Chapter 21
21
brIAR
I’m going to hyperventilate.
I’ve never been so nervous for anything in my life.
Not when I got my first Pap smear or was called to speak at an omega health conference last year.
Regardless of how old I get, my nervous system still lacks the ability to be able to tell the difference between meeting my potential packmates for dinner and being held at gunpoint.
My scent is charred enough to choke me in the small confines of my car.
It’s a good thing I told Clover not to chauffeur me around today because if she had, there would be one more person to witness how terrified I am.
At least on my own, I can pretend to everyone else in my life that I handled tonight with grace instead of buckets of under-boob sweat and a damp neck.
It’s silly. Ronan and Jasper have been nothing but incredible to me.
They’re my mates, and no matter what happens tonight, I have to put faith in their promise to fight for me.
I’ve handled worse people than a doubtful beta and a scorned pack leader.
Sitting out here on this goliath of a driveway in front of the most beautiful piece of architecture I’ve ever seen doesn’t help my burning feelings of doubt or lack of self-confidence, either.
I got here at least ten minutes ago, and I know how that must look to them if they’re aware of that fact.
A knock on my window has me screaming.
My legs kick up into the steering wheel as I smack my head on the roof of the car and reach for the automatic door locks to make sure they worked properly.
They did, and the face staring at me in the window isn’t one to fear.
Seems they were aware of me being here all this time .
. .
I unroll the window immediately, struggling to catch my breath.
“I’m sorry, love. It’s just me. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Jasper rambles, leaning his head into the car.
Shaking my head, I palm my throat and attempt a smile.
“It’s okay. Thank you for looking out for me.”
“You’re welcome. Although, I can’t say I helped much. Can I open the door?”
“Of course.” I pop the lock and inhale the spiced laundry scent of him that comes in on the breeze.
“I didn’t think I was so jumpy.”
The door is out of the way in a blink, and then he’s there, reaching for me.
My nerves disappear the moment I’m in his arms. He slips a hand beside me to unbuckle my seat belt before I twist toward him and curl my arms around his strong body.
“Is it too early to say that I’ve missed you?” he mumbles, face finding my hair.
“No. I missed you too.”
“I want to know all about how the rest of your week was as soon as we get inside. Honestly, I tried to keep from overwhelming you with texts and calls, but I wanted to reach out so many times,” he admits.
“You wouldn’t have overwhelmed me. Not at all.”
I think we’re already past that.
“I’ll keep that in mind, then.”
When we reluctantly break apart, our arms linger, eyes immediately connecting as the space grows.
It would be so, so easy to push up and bring my lips to his for even a brief taste of him.
Just this once, I wish I was brave enough to take charge in that way.
With a soft smile, I drop my gaze and shift to turn off the car, successfully cutting the tension.
Jasper lets me take charge, leaning back to give me some more breathing room.
I snag my purse from the seat beside me and join him on the driveway.
“This house is incredible,” I say while he extends an arm past me to shut my door.
His palm is warm as it settles on my lower back and guides me past the car.
“I’m glad you like it. Really, we didn’t have much to do with choosing it. Landon’s father had his real estate agent send us options shortly after we made the pack official, and we just chose the one with the most room.”
“I can imagine with four of you, a smaller place would have felt too tight. None of you minded that you didn’t get to fully choose your pack house, though? Aren’t alphas really picky about that sort of thing?”
I can’t say I’ve ever heard of a pack allowing someone else to choose where they live.
My mom and dads surely wouldn’t have gone for it.
A pack house is supposed to be a sanctuary of sorts.
The place they bring an omega to start a family in.
My skin flushes despite my best efforts.
Jasper spreads his fingers wide, expanding his touch.
“That’s a great question, Briar. I’ve never spent much time thinking about that.”
I swallow.
“The last thing I want to do is overstep, but your pack . . . seems strained. Like it’s been that way long before I got involved.”
His steps falter briefly.
“It has been, and I’m sorry you have to deal with anything less than perfection. This isn’t the kind of pack dynamic I ever wished to bring our future omega into, but it’s the only one I’ve got to offer.”
The pain lacing the words is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
Jasper stops walking and uses his hold on my back to spin me to face him.
His green eyes beg for a pause, for me to offer him a chance to speak before making any assumptions.
He rolls his lips together while staring up at the cloudless blue sky.
When his eyes fall back down to me, I don’t hide from the openness in them.
“We’re not perfect, love. I know you’ve already pieced that together, but being honest with you is the least I can offer. Our pack dynamic is weak, and our bond is fracturing. It won’t be easy to convince Landon to open up to this, and I can’t begin to imagine how scary that is for you. All I can promise you right now is that the rest of us are going to be here fighting for you just as much as you’ll have to fight for us. And I know it isn’t fair to ask you to fight when we’ve only just met and there’s still so much we have to learn about one another. I’m just hoping that at least for tonight, you can give us a chance to show that we’re worth the effort. Including Landon.”
My omega whines as this alpha lays his heart out for me to either accept or toss across the perfectly trimmed yard.
I can’t say that what he’s asking isn’t a lot.
It’s intimidating as hell.
Putting myself out there has never been easy, and given what happened with Greg and the wound left behind that still hasn’t fully healed, it’s even harder.
But even before hearing everything Jasper’s said, I knew I would come into tonight with an open mind.
Nothing good has ever come easy for anyone, so why should a scent-matched pack be any different?
Just because something is meant to be doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have its fair share of complications.
His expression is tight, strained with stress and guilt, but as I lift a hand to palm his cheek, he shivers, everything slipping away but startling devotion.
“I want this, Jasper. As crazy as it is, I’m not going to abandon what could be because it will be challenging,” I declare.
“And I’m not pressuring you into saying that?”
“No. I knew before I came here today what I was going to do and what I was willing to offer.”
He releases a long breath and nods, pressing us closer with the firm hand on my back.
“You’re incredible.”
“You don’t know enough about me yet to make that conclusion,” I tease, lips tugging up.
There’s no tease in his words.
“I don’t need to. I’ve known you were one of a kind from the first time I laid eyes on you.”
“Oh,” I whisper.
He chuckles, sweeping his hand up my spine before bringing it back down again.
“Let’s go inside. Ronan and Landon aren’t home yet, but Dash is waiting. I hope you like pizza.”
“I love pizza.”
“If Ronan had it his way, we’d have prepared a five-course feast for you, but I figured starting easy might be the better option.”
Jasper pushes the door open and makes room for me to walk inside first. My steps are uneven, sandals scuffing the floor as I try to perfect my walk.
The strength of the scents hitting me in one thick cloud steals my breath.
Caramel coffee, rich chocolate swirled with peanut butter, spiced leather with an undercurrent of warm laundry, and vanilla, the kind straight from the bottle.
My eyes close, a sharp pain clawing at my stomach.
The hard chest pressing against my arm draws a moan from me.
I don’t have a chance to be embarrassed before Jasper’s holding me, allowing me to lean against him.
“I know it’s a lot, love. If you need to step outside, we understand,” he murmurs.
“No!” I exclaim, appalled at the idea.
“I want to be here. I like it. I can smell all of you.”
Dash is across from me, lingering on the balls of his feet.
The blue in his eyes is so bright I might as well be looking up at the sky as we stare at each other.
“We were hoping the pizza might help mask some of our scents to make them easier to handle,” he says softly.
“I don’t want them masked. I’m okay. It’s just the first time I’ve smelled them all together like this.”
I know better than to assume they can’t scent how affected I am by that, either.
Scent-masking panties or not, I’m all but dripping.
Every inhale I take makes it worse as I try and pick the scents apart to get the full depth of each one.
Coffee is Ronan, chocolate and peanut butter is Dash, and the cozy scent of laundry is Jasper.
The vanilla, though .
. . that’s got to be Landon.
I can’t fight the pull to inhale deeper, subtly drifting further into the house.
“Landon smells like vanilla,” I breathe out, hardly able to think over the pulse pumping in my ears.
Jasper stays close, following me as I move like he’s scared I’ll run.
“He does.”
The hair on my arms stands, memories flashing.
There’s hardly a trace of cinnamon, but finally, I find it and the slight burn hanging on to it.
I’ll never forget the mortification I felt while standing at the entrance of that restaurant with spaghetti sauce staining my fingertips and tables full of people watching an alpha who smelled just like this command me to leave him alone.
Oh god.
Things couldn’t have been worse than this.
Dread pools like tar in my belly as I turn to face Jasper.
Words get caught in my constricting throat.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, frowning deeply.
I shake my head, my emotions spiking too intensely to make sense of them.
“Talk to me, love.”
“Did we do something wrong?” Dash asks, appearing beside Jasper.
My scent sours, and I lose the vanilla and cinnamon.
Something inside of me cracks for the second time since that day as my omega recoils at the idea of missing out on it again.
My instincts demand I focus enough to find it again, but that only makes it worse.
“Okay, maybe we need to go outside,” Dash adds, taking charge when Jasper freezes, his nostrils flaring.
I want to crawl into a hole and die because it’s obvious what he’s smelling.
A terrified omega’s scent mixed with the slick she’s hopeless to hide.
Pupils expanding, Jasper lets loose a rough sound and nods, smoothing his hand down my arms.
“Outside,” he echoes.
There’s no time.
It’s impossible to mistake the sound of footsteps on the porch steps for anything else.
I hold my breath and keep staring at Jasper, trying to find solace in the way he watches me like I’m something precious he’s not willing to let go of regardless of how confused he must be right now.
“Ronan said we were having pizza. Sorry we’re late.”
My eyes roll back into my head at the sound of that gruff voice.
Goosebumps cover me from head to toe, and I reach for Jasper on instinct, curling my fingers into his shirt.
His body hides my view of the man who spoke, but as heavy footsteps continue our way, I know it won’t matter.
“Jesus, what’s that smell? It’s . . .” The footsteps stop.
I see Ronan first when he moves to the side, eyes already on me.
It takes all I have in me not to run toward him.
“What’s wrong, Petal?” he asks, voice low.
There’s only one man the stranger could be.
Landon’s voice is a whip across the room.
“You brought the omega here ?”
A whine gets caught in my throat, and I risk a breath, allowing it to escape.
The other men in the room take it as a sign of distress, but it’s not a fearful noise.
I push myself out of Jasper’s arms and avoid the ones Ronan opens for me.
My head swims as I step into the open, searching for Landon and finding him frozen a few feet away.
Too far from me.
“You ran from me,” I croak, eyes burning as I blink profusely.
The same alpha from the restaurant stares at me, blue eyes as vivid as they were the first time I looked into them.
Everything about him is the same as it was that day, but without the suit, he doesn’t appear as scary.
Even with his towering height and wide, bulky shoulders, I know he isn’t a danger to me the same way I thought then.
His jaw is tense, teeth grinding as he watches me step toward him.
I don’t stop, even when he narrows his eyes in warning.
“You ran from me,” I repeat, harsher this time.
Jasper sucks in a breath while Landon slips his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his expression smoothing to paint a picture of pale-skinned ease.
A complete facade that I don’t buy for a minute.
“I did.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want an omega.”
It’s a knife in the softest part of my chest. “Why? You don’t even know me.”
I get lost in the perfection of his facial features, so close to him now that I can make out every indent and curve.
It’s like he’s been created in my mind from dreams I’ve had ever since I was a little girl.
I couldn’t find a flaw if I spent hours searching for one.
I ache so deep inside that I have to plant my feet harder on the ground to keep from jumping at him.
The last time I did that, he left me standing alone, rejected.
The words he speaks now may be worse.
“I don’t need to know you. I don’t want to know you. I thought I made that clear when you destroyed my dinner and embarrassed the both of us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go,” he says sharply, each word a well-aimed bullet.
“Watch your mouth, Landon,” Ronan snarls, suddenly at my side.
“What are you talking about right now? You’ve met before?”
His hand steadies me, and I’m too desperate for his support to push him away right now.
Landon keeps his glare focused on me, somehow making it cruel enough that I flinch, my heart all but bleeding in his clenching fist.
Slowly, he drags his eyes to Ronan, the blue burning like a flame.
“Do not blindside me like this again. I told you all my stance on this. It won’t change. Not for her or for any other omega you find.”
Dash passes me with a knuckle gliding over my bicep.
“Don’t be cruel. That’s not who you are.”
“Isn’t it? Ask your omega how we met, and then decide if you still believe that,” Landon bites out.
“Don’t leave like this again, Landon. We’ll stay down here, just go upstairs or to the gym. But stay here,” Jasper pleads.
Landon hesitates, something heavy passing between them.
“Tell me when she’s gone.”
When Jasper warned me that this very situation could happen, clearly, I didn’t take it seriously enough.
I hoped that it wouldn’t be as bad as he made it out to be.
That maybe Landon would see me and change his mind.
But now, knowing that their Landon, the leader of their pack, was the one I met three weeks ago and wondered if maybe he could have been my scent match .
. .
I was so, so very wrong.
This is much worse than I ever thought it could be.