Chapter 41
forty-one
“Did you have fun bowling?” Hannah asks. When she asked me to meet her for lunch at the Mexican restaurant, I didn’t think anything of it, but the arch in her eyebrows and her sly smile make me think she’s up to something.
“Yeah. Didn’t you?” I dip a chip in salsa and pop it into my mouth. There’s something about homemade tortilla chips that hits differently than anything store-bought. It’s one of the reasons this place is my favorite restaurant in town. My favorite Mexican restaurant anywhere.
“Yes, minus Dylan’s new obsession with bowling.
He spent the rest of the weekend watching bowling videos for hours, certain he’s only a few practices away from going professional,” Hannah replies, shaking her head.
Although Dylan’s antics may drive her crazy sometimes, it’s obvious how much she loves him.
“Anything else interesting happen?” She raises her eyebrows so high they’re practically touching her hairline, presses her lips together, and taps her fingers on the table.
“Spit it out. What’s going on?” I’m not going to play twenty questions when I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“I’ll cut to the chase. What’s going on with you and Jake?”
Control my face. Control my face. Don’t let her see the shock and confusion racing through my body. There’s no way he told her or the guys about his feelings for me. He promised to keep everything quiet. Just play it off like I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“We’re friends. He’s helping me with my mom’s recovery. I’m helping sort through his mom’s house to get it ready to sell,” I answer smoothly while trembling on the inside.
“Uh-huh. I saw the two of you. The way he looks at you. That isn’t how you look at a friend.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure what you saw, but I can assure you that we’re just friends.”
Hannah chuckles. “Keep telling yourself that. He didn’t take his eyes off you all night. I’ve never seen him look that way at anyone. Ever.” She takes a sip of her Diet Coke, appraising me with her eyes.
Did someone turn up the temperature in here?
It has suddenly become incredibly hot, as if a megawatt spotlight is beaming on me.
I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, glancing down for a brief moment to compose myself.
I need to figure out how to pivot the conversation to literally anything else.
Where is the server when you need them? This is literally the perfect time to stop by to take our orders.
“And I saw when he followed you. The hand he placed on your lower back, guiding you to a darkened area of the building for you to allegedly make a phone call.” She crosses her arms, determined to get the truth. “But it’s hard to make a call when you leave your phone on the table.”
Fuck.
Grabbing my phone never crossed my mind when Jake announced that I needed to make a call. I was stunned by his comment, internally freaking out about having to tell him what was on my mind, so it didn’t register.
“So, I’ll ask again. What’s going on with you and Jake? And does it have anything to do with you ending your engagement?”
All the air is sucked out of my lungs, as if I were punched in the gut while the person doing the punching grins at me. Because there’s a tentative smile across Hannah’s face, etched with a layer of softness and concern in her eyes. Is she worried about me? Is that what this is about?
Hannah reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. “You can tell me. Whatever you say will stay between us. I won’t even tell Dylan about it.”
“My engagement ended because Brian bailing on our engagement party was the final straw. I was tired of being constantly disappointed by him not showing up for me when I needed him. He wasn’t prioritizing me,” I reply, leaning my head against the booth and letting out a deep sigh.
“Our entire relationship was like that. I just didn’t see it until recently. ”
“I didn’t know. At the engagement party, you seemed so happy and talked about how Brian was involved in planning it. I thought the two of you had to be the perfect pair, given the level of personalization.”
“Brian didn’t play a role in the planning at all. I thought he did…” I shake my head, frustrated that I ever believed Brian could be that considerate when years of experience proved otherwise. “Turns out it was all Jake. He helped my mom and was responsible for almost everything you saw.”
“Jake. Jake Caldwell? The man who couldn’t complete his college applications without your help.
The one who hasn’t talked to any of us in more than a decade.
That Jake?” A quizzical yet shocked look grows across her face.
She’s unable to fathom a world where the flighty Jake she knew from high school could create something so exquisite. And she’s not the only one.
I nod, taking my hand away from hers and grabbing the back of my neck.
“Pretty sad when someone you haven’t talked to in forever puts in more effort than your fiancé.
Knows you better.” I rest my elbows on the table, setting my head in my hands, unable to look at her.
It’s one thing to end your engagement; it’s another to openly admit that your fiancé didn’t give two shits about you.
“I’m so sorry, Kate. I can only imagine how hard that was.” Hannah gently pries my hands away from my face and looks at me like she knows how it feels to have someone not love you the way you deserve to be loved. “So, I get what happened between you and Brian. Where does that leave you and Jake?”
“We’re just friends—”
“Not buying it. Maybe nothing happened when you were engaged, but something is going on now. At least, he’s definitely interested.
” Hannah starts lightly tapping her fingers against the linoleum table again, glancing across the room.
“I saw the way Jake leaned into you at the bowling alley. He was practically whispering in your ear. That’s way beyond normal friendship, Kate. Plus, there’s the photo—”
“What photo?” My mouth drops open, panic surging inside me as my heart starts pounding.
“Brandon caught a couple of teenagers taking photos of the two of you. Zoomed all the way in to capture Jake caging you against the wall.” Hannah softly shakes her head, pressing her lips together. “Don’t worry. Brandon made them delete it permanently. And he didn’t tell anyone else but me.”
“Oh…okay,” I murmur, my eyes staring at the table as I try to calm my racing heart. “Jake and me—” I don’t know how to explain what’s going on with us when we’re still figuring it out. There isn’t an us yet. “Tell Brandon thank you for getting the photo deleted. I know Jake will appreciate it.”
“It’s obvious you and Jake have rekindled your friendship, and I’m really happy for you.
I know how hard it was when he bailed on all of us, especially for you.
” Hannah pauses for a minute, looking toward the ceiling as if she’s trying to find the right words.
And she doesn’t need to actually say anything.
I know what’s coming. It’s the same way I feel.
It’s what’s kept me from taking the next step with Jake.
The concern he’ll leave. “It’s been great having Jake back in town.
Hanging out as a group again. But it’s temporary.
He’ll be headed back to his real life soon.
Where will that leave all of us? Where does that leave you? ”
I nod silently, gritting my teeth and blinking back the tears forming in my eyes.
I cannot cry here. This is supposed to be one of my safe places.
Tacos, chips and salsa, and margaritas make me happy.
Thinking about Jake leaving feels like dying a slow, agonizing death. One I might not recover from.
I wipe away a tear, trying to muster up the courage to tell Hannah everything.
She’s one of the few people who knows both of us and understands how much it destroyed me when he disappeared from my life.
She’s probably the only person who can give me honest advice about Jake that’s not jumping into bed with him like Chelsi suggested, even though my body clearly wants to.
“We’ve always been just friends, Hannah.
Nothing happened until after my engagement ended,” I admit.
“He took me to the lake. The one where the two of us would hang out, and he demanded I yell at him for the pain he caused me in the past. Although it was so freaking hard to have that conversation, it healed me in a way I didn’t know I needed.
But somehow, he did.” I look at the table, chewing on the inside of my lip as my mind flashes back to that night.
The shock of him kissing me. How my body reacted to it so naturally.
The way my mind spiraled as I worried about what others might think about the timing. Exactly what Hannah is doing now.
“Good for you. He deserved to be shouted at for the bullshit he pulled back then,” Hannah says with a smile, probably wishing she had been there to see it. “Did something else happen at the lake?”
“He kissed me—”
“Have you decided what you’d like to order yet?”
Are you kidding me? Our server ignored us for the past fifteen minutes and decides to show up now. Where was she when I was trying to avoid this conversation?
“Tacos. I’ll take the chicken taco plate,” I blurt out, ready for her to get out of our hair so I can finish telling Hannah what happened before I lose my nerve.
Hannah rattles off a similar order, politely smiling, even though I can tell she’s holding her emotions back. She’s seconds away from telling this woman to leave us the fuck alone for a few minutes so she can hear the rest of the story, knowing I tend to act like a spooked cat at times.
As soon as the waitress saunters away, Hannah’s eyes are back on me with fierce determination. “He kissed you? How exactly did that happen? I need details.”
“It came out of nowhere. One minute, we’re reminiscing, the next, his lips are on mine.
It was…” I sigh and try to find the words to describe the best kiss of my life.
“It was life-changing. There isn’t any other way to describe how it made me feel.
I didn’t see it coming and definitely didn’t expect him to confess that he’s been harboring romantic feelings toward me for a while. ”
Hannah spits out her drink, droplets falling on the table.
“What do you mean he’s felt this way for a while?
How long are we talking? I’m going to lose it if this goes all the way back to high school.
” She keeps her eyes locked on mine while she uses her napkin to clear up the spray of Diet Coke that barely missed the chips and salsa. What a travesty that would’ve been.
I shake my head and chuckle. “Definitely not that long ago. His feelings started a couple of weeks after he came back to town. He kept them pretty well hidden until the night at the lake. And now he wants a chance with me. Making promises about forever.”
“Wow. Did not expect Jake to settle down. He’s always run from commitment like it’s the plague.” She takes a long sip of her drink, studying my face. “Do you believe he’s ready to commit to one woman long-term? Forever?”
“I think so. My heart is screaming yes, while my brain is flashing a warning sign. Wanting me to consider how he broke my heart, the revolving door of women on his arm, the drastically different lives we lead, and how suspicious the timing looks. If you questioned whether Jake caused my engagement to end, imagine how other people will react.” I sigh, shaking my head at the thought of the scandal our relationship could create.
“He’s waiting for me to decide. Abiding by the boundaries I’ve set, even though it becomes harder and harder every day to deny how we feel.
I’m so close to jumping in with both feet and not worrying about the consequences. ”
We sit in silence for a couple of minutes after the waitress drops off our orders, and we begin eating.
My face may appear calm and relaxed, but I’m dying to know what Hannah thinks about the possibility of Jake and me being together.
Wanting her approval. The extra push I need to listen to my heart, not my mind.
Hannah finishes a bite and exhales deeply.
My muscles tense, knowing I’m seconds away from hearing her unguarded thoughts.
I clench my fists tightly, digging my nails into my palms as I hope for the best. “When I saw you and Jake looking close last night, I immediately thought you might be having a fling. A quick rebound to get over Brian, which I would fully support. I never expected to hear that Jake had feelings for you.”
I nod in agreement.
“You’re an amazing woman. He would be extremely lucky to be with you.
And we both know that he’s a great guy most of the time.
” She pauses, taking a lengthy sip from her Diet Coke, like she’s trying to delay what she’s about to say as long as she can.
“But I worry about Jake hurting you again. I question how a relationship could work, given his schedule, the demands on his life, and the scrutiny he’s under.
It’s nothing like you’re used to. None of us is.
And we’ve all fallen victim to how he can easily let his career take over his life.
Cutting people out of his life without a second thought.
I don’t want that to happen to you again.
” She closes her eyes, exhaling deeply before saying, “I don’t know if the potential reward is worth the risk to your heart. ”
I blink away the tears in my eyes. She hit the nail on the head. All the concerns I have about starting a relationship with Jake. The heartbreak it could cause. Her words are clear warning signs, pointing out danger ahead, encouraging me to turn around before it’s too late.