Chapter 56
fifty-six
The room is eerily silent except for the hum of the ceiling fan and our labored breathing. Time seems to stop as if it knows what’s coming.
“I love you, Jake. With my entire heart,” I say, tears streaking my face.
“I love you, too, Kate. You’re my whole world. Nothing else matters without you in my life.” He presses a kiss to our joined hands, holding it against his lips for a few extra seconds.
“But I can’t reorganize my life around yours.
I can’t pick up and go on a whim, no matter how much my heart wants to.
” I cover my eyes with my other hand as the tears fall faster and harder.
I feel queasy, like I might start dry heaving at any moment.
I don’t want to do this. I look at the ceiling, biting my lower lip hard, inflicting the pain as punishment for letting myself get in this situation.
Falling so deeply for him that saying goodbye will emotionally wreck me beyond repair.
He nods, staring straight ahead as his hands tremble.
“We can figure something out. I’ll tell Jason I can’t leave immediately.
Make him find another solution.” His voice is full of pain and desperation, a willingness to do anything to prevent the inevitable.
“I can pull back. Take an extended hiatus. Stay in Chicago with you longer.”
I turn my body to face him, gently directing his chin in my direction, and I lose it when our eyes meet. Watching my best friend hurt is devastating; being the one to break his heart is soul-crushing.
“You can’t do that,” I sob, shaking my head.
“I won’t let you. You’ve worked too hard for too many years to throw any of it away.
And I’ve let other people’s wants and needs influence my decisions for too long, and I promised myself I won’t do it again.
I have to pick myself, even if it means breaking my own heart. ”
“I see,” he whispers, tears flowing from the corner of his steel-blue eyes. Every drop stabbing another dagger in my heart. “Tell me what to do to fix this, Kate, and I’ll do it.”
“You can’t.” I shrug, pressing my lips firmly together.
“When we’ve talked about the future, we always danced around the topic of where we’d live, and how we could make your travel schedule work.
We never landed on a solution. Assumed we’d figure it out one day.
” I let go of Jake’s hand, wiping away my tears and letting out a deep breath.
“One day is here. You deserve to have someone by your side every day, and so do I. The problem is I’m not ready to give up what it’ll take to make that happen.
” I shake my head, placing a hand over my heart.
“We lead totally different lives in different states. If there were an easy way to solve this, we would’ve found it by now.
We’ve just…been caught up in the fantasy of what this could be instead of facing reality. ”
“Please don’t do this, Kate,” he begs, his eyes piercing into my soul and chipping away at my resolve.
If I stare at him long enough, I’ll give in. Let go of my newfound independence and wrap my life around his. Conform to his needs and wants, even if he’s not asking me to. It’s too much of a habit ingrained in me for it not to happen.
He cups my face, gazing into my eyes with a mixture of pain and determination.
“We’ll find a way to be together, Kate. I love you,” he whispers, his breath hot on my skin.
His lips find mine, kissing me slowly and softly until morphing into unrelenting and passionate, like he’s trying to meld our bodies together.
Fuse us into one so we can’t ever be apart. If only that were possible.
His hands roam under my shirt, lightly stroking my rib cage as he deepens our kiss, his tongue dancing an intricate tango with mine.
My brain is screaming at me to stop what we’re doing, reminding me that the more of my body and soul I give him, the worse it will hurt when I have to let him go.
My body refuses to listen. Practically pleading for him to lick, suck, and fuck us.
For one more night together. To experience the bliss only he can provide.
As soon as his fingers graze underneath the cup of my bra, I’m a goner.
Unable to stop myself, I straddle him, raising my arms for him to take off my shirt.
In a matter of seconds, he has my shirt and bra on the floor, then his shirt, without breaking eye contact.
His mouth descends onto mine as he gently caresses my breasts, circling my nipples until I begin to arch into his touch.
My nails run up and down his back, marking him as mine and wishing it were permanent. That we were permanent.
He grows harder with every touch, making me desperate to have fewer clothes between us.
I yank at his belt buckle, unzipping his jeans as he lifts his hips.
“Fuck, Kate. I need my mouth on you now,” he demands, ripping off my panties with a quick tug, leaving my skirt on.
He palms my bare ass and slides down on the couch until he’s lying flat.
“Sit on my face. Let me devour you like no one else can.”
My breath hitches as my heart pounds harder, as if a stampede of horses is racing in my chest. “Jake. We’ve never… I’ve never—”
He sits up slightly, leaning back on his elbows with a wicked grin that makes my pussy soaking wet. “Trust me. You’re going to love it. Now, sit on my fucking face.”
I straddle his chest, unsure what to do next, when he grabs my waist and pulls me forward until my center is hovering over his mouth.
His hands trace lines up and down my inner thighs, spreading me wider and wider until there’s no more room on the couch for my legs.
He lifts his head, running his nose between my wet folds, and I almost fly off the couch in ecstasy.
My body is like a fucking guitar he’s played for hours, and one pluck of the strings has me reeling.
“So fucking delicious,” he murmurs, tugging my hips down to his mouth.
And it’s game over. His hands lock on me as his tongue expertly licks up and down my center, teasing and sucking on my clit in a random motion that leaves me constantly guessing and wanting more.
Every lap of his tongue sends me closer to the edge, desperate for relief as I grind against his mouth.
“Fuck, Jake. I’m so close. Don’t. Stop,” I beg, throwing my head back as I tug on his hair. Doing everything possible to ease the tension building inside me.
“Come for me, Kate. Drench my face,” he moans into my core as he sucks deeply on my clit.
I shatter into a million pieces, screaming out his name, and he doesn’t let up. Licking as I buck against him, riding the wave of an orgasm until I go completely limp on top of him.
“That’s my girl,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh before quickly scooping me into his arms, carrying me into our bedroom, and laying me on the bed.
He joins me, caging his body over mine as he stares into my eyes with intense longing and love.
“I love you, Kate. You’re it for me,” he says, crashing his mouth onto mine.
Our hands frantically move over each other, trying to memorize each other’s bodies.
Feel every muscle. Squeeze out every inch of pleasure.
He lines his cock up at my entrance, dragging the head through my wetness and over my clit again and again. “Stop teasing me, Jake. I need you to fuck me,” I pant, arching my hips, trying to get friction and allow him to slip inside me.
With one swift motion, he slides all the way in, and I practically vault off the bed.
“Always going to give you what you need, sweetheart.” He immediately starts rapidly thrusting, not giving my body a second to get used to his size.
It’s an exhilarating rush of pleasure with a hint of pain that has me digging my nails into his back to hold on.
“Fuck. You feel incredible. Your pussy was fucking made for my cock.”
“More, Jake.” I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper and moaning as his cock hits a new angle. “I need more.”
All logic is gone. My only thoughts are about chasing this high with him. Making us topple off the hill together. Experiencing the pleasure only we can wring from each other. One last time.
His eyes lock on mine, thrusting in and out without blinking.
It only takes a few times before I’m at the crescendo, patiently holding back for him to join me.
The walls of my pussy start to contract around his cock, and he slams into me.
Once. Twice. That’s all it takes, and I’m falling over the edge as he follows, leaving both of us breathless.
He brushes a stray strand of hair off my face, his fingertips trailing down my cheek. “That was unbelievable, Kate. Every time with you gets better and better,” he whispers, kissing my forehead. “I want a lifetime of this with you.”
“Me, too, Jake,” I reply, knowing in the depths of my soul that it’s the truth and purposefully leaving out the other, more painful, truth—we can’t always get what we want. “We need to talk more about our future.”
“We can talk in the morning. Everything always looks better in the morning light,” he insists, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in closer until my back is against his chest. The same way we’ve slept every night. The way I’d hoped to fall asleep for the rest of my life.
But tonight will be the last time.