Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
THE HEATHEN
Whatever I thought he might say, that was not it. The gasp that escapes from me is loud as I attempt to process his words. “Killian, that’s not love. Maybe you’re confused, but the things you said to me, the things you did to me—that’s not love.”
He places his hands on my face and stares into my eyes as if he’s trying to make me believe his words.
“I know, baby. Fuck. I know. I’m going to do better—so much better. I swear on my life I will never betray you again. If they come for you, they will have to kill me to get to you.”
He swallows hard before continuing, guilt etched in his face, pain visceral as he speaks low, almost like the words are hard to speak because of the shame behind them.
“I used your past against you—the abuse you fucking endured. Never again, baby. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll never be able to say it enough. I’m not just a dick, but a monster.”
Tears roll down his cheeks, and I know for Killian, being this vulnerable is difficult for him. The man before me has always been a pillar of strength. It’s not just the way he behaves, but his identity. Right now—he’s broken—like me.
“I’ve done terrible things in my life, but what I did to you, to all of you, those are the only regrets I have.”
I take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles softly.
“While I will probably never forget the things you have done, I think I understand.” People have motives for many things.
Sometimes the actions are dangerous, but the reason is good.
I think Killian was lost, but I don’t think he’d do it over again.
Anybody can change if they truly want to, and I think he does.
“My family has done terrible things to me, but there’s no regret. Every one of them would do it again if they had the chance, and honestly, they probably will.”
The growl that comes from his chest is loud and menacing.
“They will never touch you again, Killer. Never. Anyone who tries to hurt you—dies. Painfully—slowly—in the most excruciating way. That’s going to happen to anyone that has hurt you, baby, but if they dare to try again, it’ll be the worst pain they’ve ever imagined.”
My lips pull up into a smile I probably shouldn’t have on my face. Maybe it’s a sign of mental illness to imagine killing someone and get a thrill from it.
These are thoughts so dark I normally keep them to myself, but I’ll voice them to Killian because he already knows I’ve ended many lives.
“I have a fantasy.”
His eyebrow quirks up as his lips pull into a smirk, and I know immediately he’s thinking of sex.
I shake my head and laugh.
“Not that kind of fantasy, perv. This is about Jedediah, specifically.”
He narrows his eyes as he watches me, and I know I have his complete attention.
“I want to crucify him. Obviously, I’d have to make a cross big enough.
I’m not sure how to do it, but this is what I fantasize about.
He did so many things to me in the name of “God.” Threatened eternal damnation if I didn’t comply with his orders.
It feels fitting to me. Nail him to a cross while he begs and pleads for his God to save him, knowing He never will.
I want to watch the blood drain from his body. That’s sick, right?”
Killian grabs my shoulders and pushes me onto my back as he hovers over me, a dark gleam in his eyes.
“What he did to you is sick. You are good, so fucking good. If this is your fantasy, it will happen. All three of us will help you get revenge the way you see fit. Carter can build the cross for you. Once he’s almost dead, but not quite, we can set him on fire.
Whatever you want, baby. I want you to have retribution in whatever way you need, and then I hope you can put it behind you.
More than anything, I want you to put the ghosts of the past to rest. The same thing I’ve always desired for Carter.
Maybe it’s not possible, but that’s my fantasy. ”
I reach my hand up and run my fingers through his hair as his dark gaze stares into mine. Our breathing is slightly heavier than before with this close proximity. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip, and I track the movement as I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him close to me.
“I don’t deserve to be anywhere near you, but I fucking need you, baby. If you don’t stop me, I’ll take it all. I’ll take what should’ve been mine.”
“Killian.” I gasp as he grinds his cock against my covered pussy.
Leaning his head forward, he slides his tongue over my lips before biting down on my flesh, causing me to whimper loudly.
“There she is. I missed my pretty little slut.”
I moan so loud it’s almost embarrassing. Those words have the same effect on me as before. It lights a fire inside me, a slow, consistent burn, threatening to destroy me in the best way.
He groans softly as he rubs his thumb over my bottom lip. Pushing two fingers into my mouth, he forces them down my throat until I gag.
“Fuck. Such a beautiful little killer.”
Sliding his hands under my back, he pulls me up and makes quick work of removing my shirt. Killian stares at my bra with a chuckle.
“Always with the purple. This is a color for royalty—fitting for our queen.”
Reaching behind me, he unfastens my bra and slides it down my arms slowly, as if he’s carefully unwrapping a present wrapped in the most beautiful paper.
He grips his hand around my hair and yanks my head back aggressively. Placing his nose against the side of my neck, he inhales deeply, causing shivers to shoot down my center.
“Lie back while I devour you. I’m going to worship every inch of this delectable body. I will not stop unless I hear your safe word. Do you understand?”
I lay down and nod, but he glares at me with a stern warning.
“Give me your words, Killer. Do you fucking understand?”
The growl in his voice causes my pussy to pulse with need.
“Yes. I understand.”
A look of relief crosses his features as he speaks calmer than before.
“Thank you, baby. I think I’d die if I couldn't have you right now. I need you like I need the oxygen in my lungs. It’s not a craving anymore—it’s more than that. A hunger so intense it’s debilitating.”
He places soft kisses on my neck before dragging his tongue from under my ear all the way to my collarbone.
“Are you ready to come for me? I won’t be gentle like my brothers. That has not changed. I’m going to fuck you like you’re my own personal whore. Because you are. Aren’t you, Killer?”