Chapter 22
22
LANDON
One more second in her presence and I would have gone into a rut.
I’m clawing out of my skin as I heave over my knees at the top of the stairs, needing to get that lemon scent out of my system.
Her voice twinkles up to the second story as she vaguely explains how we met, her voice strained enough to betray her hurt at my actions.
Fuck, I can’t stay here.
The others don’t know how affected I am, and I want it to stay that way.
With my eyes closed, I see her again.
Every curve of her body and glimmering strand of brown hair almost the same shade of black as mine.
The same nose ring I remember from that night is still there, a tiny little diamond twinkling.
I’ve never cared much about the clothes a woman wears, but how the fuck am I supposed to pretend that seeing her in a tiny little sundress the identical pale blue colour of her eyes with lace tights didn’t nearly push me over the edge?
The omega is stunning.
Beautiful beyond human comprehension.
The earth shook beneath my feet when she stared up at me, her chin lifted in determination.
She wasn’t supposed to be here, and she certainly wasn’t supposed to hold such power over me with little reason.
We’re not pack, yet she feels like it.
That immediate draw is the worst part of it all.
It’s a trick played by our instincts to try and control us.
Chest caving in with the force of my breaths, I lean against the wall and, despite my desire to leave, linger at the top of the stairs.
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs.
“You have nothing to apologize to us for, Petal,” Ronan reassures her, but his voice is tight.
“I had a fucking feeling. My gut’s never wrong.”
I expect him to be the first to seek me out, the soothing tone of his voice long gone and replaced with a venom that I’d bet he wished could fill my bloodstream.
Nobody would blame him if that were the case.
Jasper speaks next, feet shuffling.
“It doesn’t matter who knew what. Come with me, love. You need to eat. We can talk more about this after.”
“I’m not really hungry,” the omega argues weakly.
“I know. At least let us try to feed you. If you end up not eating, I’m sure Ronan will have your portion,” Dash barters.
It’s not very common to have a beta in an all-alpha pack.
Nobody I knew growing up had one in theirs, and I’m still unsure why.
When I met Dash, we were just kids with no idea how or when we’d create an official pack.
It was fun to play around with the idea and make imaginary plans for our future.
Not even one of us thought it was weird or out of place to have Dash be a part of our family when the day came to make things official.
My father didn’t agree and made sure to tell me his opinion on it several times over the course of my life, but it didn’t make a difference.
When you meet your packmates, it’s forever.
You feel the pull, and that’s that.
In a perfect world, I would have taken one look at Briar in that restaurant and inhaled her scent before deciding the same thing.
Every instinct I have is telling me that the gorgeous omega downstairs is my scent match, but I know how easy it can be to let desperation drive you.
The last time I watched that happen, I was on the outside looking in as my father and his packmates doted on my mother for half of my childhood as alphas mated to their scent match would.
Nobody was expecting the truth to come out after they were so sure about it.
The marks on my mother’s neck were nails in a rotting coffin.
She was nothing more than a con artist, and she played everyone.
Even me. Neither my father nor his prior pack ever met their scent match.
The woman who I call my mother was after them for one thing, and it wasn’t love.
She did everything possible to convince them otherwise, and it worked.
A bottle of custom omega perfume and my father’s pack was a lost fool for her.
Everything fell apart after that.
I refuse to allow myself to fall into a similar trap.
Even if not being with Briar is killing me slowly.
The pain now is better than the possibility of destruction later.
They continue talking as I push off the wall and silently creep down a single stair.
The metal railing is cold in my hot palms, and I grip it tight, swallowing a hiss when it digs too deep.
Our main floor is made up of an open living and dining room, a kitchen facing the backyard, three full bathrooms, and four bedrooms we use as an office and storage rooms. The stairs look out at the kitchen with the living room beside them, and the openness allows me to see Briar where she stands at the wide island, her back to me as Jasper pulls two pizzas from the oven and sets them on the stovetop.
Ronan and Dash are seated on bar stools on either side of her, both staring like they’re scared if they look away, she’ll disappear.
Jasper makes a joke, and Dash laughs, the sound so nice to hear that it’s grating.
I hate how badly I want to be there with them.
It’s been months since we’ve laughed together like that.
I could hold a pity party for myself, but what good would that do?
If I want to protect our pack, that means inserting myself into situations where Briar has them all by the balls.
Leaving them alone with her won’t do me any favours, even if being close to her could be worse for me than distance.
“You know what? On second thought, I’m starving,” I announce, steeling my spine as I join them downstairs.
Briar jumps, her hair whipping through the air as she turns to look at me.
Her naturally pouty pink lips part around nothing.
“Great. You changed your mind just in time,” Dash tells me.
Ronan narrows his eyes, trying to read my blank expression.
“You’re not welcome here right now.”
“Ronan,” Jasper lightly scolds.
“Are you going to say something if I stay?” I dare him.
“It’s okay. Hi again, Landon,” Briar says, mouth curling at the corner.
It’s a fake fucking smile.
I pass them all and open the fridge, digging through it for the last blue Gatorade.
Cracking the lid, I close the door with my hip.
The drink smells strong, but it’s still not enough to hide the sweetness of her lemon cookie scent.
My cock twitches, growing stiff in a fucking blink behind the zipper of my jeans.
“We were just about to start comparing schedules. I suggested Briar come to our next game,” Jasper says, being the first of my pack to speak to me without outright malice.
I choke on the Gatorade and set the bottle on the island.
Frustration bubbles in my gut, but I ignore it with a clearing of my throat.
“Great.”
“I’m not much of a hockey fan. I hope that’s not a deal breaker,” Briar warns.
My brow shoots up on its own.
“Why not?”
It’s silent for a moment, nobody answering me before she does, those pale blue eyes too curious for her own good.
“Sports aren’t my thing.”
Jasper sets a pile of plates beside the cutting board he’s using to slice the pizza.
“What sorts of things do you enjoy?”
“I haven’t really had much time to find many hobbies, but I’ve always liked bundling up in front of a fire or on a porch at night and doing those paint by numbers. There’s something really calming about spending a few minutes doing something simple like that. It helps with anxiety too.”
Can’t say I saw that one coming.
“I don’t know the last time I painted anything,” Ronan grunts.
I spin the cap on my bottle tighter than necessary.
“Probably when you were a child.”
“If you ever find yourself wanting company while you paint, I’d love to give it a try,” Jasper offers, stroking a knuckle over the fingers she has resting on the quartz countertop.
Briar flushes, lashes fanning as her stare falls to where they touch.
Jealousy sizzles beneath my skin, pissing me off further.
They seem so close already after only seeing each other a couple of times.
It’s just another reason why a scent match bond shouldn’t be so blindly trusted.
Who’s to say that they won’t get sick of one another in a couple of weeks?
There are still too many unknowns.
We don’t know anything about this woman other than her enjoyment of painting.
“I like painting,” Ronan says.
It takes everything in me not to laugh.
“Since when?”
His glare is vicious.
“Since I fucking said so, asshole.”
“Jasper was telling me earlier about when you chose the pack house, but I wanted to ask when you actually all became pack?” Briar asks, changing the subject.
Dash leans forward on the island and beams at her.
“Well, we all met when we were kids, and I think we knew even then that we were supposed to be pack. When we all designated, it seemed to just click into place. We held the ceremony when we were all eighteen.”
“I don’t know much about pack ceremonies,” she admits.
Jasper nods, beginning to cut the pizza up.
“I wouldn’t really say it’s a ceremony per se. At least what we did wasn’t anything like that. We filled out all the legal paperwork joining us, took Landon’s last name, and had a party. That’s really what it is for a pack without an omega.”
Ronan eyes me up, daring me to be a jackass and add something unnecessary.
If it weren’t for Briar’s genuine interest as she listens to everything we have to say, I would have made sure to remind her and everyone else that we’re not in the market for one, either.
It seems fucking impossible to spout my mouth off as they continue talking and Briar rests her chin on her fist, nodding along with every word spoken to her.
Jasper gets dinner dished up for everyone the way he always does, and we sit at the table for the first time in months.
I take the furthest seat from her and adjust my crotch beneath the table.
Jasper sits beside me, noticing the move but leaving it alone.
“Tell us how work’s been, love.”
“Well, we have a few patients that we’re watching closely as they’re due to go into labour any day now. I don’t think I’ve gone this long without checking my phone in a few days,” Briar says between bites of pizza.
Jasper wipes his mouth with a napkin.
“If you need to check, please do. We don’t want you to miss out on anything.”
“I have my ringer on and a special ringtone set for work. I’m doing just fine without looking,” she says, smiling brightly.
“You’re a doctor?” It comes out much harsher than I meant it to, but I don’t apologize for it.
“I’m a doula,” she corrects me.
I tap a finger to my bottle and say, “I’m not familiar.”
She doesn’t react with anything but calm understanding, features relaxed.
“I work alongside an OB/GYN during baby deliveries and offer physical and emotional support to the moms doing all the hard work. I’ve never had a desire to become a doctor.”
“Briar co-owns a birthing clinic with her best friend,” Jasper boasts, chest puffed.
It’s confirmation that there’s already more to her than there ever was my mother, and I hate it.
Gritting my teeth, I let the conversation drop.
I don’t need nor want to hear anything else.
“You’ve been busy, then?” Dash asks after swallowing a bite of pizza.
I stare down at mine and poke at the golden crust as my stomach swirls.
I’ve hardly eaten these last couple of weeks, and apparently, that isn’t changing tonight.
“Very. Clover, my best friend and business partner, has been keeping us on our toes with a new patient. I think she’s trying to shove our friendship down her throat, but Sadie’s been a real trooper about it. We made her a truly awful chicken casserole the other night, and she swallowed it down without a single cough.”
“Sounds like when Dash makes a friend and Ronan attempts to cook,” Jasper teases.
Dash pinches his pizza and shakes it in Jasper’s direction.
“Don’t take shots at me because I’m the only one in this pack who knows how to have a conversation with someone new instead of just grunting at them.”
“Why am I catching strays?” Ronan asks around the rim of his beer bottle.
“I never said you were the one doing the grunting. You guessed that all on your own,” Dash sings.
Briar’s giggle has everyone falling silent.
Jasper grins wide enough to show both rows of his teeth while Ronan stares bluntly at her, his eyes all but twinkling.
Dash is the only one of them who tries to hide his reaction.
He glances at me and offers a wince-like smile that I immediately look away from.
“What about you, Landon? Do you cook?” she asks.
It takes me a moment to realize I’m the Landon she’s talking to.
“Not often,” I reply bluntly.
“Who does, then?”
“If anyone, Jasper does.”
She tips her chin, ripping a piece of her crust off.
I stare at her plate, a brow sliding up as I examine her food.
The cheese is gone, along with the majority of the crust, while the actual pizza remains intact, uneaten.
Dropping her eyes to where she can see me looking, she freezes with the crust hanging between her fingers.
“I’ve always eaten pizza like this,” she tells me.
“Why?”
She cocks her head, examining my plate.
“Why aren’t you eating at all?”
Jasper clears his throat, frowning at me for a beat.
“Landon hasn’t been feeling well recently.”
“In what way?” The alarm in her tone makes my alpha preen, the smug bastard.
“Don’t worry about it,” I grumble.
Dash keeps pushing. “What did the doc say today?”
“To sleep more.”
And to start taking care of my body before it gives out on me.
His warning was grim, and I’m not up for repeating it.
The only thing that’ll do for me is make the rest of them hover.
“That’s incredible medical advice if I do say so myself,” Dash mutters, sarcastic as fuck.
I feel Briar’s eyes on me, forcing mine to lift to meet them.
Something shifts in my chest at her concern, a piece of me that aches for her attention and care.
From across the table, I feel the ghost of her touch on my skin lingering from that night three weeks ago.
My nails dig into my thigh, the pain doing nothing to faze me.
I inhale through my mouth to avoid her scent, but I taste it instead.
It’s thick, intoxicating.
My chest begins to rumble as I stiffen, cock throbbing so intensely it’s painful.
“Is there anything anyone can do to help you, Landon?” she asks, her voice a purr stroking around my swelling knot.
“No,” I croak.
A dainty finger reaches up to tuck a chunk of hair behind her ear, lingering behind the delicate curve of it.
“Are you okay?”
I drop my hand to my lap and grab my cock, pressing down hard.
My vision grows dark around the edges momentarily before I release myself and jolt to my feet.
“I need some air.”
Jasper stands, moving toward me to help, but I’m shifting out of reach before he can make it two steps.
“Alone,” I snip.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Briar rambles, hopping out of her seat.
“I know it’s not my business.”
“It is your business,” Ronan says, reassuring her with a brush of his hand across hers.
Dash scrunches his features.
“Do you need someone to come with?”
I smell the spike in my scent at the same time everyone else does.
The scorching cinnamon clinging to a thick vanilla smothers the table before four sets of eyes drop to my crotch.
The only set I care about are the ones that widen to the size of saucers before shooting up to the ceiling.
Briar turns redder than the spaghetti sauce it took two showers to get fully out of my hair.
I’m out of there before any of those fuckers have a chance to say anything to me about what they saw.
I know it’s coming, and regardless of how I feel about the omega, there’s no need to embarrass her any more than she already is.
With my dinner untouched and still on my plate, I rush away from the table and straight out the front door.
My sock-clad feet pound against the driveway as I take off into a jog, content to run until my legs give out.
Maybe by then, I’ll be calm enough to show my face again instead of on the brink of yet another rut.