Chapter 8 Oliver
Oliver
I see the CamboyChaos site logo, and all I want to do is check it.
I don’t.
An inferno burns in my chest, like the app itself is a magnet drawing me to look, look, look at his profile. Sink back under his spell. Get utterly fucking lost in him.
I put the phone back down.
And I walk away.
My quads burn like hell as the barbell hits the mat on the ground with a heavy thud.
“Let’s go, Oliver. Beast mode. One more,” Hunter says, clapping once as I finish the deadlift.
My heart rate is up and I pull in a few even, slow breaths. “Can’t. Can’t possibly. Holy fuck.”
Hunter’s been coming to the gym with me more often lately and he always pushes it to the max.
“One more deadlift.”
I groan as I get into position one more time, dipping low and gripping the bar. I pull it off the ground, straightening my legs and back, lifting an alarming amount of weight.
“God fucking damn it,” I call out as I bring the bar back down onto the floor, letting it drop as Hunter claps again.
“Told you. You had it in you the whole time, Ollie.”
I use the back of my arm to wipe my forehead.
“I’m fucking cooked,” I tell him. “You going to go for more?”
“Doing one more set of pull-ups. Be right back. We can walk home together.”
I nod at him, moving to the edge of the mat to do some post-workout stretches. I’ve been on edge for far too long. This afternoon, for the first time in nearly two weeks, I feel like my head is clear.
It’s now been two weeks since Niko got to campus.
And my life has become a complete blur.
The way he looked at me in that car like he fucking knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was hiding something from him… that look has been haunting me like a ghost for two weeks.
I should tell him I’m a virgin.
I’m going to.
With each passing day, I’ve wavered between having second thoughts about the whole fake boyfriend idea to begin with, then questioning myself for having regrets at all.
In life, I’ve always seen other people taking the plunge, doing crazy shit, and acting confident in taking what they want.
When I made the power play and asked Niko to fake it with me, I channeled that brash confidence so convincingly that Niko Berlant even bought into it himself.
Now the doubt is creeping under my skin day by day.
I had assumed he would be following me around all day like he did the first day he got here, but…
Ever since he took me on that drive in the Mustang, I swear it seems like he’s been trying to avoid me.
Edge me.
I feel crazy for thinking it.
Ever since his accelerated classes began, he’s been busy. I keep expecting him to show up beside me and drape his arm around me like before, or try to wedge his way in close to me.
Or come into my room and force his cock into my mouth again.
No dice.
Our main form of communication for two weeks has been the texts he keeps sending me.
I scroll through our message history now, increasingly angry with each text from the past week that I re-read.
The ones from yesterday were the most aggravating.
We look good in our pictures. People could probably even jerk off to the one where you’re in the tank top and your biceps are out, even though they’re not nudes.
I’m in class right now.
Imagine the idea of someone stroking their dick to your pictures. Do you like that feeling?
Imagine yourself shutting up.
The winter formal is coming up soon. By then, people will think we’re fucking like bunnies.
Okay.
And maybe my then, you’ll tell me your secret and I actually *will* let you have my cock again. If you beg.
I lock my phone and watch the screen go black.
He teased me with the idea of filming me getting fucked until I was practically drooling for it.
And now it seems like that isn’t going to happen.
And he cannot fucking fathom how badly I’ve wanted to lose my virginity, for so goddamn long.
But now that he thinks I’m hiding something from him, he hasn’t really hung out around me at all, other than to come by every few days and ask to take a picture with me for Instagram.
My secret is still orbiting around me like a goddamn planet.
Circling my mind every hour, every minute, taunting me.
You’re a virgin. Just say it.
All I need to do is tell him the truth.
Great picture you posted of us, Niko. And by the way, I’ve never been dicked down before, even though my reputation is all about being dicked down.
Promise I’m not going to get attached if we fake it, but also, I’ve never done any of this with another soul before.
It all sounds bad.
And all I wanted was to get a little more experience before I let that cat out of the bag. Maybe another blow job, maybe something with my hands.
But lately, working out has been my only form of stress release.
I take off my gloves and head over to the edge of the room, chugging some water. The next time I grab my phone, there’s a new text. And that weight on my chest only gets heavier.
Like the new pic I posted, boyfriend?
I navigate to his profile and see that he just put up a photo he took of us this morning. It’s the two of us in the front room at Onyx House, and I’m about to dig into my plate of pancakes and eggs while he lounges on the couch across from me.
I glance at the comments below and my blood goes cold.
CallumXvX: Call me.
I frown at my phone.
Why the fuck is Niko’s ex asking him that?
Without thinking, I tap out a reply to his comment, hitting send before I can think better of it.
That brazen confidence, exploding out of me again, out of my control.
OliverAshford: Leave him the fuck alone, would you?
A flood of regret hits me the moment I see my own comment pop up underneath his.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I mutter under my breath.
My skin’s hot.
I feel fucking crazy.
I’m not the type to get in comment battles online, and I sure as fuck don’t need to instigate shit with his ex. I should be ignoring him, plain and simple.
Within a minute, I go back and delete the comment.
Hunter comes back over after doing a set on the pull up bar, nodding at my phone.
“You’ve been nice and cozy with Niko lately, haven’t you? He keeps posting cute pictures. Getting that dick wet finally, Oliver?”
“Didn’t know you check Instagram.”
“Weston showed me the pics. If you’re actually getting action, this is like Christmas day for me.”
Hunter is the only person in Onyx who knows the truth about me. One day earlier this semester, I opened up to him about the fact that I’m a virgin on a desperate night. I wanted Hunter to help me spread a rumor that I’m good in bed, and…
The rumor spread very well.
But it didn’t help me get any actual sex.
“I’m not getting any action,” I admit. “Well. A little, technically, but…”
He frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I can feel the secret inside me like a pot full of water that’s about to boil over.
“The stuff with Niko is all fake,” I blurt out.
And another flood of instant regret hits me, even faster than it did with my comment online.
“Tell me more. With details,” Hunter says.
I tell him everything as we head over toward the showers in the locker room.
“Back in high school, I was alone for prom, both times,” I admit. “Literally alone, standing on the wall, wishing someone would dance with me. It was like a fucking sad teen movie.”
“Yikes. I never gave a fuck about prom, but that still sounds embarrassing. Sorry, Ollie.”
I wave a hand through the air. “It’s all in the past. But I can’t stand the idea of going to the first college winter formal alone or with a friend, so… I’m doing this with Niko.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
You’re going to be at the get-together tonight, right? We need to be seen together.
I show the text to Hunter, because thank God I can finally show someone.
Hunter lifts an eyebrow. “You two are going to put on a show tonight?”
“Yep. I swear the motherfucker is edging me.”
“With what? Isn’t it all just fake, anyway?”
I bite the inside of my cheek.
Right.
I didn’t tell the entire story.
I didn’t mention shit about Niko’s plans to film me. I wasn’t getting anywhere close to exposing Niko’s explicit online profile.
That was his secret, not mine.
“Nevermind,” I tell him.
Hunter and I shower off and head back across campus.
The air is cold, but it feels good after a workout. Students crisscross in every direction along the quad, but once we’re past main campus and closer to Red Row, the bustle begins to thin out.
Hunter’s been chatting about Christmas gifts he’s brainstorming for his boyfriend, Rayne, and I’ve been doing my best to give good advice.
But as we hit Red Row, Hunter pauses on the sidewalk for a moment, and he gives me a concerned look.
“Oliver, you’ve been a good friend to me this semester, so I’m just going to be honest with you,” he tells me.
The cold air blows against my hair, still slightly damp from my shower.
“Please. I need a little honesty right now.”
“I don’t think you should be doing this.”
I pull in a breath. “Was afraid you were going to say that.”
“I know you’re probably going to do it anyway, and you have every right, but I think it’s probably a bad decision that’s only going to get you hurt.”
I nod. “I know.”
“Yet you’re totally still going to do it, right?”
I step on a crunchy leaf, looking down at the ground out of some sort of shame.
“I need to.”
He hums. “Okay. I’ve said my piece. I won’t tell anyone it’s a fake relationship, but please, try to protect your own feelings.”
“Protect my feelings? Hunter, I think I’m safe with that. Niko isn’t exactly capable of producing feelings in me.”
He gives me a doubtful look. “Ollie.”
“If you think I have any potential of falling for Niko Berlant, you don’t know him like I do. He was my worst fucking nightmare for the final year of high school. It’s not possible.”
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket again and my chest goes hot.
I check Niko’s text without showing Hunter, this time.
Would you wear this for me?