27. PARKER
TWENTY-SEVEN
PARKER
Connor must not have stopped by home first because I’ve barely set my suitcase on my bed to unpack it when there’s a knock on the front door. I freeze like a deer in headlights, equal parts torn over answering and dreading the conversation we need to have.
When he called me from Tripp and Dex’s place, he’d said we were dating. Dating . As in, possible boyfriend territory. But I’m refusing to get my hopes up because he’d dismissed it a second later. It was a slip of the tongue, and while I know that deep down, I still want to talk all that out. I’d wanted to immediately get into it on the phone before I remembered he was hiding in a bathroom and it probably wasn’t the place to do it.
I shake off the urge to run hard and fast, but trying to calm myself only works to make me more nervous by the time I get to my front door and open it.
I swear Connor takes up my whole doorway. His face is scruffy with stubble that’s longer than usual, but his eyes are bright, and the immediate smile that hits his face draws mine out as well.
“Hey.” He steps inside, dumps his bag by the door as he kicks it shut, then swamps me in a hug .
For one brief moment, I forget about the potentially awkward conversation and lean into him. It’s been a long, long time since I was given affection that I didn’t have to ask for, and I’m still adjusting to how freely Connor dishes it out. His T-shirt has soaked up his body warmth, and I press my face to it, breathing in the crisp smell of laundry detergent.
“I nearly broke so many times and came to your room.”
I force myself to pull back. “I’m glad you didn’t. Wish you did. But that was smart.”
A soft look crosses Connor’s face that completely throws my thought process, but when he leans in to kiss me, everything hits at once.
“We need to talk,” I say.
He freezes, leaning in halfway. “That’s not good.”
“No, no. It’s … fine. Awkward and uncomfortable for me to bring up, but totally, totally fine.”
“Fine, as in we’ll talk and still be having sex after? Or fine, as in we’ll talk, and then I’ll get kicked out of your apartment?”
“The first one. Hopefully.”
“Good.” He grabs my hand and drags me through to my bedroom. “I’m a big fan of us having this talk. But in bed, with a whole lot less clothes on.”
“Connor …”
“ Connor ,” he mimics in a high-pitched tone. Then, he steps forward and begins popping the buttons on my shirt.
I try to give him my most serious look, but he just pushes my shirt from my shoulders before stripping off his T-shirt with a smug look on his face. My gaze drops to his abs, and I relent.
“Fine. You win.” I quickly tug open the front of my belt. “We can get naked, but we’re talking before sex.”
“Can I at least have a hint what this is about?” He pushes down his sweats and underwear in one go, and I swear he’s trying to torture me.
“Us. ”
“Still not sounding great.”
As soon as he’s naked, I set a hand on his chest and push him backward onto my bed. Then I move my suitcase, kick off my pants, and crawl up beside him. I lie on my front, propped up on my elbows so I can see him better. “I want to check we’re on the same page with everything.”
“Oh, yeah?” Connor rolls onto his side and runs a hand down the middle of my back. “With what?”
“Well … on the phone … in Vegas, you might have said it by accident or subconsciously or because you thought you had to, but you said we were dating.”
“Yeah?”
“And what does that mean?”
Connor gives me a strange look. “Ah … we’re dating? Seeing each other? Sleeping together?” He’s such an adorable baby bi.
“The thing is, for queer relationships, that could be anything. We don’t tend to follow the same path that heterosexual ones do.”
“Okay …”
“So dating could mean that we’re together. It could be open or exclusive. It could be just hooking up when the need hits us.”
He’s nodding fast, looking like he’s trying to take in what I’m saying.
“For example,” I mutter, not wanting to relive it, “my last boyfriend … I thought we were it.”
Connor’s hand on my back stills.
“I’d assumed we’d get married or whatever, but I could tell with the long hours I was working that he wasn’t happy. We opened up the relationship for him to sleep with other men so he could get what he needed.”
“That fuck?—”
This is the hard part. “No, he didn’t do anything wrong. We agreed that he’d keep it sex only and there’d be nothing emotional or affectionate. That was all mine. He kept his end. I didn’t.”
“Wait. You fell for someone else?”
That’s almost laughable. “ No . I wasn’t honest. Open relationships are all about honesty. I thought I’d be okay with it, but the sharing gene didn’t hit me, I guess. It hurt. I hid in work to avoid knowing anything about it, and he said it felt like he was dating a ghost in the end. It didn’t work. And so as much as I’m probably going to break out in hives from this conversation alone, I have to be honest. If we’re going to be anything other than you trying out sex with a man, I need …” Kill me now. “If we’re dating. We’re dating. No one else. Just us.”
I’m staring at my tangled hands, inhale caught in my chest as I wait for him to reply.
Then he leans in suddenly, hand gripping my hip while his lips land near my ear. “Parker, if another man tries to touch you, I’ll break every bone in his fucking hand.”
My eyes are huge as I snap my head toward him. The intense look on Connor’s face should maybe scare me, but it doesn’t. In some messed-up ways, it makes me feel seen. Wanted. Needed . I think I could live the rest of my life with him looking at me like that.
Without breaking eye contact, he rolls me onto my back and settles over the top of me.
“When I say we’re dating,” he says, stroking my cheek, “I mean you’re mine.”
“Okay.” I’m way too excited about that. “And you’re mine too?”
“Yes. I’m still working myself out, but I’m having a lot of fun doing it with you. I don’t want to stop.”
I don’t want him to stop. Ever. “I’m good with that.” More than good.
Connor kisses a line along my jaw. “What have you done to me?” He sounds pained, and it sends a thrill through me to know I can get him so worked up.
“Me? You’re the one scrambling my brain.”
“I really hope you weren’t lying about liking possessiveness because if you were, we’re fucked. Tripp mentioned finding you attractive, and I wanted to rampage.”
I take his hand, directing it to my cock. His big hand wraps around me, and my limbs turn to putty. “No lies. I need it.”
He dips his head to suck on my neck as he moves his hand up my shaft with long, firm strokes. One of his knees presses my thigh up further, and my other leg parts with it. “I want to fuck you.”
“Do it.”
He grunts, teeth scraping my skin before he pulls back and pins me with his heated stare. “Show me what to do.”
I direct Connor to grab the lube and a condom from my bedside drawer, and then I take the tube from him. He watches greedily as I pour out lube onto my fingers and ease him back so I can reach between my legs. “You need to get me ready first.” I circle my hole with my fingertip, dick already leaking onto my stomach, and after a few seconds, when I’m relaxed enough, I press my finger inside. I’m ready for this moment, been fantasizing about it, and already it’s better than I imagined.
Connor leans back so he can see. “You took that so easy.”
“Experience counts for something. Plus, I’m super fucking horny.”
“I’m super fucking horny, but I think I’d sob if you tried that on me.”
My ass tightens on my finger. “Don’t worry. I’m not much of a top. I’m perfectly fine if you never want to try this.” When he frowns, I quickly add, “But if you wanted to, I’m not opposed. I’m only saying there’s no pressure at all from me.”
His exhale is heavy. “Yeah. I’m keeping you.”
Those words give me a special kind of high. No one can promise forever, it’s impossible, but I like that at least in this moment, he really does see me as his.
I press another finger into my ass, trying not to be impatient and rush things but needing to feel him inside me.
“C-can I?”
I stretch my fingers open, giving my body time to relax. “Lube first.”
Connor quickly covers his fingers, then presses one inside. I swear his are worth two of mine, and the stretch is way more intense. He strokes in and out, watching every movement.
“Move your finger up more.”
“Here?”
I direct him to my prostate, and the second his fingertip brushes over it, pleasure rushes through me. “ Here .”
He tugs my hand out, stuffing two fingers back inside, breathing getting heavier as he watches me. He’s having no problem finding that spot now, and I’m dangerously close to coming like this.
“Shit, you’re leaking,” he rasps.
“Yeah. You should, umm, probably stop. Definitely stop. Like … now.” I grip the base of my cock and strangle it as Connor pulls his fingers free. My dick is oversensitive and aching, and I need him back inside me. Need something to feel full, for me to clamp down around as I come.
Connor rolls the condom on, then covers his cock in lube. I’m on PrEP, and he’s regularly tested, but foregoing condoms is a talk we can have after we’re both not so riled up.
I pull my knees back as Connor leans over me and presses the blunt head of his cock to my entrance.
“We good?”
“Yep. Just take your time.”
His groans last the entire time he pushes inside me. “This feels so … so … fuck.”
I squeeze around him, loving the sense of fullness, and Connor’s eyes roll back .
“Gay sex is going to kill me.”
I know he’s joking, but I have Connor Kikishkin inside me, and I’m going to shamelessly revel in years’ worth of unrequited lust coming to life. I wrap my fingers through his hair and tug his mouth to mine.
He kisses me like he’s starving for it, and when he moves inside me, I’m already so sensitive my orgasm buzzes along my spine. It takes every bit of experience for me to hold off coming, though I’m not sure Connor is far behind me. He increases speed and pounds my hole while greedily sucking on my tongue. His arms are wrapped tight and secure around my back. I’m trying to move with him but can’t do much more than take it because my fantasies didn’t conjure up the man moving inside me; he’s in complete control, a demon absolutely destroying me. All of me. Inside and out.
We’re both sweating. Our kiss is sloppy. Deep. Desperate. Because he’s always made me so fucking desperate.
So desperate to tell him to fuck off. To tell him to look at me. Notice me. Realize I’m goddamn worthy of him too.
Connor pulls out suddenly. “Get on top of me.”
Ngh . Yes, yes, yes.
He rolls onto his back, and I straddle his hips before sinking down on him again. Connor’s large hands cup my hips, urging me into a punishing rhythm.
I ride him hard, and he thrusts up into me, making every muscle in his chest and stomach stand out sharply. His eyes are glued to my dick, and I have no clue what thoughts are racing through his mind, but his tongue flicks out to wet his lips, and I decide to take that as a good sign.
“Fuck, Park …”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I didn’t know watching you take me could be this hot.”
“You better be close.”
“So close. Your ass is heaven.”
The compliment makes me almost touch myself, but I’m holding out. Wanting him to come first. Judging by his panting, he’s close.
“Who’s hole is this?” His fingers bite painfully into my hips.
“It’s yours. Only yours.”
He cries out, pressing firmly against my ass as he empties his load into the condom. I feel him twitch through the whole thing, and when I go to grab my cock, to get myself off while he’s still inside me, Connor bats my hand away.
He wraps his fist around my aching dick and I grind down onto him as he jerks me off. The warmth, the roughness, it’s all too much.
“This is … holy shit, I really fucking like this.” He glances up, and the flash of split-second vulnerability is what gets me. My balls tighten a second before I release. My cum floods his hand and leaks down onto his abs, and poor Connor doesn’t know whether to watch my face or the way my cock is pulsing, judging by how quickly his eyes are pinging between the two.
When I come back from the high, I lean down with a smile and drag my lips over his. “Don’t worry. We can do that as many times as you want.”
He flips us quickly so I’m on my back again, and when his dick slips out, his fingers press back inside. “In that case, we better keep this hole nice and lubed, then. I’m just getting started.”