Chapter 35
thirty-five
The bonfire flickers against the darkness of the night as Jake and I lie in the truck bed and reminisce.
Although I hated rehashing what happened between us and sharing how much he hurt me, the boulder that was sitting on my chest for more than a decade has disappeared.
I never realized how much pain I was still carrying around until I let it go tonight.
“Do you remember the girl I dated during the first week of college? What was her name? The blonde who followed me around?” Jake asks, leaning back on his elbows.
“Blonde. Followed you around. Doesn’t narrow it down. Half the girls in our freshman class did that,” I tease, arching my eyebrows, daring him to argue with me.
“True. But not all of them were blonde,” he says with a sly smile and a glint in his eye. “You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?”
I shake my head, pushing up to lean against the side of the truck again and wrapping the blanket around me tighter.
I sigh. “Yes. Her name was Lindsey. I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘date’ to describe what the two of you did.
” There were absolutely no meals shared between them.
“You hooked up two, maybe three times, so she assumed you were getting married.”
I serve up a massive dose of side-eye to him until he says, “You’re saying I’ve missed the chance with my one true love?”
I lose it. Laughing so hard my sides hurt, with Jake howling alongside me. Each time we attempt to control ourselves, one of us busts up again after looking at the other. It takes more than a few minutes for us to calm down enough to carry on a conversation.
God. I’ve missed moments like this with him.
Jake moves to sit against the side of the truck, staring at me.
He’s more relaxed than I’ve seen him in weeks.
Maybe it’s the two beers he had earlier, the glow of the fire, or finally dealing with the elephant in the room.
Whatever it is, I’m grateful he’s been able to enjoy the rest of this night as much as I have, minus the crying.
Part of me wishes we could stay here forever.
In this bubble, where things between us are good.
Where he’s my best friend. Without any stress from the real world.
None of the drama and pain. Where we’re always side-by-side instead of multiple states apart.
“I’ve missed this. You. Me. Us.”
“Me, too.”
He gazes at me from across the truck bed, then slowly takes my hand in his and squeezes.
“I don’t want to lose you ever again.” He doesn’t let go as he pierces my soul with his eyes, almost like he’s searching for redemption.
I soften my face and smile, trying to convey that we’re on the same page. Our friendship matters to me, too.
An expression I can’t quite place comes across his face. Curious and introspective, like he’s trying to figure out whether he should do or say something. It’s perplexing because Jake’s usually impulsive, with zero regard for consequences.
Out of nowhere, Jake reaches for me and cups my cheek. Heat courses through my body as he brings his lips to mine.
Oh my God.
Jake’s kissing me.
My brain is freaking out, confused by what’s happening, until my body quickly decides to take over, and suddenly, I’m kissing Jake back.
My mouth slowly opens. The tentativeness has completely gone; now it’s full of passion.
Our lips crash together in a flurry of tongues, stroking each other, as he moves one hand into my hair while the other remains on my cheek.
Electricity zings through every inch of my body, making me feel alive for the first time in a I don’t know how long—maybe forever.
I let out a soft moan, and he pulls me closer until my chest is against his, and I feel warmth radiating off him. The heaving of his chest, the firmness of his muscles, and the growing length in his jeans.
I’m completely consumed by his hold on me.
And the passion between us.
The heat.
And then it all fizzles like a bucket of cold water being poured over me.
I’m kissing Jake.
My best friend.
Barely a week after I ended my engagement.
What the actual fuck is wrong with me?
Wrong with him?
I push him away. My breathing erratic, my heart racing. “We can’t do this.” I use the sleeve of my jacket to wipe at my lips, trying to erase what just happened.
I want to go back to a few minutes ago, when we had never crossed this line. When we were only friends. “What were you thinking, Jake?”