Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Beau held Palmer’s hand as they walked down the hall toward the preschool department.
Beau tried to keep up a happy stream of conversation, pointing out colorful posters and familiar faces, but he could tell Palmer was so nervous that nothing he said was breaching the wall of anxiety she was dealing with.
He slowed their pace and gently pulled her to the side of the hallway. His heart clenched at the sight of her trembling little body. Not wanting her to think he was upset with her, he knelt down and cupped her cheeks in his hands.
“Hey,” he soothed, his brow furrowed in concern.
Tears filled her eyes and rolled down onto his fingers.
“I-I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m not trying to be b-bad,” she cried.
Beau hated that fucking word, almost as much as he hated the people who’d planted it in her pretty heart.
“You don’t need to be sorry, pretty baby,” Beau said gently, pressing his palm softly against her chest. “It’s okay to be scared. Daddy will never be upset with you for having feelings. That doesn’t make you bad, do you know what it makes you?”
“N-No, Sir.”
“It makes you human, pretty baby.”
Her voice wavered as she asked, “W-will you stay with me for a few minutes?”
“Of course I will, baby,” Beau said, pulling her close. “I won’t leave you when you’re scared. Not at preschool. Not anywhere.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against his neck. Hot tears rolled onto his skin making him feel fiercely protective.
“Good morning, Palmer,” Miss Samantha said, appearing from inside the Butterfly Room. “I saw you were having a bit of a hard morning.”
Palmer pulled back and wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands before nodding.
Miss Samantha knelt so she was eye-level with Palmer. “That’s okay. You’re being so brave just by trying. New things can be hard,” she said gently.
“I’m t-trying to be brave.” Palmer sniffled.
Beau squeezed her hand lightly. “You are being so brave. Remember, feeling scared doesn’t mean you’re not brave.”
Palmer nodded. “L-like Princess Palmer.”
Smiling, Beau nodded. “Just like Princess Palmer.”
“Did you know today was National Apple Pie Day?” Miss Samantha asked trying to distract the distraught Little girl.
Palmer shook her head.
“Well, it is!” Miss Samantha said in a sing-song voice. “And you picked the perfect day to start preschool. We’re going to be making no-bake mini apple pies with Chef Connor today!”
Palmer’s eyes lit up a little, and a tiny shaky smile appeared on her face.
“Do you want to join us?” Miss Samantha asked, holding out her hand.
Palmer looked up at Beau for reassurance. He smiled and held out his hand, letting her know she wasn’t alone.
After a few moments of wiggling nervously, she took both of their hands and together the three of them stepped into the classroom.
Beau hoped later he would be able to help Palmer realize how much Miss Samantha cared about her too.
The list of people who cared about his Little one was longer than the list of people who had hurt her and he was so thankful for that.
“Hi, Palmer!” a little girl shouted from across the room. “I was so excited when I heard you might be coming today!” Palmer’s face brightened, and she waved back.
“Look, you already know one friend,” Beau whispered, squeezing her hand.
She nodded. “That’s Becky. I met her at the library one time!”
“Hello, Palmer!” another Little called, running over to her. “I’m so glad you’re here to make pies with us today!”
Beau recognized the brunette from one of his seminars. She had come in with the university students. He wondered how Palmer knew her.
“Hi, Hayleigh!” Palmer greeted. “Are you going to help your Daddy make pies with us?”
Ah, that explained how they knew each other. Hayleigh was Chef Connor’s Little one.
“Daddy, I know two people here,” she said, peering up at him.
“You do, pretty baby!” Beau encouraged. “And it seems like they’re very happy to have you here.”
“Yeah. Palmer’s so nice!” Becky said, bouncing on her toes. “I couldn’t find a book I was looking for in the library and I was too nervous to ask for help, but she helped me find it!”
Beau’s Daddy heart swelled in his chest with pride.
Unable to resist, he bent down and picked up his Little one. “You’re such a sweet girl, baby.”
“That’s how Palmer and I met for the first time too!
” said Hayleigh. “Well, not in the library, but by her helping me. I dropped my lunch tray in the cafeteria and I was so embarrassed. Everyone turned and looked at me, but Palmer just got up from the table and helped me pick up my mess. Then she walked me back to Daddy to get a hug.”
Palmer blushed and shrugged. “I was just being nice.”
Beau set her back down on her feet. “You’re such a good girl, pretty baby. I’m so proud to call you mine.”
“And how is your Daddy heart doing?” Catherine teased.
Beau chuckled before taking a sip of his coffee. “I want to go get her and promise her she never has to go back.”
“You sound like Sam the first time we had to drop Pippi off at school after she became ours.” She laughed. “He was a mess too.”
Beau studied the dark liquid in front of him. “She just looked so small when I left.” He knew logically Palmer was fine, but that didn’t stop the tug in his chest.
“She’s probably elbow deep in apples right now and living her best life,” Catherine soothed.
He appreciated her words. “She doesn’t like to be messy, but I’m sure she’s having fun baking pies.”
“I’m glad you stopped by. We’ve missed you.”
Beau looked up, his apology ready on his tongue, when his friend shook her head and said, “I’m not saying that to guilt you. I know you’ve been busy getting Palmer settled.”
He nodded. “It happened so fast. Hell, stuff is still being delivered for her as we speak.”
Catherine smiled. “It’s good to see you… living.”
Nodding, Beau agreed. “I finally feel like I’m living, not just going through the motions.”
Catherine placed her hand over his on the table. She’d never met Ansley, but she didn’t need to. Beau’s love for his late sister radiated from him. And as loud as his love for her was, so were his feelings of guilt.
After a long moment, Beau spoke again. “I stopped by because I wanted to pick your big, beautiful therapist brain.”
“I figured,” Catherine said, giving him a knowing smirk.
“Her foster parents were pieces of shit,” he said, anger and frustration twisted in his gut.
“Her biological mother was verbally abusive to Palmer… Palmer explained it as she ‘exploded’ over the smallest thing and Palmer never knew when she was going to ignite. Apparently there was no other family for Palmer to confide in.”
Catherine’s expression softened. “Oh, that explains so much.”
Beau nodded, his throat tight. “Her mother specifically told her nobody would love her because she was bad.”
Catherine nodded. “I wondered where those words came from.”
“It seems she was mentally ill and while Palmer doesn’t appear to hold any bitterness toward her, the words of the past weigh on her.”
“That must be so confusing for her,” Catherine said softly.
Beau blew out a breath. “When she was so upset the other day and she was worried Master Grayson was mad at her, I briefly considered maybe she had rejection sensitivity disorder, but after talking to her, I realized it's simpler—sadder–than that. She’s just never been loved in a healthy way. For her, being accepted, being loved, is tied into what she does… or doesn't do. She honestly doesn’t know any different.”
“That’s heartbreaking, but the fact you’re aware of it and already working to help her is going to make all of the difference. The Ranch is exactly where she needs to be,” Catherine said, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.
Beau cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, I’m counting on its magic to heal her heart.”
“It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen for her. She’s got a good Daddy who’s going to make sure of it.” Catherine patted the top of his hand.
Beau let his friend’s words settle over him, wrapping himself in their warm reassurance.