Chapter 21 Niko
Niko
Niko, an hour ago, checking his phone for a minute before falling asleep
Username: Dragonfly
I see a message that Oliver must have left me.
Before it all happened.
Before my past crashed into our perfect world like a meteor.
Hercules2210: Always knew I was your favorite.
I leave a heart emoji as a reply, then put my phone aside.
When we get back to Crimson College the next day, we drive through a snowstorm for the final hour of the trip.
I have a rental car because the back windows of my car are fucking shattered with bullet holes, and because that car, now, is evidence.
Oliver and I don’t talk much.
We’re both exhausted. In pain.
But it’s enough that he’s here with me. Because somewhere along the way, I let myself break my own rule.
I love him.
I’m still not good enough for him, and I still know this will all have to end.
But I love him like it’s a sickness. Like no matter how hard I tried to stave it off, it hit me, slowly at first and then like a speeding train.
I don’t say it.
But it’s there between us in the air for the whole drive.
It’s the most comfortable silence I’ve ever felt, and it’s not really silence anyway, because Oliver put on a low, ambient electronic playlist for the drive.
When we walk into Onyx House, though, the anvil of guilt that had been on my heart for the past day only comes back down, heavily, all at once.
Oliver’s roommate, Percy, is waiting there in the front room when we get back.
The freckled redhead has barely been around the house all semester, but he looks up at us the moment we walk inside, and he looks scared like he’s just seen a ghost.
“I think something bad happened,” he says.
I feel like there’s acid pooling in my stomach.
What more could have happened?
When will I ever be able to breathe?
“Tell us,” I say, because I already have an inkling of fear.
“The guy was here again. There were only, like, three of us at Onyx House Christmas night, and everyone else was off campus. I heard someone rapping on the door at, like, fucking four in the morning, the day after Christmas—”
“Did he have silver hair?” I ask.
My stomach drops as Percy nods. “Yes. It was the second time I saw him. Niko, I didn’t want to say anything. But I’m the one who tossed those notes into your cousin’s bedroom.”
I glance around the room for a weapon.
Percy seems like the least violent person on Earth, but if he’s working with Callum, I can’t trust him.
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
Percy looks mortified. “The night of the formal, I came home early. He was on the front steps. He offered me a thousand bucks cash if I put those notes in Sevan’s room, and I swear I thought it was just a prank. I didn’t know he was dangerous.”
“What did he do the day after Christmas?” I demand.
“I didn’t want to listen to him, but when I opened the front door, I saw him slip a gun into his jacket pocket. He gave me a sealed envelope, asked me if I knew where the campus administration building was, and then told me to get in his car.”
“Holy shit, Percy,” Oliver says.
I reach out to hold Ollie’s hand instinctively.
“He had me lead him to the admin building. And all he wanted was for me to leave that letter in the mail slot. I thought I might die, but he just… dropped me off back at Onyx and called me a good puppet. He also said I could come stay at his house? It was really creepy.”
“A letter,” I say, thoughts churning in my mind.
“He said something about you, Niko. That’s how I knew. He said the letter is a little bomb he can drop to ruin your time at Crimson.”
“I know exactly what’s in that letter,” I say, my stomach turning itself into knots.
I look at Oliver, and he knows, too.
“Percy, you’re okay. That man was Niko’s ex, and he’s in jail now, probably for a very long time.”
Oliver tilts his head back to show Percy the red rope marks around his neck.
“Oh my God, Ollie,” Percy says.
“He shot Niko in the arm, too.”
“Grazed it. But yes,” I add.
I’m surprised when Percy comes in and wraps his arms around me in a hug.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. I feel so bad, not being around Onyx enough this semester.
Julie broke up with me, and now I feel like I haven’t socialized with the boys enough, and it’s all my fucking fault.
I wish I had your number so I could have called you, Niko. I thought he was going to kill me.”
“Hey. It’s okay,” I tell him.
But it’s not the truth.
Everything is okay for him, to be certain.
But it’s very much not okay for me.
“It’s going to work,” Oliver tells me half an hour later.
He charges into the front hallway of Onyx House, reaching for his jacket and scarf and heading out onto the cold street.
“Ollie. Just let it go,” I call after him.
But he’s gone.
He’s trying to cook up a plan to help me, but I’ve been spiraling more and more with every passing minute, knowing that my time at Crimson is going to come to a swift end.
I don’t even need to be here anymore, but… the thought of being kicked out feels like fire in my chest.
I thought I would hate it here, and I don’t.
I want it.
I want every minute with a man I don’t deserve to have.
I’m in full panic mode as I head out onto Red Row and follow Oliver toward the Double Daggers house.
“You shouldn’t do this for me. Don’t ruin your life for me more than I’ve already ruined it for you.”
“I don’t care if I get in trouble. I’m doing this.”
My heart feels too big for my chest.
Ollie charges in through the Double Daggers front door and by the time I make it inside, he’s already rapping on Sevan’s bedroom door.
I make it there as Sev swings the door open, frowning at us in his wheelchair, confused.
“Hey. Sevan,” Ollie says, a wild look in his eyes. “You have a criminal record, right?”
“I may or may not. Who’s asking?”
“Do you know how to pick locks?”
Sevan pauses for a moment, looks between the two of us, and repeats himself. “I may or may not know how to do that, too. Again. Why are you asking?”
“I need you to help me break into a building,” Oliver demands.
“Sevan, please promise me you won’t listen to him,” I beg.
I can already see it now.
Ollie, overzealous, trying to do something to help me.
And it ruining his chance at a Crimson degree.
If he gets kicked out of school and it’s my fault… I don’t know how I’d ever live it down.
“So you want to commit a crime with me, and Niko doesn’t want us to do it?” Sevan asks, clarifying.
“Yep. Exactly.”
“Then fuck it. I’m in.”
“No, Sevan.”
“I can get you there,” Oliver’s already saying. “I can drive your Mustang, if you want. All you’ll have to do is pick a lock.”
“Niko, you’re going to need to chill out,” Sev tells me, already reaching for his winter hat. “Your boyfriend wants to help you. Learn to accept it.”
Sev fucking knows he’s not really my boyfriend.
But does he know that Oliver is going to be etched onto my heart forever?