“Killer, you have two seconds to stop me.”
Her response comes out breathy and filled with need, identical to my own.
“Don’t treat me like I’m damaged. You’ve never asked for permission before. Don’t start now.”
I slide my tongue along her bottom lip, and she moans softly, her breath fanning over my face.
I’m unable to stop the groan that escapes from my chest as I press my lips to hers.
My fingers tremble slightly as I grip her face in my hands and tilt her head slightly.
Heather lifts her hands, and I expect her to push me away, but she drags her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer as I push my tongue inside her mouth.
She pulls my hair as she kisses me back.
It’s not soft—it’s frenzied as she whimpers into my mouth.
Her tongue caresses mine with raw passion that makes me want more of her.
Suddenly, she pulls away from me, her eyes dazed and attempting to focus on my face.
“I’m still mad at you.”
I press my hand to her cheek, and she leans into my touch as she closes her eyes with an audible sigh.
“I’m mad at myself, too. I was so focused on what I thought I knew when I didn’t know a goddamn thing.
I could have gotten you killed. I won’t ever ask for forgiveness because I’ll never even forgive myself.
I’ll never get the image of you lying bleeding on the ground out of my mind.
I did that. It may as well have been me who pulled the trigger.
For that reason alone, I should walk away from you—but I can’t.
You’ll never be free of me. None of you.
I won’t live without my brothers, and I can’t live without you either.
If I survive this fight—I need you. Please baby, let me make this right. ”
The most beautiful tears roll down her cheeks. Tears I don’t deserve. She whispers softly, echoing my words.
“If you survive this fight.”
Heather throws her arms around my neck and presses her face against my chest.
“I don’t want you to die, Killian. I never wanted that. Why did you do this?”
Running my fingers through her hair, I lean down and inhale her scent.
“I’m responsible for you not only getting shot but ending up in St. Dymphna's, so it had to be me that got you out. Even if I die, I have to make this right. This is me taking responsibility for my actions.”
Heather tilts her head back and meets my gaze with her own teary one.
“It’s your fault you made that call without even consulting Carter and Knox.
It’s not entirely your fault that the police came for me.
I kill people. I’m a serial killer, of course they arrested me.
My family would have come for me, anyway.
The only thing you’re responsible for is making that call.
They would’ve gotten me, eventually. I’m glad I’m not in there, but you put too much on the line. If you die, how can I live with that?”
I drag my tongue through the tears on her cheek.
“If I die, it will be worth it. Don’t argue—I’ll spank your pretty ass.”
“Dick.”
Feigning shock, I grab her and throw her down on the bed as she giggles while squirming underneath me.
“What did you call me?”
Her cheeks flush pink as she continues laughing. Her voice is angelic, causing a thrill to race down my spine.
“Dick.”
Placing my palm to her cheek, I hope she believes me when I tell her how fucking sorry I am.
“You’re right, Killer. I was a complete dick to you, but I swear I’m going to do better with you. I’m never going to be a nice guy with other people, but I want to be good to you.”
Her lips pull up into a sassy little smirk.
“No more mean words then? Now I get Killian, version 2.0?”
I place my hand around her throat without squeezing.
“Not exactly, Killer. If I remember correctly, you liked it when I called you my pretty little whore.”
She whimpers softly, confirming I’m right.
“And you like this too, don’t you, baby? You like it when I’m rough with you. I’m done denying that I want you—can you admit that you loved everything I did to you—said to you?”
Her eyes well with tears, so I remove my hands from her and give her a minute.
“Not everything, Killian. I don’t enjoy being called trash or the nasty remarks about my-“
Through a clenched jaw, Heather hisses, “Father.”
Sliding my hands under her back, I pull her into my arms and hold her as I sit back on the bed.
“I know. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than I gave you. I swear to you, baby, those things will never happen again.”
She sits up on the bed, and her expression is drop-dead serious.
“If you ever hurt Carter like that again, you're dead to me. I believe you did what you did out of some very misguided way of protecting him, but if it ever happens again—I’ll never speak to you again, and I sure as hell won’t allow you to touch me.”
I swallow hard with a nod, her words hitting me square in the chest. If she had been the one to hurt Carter, I would have reacted far worse than she has.
I’ve always been his protector, but now the tables have turned and it’s her protecting him—from his own brother.
It’s painful realizing I not only failed at protecting him, but I’m the one who hurt him.
I did the one thing I always promised I’d keep him safe from.
I don’t know if any of them will ever forgive me, but I know for sure I’ll never forgive myself.
“I understand, and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on things and myself. I swear to you, I will never risk losing any of you again. If I do, I’ll hand you the gun, and you can take my life because I’d rather die than hurt any of you again.”
She’s quiet, sadness marring her face, and it kills me knowing I put it there. There’s something she wants to say. I can see it lingering, but she isn’t saying whatever she’s thinking.
“What is it, Killer? If there’s any chance of fixing things with all of us, it’s going to require honesty. I promise, you can’t say anything worse than what I’ve said to myself.”
Heather takes a shaky breath and releases it slowly.
“I’m not calling you a liar. I just don’t understand this complete change in you overnight. You hated me, and now you don’t? I guess I don’t get it. What changed for you?”
Pressing my hand to her cheek, I speak my honest truth as the memories assault me and nearly steal my breath.
“I watched you die.”
She rolls her eyes at me and says, “Obviously, I’m not dead.”
I rub my thumb over her flesh, enjoying the contrast of her soft skin against my calloused fingers.
“I know that now, but I didn’t then. As far as I was concerned, you were dead. Every day I came back and put a rose there. I talked to you like a crazy person. The pain of never seeing you again was excruciating, and that's when I knew the truth.”
Heather places her small hand over mine.
“What truth?”
I swallow hard as my mind spins out of control. Do I tell her? Is it only going to make things worse between us? I’m not the man who overthinks things, but right now I am. She asked me before if I was desperate, and I am. I’m so fucking desperate to make things right, and it’s terrifying.
“Killian.”
Her voice comes out a mixture of scolding and begging for answers I don’t know if I should give.
“You promised honesty. You asked for mine. It’s only fair I should get the same from you in return.”
Leaning forward, I press a gentle kiss to her forehead before lifting my head and staring into her blue eyes, the color of the most beautiful ocean.
“I’m in love with you, Killer. I couldn’t accept it before because you fucking terrify me. Maybe that’s why I decided you were the enemy. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
Her eyes widen as she speaks low.
“Say that first part again.”
My heart is pounding in my chest as I repeat my words to her.
“I’m in love with you, Heather. So fucking in love with you.”