Chapter 18
In the morning, I lent Rose one of my maid’s dresses, which was slightly too tight and much too short for her but would do for the meantime. I watched as she brushed her long thick dark hair, pinning it up into a bun, ready for my second-best maid’s cap. She twisted from side to side to see the effect in my looking glass, and a stab of envy penetrated my heart so painfully that I had to look away to keep from gasping.
Rose was simply stunning, but most of all, her creamy complexion was flawless. I’d never wanted anything as bad as I wanted her skin at that moment. The unfairness of it all took my breath away. We had the same colouring, eyes and hair, except that I was the ugly twin. How could God do this to me when I’d offered her charity out of the goodness of my heart? He was holding up this girl, who was so beautiful, like a reflection and was taunting me, ‘See what you’re never going to be?’
My life was difficult enough with Jasper at the moment, but to add Rose to the equation was simply unbearable. My mind’s eye travelled into the future, and I could see with utmost certainty what was going to happen. It was inevitable: Jasper would fall in love with Rose. The fact that Rose was of the serving class didn’t faze my fertile imagination. From what I knew of Jasper, he couldn’t resist a pretty face, and Rose had a spunk that I was sure he’d find irresistible. I sighed in despair.
Rose turned and looked at me with concern. ‘Everything all right, Mercy?’ I nodded my head, already resigning myself to what lay ahead. The sooner I accepted it, the better I would be able to cope. I smiled brightly.
‘Yes, let’s go down and start serving breakfast.’
Maggie was putting the finishing touches on the gentlemen’s breakfast of hot rolls, fresh honey, eggs, and bacon. She looked up as we entered the kitchen.
‘Ahh, just in time, girls. Them’s tray is ready. Mercy, do you want to carry? And, Rose, you can take in the coffee.’
I led the way, feeling as if I was about to go to the guillotine, not sure I would be able to cope with the first moment when Jasper laid eyes on Rose. But there was nothing to be done. I entered the dining room, and both he and Sebastian were there reading their papers. Only Sebastian lowered his and greeted us, though.
‘Good morning, Mercy,’ he said warmly. ‘And this must be Rose?’
‘Yes, Rose Baker, sir,’ said Rose, dropping a small curtsy. ‘Pleased to make your acquaintance.’
Sebastian looked at her appreciatively, taking in her pretty heart-shaped face and blooming complexion.
‘Maggie tells me you’re in need of employment and a place to stay for a while. Well, you’re welcome here for as long as you like. I hope you don’t mind sharing with Mercy?’
‘No, sir, I don’t mind at all,’ said Rose, putting down the coffee pot on the table.
‘Well, Imind,’ said Jasper, lowering his paper and pouring himself a cup of coffee. ‘I’m sure I don’t want some half-starved, loose-fingered gypsy in the house. One loose-fingered maid is enough.’
I waited for it, any minute now. He took a bite of his roll, glanced up, and saw Rose standing there, looking more unlike a loose-fingered gypsy than anyone ever could. Chewing, his eyes widened and slid insolently from the top of her head, lingered on her rosebud lips, followed the curve of her cheek down to her slightly swelled bosom, continued down to her slim waist, and then to the tips of her dainty booted toes.
There was a silence while Jasper swallowed. I’d never seen him look so lost for words, but he quickly recovered his composure.
‘Well, well, how do you do, Rose? Forgive me. I can see you’re not a gypsy, anything but.’ He chuckled.
Rose grinned and dropped a low curtsy. ‘Pleased to meet you again, sir. We didn’t get a chance to be properly introduced last night.’
Jasper looked a bit uncomfortable. ‘Er, no, I was a little under the weather last night. Do forgive me.’
‘Of course,’ said Rose brightly. He gazed at her, a small smile playing on his lips, and I groaned inwardly.
Meanwhile, Sebastian was taking in this exchange and met my anguished eye with his sympathetic one.
Help!I implored him silently. He coughed, and the flirtatious atmosphere was instantly dispelled.
‘Thank you, girls. That will be all for now,’ he said. ‘I’ve left a list of chores with Maggie. Mercy, you can get Rose acquainted with the way things are to be done.’
As we curtsied and left the room, I sensed Jasper’s eyes following us, but it wasn’t my back they were trained on—I was sure of that.
I was worried about Rose. The way Jasper had eyed her with barely concealed desire shot arrows of fear through my heart. Rose had made no comment or shown any sign of returning the interest, but now she knew that Jasper was soon to be rich (more fool me for telling her). Was there any reason she would resist his advances if he decided to make them?
From what I knew of Rose, she had been in trouble on at least one occasion, but perhaps there had been more. Common sense would surely prevail on her part. Why would she risk the small pocket of security she had living here? There was a very real chance that she would find herself alone, friendless, and starving in the woods again if she made any wrong move. If she became involved with Jasper, I wasn’t sure I could be a stalwart friend and keep the news to myself. And I doubted Sebastian would be pleased to have his friend carrying on with one of his servants.
As the days passed and none of my fears came to pass, I relaxed. I grew used to Jasper’s salivating glances whenever Rose walked into the room, and my confidence that the situation would not become more heated grew whenever she barely looked at him or answered him in curt sentences.
I knew from our conversations at night in my room that she found him ‘arrogant’ and ‘conceited’. I didn’t disagree. Jasper was all that she said. But I had found his weakness, and it had endeared him to me. It was written in a letter that I kept tucked away in an old apron at the back of my bottom dresser drawer, where no one could find it. I felt as long as I had his letter, I had some kind of control over the situation.
Then something changed. One morning, instead of answering Jasper’s enquiry to her health with a curt ‘Very well, sir’, she blushed and lowered her eyes and barely whispered a reply.
I kept pouring Sebastian’s coffee but glanced at Jasper, who smirked and bit into his toast. What was wrong with her? Was she slowly but surely falling under his spell like the rest of womankind?
In the kitchen, as we cleared away the breakfast things, she seemed subdued.
‘Rose, are you all right?’ I enquired tentatively. She looked at me, her expression clouded.
‘I wish I were you,’ she replied. I was bewildered. What girl in her right mind would ever wish to be me?
‘You can’t mean that,’ I said stiffly.
‘I do, I truly do,’ she said and, without further explanation, walked out of the kitchen.
I pondered her words all morning as I went about my chores. I felt disconnected from the household, as if something were happening beyond my comprehension. I didn’t see Rose again that morning to question her strange statement. In the late afternoon, I took my duster into the library room to give the books a thorough going-over as it had been a while since I had.
Part of me wasn’t surprised to find Jasper there bent over Rose. She was lying awkwardly on the chaise longue, and he was kissing her neck. Her blouse was half off her shoulder, revealing an expanse of creamy white perfect flesh. The other part recoiled in horror as he murmured his appreciation and ran a hand over her bodice. I backed away slowly and carefully so as to not make a sound. The last thing I saw was Jasper hitching up her skirt to caress her white thighs and Rose, her eyes full of sorrow, looking at me over his shoulder.
I ran out of the house and into the field at the back until I reached the willow tree. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. All that I had feared was coming to pass. I breathed slowly and deeply. How Rose was acting and what she had said now made sense to me. Jasper had obviously started making advances, and she was powerless to stop him. The irony of it was that I was the one who was in love with him, and I would’ve changed places with her in a heartbeat.
To witness him making love to her was so painful I didn’t know whether I could bear to face either of them again. Not for the first time, I felt myself to be cursed with this face that drove men away.
What earthly advantage could it possibly be to have looks that caused pity rather than desire? Rose didn’t know what she was talking about. I stayed outside under the willow until dusk fell. With a sigh, I trudged back to the house and prepared myself to face the worst: that Jasper and Rose were now in love.
In the kitchen, Maggie was preparing supper—a juicy rabbit stew by the looks of it. There was no sign of Rose. ‘Mercy, there you are, love. I was wondering where you’d got to. Can you fetch Rose for me and get her to come and set the dining room table?’
With a sigh, I trudged upstairs to my bedroom. Rose was lying face down on the bed in her chemise, unmoving. She’d changed out of her maid’s dress, and it was discarded on the floor in a heap.
‘Rose? Maggie needs you to set the table.’
Rose didn’t reply, so I went over to her and touched her on the shoulder. ‘Are you asleep?’ Her head moved from side to side imperceptibly.
‘What’s wrong then? Are you ill?’ I have to say I didn’t have much sympathy in me at that moment—not until she turned her face around, and I saw a giant red welt on the side of it. I gasped.
‘Did Jasper do that?’
She nodded, and tears started pouring down her cheeks, following the course of those that had gone before.
‘But why?’ I asked, naively not believing that anything but true love could possibly come out of the encounter I had witnessed.
‘Because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, that’s why.’ She gulped and sniffed, looking around for something to blow her nose on. I silently handed her my handkerchief.
‘I saw the disappointment in your eyes, and I just couldn’t let him use me like all the others had,’ she said. ‘So I pushed him off, and he slapped me hard to teach me a lesson.’
I sucked in my breath. I knew Jasper had a temper, but up until now, I didn’t think he would physically hurt anyone.
‘I don’t believe it,’ I said.
‘Believe it,’ said Rose in a harsh voice. ‘Men like him want only one thing, and when they can’t get it, they turn ugly. I’ve met his type before. Now do you know why I wish I had your pockmarks? There’s no way he would’ve laid a finger on me if I looked like you. Sebastian probably hired you because you’d had the pox, and he knew Jasper wouldn’t look at you twice. I bet he’s got into trouble before.’
Her words were a sharp knife stabbing my heart. It was true—I knew it. But it still hurt.
‘I would give anything to even have one murmur of affection from his lips,’ I said softly.
Rose looked at me in sudden understanding. ‘You’re in love with him, aren’t you? Him! Oh, Mercy, no.’ I didn’t deny it, just looked down, ashamed.
‘I can’t help it,’ I whispered. ‘I know it’s hopeless.’
‘It’s worse than hopeless—it’s ludicrous. Him? He’s a ...’
Whatever Jasper was remained unsaid as Maggie came up and banged on the door, wanting to know whether we were coming down. I made some excuse on Rose’s behalf about her being ill and served supper myself to Jasper and Sebastian.
My feelings about what he had done to Rose were barely contained, though, and I couldn’t help banging Jasper’s plate down on the table so some of the rabbit stew splashed on his silk breeches.
‘Blast! That’s a clean suit, Mercy!’ he exclaimed, dabbing frantically at the material with his napkin.
I shrugged.
‘Well, aren’t you going to apologise?’ he demanded, his face reddening in outrage. I shrugged again.
Somehow, seeing the welt on Rose’s face had hardened my heart, and I didn’t care about his suit. I was so angry I felt like tipping the whole bowl of rabbit stew into his lap. Suit be damned.
‘Sebastian, this is unacceptable behaviour from a servant!’ Jasper’s voice was growing high-pitched.
‘Yet striking one across the face because she resisted your advances is acceptable?’ I interjected hotly. I was sick of staying quiet even if it meant getting myself fired.
Sebastian stared at Jasper, who had quietened down remarkably quickly. He even looked slightly remorseful.
‘Jasper, is there anything you want to tell me?’ Sebastian asked.
‘Not with her in the room,’ said Jasper grumpily, nodding in my direction.
So with that, I hastily took my leave before I did or said something I would regret further.