Chapter 22 Oliver
Oliver
Oliver, scrolling through Niko’s private profile for the first time, months ago
The first time I find his profile, I knew I was done for.
It was something about the way he spoke, when he was close to the edge.
The way he moved.
Had I always wanted Niko, and just couldn’t admit it?
How could I ever look away?
Roman gets back from his family Christmas just in time for me to recruit him for my plan, too.
I’m running on pure adrenaline.
I can’t stop to think or I’ll question myself.
And for once, I need to just go.
“Hop in the Mustang,” I tell him as I’m parked outside Onyx House with Niko in the front seat and Sevan in the back.
Roman doesn’t even ask questions.
Knew he’d be good for it.
We park far enough away from the administration building. There are cameras outside of the front door of every building on the Crimson campus, but as far as I can tell, nobody checks them unless they have reason to.
But I’m going to cover all of my bases.
I have dark sticky notes, and I get out of the car first and pull my black beanie over the front of my face.
My heart is pounding. I feel like a fucking criminal. I suppose I am, right now, but there are more important things on my mind.
I’ve never broken rules before, let alone ones this big.
But it’s fucking worth it.
There are four buildings in between where we parked and where we need to go. Cold air blows in through the fibers of my beanie as I squint through tiny holes in the fabric, walking up to the campus admissions building first.
I can see the little security camera hovering just over the front door.
There’s already a little coating of snow on the front lens, which is good because it means I’m less likely to be noticed, but bad for my sticky note.
I approach from the side, quickly stick the dark sticky note on it, and it falls to the ground.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
My heart beats like a drum.
I keep expecting someone to burst out through the front door of the building, but I know most people on campus are still home for the holiday.
Security makes their rounds every handful of minutes around campus, but I’ve talked to those guys before. They’re chill. Way more chill than they should be.
Right now, the nearest security guard is most likely idling under some awning, getting a break from the snow, and looking down at his cell phone for a few minutes.
I have a plan B for the sticky notes, though.
I pull out a small roll of duct tape I have in my jacket pocket, tear off a piece, and use it to stick the note on more easily.
And then I head to the next building. I approach each camera from the side and stick a note in front of the lens.
If anyone is actively monitoring them right now, then we don’t have much time.
I run back to the car in the snow, push my beanie back on my head, and move the gearshift in the car.
“All good?” Roman asks.
“So far. I think. I hope.”
“I’m going to live the rest of my life in regret if you get caught doing this, Oliver,” Niko says, running a hand through his hair.
I’ve never seen him so nervous.
When he breaks rules, it seems like he doesn’t have a shred of regret.
But now that I’m doing it, he may as well have a halo over his head.
Kind of cute.
But I’m also not going to stop.
I drive the car through the snow, up into the administration building parking lot.
“Okay. Roman, can you help me get Sev’s chair out of the trunk?” I ask.
We’re outside a moment later. Roman is even faster than me, and he’s also well-versed in doing bad things.
The two of us set the wheelchair up and help Sev into it.
Niko’s still looking up at me from the car like he’s sick. His door is open, but he’s not outside, yet.
“I don’t want you to do this for me,” he says again. “But I know you’re going to.”
I lean over and kiss him. “Damn right, I am.”
We get Sev wheeled up to the front of the building within another minute. I keep my head on a swivel as he works to pick the lock of the building door.
Every time I see any movement, I panic a little.
I see a leaf falling off a goddamn tree and I think it’s someone coming.
I see a squirrel dart across the edge of the parking lot and I watch Niko jump behind me, too.
But we’re safe.
Miraculously.
For now.
Sevan has a few little tools he apparently uses for lockpicking, and he’s got a few thin pieces of metal out on his lap, now.
We’re under a small roofed entryway that leads up to the administration building, and no snow is actively falling on us, but I can still tell that Sev’s fingers must be cold.
For a moment, he fumbles.
He works one of the metal pieces into a portion of the lock and jiggles it a bit, then it just falls out.
And then it happens again.
Each time I see the piece fall down and the door remain locked, my heart lodges up somewhere closer toward my throat.
“How’s it looking, Sevan?” Roman asks.
“Just need a little more wiggle room to make it latch,” Sevan says, focusing hard on the little lock.
I don’t think it’s going to work.
But I don’t dare to say that out loud.
And when I hear a voice coming from around the corner of the building, I nearly drop down to my knees in fear.
“Hey!” a curt voice comes from around the corner and I swallow hard, putting my body in between Niko and whoever it is.
When I see Noah’s face come around the side of the building I swear I might pass out from relief.
“Noah,” I say.
“Yo, boys! You guys are doing risky things and you didn’t invite me? I’m offended, honestly—”
“Shh,” Roman quiets him. “Let Sev focus.”
Noah nods as he walks over, looking down at Sevan picking the lock.
“Percy told me you guys were on this part of campus and he told me not to follow you, so naturally, I wanted to,” Noah says, this time in a low whisper.
The snowstorm is picking up outside of the covered terrace.
Snow is starting to come down heavy, blowing sideways in gusts.
“Fuck,” Sevan curses as the little tool falls down onto his lap again.
Then he picks it up.
Jams it in again once more.
And yanks the knob, and it comes open.
“Holy shit,” I breathe, putting a hand on Sev’s shoulder. “You did it.”
“Grab the fucking thing,” Niko says. “Get it and let’s get the hell out of here.”
I can’t keep a smile off of my face, though.
We did it.
For Niko.
Finally, I fucking contributed something to someone’s life.
Roman pushes the front door open with a broad arm and I take a step inside, seeing the little bin that they put in front of the mail slot when the building is closed.
I sift through the top few letters and I find it.
A black envelope, with silver ink on it.
From Callum, without question.
“Got it,” I say, nodding at the guys. “Niko’s right. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“Get Sevan into the car first,” Niko says.
“Absolutely.”
Sevan brings out a little wipe that smells like harsh alcohol and wipes all around the door knob and any area that we touched.
“Nobody’s getting my fingerprints,” he says.
I exhale, nodding down at him. “Smart. Fuck. I never would have thought of that.”
We help Sevan back to the car, hoist him in, and collapse his wheelchair and shove it into the back.
I bring the black hat over the front of my face again and sprint from building to building, removing the notes and duct tape from each camera. I even drag my feet in the snow behind me to cover my footprints a little, but it doesn’t matter.
The snow is coming down so hard now that any trace of our footprints or wheelchair tracks will disappear within moments.
We take off back across campus, and I loop around, taking the car for a little looping circuit around residential streets, not going straight back to Red Row. When I head back, I take the route that leads up to Red Row from the park, not through campus.
For hours when we get home, I wait for some sort of call from security or the building administration.
It doesn’t come.
When Niko and I are alone in the front room, I finally pull out Callum’s letter and tear it open, looking at the contents.
The other guys didn’t even ask what the letter may have contained. They know Niko’s ex is insane, and they know it was something big.
But they respect our privacy, and they don’t ask what the bombshell in the letter actually is.
When I read it, it’s everything that I thought it would be.
And it still makes me fucking sick.
It’s Callum trying to inform the administration that Niko posts explicit videos online, and also telling them that Niko is “troubled” and has no place at the college. At the end, Callum says that Niko belongs with him.
Complete bullshit.
Niko is sitting on the couch across from me as I read the letter.
“Here,” I say, handing it over to him.
He takes the letter from my hand, but doesn’t look down at it. He looks over at the fire and simply walks over and tosses it into the flames.
“You realize how crazy you are?” Niko asks me after watching the letter curl and disintegrate into ash.
“And you love it,” I tell him.
He turns to face me, a mixture of sorrow and relief on his face.
“Why are you willing to do all of that for me?”
“Niko, you saved my fucking life,” I tell him. “I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you.”
He shakes his head, walking over to me and taking my hands gently in his.
I stare down at our hands, intertwined.
His six of hearts tattoo near my skin.
I’m never going to be able to give you up, am I?
It makes so much sense for us to be holding hands now, but not too long ago, all of this would have felt impossible.
Just holding your hand feels like it lights my whole body up.
Makes me feel alive in a way I never have.
“If it weren’t for me, you never would have been in this situation to begin with,” he says.
I exhale, taking a step closer toward him. “I felt like I barely lived before you, Niko. Maybe I was ready for this all along.”
He pulls me close into a tight hug. “I don’t care if you’re ready for it or not. I never want to see your life in danger again. For me or for anything. Do you understand that, Oliver? Can you please, please understand how badly I need you to be okay? To be safe?”
There’s panic in his voice like there was earlier today.
It still takes me by surprise, hearing Niko express that much emotion.
“I understand,” I tell him softly.
He holds me close, rocking back and forth in front of the fireplace, like he can’t imagine letting me go.
“You did this for me,” Niko says.
I swallow hard.
My throat is tight, but there are words begging to spill out of me.
Words I know are real, even though I shouldn’t say them. Even though they’ll probably come out like a goddamn grenade if I let myself say them.
But if I don’t tell him… that grenade will go off inside me, instead.
I can’t keep anything from Niko, anymore.
I bury my face in his hair.
And I tell him.
“I did this for you because I’m falling in love with you.”
He smells like home, even if he shouldn’t.
He feels like the safest place on Earth, even if it’s insane for me to feel that way.
I’ve never felt raw like I do in the moment that follows.
I gave Niko my virginity, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I’ve admitted so much to him that I’ve never told anyone.
But he’s the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with.
And that makes me shake.
It feels tectonic, like nothing will ever be the same again now that I’ve said it.
“Don’t say that,” Niko whispers.
I clutch the back of his head, letting my fingers run through his soft hair. “Sorry. It’s the truth.”
He sighs against me, nuzzling his face at the crook of my neck like he’s trying to bury his head in the sand.
“Well, then we have a problem,” he says. “A big, big fucking problem, because I love you, too, Oliver. And I can’t love you. I can’t—”
I pull back, looking in his eyes while I keep my arms wrapped tight around him.
“Why the hell not?”
“Because I fuck everything up. And I cannot fuck this up.”
I suck in a deep breath of air through my nostrils.
The fire beside us pops and cracks, and I can’t keep a smile from my face as I look at him.
“Fuck it up all you want. Fuck me up.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“And I’ll stay right here.”
“God, Ollie.”
I kiss him like it’s another first.
All over again.
Like we’re in uncharted territory, and all I want to do is plunge forward.
“I can’t love you this much,” he says, clutching me like I’m something to him.
“I’ll be here. Loving you, until you feel like you can.”